Is it okay to put rules and regulations in a relationship?

[robot]

My girlfriend wants to set rules in our relationship but it seems really ridiculous to me. What do you think about it? Do you have any rules in your relationship?

[OlderAndWiser]

EVERYONE has rules in their relationships, but some people don’t recognize them as rules and they don’t call them rules. The question is whether she wants to dictate rules or have a discussion with you and come to an agreement about rules.


If she wants to dictate roles, you need to run like hell while you can!

[JustAsking2023]

Yes, but it is not ok to put conditions on your love. (I will love you If...) or regulations on your love, because you either love them or you don't.

The Lord God never put conditions or regulations to be love by him, he only put rules and regulations on our relationship with him. (Follow my way how to live, and my Commandments and I will stay with you to the end. If you don't he will still love ya but he will leave you alone to do your thing). It is called respecting yourself.

If your husband cheats on you or hits you, you will leave him, but that doesn't mean you do not love him anymore. It only means that you respect yourself.

[SphynxUK]

I don’t think I’ve ever sat down and made up rules. That goes for boundaries too. I mean at some point I would have said that if a partner cheats, the relationships over, but only in passing, and not said as a rule not to break. Once we both know we want to be together, we just get on with our lives. I think people who’ve had trust issues make rules. If it makes them feel safe, why not. As long as you are comfortable with what they ask.

[EmmaMary]

The only real rule my husband and I have in our marriage, is that we will never, ever go to bed on an argument... We will sit up all night if necessary to find a happy compromise.

Thankfully so far we've not had to bring this into action. 🤞

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[nurse]

Sometimes you need some guidelines to keep things fair and fun, right? Here are the key factors for me to put rules and regulations in a relationship:

Mutual Agreement is Key: Any rule or regulation needs to be agreed upon by both partners. It's not about one person calling the shots.

Boundaries vs. Control: There's a fine line here. Rules that are about respecting each other's boundaries? Totally cool. Rules that are about controlling or changing who the other person is?

Keep It Reasonable: The rules should be realistic and reasonable. If they're too restrictive or demanding, they can create resentment or lead to a feeling of being trapped.

Flexibility Matters: People change, and relationships evolve. A rule that made sense at one stage of your relationship might not make sense forever. Be open to revising them.

Communication is Crucial: Regularly check in with each other about how these rules are working. Open and honest communication can prevent a lot of misunderstandings.

Respect Individuality: Each person in a relationship should still have their own identity, interests, and freedom. Rules shouldn’t take away from this individuality.

Safety and Comfort: If a rule is about ensuring each other’s safety (like always letting the other know you got home safe), that’s usually coming from a good place. But if it's about restricting who you can see or what you can do, that's a red flag.

Avoid Tit-for-Tat: Rules shouldn’t be about keeping score or “getting even.” They should be about mutual respect and understanding.

Consider the Why: Understanding why a rule is needed can help both partners feel more comfortable with it. If it’s about addressing insecurities or past traumas, acknowledging this can be important.

Professional Guidance: If you're struggling to agree on rules or if they're causing tension, sometimes chatting with a relationship counselor can help sort things out.

In short, it's totally okay to have some guidelines in a relationship as long as they're fair, agreed upon, and not about controlling the other person.

[HawkPerception]

There are rules in a relationship. If there were no rules, who's to stop you from cheating or being with the opposite sex 1 on 1? There have to be rules in place to prevent each other from being uncomfortable with certain circumstances and trying to avoid them. It's extremely important to communicate and define what your boundaries are in the relationship so you're both on the same page. Your girlfriend is right.

[IslaTheWitch]

Setting up boundaries is quite healthy way of creating a basic frame of a relationship.

Talk to her and learn what exactly she wants to set up and, what is even more important, why. Because it could be because of her past experiences, or she feels insecure.

Talk to her and learn something new about her. Be her ally in creating relationship which works for both of you.

[SueShe]

Relationships ARE ruled by regulations. No regulations, no relationships. As simple as that.

If you don't set rules, then everyone does as he/she pleases and that is a certain end to the relationship.

The first rule in a relationship is: respect of the partner, the 2nd. is no cheating, the 3rd. is to share chores, and so forth.

[rigmarole]

So she's like the ruler, and you're a citizen of her dictatorship? Relationships are a partnership not a dictatorship... Tell her you're not looking for a ruler to lord over her. If she wants to share her thoughts, you'll consider her opinion but you see her as an equal not as royalty.

[rigmarole]

*you

[Miristheiss]

No, but there are boundaries.

You guys should have set your boundaries early on and not have agreed to commit to each other unless they were not crossing boundaries/preferences.

Adding "rules" into an already established relationship. That sounds suspect.

Give me some examples of the "rules"?

Keep in mind you are free to agree to them or not.

[andreasderjuengere]

We know each others' expectations - and accepted them as is.

If the expectations are altered, then the acceptance part may be re-negotiated

Rules... are made to be broken.

Rules... are locking us in a status quo

Rules... are the opposite of freedom

Rules... are required when the participants need ''control''

Rules... are ''the System''

Rules... are replacing common sense and respectful thoughtfulness

[Flatmanlewis]

Yes. It’s entirely okay. I think if done properly this is sort of laid out in the dating phase before any serious commitment occurs so each has an understanding of what they are getting into and if it is compatible with their goals in life.

[Anonymous]

Its called having boundaries. You can't do whatever you want if you’re in a committed relationship. The only exception is if these “rules” are unreasonable which i doubt is the case. She has standards, if that is ridiculous to you maybe you aren't ready to be with someone.

[Opinion Owner]

But i guess if you dont know it yet, you also should have reasonable boundaries and should also communicate it to her. I feel like if someone doesn't set boundaries they simply dont care.

[mandyfire98]

Yeah it's boundaries. Some are spoken and some are just understood.

[Kokoaquest]

Boundaries are there to guide the relationship how can you know that person is for you if there aren't any guidelines on how to make the relationship fulfilling.

[rachel776]

no rules just respect each other and everything else will fall into place

tell her that, use those exact words

[etsylo]

Rules are simply boundaries. Though there are some boundaries that will be crossing the line. Talk to your girlfriend about this and see what's okay and what isn't okay.

[boggboss]

Every relationship has them but people call it different things such as boundaries

[petitedollbabee]

Every relationship needs clear boundaries between both partners. I wouldn’t necessarily label them as rules and regulations though.

[Nikki1989]

Having boundaries is fine. Once you start calling them rules, you have a recipe for failure.

[Peter_Penetrator]

Those RULES, dude, are called boundaries. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries. Unless they are considered to be truly ridiculous.

[Ironic_Method]

Everyone does that to a degree. Most of the time it's respecting each other, being honest, and no being intimate with someone else but even those aren't 100% true for all relationships.

[imfreeze95]

As an Autistic Person I think I would really benefit from a relationship agreement. Something with clear expectations and concise instructions for a variety of scenarios. The important thing is that there be no grey area in the agreement.

[HelpfulWoman]

Depends on the rules. Perhaps see what she wants to impose first.

[Billlewis]

She's the woman, so she can decide how she wants it to be.

[Sasha0426]

They’re called boundaries. If you think boundaries are not ok and are thinking about crossing said boundaries, then you might as well leave right now.

[LiamJHayden]

You and I and everyone else might think they are silly, but if she sets them up you have to deal with them or move on.

[soe11]

• I think it is good for both future.
• Must be fair rules for both.
• It's a vital and essential for both.

[DextroShade]

That depends on the rules and how reasonable they are.

[KrakenAttackin]

There should be boundaries that both respect and follow.

[PeachyPie93]

What kind of rules?

[Thestupidusername]

Yes every relationship has that..

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You mean boundaries?