Girls, do you find it easy to reject guys, or hard? Guys, are you conditioned to being rejected by girls or does it still effect (hurt) you?

Question

This question is referring to rejection regarding dating or marriage proposal and also applies to same sex as well, but just for making it simpler I am addressing it to heterosexual (straight) people in the wording of the basic question.

I am referring to the dating or marriage request scene where you turn someone down that you do not want to date or marry, or get turned down if you are the one asking.

Is it something that you have found to be easier to do over time, or to have done to you?

Do guys get rejected more then the girls?

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

Wow Lauriel, this is one of these rare coveted #GreatQuestions! Yes and No! Yes I don’t have any physical difficulties turning a guy down, however…. I find it gut wrenching if he really seems like a really nice guy! I hate turning guys down, and being even moderately attractive on a college campus, you get asked out a LOT! I’ve seen girls who give the hand up, palm towards his face, “No! Not interested” or worse the bitches who just say “Ewww no! Fuck off!”! I cannot understand why anyone could be so cold, and borderline evil, like that? It doesn’t hurt one bit to just be polite, hear him out, and then just thank him, tell him “it’s such a compliment, but I just got out of a bad relationship and I am really not ready to date right now”, and then say “but thank you so much”? Because that’s basically what I do and it’s amazingly easy!

Babygirl_S · Accepted Answer

I find it hard to reject nice guys so I stay friends with them. I don't want them to think I absolutely dislike them. It gets even harder when some guy sends a crying emoji.

MrOracle · Answer

I voted D. But it's not like I'm completely unaffected by rejection - rejection is NEVER fun. What DID happen, is that, by my early 20s (which was still years too late in my book), I learned PERSPECTIVE and that rejection is just part of the game, and not to take it too seriously or personally. I also learned that rejection isn't going to kill me, or even just kill my spirit. Part of that is not allowing yourself to invest too much into another person before you know how they feel about you, and another part is to approach them and find out the answer to that question sooner rather than later. The longer you wait, the harder it is if they reject you - and the better it is if they say "yes!"

SecretsofKB · Answer

So I always have felt awkward turning men down even though I'm gay. I hate making people feel awkward or uncomfortable.

And I try to be as nice as I can, unless they just don't stop which I have had happen before.

YouaskedBrian · Answer

I believe men are conditioned to expect rejection. It's that hunter/provider/protector DNA we have that forces us to keep trying in spite of rejection. I also believe rejection has become more brutal as the world continues becoming more shallow. Just generalizing. I'm sure there are plenty out there that don't fit the mold, but mainstream tells us women are asking us for so much more than we can reasonable be. So yeah, I again, we're conditioned for failure. However, for me, I know my value and my worth. I know my strengths and weaknesses. In the short time we have on this planet, I am here to be happy with my life. I'm not here to be that thing or provide that thing that makes you happy in yours. So I'm patient and only ask when I know I'm into her and it feels like mirroring back to me. Someone who is already secure in herself and doesn't require me to be her happiness. Find someone like that for real, and I believe you have to hold on to that with everything you have got. It's precious and doesn't come around often.

meetkitty123 · Answer

Oh rejection sucks 😞. It sucks when having to be the one who rejects and when being rejected.
Though honestly I have to say as far as rejecting someone I don't have too much experience on turning someone down because they've asked me out I don't know if that's because I do my hardest to make sure that if I'm sensing someone likes me and I know I do not want to date them I begin to slowly withdraw from them so not to lead them on. Basically another rule I have I would never flirt with someone who I would not ever consider dating. Now where I do have the hardest time with as far as rejecting someone is when I'm trying to end a relationship. I hate hurting people I'm sorry but the term heartbreaker as far as I go is not something I want to be considered.
Now turning the tables being the one who's rejected oh certainly yes it sucks I'm not going to lie it hurts it's a bit of a blow to the ego. I'll sulk for a little bit but I do pick myself back up brush myself off straighten my spine lift my chin and keep on going. I've had guys break up with me I've had guys turn me down for dates and I even was rejected for a proposal or not answered... Or They beat around the bush... Basically a rejection... Sigh 😔 the gold wedding band/engagement ring with diamonds was not refundable. Oh well 🤷. I guess I should really work up on my proposing skills lol 🙈 😆 (what an awkward embarrassing and hurtful moment)

globetrotter22 · Answer

Men have to get used to rejection. Similar to being a door to door salesman (who works on commission only) we are expected to keep trying or we starve.

So how do you turn down a door to door salesman when you are not interested in what he sells? Especially knowing he’s working purely on commission?

Here is what you should never do (if he’s polite)

1. Never slam the door on him.
2. Never get annoyed and yell at him to get off your porch or you are calling the cops.
3. Never tell him his sales pitch and/or product sucks and he should quit.
4. Never threaten him with your dog and/or gun since he’s ”encroaching” on your private property.
5. Last but not least never ever lead him on and waste his time. That is act interested when your not (but you like the attention). Never waste his time asking him tons of questions when you already made your mind up or too chickenshit to tell him your not interested. Do not as him to “call you” later to follow up. Do not make him go through all the song and dance just to waste his energy when he could of used that time/energy on a customer who really was interested.

Ladies number 5 is EXACTLY what the friendzone is. It’s a guy working your ass off for no commission. Most salesmen would prefer number 1 above over number 5 when it comes down to it. Wasting a guys time and energy is very disrespectful. Do you think a salesman is satisfied with you just talking to him if he can’t close a deal.

Anyway what is the best way to turn down the salesman? Say thank you but politely tell him your not interested. He might be semi disappointed but he can quickly move on to the next door. Most salesmen won’t lose their tempers when being politely rejected nor will most guys. So why is that so many women can’t get that?

Being a door to door salesman is a tough job. Always respect the position the guy is in when he has to stick his neck out.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I've been rejected so often, I've gotten to the point where I almost expect it so it doesn't hurt me anymore. It still does, to a degree but, I do pretty well in trying not to let it bug me, anymore. For the most part, I don't even bother trying, anymore!! Like that video I posted here 2 days ago, GIRLS don't even know what the fuck they want and, most often, it's slathered in superficiality!! If they want me, they'll come to ME! What's the point in blowing every chord you've got on them to win them over and you can't even get a fucking handshake out of them?
Sally: came after ME! Okay, I wanted her but I never chased her! She was all over me from day 1!!
Carol: I had a big crush on for about 2 years but, she was my guitarist's girlfriend and I wasn't about to break them up. I'm not into that. I championed them getting married!! As soon as they did, he found some flimsy bullshit excuse to drop her and run and she ended up coming after me.
Anu: I met her by accident after a gig I played and, as she was trying to get away from her best friend, a lezzie, who was trying to get into her pants, she zeroed in on me. A week or two later, we bumped into each other on the street and she invited me to her place for pizza and a talk about music. Within 2 or 3 weeks, we were passionate lovers. I didn't chase her, she chased me! 10 years later, she started chasing another guy!!

SkyCastle90 · Answer

Personally, I found it difficult turning people down. I use to be blunt, but I guess I came off as a bitch instead of honest, because I got a lot aggressive replies that startled me. So avoid unnecessary anger from the guy, I either feign ignorance or just be polite as possible.

Politeness
Guy: Oh you're cute. Are you free next Saturday?
Me: Oh fiancé and I are going to the fair that day, I'm sorry. Thank you for asking.

Feign Ignorance
Guy: You're mighty fine there.
Me: Oh thank you, I got these pants are Kohls. Can you believe it was 80% off? Like I couldn't believe it I got such a deal. Blah blah blah.

It works because I'm either thanking him for his bravery or I come off as oblivious and undesirable. I wish I could be blunt and walk away, but sometimes you guys can be scary.

DenizLikesTennis · Answer

This is a very meaningful thread to me as I went through this (multiple times or even more) and developed severe depression and social anxiety until I understood that everything you force, it backfires.

When I was young (17-22) I'd believe the more women you approach, the higher the likelihood for a potential girlfriend.

shaysh87 · Answer

why do guys get rejected more?

its because guys are more sexual beings. Men go out of their way to seek out women more because men have significantly higher sex drives than women. When you go out to seek more, you will get rejected more. If you seek less , you get rejected less. Women do not need men as much as men need women. It has nothing to do with women being conditioned to rejecting guys. Its because women simply are not as desperate as men.

And as for the notion that men are less picky: Reality is, men are less picky as long as the woman is young. A man would rather date a chubby woman in her 30s than a thin , in shape woman who looks 43. Men do not have lower standards than women. Its just that men have different criteria compared to women.

TenderFantasy · Answer

Rejection hurts for sure but I think it would depend on who it is or where it's coming from. It's hard not to take interpersonal rejections badly, but what can you do? I've learned I can only control my half of the court. Also, I think the lower your self-esteem, the more you can get affected by rejection. Like if other bad things are happening in your life and whatnot. But yeah, I think in life you just HAVE to develop a thicker, stronger "skin" if you want to survive this thing called life haha.

Anonymous · Answer

I will say, rejection is never fun and can be a bummer. But as time went on and I started dating more rejection became easier and I've learned that there's nothing wrong with me it's just that I'm not for everyone and in some cases I see it as a dodged bullet. I find it hard to reject guys that are nice, but I always just tell them straight up and I usually say "Im sorry I'm not interested" or "Omg thanks so much for asking me, but I really don't see you in a romantic way". Even after I tell them that I still feel a little guilty but if I don't like them there's nothing I can do and I wouldn't force myself to date someone I don't like because its not fair to me or them. I'd say guys and girls get rejected the same amount.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Being used to rejection doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. This is the reason post-liberation only 14% of women have EVER asked a man out and a negligible percentage claim to do so as the norm. Men do get rejected more because we are socialized to make the first move. But that’s changing now because men are losing their livelihoods and going to jail for attempting to initiate an exchange. It’s not worth the risk. So it’s probably time for women to start making the first move.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Getting rejected when I just take a shot in the dark is easy. Getting rejected if feelings are involved is a hard pill to swallow but I swallow it none the less.

I hate, hate having to reject a woman if she seems sweet. It sucks knowing you are about to crush someone.

The first couple of rejections I got in life were brutal. The girls (I was a teen) were straight up mean about it. Completely crushed my confidence. Took years to not tie my self worth to the opinion of another.

wheresmrcunnunglis · Answer

I dont find it hard to reject at all. I am polite but stern with it as some take a polite rejection as a maybe and thats a big no no for me.
I've been rejected by guys so I understand the courage it takes to go out of ones way to ask them out. but I dont push if they decline my invitation. Its never cute.

erandal · Answer

It is something I got better at as I got older. Now I don't just reject guys because I am cruel or anything and I usually politely reject any advances, especally now I am married. Most of this was when I was single and actively looking for a man, of it be for a night or longer..

CourtneyJane2 · Answer

I find it easy to reject guys. I know exactly what I want and I'm not a people pleaser. I've had men throw spoiled child tantrums when I rejected them, which turned me on even more because it shows a real lack of maturity on his part.

Whenever I get rejected, it does sting a little but I just move on because dating and seduction is a numbers game and everyone will experience rejection at one time or another.

TallAnon · Answer

Let's be honest here. By now a lot of us know that who does and doesn't like us comes down to mainly chance. That's why we've gone with the shotgun method more and more. You ask 100 girls, 5 may like you. You ask 1000 girls, 50 may like you. You do that every day, eventually one you actually like will like you. I've probably initiated a conversation with at least.. 5000? 10000? Women by now, on the internet. The first one gets you anxious, the tenth you forget after an hour. After a thousand, who did I message today? Ah well.

Now this is on the extreme side, mainly because I got quite popular in Asia and I had ~100 women match with me on a local dating app every day. (Tall and blonde does it, all they see)

loveslongnails · Answer

I haven't been outright "rejected" since college because I don't just throw myself out there to see if I'll get a yes. If I want to get with somebody, I'll get to know them first and I'll be able tell if they're into it. If I don't get the vibe that they even want to get to know me, then I back off. I don't throw hail mary's anymore. LOL

Lionman95 · Answer

I´m so used getting rejected that I´m not sure how to handle the situation if a woman actually said yes. Like that´s going to be the most awkward moment in my life.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

I am taken now, but I honestly got used to it, but the majority of the turn downs involved either ghosting me, saying they had a boyfriend, when you get used to it you practically expect it to keep happening.

Girls, do you find it easy to reject guys, or hard? Guys, are you conditioned to being rejected by girls or does it still effect (hurt) you?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Girls, do you find it easy to reject guys, or hard? Guys, are you conditioned to being rejected by girls or does it still effect (hurt) you?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.