We just discovered that we are not compatible but have signed a lease, got great insurance payments for both our cars together, bought a dog together and so on. What happened was my girlfriend doesn’t like me to have my friends over and last night, I had them over. She stayed in our room and didn’t come outside for anything until they left. We were totally fine until moving in together and that is becoming a deal breaker for both of us discovering how we handle our living space. The reason she is mad at me right now is because my friend got a flat tire last night after leaving our apartment and we had to go help her. She came with me because we were in the middle of getting take out when my friend called so our food got cold and my friend didn’t have a spare tire. We took her back to our apartment and she is one of the loudest ones so she was talking the entire time we were in the car and my girlfriend raised the volume so she would shut up and she eventually did but the whole ride became so awkward. Then when we arrived, she started asking my friend “you have a ride right? You can’t just stay the night. Someone is getting you?” Yeah, my friend was picked up but it took about an hour or so and my girlfriend was really bothered by having to deal with her stuff
What the heck do I do if I signed a lease with my girlfriend of 8 months but we aren’t getting along anymore after the first month?
So you have one fight and now you want to get out of your lease. I mean, this really is a situation that takes some calm discussion and frank expression of what bothered you both. Then identify what to do differently in the future should a similar situation arise.
I mean unless you actually want to be with someone else?
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Asker
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It was the way she talked to my friend. My friend is extremely nice but is very talkative so my girlfriend finds her annoying because she never stops talking.
Well non stop talking is annoying. She has a right to be an oyed by your friend. Your friend deserves the respect not to be snapped at. Sounds loke bith ladies could use some advising. I think it's very sus you want to get out of a lease because the woman you moved in with snapped at someone who is a friend? Your priorities seem amiss to me.
Ok so she is more imoortant to you than your girlfirend. And because your girlfriend dossed her you wish to break the lease. Ok well, there are a lot of suggestions here. Best solution is to find someone to take over the lease by advertising the apartment.
Exactly what you just said, say that to her. You have to decide if you want the relationship. She will likely take you wanting to real the lease as a rejection of the relationship. So you need to introspect some and communicate. Communication is the issue right now.
i wouldn't break up over this but if you're that sold on it then okay I don't know why you signed up for all that if you don't care about how your actions make her feel in the comfort of your home together.
yeah but then your question still says what do I do? pertaining to you have agreements in place and you guys are not getting along. you're basically asking how do i get out of said agreements or how do I get her to put up with my shit. that means you're not committed to your relationship and you don't expect yourself to change in order for it to work. I don't want to be rude to you, I know i don't know you, but thats what I, as a woman, understood from your point of view
My advice is to give it 4 months before you break up because my friend had big problems when she first moved in with her boyfriend but worked through them through compromise and habituation and now they’ve been married for almost 8 years with 2 happy children.
You stay there and find a roommate. And you learn some lessons from the experience. You ask yourself "what did I do to contribute to this mess?" and then you answer yourself with brutal honesty.
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Anonymous
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What you should have done.. is of little use. Lets move forward. *Major rule that can't be avoided and will be the most use. You cannot control others only your self and that is hard enough. You can influence others. So think about what you want to do in this situation. What is most important to you? If it is her, them make that clear. If you want to stay and feel she is worth working through this for, make that clear. Fights in a relationship are not about who is right or who is wrong. Its about finding a solution. When people are upset or complain its because they want a solution if possible. Focus on that without pride or judgment.
*Make it a goal to understand Her View I know we can say your girlfriend should be more considerate of your friends needs. But we also need to see it from her view. SHE is invested in this too. A woman needs your help. better believe she is not letting you go alone. Not let her dominate the conversation. NO way in **** is she staying the night!!! These are very legitimate concerns and very threatening to the feeling of security. SO the point here is - Make it your aim to ask here "How do you feel about this?" ALL THE TIME Today - ask her "I want to talk about the other day and I want to really know how you feel and what you thought." then shut up and let her rant for hours and listen. Then thank her. Even write things down as she talks but don't interrupt. If she sees you writing down things tell her " What you are saying is important to me and I want to ask questions but not interrupt."
Now that you are in a pretty much committed relationship it needs to be clear you are a team. Look at any team and understand what the keys are for successful team work. From there you can only do better.
And arguments are not a deal breaker. They are just the opposite if you use them right. The can bind tighter.
Move out as soon as possible and stick her with the lease. Honestly, that's the all you can do if your name is on the lease. Yes if she fails to pay you could be financially responsible... but it is better that you get out first before she does it to you and now your stuck in the apartment having to pay the whole rent on your own or risk getting evicted.
Only other option is to stay in the apartment and hope she does not move out on you, and let the lease expire without renewing it.
But if you can afford the lease on your own then I would stick it out and come to some agreement with her about ending the relationship, with her moving out or letting the lease runs out without renewing it. But if you break off the relationship but stay in the apartment together, be prepared for her to be bringing other men into the place or dating other men... so if your the jealous type that might not work out for you the way you would like it.
What kind of retard goes that far in just a month? i wanna be nice about this but Darwin has found his fool…
Oh well I’ll help you with the lease atleast… sub-lease if available. If not commit… you got 7 months left. I don’t recommend breaking lease. Too expensive and it looks bad. Even got a dog… good damn man you really fucked up lmao.
Part of being a man is using your head to think out the best options. It’s a woman’s lot in life to be emotional not yours. Did you finally get your Willy wet and suddenly couldn’t live without her?
I’ll stop. But for real you might have fucked yup your whole life from this mistake already. It hard to split 2 lives cleanly… and depending on your state after 6 months living with her you’re considered married legally. That means alimony boy! And God help you if you got a kid… if you got a kid just bite the bullet and about you’ll never be happy. Cheaper to keep her at that point.
Sounds like you haven’t been together very long and don’t know each other very well. This is a rookie mistake among young couples - you date for 6 months to a year and think you’re ready to move in together. Bad idea. People don’t realize how much of a commitment they’re signing up for. If you break the lease, you’ll be responsible for thousands in fees, and a replacement will likely have to be made unless you both move out and split that fee. (I had to do that once, not fun)
You really need to ask yourself how committed you really are to her and your life you’ve joined together. And what it’s going to cost you if you aren’t. Enough playing house.
Oof, yeah, that's... Well, it's good you learned now.
I'd suggest having that serious talk with your girlfriend if you wanna break up.
If you do, you two will have to figure out how to untangle your lives together. This includes resolving how insurance will work, calling your landlord to discuss getting out of the lease, and figuring out custody of the dog.
That's just... Part of breaking up. I wouldn't have adopted a dog in your first month - that's gonna be probably the worst consequence, in my opinion - but divvying up and getting through it as amicably as you can is the next step.
You'll get through it. Again, it's good you're learning now and you took a shorter than a year lease.
Life is always an adjustment. Don’t make it into a bigger deal than it is. Put it in perspective. How annoying is a situation? And how long will it last? Maybe talk before offering help for friends with things like flat tires. They can call roadside like other adults if really needed. Living together means talking to one another. Listening and being heard. It’s what makes things work.
You put up with your girlfriend's unsensitive and selfishness. I'm surprised you didn't notice that before you moved in together. Of course, you can try to have a sit-down talk with her and explain how you feel, and see how she reacts... but don't hold out hope that she will change.
Find a new roommate (or sub-lessee), approach the landlord about swapping out your lease partner, and pray they will accept the offer. Legally, they do NOT have to, and in most cases, either of you separately are legally responsible for the contract into which both of you have entered. Note: These are general rules of law: I am NOT a lawyer and I would advise you to talk to one for definitive help in your circumstance.
Ouch. Yeah test drive a girlfriend next time. Bite the bullet and get a penalty. Be careful renters history follows you around. But if you oay their fee you're usually ok. I've rented houses and the fee is to get the space back to sales-ready. It's a fair penalty... usually.
Are you willing to talk out your issues with her or do you just want out? If so you can just break the lease (usually that will cost you.) Or one of you move out and the other takes over the lease till the end of it.
That's why there's a lot of divorces. Couples dont live with eachother. Get married, move in, then find out they aren't a match.. now I guess you can be roommates for now.
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