Will You Honor These Rules That I Do In My Relationship?

[Gloree]

From the onset he said

1. When we are on a date, I should not be chatting or doing other stuff on my phone ) which I used to do but I've managed to stop).

2. I don't use swear words like "F.. k and "shit" or " Goddamn"

3. I don't talk the street way like there are some slangs in my area like street people use. One day we were just chatting on the phone and I was starting to use it unconsciously as I was trying to be funny. He was like "Are you talking to me." I thought he was still joking and I said "Yes. Sure." and he was like "Do you think im playing here? you're talking to me with that kind of nonsense language, and I'm asking you and you have the guts to say yes instead of correcting yourself? " so I got like speechless cause he was just brusque about it. But I apologized and we moved on.

4. I cannot wear anklets. He says it's trashy.

5. Can't hang out with the opposite sex without his knowledge.

6. If I buy something new like a dress, he has to know.

7. If I'm going to be away from town, he must know.

8. I don't wear something that exposes my cleavage or something too short to go outside. Only indoors.

9. No tattoos.

10. No gigging at a private party in someone's home-(Especially males - like the politicians) without him there. (Cos I sing).

That's about all. What do you think?

Updates

1 y

Hi when I said gigging I meant performing music at events which I do around town.

[OfMiceandMen]

Interpretation of Rules:

1. When we are on a date, I should not be chatting or doing other stuff on my phone ) which I used to do but I've managed to stop).

This is reasonable, don't mind a girl checking her phone, but not constantly and no texting while we are on a date as she may as well be with whomever she is texting at that point.

2. I don't use swear words like "F.. k and "shit" or " Goddamn"

Reasonable, it doesn't hurt if you are making a funny and need some emphasis, but being a potty mouth all the time is unattractive.

3. I don't talk the street way like there are some slangs in my area like street people use. One day we were just chatting on the phone and I was starting to use it unconsciously as I was trying to be funny. He was like "Are you talking to me." I thought he was still joking and I said "Yes. Sure." and he was like "Do you think im playing here? you're talking to me with that kind of nonsense language, and I'm asking you and you have the guts to say yes instead of correcting yourself? " so I got like speechless cause he was just brusque about it. But I apologized and we moved on.

That would not bother me. You grew up where you grew up and if there is some slang then it is up to me to get to know them.

4. I cannot wear anklets. He says it's trashy.

I disagree, they can be very classy and sexy.

5. Can't hang out with the opposite sex without his knowledge.

That is just sad, where is the trust? Sound like his problem and not yours.

6. If I buy something new like a dress, he has to know.

Pure BS. If you contribute it is to be expected that you want to buy something for yourself on occasion. Life has to have some treats/benefits and you should have to tell him every time.

7. If I'm going to be away from town, he must know.

As long as it is not a controlling point. I would appreciate knowing from the perspective you are okay/safe. But it would be from the caring side and not the I have to have a finger on you at all times side.

8. I don't wear something that exposes my cleavage or something too short to go outside. Only indoors.

Nothing wrong with showing some cleavage in a dress, etc.

9. No tattoos.

I could care less, as long as the tattoos aren't to the point where it overcomes her body.

10. No gigging at a private party in someone's home-(Especially males - like the politicians) without him there. (Cos I sing).

Not quite sure what this means, but, if you want to laugh at someone's joke or funny then as long as you are having fun, why wouldn't I be okay with it.

Summary: Overall, some are reasonable rules, but those that keep you from having fun and talking to other people is just his insecurities, which if you don't like dealing with, I am sure you could do much better.

[OfMiceandMen]

Thanks.😊

[stepyo99]

They all seem reasonable to me. It's also very honorable of you that you care enough about him to follow these rules.

1-3 is just decent behavioral expectations.

4 is a personal preference. I'm sure different couples have their own preferences for how they want their partner to look.

5 is reasonable. If anything, it would be suspicious to hide that kind of stuff from your partner.

6-7 just sounds caring. I'm assuming he usually likes when you buy nice things for yourself or wants to know if you're safe when you're out of town.

8 Sounds like he values your self-worth.

9 I'd be fine with a few small meaningful tattoos, but otherwise I agree. Too many is trashy.

10 again seems reasonable for similar reasons as 5.

It's good that you guys set rules and expectations for each other before committing to a relationship.

[Summeroflove]

Some sound controlling others are common sense. Yeah if someone is on their phone the whole time I’m on a date. It’s rude and makes me think she’s not interested at all.




If you don’t like it. Then just stop seeing him. Maybe it’s just not meant to be.

[AviatorTom]

Too many rules... do you ever find someone (including yourself) to follow them?

[Leapfrog00]

Are even happy? It sounds like you're in hell but are trying to make the most of your time there! He sounds like a narcissist. They have to have control over everything you do and have to know everything you're doing when you do it. This is not a healthy relationship. I don't know how long you've been with him, but over time, it's going to get exhausting.

You're going to be worried ALL the time if you're doing the right thing, saying the right thing, or acting the right way. I understand playing on the phone is kind of disrespectful when you're out and saying curse words is kind of unclassy, but still, that's up to you if you want to be on your phone or say those words.

I understand you're probably in love with him and can't live without him. He's probably using that against you because he knows you will cave and do whatever HE wants.

I don't know for sure if he's a narcissist, but from what you described, that's pretty close to it, if not true. Are you even aloud to have any friends? I'm sorry to say this, but you deserve better. If you're willing to put up with this, you're probably a kindhearted person.

I've been with enough narcissists to know three of the following things.

1) You keep people around like this because they have you believing they're the only ones that can help you, and you can't live without them
2) They hate positive people, happiness, and your success. Any accomplishments you have, he's going to tare down.
3) He has you believing you're the one who has the problem (Like believing all the stuff you listed is your fault)

This is not OK. You don't deserve this. You're being taken advantage of and belittled. Be careful because it's only going to get worse.

You should probably see a therapist and let them know what's going on, because you, you're in an extremely dangerous situation. Maybe a therapist can help you find yourself again, because it sounds like he's brainwashing you.

The crises text line is 741-741. Keep this handy. He's destroying you. Sorry to be so blunt but I've been where you are. Please be careful

[Gloree]

thank you. but it's not so bad as you think. he is really caring and respectful.

[Anonymous]

We are very much into Christian Domestic Discipline. Christian Domestic Discipline is a male led relationship where the Head of Household is in charge of the Taken in Hand partner. There are rules and consequences for the TIH and punishments for breaking rules range from spanking, corner time and lines. This differs from a BDSM relationship as the punishments are non sexual though sex often happens as a direct results of the punishment. Christian Domestic Discline teaches a disobedient willful wife to respect her husband, learn submission to her husband, respect herself, her family and live a happy Christian way. Respect and Submission are of particular importance in a marriage because the standard marriage vows for the bride always included the phrase “to love, honor and obey” her husband. Many women will admit, if only to themselves, that when spanked to tears they feel relief and love, knowing that their HOH is willing and strong enough to hold them accountable for their actions. When a woman admits this she is also admitting that she respects her HOH, and his decisions, that when she is punished it is never out of anger but out of love and the responsibility that her HOH is in charge. Some women will start to cry even before the spanking begins, because she realizes that she is to be punished and is sorry for her actions and the pain that is sure to follow. When a woman just starts to cry when spanked doesn’t mean to stop because you see tears, you would not stop baking a cake when it starts to rise, No this means that the spanking is starting to have the desired effect providing the disciplinary value and corrective behavior that she needs. All women are not the same, some women can take a lot while others will cry with hardly an effort. Remember that she is not in charge but the man is, and with him lies the amount of discipline that will be effected upon her bare backside, if the man allows his wife to stop the spanking he is not in charge and the respect she desires and needs will be lost, make sure to follow through giving her a painful enough spanking to bring her tears and allow them to flow freely, she will remember that you are the HOH. Tears allow her feminine side to come out and breaks down her resistance, shame from being in a vulnerable position, naked over her HOH’s lap, being soundly spanked. It is vital to continue the spanking when you notice her tears, and not to stop before the punishment has the desired effect. Remember that the spanking is part of her submission and when she submits to such an obviously painful and humbling experience she will behave better and you will see a that her attitude towards you as her HOH is greatly improved, not because she is fearful of the spanking but out of respect and the knowledge that you will protect her at all times even from herself and her actions.

What are some examples of domestic discipline rules? Well various couples have their own rules that generally centre around honor and obey as well as other Christian martial values.

Her Rules

1. Not to be late. not late for dates. not late to Work, not late to Church, not late to Dr appointments

2. Don’t cause our checking account to be overdrawn (one spank per dollar charged to us)

3. Spending limits (not more than 200.00 without discussing it with him. or 300 dollars in day (except at Christmas time)). Definitely no running up debts.

4. No cussing in front of children

5. No yelling at her husband.

6. No nagging, no bitching.

7. keeping promises to him or other people.

8. No lying. Including lies of omission (example not telling him she got a speeding ticket, to avoid a spanking)

9. If out with girl friends, be home by 10:00 or call him.

10. Don’t break traffic laws or any other law. (Including God’s laws (ten Commandments, plus))

11. Accepting her punishment without a fuss, cooperating with my spanking

12. No spanking of the children without a warning or breaking a standing rule for them. (Don’t spank while mad)

13. Never be intimate with other men including sex, flirting, sexting etc

14. Be respectful of all people, most of all her husband.

15. Go to Church every Sunday (Church and Sunday School)

16. Dress modest yet attractively everyday

17. Workout 3 times per week.

18 cook healthy meals

19. Do the housework

[Gloree]

Hmn. This is overwhelming and sounds like a fiction. No one does this.

[Opinion Owner]

Try it. OMG it's a real game changer.

[genericname85]

1: 100%. i do that and i expect that from the other person. exception: it's fine if one is going to the restroom.

2: i actually trust people who swear easier. so that's a no for me.

3: yeah i do try to show myself from "my best side", which she should do as well.

4: agree!

5: disagree. you can hang out with homever you like. if i'm in a relationship with a person, i 100% trust that person unless she gives me good reason not to, at which point i'll end it.

6: if we have shared finances, 100%. if she's buying it with her own money, she can get whatever the heck she wants. however my girlfriend isn't gonna dress like a slut in public. she can still wear what she likes but if she decides to dress like a slut, i'll leave.

7: well would be nice to get a little heads up before we can't meet for some time.

8: mostly agree. i'd talk about it and see where my boundarie are and if she's ok with that.

9: 100%

10: gigging? what exactly does that mean? i mean you said you "sing". but can you elaborate?

[Gloree]

gigging is when a guitarist or musician or performer goes to perform at events. it's just called gigging.

[genericname85]

well yeah i get that. but it's just regular musical performance. no sort of sexualized / burlesque stuff right?

[Gloree]

not at all. just singing

[genericname85]

That's just a job then in my opinion and totally fine

[Phoenix98]

I think some of those rules are silly to me.

These are my rules

1# Don't do stupid shit like causing trouble, irritating people, being toxic, drinking and driving stuff like that.

2# Don't get into trouble you can't get yourself out of because I may not always been around to get you out of it.

3# Don't be dressing like a prostitute or whore

4# Don't flirt with other people while we're together

5# Don't cheat

6# Don't be playing stupid games like mind games or trying to get me jealous for attention dumb shit like that.

7# As long as your with me no drugs of any kind

8# Don't drink heavily around me

9# Don't be using my vulnerabilities against me if or when I choose to confide in you

10# Communicate what you want and how you feel because I can't read your mind.

11# initiate some of the time.

[Gloree]

it's reasonable

[Phoenix98]

Mhmm.

[msmissydc]

1, 2 are ok. Not sure about 3. comparing it to my country and its dialects and I would say no. If its less and easy to not do, than fine.

4. He can say he doesn't like them and he has the right to say I dont want to date someone who does wear them but that would be crazy to do.

5. IF there is no trust in a relationship than it won't work for me anyway. Someone could ask where I was but required to allways tell them is too controlling for me.

6. I would probably tell him anyway but again the requirment is too controlling.

7. Same thing as 5 and 6.

8. Let me do my own style and if you dont like it you dont have to date me.

9. I can agree on that to an extend.

10. I dont sing and if I would do my dancing publicly and on giggs, it is my decision and I dont want him to always be there. Too controlling.

[TheSpaceGnome]

1. No, no going on "dates" Id stay home and play video games with her, and spam funny memes in texts.
2. No, I will swear, and she will swear, for no reason whatsoever.
3. No, silly nonsense is fun.
4. Anklets are fine.
5. Any girl I date is automatically part of my friend group, which atm is mostly guys.
6. Only if the dress is skimpy, then I'd wanna see it on her.
7. This I agree with, always tell loved ones where you are in case of emergency.
8. Yeah but for safety reasons.
9. Yeah tattoos are gross.
10. I don't date party women, or go to parties. Singing is cool though.

[SeriouslyFunny00]

How come he has such authority all over you like a boss? Is he the president from North Korea to command you? I mean, there's nothing wrong with avoiding bad things, but why become someone who obeys him like a slave or something? Is this some kind of dom-sub roleplay? Lol.

[Gloree]

he doesn't control me. I don't feel controlled. he is caring

[Rangers]

If everyone followed these rules, marriage would be as successful and wonderful as it's been for the 20,000 years it was before the 1990s

But the question is whether I will honor those rules and my answers is "of course, I may be a piece of garbage but not THAT kind of garbage!"

[shades777]

Thst depends on the type of woman you are, personally I rather find the woman I want as she is.


For example instead of dating a morbidly obese women with a great personality, I would find a fit and healthy woman with a great personality.


You can't change people too much then they aren't themselves anymore. Get someone thats close enough

[Gent207-2]

How many red flags do you need before you RUN THE FUCK AWAY?

Goddamn

I mean seriously it's one thing to keep in touch for safety reasons but this borderline a dictatorship instead of a relationship lol

[arodriguez664]

Lol no 😂 too controlling for me. I swear like a sailor and have tattoos. I laugh loudly and at stupid shit all the time. My boyfriend loves who I am and wouldn't change me for anything ❤️

[asphaltrhymes]

👀👀 I couldn't handle that many rules. Personally. Neither would I ask them of her, or ask them of me.
But that's just "my" opinion 👍🏻🙃
So, each to their own 🥱

[lightbulb27]

everything except #6, although eventually should know. good rules to ensure communication, connection, honoring the relationship

[LazerBean]

You have to get permission from a mere boyfriend to buy a dress? LMAO. I'll pass.

[Gloree]

no. I will buy what I want but show him later. that's what I meant

[Agape93]

The first one I'm good with, I don't do that anyways. But the rest? No, controlling behavior automatically ends the relationship

[HighValue]

1, 2, 4, 5, 8, 9 all make sense to me for a successful exclusive LTR.

[Gloree]

but what is LTR?

[HighValue]

LTR = long term relationship.

[AimeeKyle]

Way too many rules. Whatever happened to the words self confidence and trust?

[noohair]

Are you serious. WoW!! He is a control freak. Doe he tell you what you can and cannot eat? Does he allow you to think. When will he start to control when you can breathe air?

[Gloree]

it's not as bad as you imagine it.

[noohair]

Ok,, ok?