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I honestly don't think that's a bad idea.
Everyone has certain things that annoy them or tick them off. It's better to tell your partner up front and get that out in the open than quietly seethe when they do something you don't like and hate them passive-aggressively.
I think that itās good to establish ground rules right away. You know what you both will be in for. Just donāt be so stringent that the relationship isnāt fun
Opinion
52Opinion
Basic unspoken rules should be:
1. DO NOT DISRESPECT ME.
2. Do not lie to me
3. Do not cheat on me
4. If you donāt love me anymore, just tell me and I will let you go.
to me itās not bad to have ārulesā in the relationship. I appreciate an open communication so we both know what not to do to avoid unnecessary problems. As long as the rules applies to both of us, Iām in.
u Every couple has rules, but most couples do not have them in written form. It wouldn't bother me that a girl wanted to talk about her rules for a relationship. The fact that she felt the need to write them and print a copy to give to me would be a potential red flag.
importand but basic rules no one goes partying without the other partner no opposite gender friends and no vacation alone unless with close family before i get cancelt hear me out its not about the fear of her cheating its cuz at dicos im concerned about her safety its possible that she gets raped or somone puts drugs in her drink without her noticing (i hear about that shit very often from friends) the vacation rule is also because if i dont know she's with somone that truly cares for her im concerned about her safety especially in another country i ain't trusting some friend ofnhers at this kinda topings and most importand the guyfriend rule im just not buying it i know pleanty of dudes that played the good friend for years even the gay friend but as soon as she left they said shit like "someday im gonna screw her" or sum like that i never in my life seen a guy befriend a women without the intention of railing her and if he's gay im not buying it either i know a dude pretending to be gay for like 2 years and the girls used him for practice i dont surly know to wich extend but i think at elast head was involved so if i dont see him making out with another dude im fine with a gay dude but cautios not even cuz im afraid she cheats if she wants top she gonna do annyways but i just find it awkward knowing the guy right there would absulutely screw my girlfriend the first chance he gets
Yes rules are important. The way he is doing it sounds like a guy with a grudge. The problem with written rules is everything outside of it suddenly allowed? There are some things that are obvious, like cheating. Cheating is always bad. Yelling at people is abusive. When he says don't flirt in his presense, like don't flirt with other guys? Thing is, the only girl who would flirt with other guys while in a relationship is a girl who isn't committed. So if his past relationship did this, maybe that is why they are not together? Commitment is something that takes time and effort to building up. Flirting causes jealousy. He technically shouldn't flirt with other girls in your presense either. When he says disrespectful behaviour, what does he mean by it? Respect for you might be different to him. What would be better is for him to date a girl who has the same understanding of respect and maturity level. To me, he and you are stating obvious things as rules. Rules, are equivlant to boundaries. Boundaries should be fairly similar for everyone. Throughout the relationship you constantly discuss boundaries with your partner as part of getting to know them. Shouldn't have to write it out. With my ex I wanted to write out rules, but that was cause he KNEW my boundaries and were not following them. I wanted to nail the rules to his head. But really, a break-up was the answer.
While I think these. Excamples should be the case in most realationships. I dont dislike the idea. It can show what is really important for your partner. And these rules dont seem overly specific and even if they are it could be something the other partner is fine with and if not you should work something out.
Sounds pretty childish really. Its not highschool and you two are just trying to figure out how to date. Your 35 and you should know how to act around a man, and how a man should treat a women... regardless of if you made a list of rules or not. Seem pretty immature to me.
I think it's perfectly fine and healthy to have rules and boundaries, but having a list to reference from is literally giving me big bang theory vibes. That sounds like a relationship contract, did you sign anywhere? 😅
It's good to get them out in the open. I had one relationship where the unwritten rule was "I get to do anything I want, and so do you". Which sounded OK, except later I worked out it meant "I get to do anything I want, and you get to do anything I want".
Itās your relationship and itās all about consent.
if you are happy with his rules and he with yours then itās fine.
also you both need to be happy with what happens if you break rules.
personally writing them down is a bit controlling and childish.
it also shows a lack of respect and lack of trust, as you both could have just said what limits where etc.
they also need to be fair and open, without being controlling
When I saw the title I was like āuh oh this canāt be goodā. But then I saw his rules and I was like ādang, thatās very reasonableā. I donāt know if ārulesā really need to be set. But it definitely benefits to talk through topics like this and know your partnerās triggers.
I see nothing wrong with it. So long as BOTH parties are making the rules. And BOTH parties are in agreement. That what a partnership is.
As an outsider I have two questions "No disrespectful behaviour" I agree, that should count for both. But I think that's one you guys are going to have to keep communicating on. Because that's not easy to define. I mean you may not intend to disrespect him, or he you, but either of you may do it from time to time inadvertently.
The second question is, "please don't cheat on me"? Really? This needs to be said? I mean when you're with someone isn't being faithful just a given EXPECTATION!
I say acting a certain way that displeases me and than getting upset over my reaction to it. ( manipulator signs ). my next rule would be to give me some space, i like my alone time sometimes, when I am focusing on something, don't bother me. It gets me out of my thinking
I think it is good to have some rules. It sets to tone for the relationship. I started dating this girl and right away she is like I want a committed relationship. I'm like I don't know I just met you. A few weeks go back and she is still asking so I'm like ok if you want a committed relationship then you need to keep your self dolled up for me, make me dinner every night, and make sure you make me cum every day. And she said yes and we've been together for 16 years.
Tried it and it is a good idea but embedded habits are difficult to eradicate. Off and on we take another shot at it. What seems to work best is to call the annoying habit as it happens in a nonjudgmental manner.
i would assume it is just his personality , seems he is kind of really blunt person , he doenst hesitate to speak anything that pop in his mind
do you like it or not? well it is your choice
I don't feel like those rules stand out from obvious things to know, but if you have fair rules and so does he then I don't really see a problem with it.
I like those rules they are good except sometimes when youāre fighting itās hard to lower your voice
"My boyfriend gave me some rules immediately we started dating"
That seems weird to me -- an immature approach to life in general. How did he present them? That would be a deal-breaker for most of the women I have met.
It is good because then your partner would clearly know your expectations of what is and what is not acceptable to you in a relationship.
Well I like your rules but I mean that's just common sense things that you just don't do or at least for me
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