What do people mean when they say "the minute you stop looking, you'll find a girlfriend."

[Anonymous]

I have been told this by my best girlfriend that I need to stop looking for a girlfriend and just have fun, and someone will come into my life. How the heck is that suppose to happen when I am not exactly the most desirable guy out there (5 ft 7 215, thinning hair, 21 years old) and the only girls who want me are the not so desirable ones (its sad I mean these really just ugly girls both inside and out look at me like they want me, but I'm like... uhmm no way, I feel bad, but I wouldn't date them, they are weird). Anyway, what does this mean, isn't the point to be looking for someone, I mean its already hard for me to initiate with girls, and it don't help when they think your a fat slob or weird (idk if they do, I just get this vibe that they think I am a creep)

Updates

+1 y

Okay ladies, so how am I supposed to do this with my looks. I mean this advice is great when you look like some guy from twilight, but what about an average guy like me. I mean I can't just sit there and do nothing.

Updates

+1 y

here's a pic link I don't know how to highlit it, but it's my fb page.

[themastaplan]

it means youve got to step into reality...YOU DONT GO LOOKING FOR LOVE, LOVE FINDS OUT...its like you lose your remote to your tv right...you look everywhere for it, its no where to be found...then boom it just appears...kind of the same thing...

look its good you have standards, but if you kick every girl to the curb every time you aren't going to get anywhere with love...instead of looking for dimes all the time, try a 7 or 8 or whatever I duno...but number one, dimes aren't always all that...they are stuck up and picky and think everyting should be done for them...i find girls who are maybe even a little below your average are better girlfriend because they are willing to do things for you that those high maintance girls aren't...

another thing, give yourself some confidence man...youre baggin on yourself in the question...just go out, have fun, be yourself...you don't have to hit up bars all the time or clubs, just go otu and meet new people...try hanging out with friends you normally don't so you can meet different types of people thru them...

all in all your friend is right, stop looking, just let life happen and it'll play out the way its meant to play out...you don't have to look at every girl as "omg she could def be my girlfriend"...you usually always start as some type of friend with your girlfriend...so stop looking for a girlfriend and start looking for friends and itll work out a lot better...and don't just shut a girl down, remember ugly girls have hot friends too lol

[Asker]

I ain't looking for dimes, just someone attractive enough, I mean these girls both inside and out are jsut wierd. I mean its not just looks, I mean its that their quiet and just a little creepy. I know I want someone I can talk to and feel comfortable around, trust me, I don't want perfect 10's just what's perfect for me

[Anonymous]

Seriously, are you kidding me? You look better than I do, dude, and even I know that I could get a girl (had a number of them flirt with me already, often with no invitations on my part)! What your friends are trying to say is that you need to stop trying so hard BECAUSE when you do, it basically gives off the wrong vibe. Girls who see a guy who is obviously trying hard to get a girl think there's something wrong with him or that he's desperate. Not good. I've found that the times you're MOST likely to find a girl checking you out or flirting with you are when you are busy living your life, unaware of them. Yeah, I know that sounds crazy, but it's true! You know when they say "just be yourself"? It's exactly that: go about your life, have fun, work, go do your hobbies, hang out with friends, whatever. While you're doing that, girls will notice you and be able to check you out, without them feeling like you're a threat to them (the way they might if you're the one checking THEM out; while they don't mind be flirted with or looked at, don't stare overly long. Let HER do that. Women feel creeped out if guys do that! Lol) Anyway, you look your best when you're just being YOU, and it gives a girl a chance to see what you're really like and whether she likes you or not. If she's interested, she'll try to get you to notice her. From that point on, it's up to YOU. :) Yeah, I know it's crazy, but there's an order to these things! Lol

[Anonymous]

I hope that you don't put yourself down in front of other people, specifically girls. I mean, if you can't even view yourself in a positive light and accept yourself then how can you expect another person to? I used to date a guy who was shorter than me (about 5'7), had a balding spot, and wasn't in the best shape. On the other hand, I'm 5'8 and I've always been an athlete and fit. He hated it when I wore heels, he would freak if a guy wrote on my Facebook wall, and he just didn't believe that a girl like me could be going out with a guy like him. Well, sure enough there's such a thing as self-fulfilling prophecy. The truth is that I absolutely loved him (physical appearances and all), but it was the fact that he was so insecure that he pushed me away. Point is that it's hard to find someone attractive, when they are quick to point off so many reasons why they think of themselves as unattractive. Get my gist? I know it's corny, but I thought the movie She's Out of My League kind of touched grounds on this. Focus on the good aspects of your personality - what you have to contribute in a relationship. And as for whatever you view as bad, whether it be your weight or a bad habit, then take the initiative to change it! Physical looks are NOT everything, and when you grow to love someone, they only become more and more attractive in your eyes.

[Asker]

Okay, movies have this things called writers that make fantasies come true. That movie is innacurate. I mean the main character might get a one night stand with that girl, but not a long term relationship. At least at that age. I think most women between about 18--30 care too much about looks and stuff. Trust me, if my parents had met in their 20's my mom wouldn't be with my dad. At least I don't think so

[Opinion Owner]

Are movies dramatized? Sure. Does that mean certain outcomes are impossible? Definitely not. I was within your specified age range when I was dating this guy. You cannot generalize. There are exceptions to everything, and it's unfair of you to say that all women within that age range could be so shallow. I'm still within that age range, and looks definitely do not hold more importance to me than a guy's personality.

[Asker]

True, but it happens more so at that age. Men are that way to, in fact probably more so than women, unless they have their beer goggles on, and even then that's never a great situation

[Babybornblonde]

I don't belive in this.. Look I'm cute.. and I've always wanted a boyfriend but the ones I waanted never came around. You need to look confident, to be funny, to show you love life(learn to love it), and not be boring. That will make more girls like you, even though they say ur fat. I've liked fat guys because they were so funny and extravagant. If you find a girl ur interested in, most of the time, for ur case, you should be friends before. She will finish by developping feelings after since first inpressions doesn't seem so strong. Don't worry, apparently good things come to those who wait. I've waited three years being single, and I met this guy 4 weeks ago. He's amazing. Just live life, and enjoy it, let go of the computer. If you ant a good looking girl, you should deserve her in everyway. She should be accompanied by a good looking man. Work out, loose that weight that seems to make you think its a reason for 'singleness'. enjoy being single while you can. :P Change habits... For real. Go out, make new friends. Change jobs if its not so important to meet new people. Anyways, good luck :)

[Standingpretty]

First off, your trying to goddam hard. You need to stop trying so hard to just get a girlfriend and wait until you like someone. There's no point in looking for a girlfriend just so you could have one.

Secondly, you should really try to work on your self esteem issues (and don't tell me you don't have them because you described yourself very poorly) first before ever pursuing someone else.

Lastly, look at your standards. Of coarse some totally drop-dead gorgeous babe isn't going to date some guy who has got nothing going for him. People either like to date up or at the same level as them so don't expect some rich,gorgeous, intelligent girl to walk into your life unless you are just as impressive. Don't try to date up, try dating at your level first.

When you stop trying so hard, women will sense that you are not desperate and maybe get into better contact with you. People want what they can't have and women can sense desperation from a mile away. Hope this helps!

[Asker]

Look I may have self esteem issues, but I'd rather be honest than hype myself up and be unable to deliver. It's humility dammit. It's a virtue. I don't need to say how awesome I am because I am not. It'd just make me look like a douchebag. Now the guys who can deliver what women truly want, they are amazing. Me I'm not bad, but no cute girl will like me romantically. I mean there's no hope, just like I don't want to settle they don't either

[Standingpretty]

If you have no hope, nothing will happen. Look, I'm not saying you have to make it out like you're better than you actually are but you have to at least look for some strong points in yourself. No one wants someone who is mr.emo. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and try to do something about the way you look if you really think that it will help you attract more women.

[Asker]

Well what I'd rather have is someone who'd love me for who I am, but stupid disney has told girls they need some goddamed price with six pack abs and a great smile and hear I am a big fat loser. Plus its not that girls don't like me, it's that the girls I like wouldn't go for a guy like me. If I really wanted to, I could just settle and learn to love some girl I don't find attractive

[Standingpretty]

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and keep trying. Eventually, someone will find you attractive and you will find them attractive in return. Your only making it hard on yourself by putting limits on the girls you date.

[Asker]

Ya, well maybe it's because girls put limits on me. They think I am some fat kid who eats mickey d's all day when I usually walk 5 miles a day and do other work outs, and have worked jobs in construction and street repair during the summer. I ain't some lazy idiot who plays WOW all day yet because I have extra weight girls assume this. So I think I am due for judging girls

[Standingpretty]

Again, making excuses. Look, have you seen that movie yes man? The point I'm trying to make is that you should try everything you want to in life without hesitation and you shouldn't be actively searching for someone. Let things come to you while still trying to do other things.

[Asker]

Look, how am I supposed to stop looking. I mean it's just natural to me. I need a girlfriend. What's the point of life without having someone to love. Who knows though, maybe I'm unloveable for some reason. Maybe I am just destined to be single and should become a monk or something.

[Standingpretty]

Your unlovable because you don't even love yourself.How can you expect anyone to love you if you don't care about yourself. There's plenty of people to love family,friends. Your problem is that you think you need a girlfriend when you only want one. Desperation scares people.

If you need help looks wise, send me a pic of you because no one thing works for all guys in terms of looks.

[Asker]

So how do I send a pick. And also I do love my family and friends and they love me back. It's just hard because I've never had a gf, and as far as I've known only two girls have been interested in me that I was interested in (there have been a lot who are interested in me, but lets just say they aren't my type). I'm not desperate. It's just I don't want to end up getting married when I'm 40 because I'll probably get cancer like my dad in his 50's and leave my wife and kids alone. I can't do that.

[Standingpretty]

Um, well, to send a pic you send a link to a pic of you through IM or PM.

[Standingpretty]

I would say that your style is fine but I would try to tan maybe. I think you're ok looking I would just work on your approach

[socalgamehater2006]

But guys can't stop looking, because girls do not pursue or chase guys

[Standingpretty]

True true, but you shouldn't even be trying if you have got a bad approach. There's always going to be at least one person who is attracted to you so maybe even then.

[theLariat]

It's bullsh*t. That's what it is. If you're attractive, carry yourself well, and don't worry about what you look like and can't help, then you can look for girls or just wait. The option's yours. My advice would be to find ways to gain confidence and just be someone approachable. When you say 'creep', the first thing that comes to mind is being too forward or eager. Girls don't want a desperate guy that will cling to them constantly. They want a guy who's comfortable in their own skin and not worried about what people think. If you're worried about your hair, then shave your head. Too heavy? Eat better and become active.

The whole, 'when you stop looking, the girl of your dreams will just show up' is another drummed up way for your friends to make you feel better. Sure it does happen, but it's advice that I wouldn't take. Think about it. If you wanted to find a watch, would you just go around NOT looking for the watch and hoping you just stumble upon one? No. You'd go and pick out the watch that suits you best. With girls, you just keep your options open. Don't stop looking all together, but ease up and fix things in your own life.

[WayTooPopular]

She means girls love the type of guy the most that they think is cool but totally ignores her. "we ignore the ones who adore us and adore the ones who ignore us." That kind of sh*t. You're not an awesome looking dude though so her advice isn't going to help you for sh*t, sorry bro, if you ignore girls they're going to keep ignoring a guy like you. You need to work out a lot and get ripped, that's by far the easiest way to get attention from women and they will treat you entirely different. It's stupid, but it works.

And seriously man when a girl gives you some advice that sounds like it came from a romantic comedy, it's 99% of the time some bs that they wish was true, and has no relevance to what actually happens, but they're telling it to you because it sounds better than "girls like badboys deal with it." and they don't want to hurt your feelings or sound bad. Don't listen to women on how to get women, watch what the successful men do.

[Anonymous]

Do something about it! I'm not trying to be rude, I'm saying grow a pair and be a man.

Obviously your conscious about three facts:

- Height, there's very little you can do about this

- Weight: You can always join a gym, quit being lazy. Not for them, for yourself.

- Thinning hair: Shave your head bald :D! Personally I like that look on my friends more than thinning hair.. One guy is 20 years old and is bald, he looks like a cop... He's dating a smoking hot woman, which they're both close friends.

[Asker]

I don't look good bad, too round of a face, and its not as bad as I exaggerate it, I am just thinking from the perspective of what a girl sees.I think I am okay with hair. Weight I need to work on, but I've lost 10 lbs since february. Its just I mean what girl wants a guy like me

[Asker]

I mean bald by the way LOL

[Opinion Owner]

Bro, I'd really like to explain what I've "discovered" but the beauty women see - isn't the beauty of "clothes" or "body types"... Sure, some women like a rockin' body- but most of those women that want a "rockin bodied boyfriend" are usually shallow. Women find beauty in personality. You doubting yourself - isn't beautiful. Get over it, the faster you do, the faster you will help yourself find a really cool and beautiful girl. If you want to work on your personality, WORK ON IT. stop bitching.

[Asker]

So where are these women. They don't seem to exist, at least ones that are good looking. Most of the girls attracted to me aren't that great looking, which makes sense since I am not, but personality doens't mean crap. I know people say they see ugly guys with hot girls a lot, but usually they are rich or are on the football team or have something they want that makes them overlook their body. So since I don't have any of that, what do I do, do I just settle and hope I grow to love an ugly perso

[Opinion Owner]

"What to do" comes from your mind, not mine. What I CAN tell you, is that your ":expectations" are perfectly fine. But imagine the world and "women" like a marketing scheme. Higher demand usually coexists with ? (less supply). If you want to find her, all you need to do is put in effort and try. Right now your making exuses, of how you "couldn't" find her at one point in time and trying to relate that to how you can't find a beautiful girl now; quit the mind-game bull and just live for once.

[BlackSuperman]

..chicks love bald guys

[quantumdefender]

generally its women who give this advise, which is bogus. because women generally "wait" to be hit on or be asked out.

if its a guy giving this advise...chances he is the privlidged few who got looks or charm that women look for, and women work up the nerve to go after him.

either case...its bad advise to give to average joes

[Anonymous]

Just do what I do and go on adult personal websites. I'm also an average guy. I'm 5'7 160lbs and hairy and have a receding hairline at 21. I found a hot babe that likes me the way I am. I found her profile when I was just looking to hookup with women around my area. She on the other hand was only on that adult personal website to look at adult videos. And she saw something I posted on that website and she contacted me but we only spoke for about a minute. And so then I clicked on her profile and found out that she lives on the other-side of the country. She said on her profile to contact her even if we live far away because she said "you never know what might happen".

[Deaninator]

I believe that you may be trying to hard. Honestly the right girl WILL find you by fate. Just keep doing what you are doing. Keep on hanging with friends at where ever you usually hangout and you will find her. Plus in that case, you'll have something in common...you're both at a place that you enjoy. Don't ever give up (cliche I know), but there's a person out there for you.

[Asker]

Yeah, an ugly person. Someone either not attractive enough, or they are crazy in the head or just dull.

[Deaninator]

Do you really care that much about looks? How attractive to you is attractive enough though?

[Asker]

Anyone above a 5 on a ten pt scale since a lot of the girls who check me out are well below that. I know it sounds mean, but it's also because one that really pursued me picked her nose, and others just stare like creepers. The ones that were nice I talk to and would even date. But I guess I'm just shallow. At least I admit it because everyone is shallow, they just don't say it

[Deaninator]

Oh yeah, I totally understand... Less attractive girls are so much easier to approach. But if you look it at this aspect, girls are like apples on trees, you have to work harder to climb up and catch them... It's really tough though, and everyone is shallow to some extent. Although just wondering, how do you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10, would you ever try to date a girl you considered out of your league or what not?

[Asker]

I think I rate about a 5, maybe 4 , that's why I'm worried too because I am not good looking enough, so I'll just have to settle so the girl won't have to. Trust me, I could get a girl. I might not like looking at her, but I'd learn to love her. That's my best hope. That's what tortures me.I want a good looking girl and really anyhting above average is good, but it seems like girls want the higher rated guys.

[Deaninator]

Yes...I totally feel your pain. I personally rate myself rate my self like a 6-7.5... I agree with you that girls do want the higher rated guys, like a 8+ and guys want girls that are prettier than themselves.... But I also think that it's definitely possible for you to date a girl that's above a 5, maybe like a 6 or 7, but you would have to work really hard 8+. Also, I believe girls are less shallow than guys so it is easier for us.

[Asker]

At least you understand a bit. A lot of people think I just want some hot girl, no I want someone I found attractive. One of the girls I really liked a lot of guys said at best she was "alright" (although some wondered how she didn't have a boyfriend if she was that attractive" .

[Deaninator]

Well did you pursue her then?

[Asker]

Of course, I became great friends with her and then she rejected me when I asked her out, and she said she wasn't ready, but then a week later some guy she randomly met started going out with her.

[Deaninator]

Oh wow...I can't imagine the amount of frustration and mental anguish you must've felt. That's the one of the worse things a person can do. Maybe you just too much into the friend zone...

[marinebio4445]

This is basically the story of how I have my current girlfriend. She asked me to her prom basically out of the blue (I hadn't really thought about her like that before) and now we're a perfectly happy couple. It just happened, I didn't try to do anything to get it to happen, it just did. Don't use my story as an example for your own life, but it might be good to just take a break and let things happen.

[Asker]

But how does stuff just happen. I mean none of my friends who are single or want to date at all. I hang out with my friends a lot, but how can something just happen. I am not good looking, I do have a lot of talents, but a lot of good looking guys have the same ones. (everyone plays guitar, and a lot of people are smart). I'm not saying I'm screwed, but I have to work to make something happen.

[LouLouisa]

They mean that, when you least expect things to happen.. it will happen, good things come to those who wait and if your ina rush to get someone, then your not going to get to know them very well and won't come accross the right relationship. don't be shallow towards and girl if she takes a liking to you and turn her down just because she isn't exactly the best looking of people.. She might have a great personality, sure have a standard but appreciate a girl for who she is inside aswell.. Maybe your looking for the wrong people. Each time I stop looking something comes up, but the shallower you become .. the harder it will be to find someone. Just leave it for a while stop looking for a relationship and look more for friendship. The best relationship is built from friend ship :) xx

[frustratedchump06]

Yeah but guys can't wait around, because girls generally do not initiate

[workman22]

It means that there's no point in sitting around worrying and wondering. Stop looking for a relationship in every girl that you meet or talk to. Start understanding you, and living your life happily single and eventually when the time is right good things will happen.

[mi_llama_NIKKI]

it means some things come out of nowhere love is like karma what goes around comes around I guess. when your mind isn't on it and your just living life it will sneak up on you hopefully. so your very best girlfriend is right

[Anonymous]

It means, don't sign up for online dating. Instead, just live life. don't say in all night. go out and have fun. meet new people. eventually one of those people that you meet will be the one

[ArtistBboy]

Best answer +1

[d3m_exclusive]

it's like you should be just living life day by day being confident with yourself and being positive. because if you don't love yourself who will? you should just have fun and not stress it. and that person will come. and don't depend on your list of dream girl. life's unexpected. I went to buy shoes and I got along with an employee who was trying to sell shoes to me and now were together.(we're were not even looking for a bf/gf) despite the little situations, overall our relationship is good

[Lockjawx27]

You need to just work on yourself. Join a gym pronto and start working out like a beast everyday. No more fast food and no junk food. Do it for 6 months to a year and I guarantee you will get a girlfriend

[BlackSuperman]

they mean quit trying so hard, enjoy being young, and discover who you are...

[Anonymous]

I'm the troll that's usually on here, and I can tell you that I do look like the guy from twilight facially and I'm 6'2'' and I make a decent amount of money. But I'm not social and in that sense I'm more screwed than you