What do you think about having rules in a relationship?

[Gloree]

My boyfriend gave me some rules immediately we started dating. They contain things he dislikes and requested I do thesame. So I gave him mine though mine is not as much as his. We both have it printed. Does any other persons do this? What do you think?

Updates

+1 y

Two of his rules:1Please don't flirt in my presence. 2. No disrespectful behavior especially in the company of others.

Two of My rules:1. Please don't cheat on me. 2. I don't like being shouted at so please don't yell at me even in anger.

[Jamie05rhs]

I honestly don't think that's a bad idea.
Everyone has certain things that annoy them or tick them off. It's better to tell your partner up front and get that out in the open than quietly seethe when they do something you don't like and hate them passive-aggressively.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO!

[RuthlessAggression]

BIASED MHO

[Jamie05rhs]

@RuthlessAggression Oh, hi! Welcome back to GAG. Lol

[Gloree]

@RuthlessAggression What makes you say so? Lol.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Gloree He says that to everyone when he doesn't win. Lol
(He used to have an old account where he did the same thing. That's how I recognized him. 😂 )

[Gloree]

Very funny

[motownplayer2000]

I think that it’s good to establish ground rules right away. You know what you both will be in for. Just don’t be so stringent that the relationship isn’t fun

[RuthlessAggression]

BIASED MHO

[Gloree]

@RuthlessAggression All answers were great. But someone has to win.

[Pinay_ako]

Basic unspoken rules should be:
1. DO NOT DISRESPECT ME.
2. Do not lie to me
3. Do not cheat on me
4. If you don’t love me anymore, just tell me and I will let you go.

to me it’s not bad to have “rules” in the relationship. I appreciate an open communication so we both know what not to do to avoid unnecessary problems. As long as the rules applies to both of us, I’m in.

[OlderAndWiser]

Every couple has rules, but most couples do not have them in written form. It wouldn't bother me that a girl wanted to talk about her rules for a relationship. The fact that she felt the need to write them and print a copy to give to me would be a potential red flag.

[DS_Madking]

importand but basic rules no one goes partying without the other partner no opposite gender friends and no vacation alone unless with close family before i get cancelt hear me out its not about the fear of her cheating its cuz at dicos im concerned about her safety its possible that she gets raped or somone puts drugs in her drink without her noticing (i hear about that shit very often from friends) the vacation rule is also because if i dont know she's with somone that truly cares for her im concerned about her safety especially in another country i ain't trusting some friend ofnhers at this kinda topings and most importand the guyfriend rule im just not buying it i know pleanty of dudes that played the good friend for years even the gay friend but as soon as she left they said shit like "someday im gonna screw her" or sum like that i never in my life seen a guy befriend a women without the intention of railing her and if he's gay im not buying it either i know a dude pretending to be gay for like 2 years and the girls used him for practice i dont surly know to wich extend but i think at elast head was involved so if i dont see him making out with another dude im fine with a gay dude but cautios not even cuz im afraid she cheats if she wants top she gonna do annyways but i just find it awkward knowing the guy right there would absulutely screw my girlfriend the first chance he gets

[Gloree]

But you have to adjust. He was this way but we adjust the rules as I convinced him that I will be careful.

[DS_Madking]

the thing is u can be as carefull as u want if some dude wants to rape u he gets the opportunity to put drugs or shit in your drink without u noticing it really isn't about trust its about concern and i didn't say she shouldn't go i just said if she goes i wanna go too and I've seen pleanty of that shit i mean just last week i heard how a 16 and a 17 yo guy talked about how they want to get a girl 14 drunk (mixed with pills) so both can screw her and I don't know how these pills are spelled but if u take zennecs and drink just a little bit u will get drunk and not this im gonna party drunk but this kinda drunk where u can't even sit without tripping

[Gloree]

Hmn. That's terrible stuff about the drugging.. But I get your point.

[Child_Of_Dust]

Yes rules are important. The way he is doing it sounds like a guy with a grudge. The problem with written rules is everything outside of it suddenly allowed? There are some things that are obvious, like cheating. Cheating is always bad. Yelling at people is abusive. When he says don't flirt in his presense, like don't flirt with other guys? Thing is, the only girl who would flirt with other guys while in a relationship is a girl who isn't committed. So if his past relationship did this, maybe that is why they are not together? Commitment is something that takes time and effort to building up. Flirting causes jealousy. He technically shouldn't flirt with other girls in your presense either. When he says disrespectful behaviour, what does he mean by it? Respect for you might be different to him. What would be better is for him to date a girl who has the same understanding of respect and maturity level. To me, he and you are stating obvious things as rules. Rules, are equivlant to boundaries. Boundaries should be fairly similar for everyone. Throughout the relationship you constantly discuss boundaries with your partner as part of getting to know them. Shouldn't have to write it out. With my ex I wanted to write out rules, but that was cause he KNEW my boundaries and were not following them. I wanted to nail the rules to his head. But really, a break-up was the answer.

[Debbie14217]

They act lile they are 13 lol

[msmissydc]

While I think these. Excamples should be the case in most realationships. I dont dislike the idea. It can show what is really important for your partner. And these rules dont seem overly specific and even if they are it could be something the other partner is fine with and if not you should work something out.

[DaveJord]

Sounds pretty childish really. Its not highschool and you two are just trying to figure out how to date. Your 35 and you should know how to act around a man, and how a man should treat a women... regardless of if you made a list of rules or not. Seem pretty immature to me.

[ImJustSomeGuyLol]

I think it's perfectly fine and healthy to have rules and boundaries, but having a list to reference from is literally giving me big bang theory vibes. That sounds like a relationship contract, did you sign anywhere? 😅

[Gloree]

Hahahaha. That is so funny. Gosh. No.

[goaded]

It's good to get them out in the open. I had one relationship where the unwritten rule was "I get to do anything I want, and so do you". Which sounded OK, except later I worked out it meant "I get to do anything I want, and you get to do anything I want".

[ChrisMaster69]

It’s your relationship and it’s all about consent.

if you are happy with his rules and he with yours then it’s fine.

also you both need to be happy with what happens if you break rules.

personally writing them down is a bit controlling and childish.

it also shows a lack of respect and lack of trust, as you both could have just said what limits where etc.

they also need to be fair and open, without being controlling

[ChrisMaster69]

Rule 2 his, is really vague and hugely open to interpretation.

Your rule 1 is kinda pointless unless he has one saying the same, as that means you can cheat..

[Gloree]

He has this same rule. haha.

[Gloree]

Meanwhile, what makes you think so about rule 2 of his?

[ChrisMaster69]

What is disrespectful behaviour?

[Gloree]

He specified nuisance behaviour like loud talking and being mouthy and unnecessarily argumentative. Then he said like if we are in public and maybe I'm having an argument with someone and he steps in, I should be able to back off immediately.

[Man-O-Metal]

When I saw the title I was like “uh oh this can’t be good”. But then I saw his rules and I was like “dang, that’s very reasonable”. I don’t know if “rules” really need to be set. But it definitely benefits to talk through topics like this and know your partner’s triggers.

[Anonymous]

I see nothing wrong with it. So long as BOTH parties are making the rules. And BOTH parties are in agreement. That what a partnership is.
As an outsider I have two questions "No disrespectful behaviour" I agree, that should count for both. But I think that's one you guys are going to have to keep communicating on. Because that's not easy to define. I mean you may not intend to disrespect him, or he you, but either of you may do it from time to time inadvertently.
The second question is, "please don't cheat on me"? Really? This needs to be said? I mean when you're with someone isn't being faithful just a given EXPECTATION!

[jasco]

I say acting a certain way that displeases me and than getting upset over my reaction to it. ( manipulator signs ). my next rule would be to give me some space, i like my alone time sometimes, when I am focusing on something, don't bother me. It gets me out of my thinking

[Stevefiveo]

I think it is good to have some rules. It sets to tone for the relationship. I started dating this girl and right away she is like I want a committed relationship. I'm like I don't know I just met you. A few weeks go back and she is still asking so I'm like ok if you want a committed relationship then you need to keep your self dolled up for me, make me dinner every night, and make sure you make me cum every day. And she said yes and we've been together for 16 years.

[RavVid]

Tried it and it is a good idea but embedded habits are difficult to eradicate. Off and on we take another shot at it. What seems to work best is to call the annoying habit as it happens in a nonjudgmental manner.

[fred_durst]

i would assume it is just his personality , seems he is kind of really blunt person , he doenst hesitate to speak anything that pop in his mind
do you like it or not? well it is your choice

[Gloree]

Your very observant.

[Gloree]

And I like the personality. I feel like it makes communication easy.

[Spotifyplaylist]

I don't feel like those rules stand out from obvious things to know, but if you have fair rules and so does he then I don't really see a problem with it.

[Iron_Man]

I like those rules they are good except sometimes when you’re fighting it’s hard to lower your voice

[Gloree]

That's true, which I understand. The one I don't like is full blown screaming especially if I've done something bad and I'm already remorseful and the person is screaming. It gets me disorganized and sad. But so far he doesn't yell. He just addresses the situation squarely which I'm fine with.

[Iron_Man]

But your boyfriend didn’t finish the part not to flirt in front of him also not to flirt behind him not behind his back

[Gloree]

Well, yeah but I don't think that it has to be spelt out. He verbally does not support flirting at all like you're pointing out and we understand we can't spell out everything, just the basics.

[Iron_Man]

Good as long as you honor it and he also honors you I like these rules

[HighValue]

It is good because then your partner would clearly know your expectations of what is and what is not acceptable to you in a relationship.

[ohshee]

Well I like your rules but I mean that's just common sense things that you just don't do or at least for me

[Whatever2929292]

Yup. Seems like reasonable rules to me. As long as you both follow each others rules I think that is fine.

[slatyb]

"My boyfriend gave me some rules immediately we started dating"

That seems weird to me -- an immature approach to life in general. How did he present them? That would be a deal-breaker for most of the women I have met.

[Gloree]

It was not like a control thing. It was actually fun. He just said he knows there are things we both would not like and he wants us to spell them out and try out best to avoid those things. I'm only asking cause I know it's not a popular thing.

[slatyb]

Like pet peeves, things that are triggering? I just expect people to behave considerately and I deal with the rest if and when it comes up.

Some things are deal-breakers if repeated, like arriving considerably later than promised.

[CaptainLegal]

We don't have any rules. We know well each other. We got used to each other's lifestyle. For example, when she's away I will cook, when I'm away she will cook, we both clean, we both go shopping together to buy stuff that we both like etc.

[TacosRAwesome]

It's fine as long as both have rules and respect the other's rules.

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

Where do you guys have the papers with the rules? hanging on the fridge door?

[Gloree]

We don't live together. He has his wherever he kept it. I have mine in my closet.

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

What are some rules you put and what about him

[Gloree]

Check the update. I exposed two of our rules.

[Texasgal95]

I think it’s better to set Boundaries at the start of a relationship

[_deeznuts]

I think that it is reasonable and a good way to set boundaries, but I personally wouldn't have mine printed out.

[Debbie14217]

Um ok lol... common sence... should be a rule

[_deeznuts]

@Debbie14217 okay bby

[HawkPerception]

I think there should be respect in the relationship and that comes with anyone that has common sense. What he asked of you is completely fair and what you asked of him is completely fair. But there shouldn't be a need to even mention it.

[Andrewg005]

I like that. Interesting. Can you ask him where he got this from? I might try it out in my next relationship.

[Gloree]

He said he just had to come up with it due to experience in his past relationships. He is trying to avoid certain things by attacking them right from the start as the foundation of a relationship is very important. Everyone should know what they are getting into.

[Blackcosmo]

Rules are essential for a relationship because you know each other's boundaries. You can't just do whatever you want in a relationship or it's just not going to work out.

[Smashingdoozy]

Quite strange. Makes it seem more like a business relationship. Relationships have rules but they're more unwritten

[Apple1996]

A little weird. Most rules in a relationship should just be unspoken rules. Like for instance the no cheating thing... like that shouldn't have to be made into a rule.

[Debbie14217]

Um yea lol

[ColHathi]

I figure everyone has rules. They're just not physically written down generally, I imagine ^^ Whatever works though.

[EyeKnowMeNahYou]

Rules are made like promises to be broken. Have expectations preferences and boundaries

[PatriceONeal]

Sounds sociopathic but perhaps necessary with today's female. Good for gimme to set boundaries in a world of simping cowering men.

[maximumpower]

boundaries are necessary.
extreme items are not.
if you don't like the list, appeal him to modify it or leave.

[whiskeyontherocks]

These aren’t just rules there standard operating procedures.
Good sign that he has boundaries

[Rod_Iron]

I think it's a good idea, as long as both parties follow it.

[LilyoftheLake]

I think rules are a great thing, especially at the beginning of a relationship!

[purplepoppy]

I'd tell him immediately to fuck off and it'd be a year before his dick healed

[ManHater]

What's wrong with rules. just don't cheat on me behind my back and you ladies might live longer.

[Waldoe]

Being HONEST about your expectations is an EXCELLENT idea.

[roy_ricky09]

Is that a relationship or a contract... I'd never do that.

[FilmGuy93]

Isn't it sort of essential to have rules in a relationship?

[Subarugirl]

That's kind of an odd way to set boundaries in a relationship.. but hey to each their own.

[exitseven]

I put the toilet seat up. I am considered a prince.

[DevinAM]

It makes some sense to me, I don't want a girlfriend that smokes or vapes.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Well all of them are basic , but also all of them will be broken sorry

[Anonymous]

I think if it needs to be printed, it means you two aren't a match/compatible. Likes and dislikes are one thing, but "rules" is another. Sounds like you'd both be walking on egg shells around each other?

[Gloree]

It is not as rigid as you think. we have the most fun, trust me. the rules is a part of fun even though it's serious.

[jahaims]

Those aren't rules. Those are things decent people do. If they have to be rules to not do them, then you are an awful person.

[Twalli]

I think rules are important, but you shouldn't need a written/typed out list.

[Adam_West]

First things first, when I'm in a relationship, I want blowjob every fucking day!! This is the rule!!!

[LazerBean]

Every relationship has rules.

[Debbie14217]

5hose are basic rules... lol
Rules were made to be broken... give up and go separate ways...

[hobeaux]

Itnis not a bad thing to lay out expectations in a partner

[Anonymous]

Seems strange, it’s nice to know dislikes but to be so detailed and rules is odd

[Rockstarrrrr]

Sounds fun and stress free

[baserunner611]

Good, if both side agree

[Zolly99999]

You need rules even if they are not written down

[Quigly]

The rules are in the Bible.
Read it

[Shamalien]

Sounds very smart and mature