Best way to comfort someone having a panic attack?

[Eskie]

Girlfriend has really bad panic attacks in which she cannot control her breathing and sometimes passes out completely. This happens even when I'm there and being who I am I don't take not being able to help very well so when I realised that I couldn't seem to find a way to stop them completely (she has only ever passed out one time with me there) it started scaring me.
Normally what I do is I lie her down on her back and lie next to her on my side. I drape my thigh across her lower abdomen and hold both of her hands while resting my head very gently in the crook of her neck so she can feel my breathing. I take as much care as I can to avoid chest area upwards to face in fear of impeding airflow. I try to talk to her to get her to concentrate but often I have to stop when I see how scared she is because hearing my voice crack and having me sobbing into her neck probably won't help at all (especially considering I am a very calm and level headed person and that is so out of the norm it might scare her further)

tl;dr I need to be able to help my girlfriend when she is having severe panic attacks what is the best physical reassurance and what can i say

Updates

+1 y

I have some people saying that I should avoid close physical contact and some elaborating on ways I can better the comfort and help I can provide by this?
I'm assuming that I should just ask what she would rather I do but since I have never not done this she might not know what it's like and be too scared to try it?

[bobair]

Helping her get help is the best thing you can do.

Anxiety and panic attacks are perfectly curable without drugs or special supplements or even lengthly counselling. There's plenty of books and youtube videos on the matter.

The trouble with anxiety is that it's driven by our thoughts. She might be triggered by some external circumstances, but the gas that fuels her episodes are HER. She's doing this to herself.

So what she needs MOST is perspective and a willingness to learn to accept responsibility for her own recovery. And trust me, anyone can over come it quickly and forever. I've seen it and I've experienced it myself. PM me anything.

Once she's willing to take back control of her life help her find solutions through books, podcasts, videos, audio books, etc.

One of the best is WHEN PANIC ATTACKS by David Burns.

Only when she DECIDES to take control will she be most open to doing the hard inner work that it sometimes takes to see our own inner thinking mistakes.

We're all biased without knowing it. We all assume that what we think is correct, without testing it. And it's this error in our thinking that amplifies our fear and worsens our panic.

I will end with this... anxiety is not a disease. It's just the amygdala in our brain with it's foot on the gas. It's our thoughts that keep the gas on, or which tells the amygdala to pump the breaks. Google it.

The fastest solutions tend to help someone who's suffering to grow an awareness of their thoughts in order to change them during anxiousness, and proving to the amydala that there's no REAL danger by just doing what ever we're most fearful of.

Scared of hyperventilating? Then hyperventilate and watch how you don't die. Scared of panic attacks? Then sit down and try to have the biggest panic attack possible. This is called "flooding" and it seems scary, but it's harmless.

Anxiety causes us to FEEL sensations, not symptoms. Symptoms come from disease. Anxiety is not a disease.

She will be okay, I promise.

Help her to see that when she's most calm and open to talking about solutions.

And when she panics, interrupt her thinking patterns that are causing the panic. If you're in a safe place try surprising her with humour and love. She starts to panic, splash her face in cold water. Even if she gets angry it will break her pattern of creating panic.

Go read some book s yourself, and help guide her out of the darkness she's making for herself.

:D

~ Robby

[Eskie]

THank you for the in depth answer I'm already starting to research ways I can help, sadly though I need to convince myself first that she doesn't have a reason to have these attacks, I should definitely try to help her get some therapy because of some long term fear of physical endangerment which she only just let me end. Because of that she is scared even when she isn't having an attack and the only thing I can find that stops her completely is cuddles and dancing to scissor sisters haha.
I'll bring up the subject of going to get help with her as much as I fear she won't like the idea.

[bobair]

Unfortunately we can't change our partner, and we can't help someone who doesn't want it. Ultimately you should recognize that you can't help her if she's unwilling to, AND it's not your responsibility.

One the gravest mistakes we make in our relationships is thinking that we are responsible for how our partner feels. This is not true at all.

You are responsible for YOU and you only. It's not her job to "make" you happy or sad or safe, and it's not your job to maker her happy or sad or safe.

What I mean is that your relationship with her will not last if you become her crutch long term. You will eventually resent all of the effort you put in that goes unreturned. It's perfectly normal to be each others support in short bouts, of course.

So be wary of "helping" her for very long.

:D

~ Robby

[househusband]

I think it's great that you feel this way about it but I think it would benefit you more to read medical material on this than anything. But to at least get you started if her anxiety is as bad as you're describing it could be potentially life-threatening in many different situations so she needs to see a doctor about that asap. His far as calming a person who's having an anxiety attack while they may appreciate the physical contact on a Surface emotional level their subconscious will feel even more smothered as a result of it which could just exacerbate the episode that they're suffering from. Is counterintuitive is it may seem you don't calm someone with anxiety the same way you would calm someone who sad. The physical contact on a surface emotional level there subconscious will feel even more smothered as a result of it which could just exaggerate the episode that their suffering from. Is counter intuitive is it may seem you don't call him someone with anxiety the same way you would calm someone who sad. There's no shortage of solid medical information available about this but be smart in your search. Use material from accredited universities and research centers who are in the tops in their field such as the Mayo Clinic John Hopkins University Medical Center Etc Inskip nonsense like WebMD or the Google Doctor crap. Good luck with it and hope she appreciates your genuine interest.

[GeminiAgent007]

You sound like your doing a great job panic attacks are scary to experience and can sometimes be extremely embarrassing and uncomfortable not being in control of your own body if your in public take her outside for air and comfort her otherwise your fine I'm sure even if your emotional your presence comforts her

[CoffeeGirl456]

uhm first of all , I appreciate your attention to her really it make me smile, well nothing can help her than bring her to what her scare with you, by you and finally by her own. There are more visual situation therapy for panic attack like this , go ask advise from therapist in your country better go with her.

[Blonde401]

I don't like to be contained or anything when it happens. I need fresh air and to not feel claustrophobic. Just let her know you're there and ask her what you can do once she's calmed. Get her water and do some breathing exercises with her after the initial stress.

[Mishthefish]

I think this is amazing of you 👍🏻👍🏻 she's very lucky to have an amazing boyfriend like you. My cousin gets panic attacks often. It helps her when i sit her down and start humming or singing to her softly.

[Eskie]

She is genuinly the kindest person I have met she doesn't deserve anything less than everything I can give.
Her favourite is little talks by of monsters and men but it's very hard because I have to sing both parts of the duet, makes her laugh though because she normally gets a voice break out of the female vocals, I have managed to end a panic attack with that!(unfortunately it had been going on for almost ten minutes prior)

[Mishthefish]

Yea singing seems to do the trick 😊 just be there for her. That's all she really needs

[Dominionico]

Personal experience try the same thing but sitting wrap your hands gently around her waist, with your wrists below the diaphragm and clasp hands with her but cross wise so left in right and right in left, let HER hold YOUR hands though, pushing her thumbs into the palm of your hands, tell her to push every time that feeling surges through her when it's constricting her breathing and to focus on this sensation and to try to ground herself in it, then help her regulate her breathing by first matching her breathing then try to gently push up with your wrists not with any more force han as if it were naturally happening when YOU breathe in remember you should be already matching her breathing but you do this with your wrists and it will give her another sensation other than the one that's causing such discomfort.. As you gently guide her breathing vocalize that she should do this that she should follow your breathing and gradually but slowly slow down your own breathing and keep gently lifting your wrists when you breathe in and dropping them when your breathing out and keep vocalizing and encouraging her let her head rest back against your chest, and just be there with her, and whatever you do this is the hardest and most necessary part of she pass out in your arms like this.. hold her, hold her until she wakes up you will be saving her a mini panic attack at things just being so not as they were when she passed out in the first place, it will cause immediate anxiety if she remembers you holding her and then suddenly wakes and you're gone at that least this whole thing should bring you two closer together, but I've used this with friends even and while it can seem weird at first if you're just friends but if you're true friends you'll be able to see past this as mine did...

Apologies in advance of any typos as this was done in my phone and it seems it auto corrects incorrectly sometimes AFTER I push send

[Anonymous]

You can give her a Benedryl if she's not allergic. But I think the way you're holding her probably helps.

She can probably tell you what she needs to hear in that moment. Talk to her when she's feeling ok and tell her you want to help her make it through her panic attacks safely and is there anything you can say or do that would be soothing.

Having someone carefully brush my hair is pretty effective with me.

[example123]

I already suffered from anxiety attacks. They are caused by too much stimulus. Me it always helped leaving the room, and going Out to fresh air and either going a little Bit or laying into the Grass and relax. Music can help too

[hsshannah96]

Actually it depends on the woman. I NEED physical contact when I have those. but other women may get more mad so ask first

[Nice-girl-101]

The best way is to examine her health. Sleeping patterns. Get her into thearepy. And make her smile. Happiness increases testosterone which fights anxiety.

[bekkesmash]

A few shots of hard liqour will do the trick, hitting the GABA receptors quickly is what is needed.

[example123]

how to get addicted :D then better take an benzodiazepine sublingual

[bekkesmash]

If the panic attack has already started it will take too long for lorazepam or even alprozolam to kick in, unless you van IV it.

[bekkesmash]

*can

[example123]

Pyrazolam sublingual takes under 5 minutes

[bekkesmash]

You can't get those prescribed though, I wonder if snorting a benzo works properly.

[Ohhhh_mama]

she need to make fun a little when having attack