What do you do to socialize?

[OpenClose]

So after a decent amount of reflection, I've discovered my #1 problem in not having relationships is not that I'm especially undesirable, not super rude (I hope not, anyway), that I'm not "pushy" enough, or dislike cold opens.

It's pretty much just raw lack of exposure. Most of my hobbies are home hobbies, and I don't feel the need to get out much unless it's for something specific like work or having specific friends to visit.

Well most of my friends moved away or had kids. So I'm not exactly out and about much. And now that I've entered my 30's, I'll need to change something because I feel like everyone was snatched up and paired off in their 20's and I missed the memo.

How can I get out again? I don't get a lot from museums, parks, etc when I'm on my own, because I feel like I only feel things if I can bounce those feelings off someone else. And frankly, I want to do a lot of travel but even that feels pointless alone.

When you're single, where do you go to rebuild your social network?

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I'm pretty similar. I grew up forced to stay home often (my mother would get jealous and controlling if I spent too much time outside of home).

Now, I socialize in a few ways.

I do physical activity outside of home, like rock climbing and martial arts. These give me community and get me out and about. Just regularly going will introduce you to people and you can allow friendships to blossom from there.

MeetUps are another great way to socialize. You can find all sorts of local groups from board gamers to artists to conversation groups.

I also work a second job in retail, but I was choosy about who I worked for and what I do. The team there is really fun, positive, and we've become friends.

Try all sorts of new hobbies on for size, and try to find some communities involved in that activity.

[OpenClose]

Thanks! Yeah picking up new hobbies shouldn't be much of a problem. I tend to hoarde those. Most of my existing hobbies are relatively solitary, unless I can find a girl who wants to sing for me or something. So my hobbies didn't really necessitate leaving the house much.

But some new ones like camping and biking may help. They're just usually with one or two people I already know. But it's a start and I can try to branch from there. Assuming I can undo all that COVID lag...

I'll have to find some meetups that seem worth going to. Maybe painting or wine tasting. Hopefully I can find some that aren't a complete sausage fest like most of the technical or political ones are.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Painting and wine tasting should have some ladies there. Be careful with technical meetup groups - a lot of times anything remotely "professional" turns into MLM networkers, lol. And true tech ones tend to be remote keynote speeches now, in my experience.

That said, I've found even things traditionally more male dominated in my city - board game nights, for example - have gotten much more diverse. That could just be regional, tho. Your mileage may vary.

[LazerBean]

I have friends from church. We hang out quite a lot, either at church or at our houses.

[OpenClose]

Good idea. Wish I was still religious for this reason, lol.

Haven't gone to any secular group meetings, but the idea seems a bit odd. As NDT put it, "you don't have gatherings of 'non-golfers'". And even if you did, they would probably spend most of their time talking about how much they don't like golf, rather than other hobbies they have.

[KrakenAttackin]

I am with you 100%. Also, as you get older it is harder to make friends, I think. We get into routines and our "orbit" is limited. Lockdowns certainly didn't help. I don't have a good answer for you other than to acknowledge the difficulty.

[OpenClose]

Yup quite helpful though. At the very least, it makes it feel like I'm more "in it with everyone else" and less "behind in life while everyone passes me by".

[anton_dee]

I'm a passionate superbiker and love any automobile sport. That and I am an even more passionate soccer fan. That covers the entire globe actually. 😄😄 So friends are not hard to find...

[OpenClose]

Oh nice.

I've been getting into mountain biking lately, so maybe that's a good opportunity. Though a little harder to socialize when you're out of breath.

Maybe some mountain biking groups out there. Will probably need to be slightly slower paced. Still haven't recovered from COVID lag.

[jahaims]

Spend time with friends