She went through my phone while I was sleeping and noticed that I still had photos of my ex girlfriend saved which were nudes and couple photos in my gmail photos. My phone has no lock so anybody can go through it and I don’t have anything to hide. I didn’t know they were saved but they are basically part of my backup and get saved automatically. I explained this to her that google photos saves automatically but she was so pissed off that she hit me on my face with her water bottle full of water which is made out of metal. She cut open my lip and she started apologizing as soon as it happened. I’ve been ignoring her because I didn’t know what to do. I kicked her out and she did research on google photos herself and realized I was telling the truth about how google photos saves automatically and I didn’t know those pics were there. I have at least a thousand photos…
Updates
1 y
I forgot to mention that I actually really like her and we have insane chemistry. We have similar goals and are perfect for each other. Ugh.
Been dating a girl for about four months and she hit me during our first argument. Is that a red flag and should I walk away? Will this continue?
All abusers say that. All abusers apologise and promise to never do it again. But guess what? They always do.
She had the heart to do that. She has it inside her, that’s why she hit you in the first place. So what’s gonna stop her from doing it a second, third, fourth, fifth time? She said it herself, she gets ‘mad mad’. Do you want someone with anger issues like that?
Run because she is no good. She’s manipulating you in those texts, clear as day. What kinda person offers sex the way she just did? How does that make everything better? That’s classless.
This is a major, major red flag and it’s super worrying. She will hit you again, I promise. You need to get out before you get caught in the cycle and have your life ruined. Who knows what she’s capable of. Please be careful. You deserve better than that.
I would never, ever hit my boyfriend. Ever. It just wouldn’t happen. I don’t get ‘mad mad’ like that. In that situation I would cry and be hurt, not hitting someone. That’s not right. And she wouldn’t even listen to reason.
Imagine if someone hit your mum, or you sister or a girl friend of yours? Would you think that’s okay? It’s no different in your situation, just because you’re a guy.
You deserve so much better than that. Please look after yourself.
My father was abusive. The first time he hurt my mum, he apologised. He said sorry and promised to never do it again.
She was young and in her early twenties, a single mum of 2 little girls. She was naive and didn’t realise men could do this.
The next time her hurt her, he apologised. He said sorry and all was forgiven.
He hurt her again and again and again. He apologised every time, begging for forgiveness and promising to fix it.
Hitting her eventually turned into hitting my older sisters. He abused the hell out of them. They were bruised and battered.
I remember one of my older sisters beatings. She was bruised from head to toe and so scared. I still remember the sounds and it makes me feel sick.
When I was 4 years old, my dad smashed a glass frame over my head. I lost so much blood and my mum wasn’t allowed to call an ambulance. I still have a nasty scar on my head from it, along with bumps and dents all over my skull. You can feel them if you run your hands over.
My mum was chocked, beaten, hit, kicked, thrown, assaulted and abused. She was scared, her mental state was beaten down and she didn’t know what to do.
He used to beat our dogs too and they’re still so scared.
What I’m about to say is not meant to blame my mum in the slightest. I just want to get this through to you: he said sorry and he did it again. Over and over again. All you have to do is leave the first time. Please leave.
It’s okay. My sisters and mum went through a lot more than I did, being older and with him for longer. Please do take it. I hope everything turns out okay.
It’s the reddest flag there is, she assaulted you, no matter what the reason is. Plus she’s also being manipulative by diminishing what happened “it’s just I get mad mad”, “I can’t lose you over something stupid like this”. If she flipped out over something “stupid” like this then it’s only gonna get worse from here on. Please do not tolerate her abusive behavior and leave.
Putting your hands on someone for anything other than self defense is NEVER ok, be it a woman or a man. That is someone who has terrible, unaddressed anger management issues, mental health problems and do not need to be dating anyone until they get the help they very much need. The first time is only a gateway to many more, and forgiving her even once is like giving her the green light, no matter how she swears it’ll never happen again. Since you posted this yesterday, I’m not sure what you’ve ultimately decided to do, but all I can really say is that I hope you paid no mind to the comments saying some variation of “one time is ok”, because it’s never once and will only happen again in a matter of time. Hopefully you decided to leave her, cut off contact and move past that situation. You can do so much better.
Even when my ex-fiancé lied for months about his immigration, got us turned away twice, and made me so upset I was woken up by a panic attack so severe I had visual hallucinations, I did not ever consider harming him.
She has anger management issues. Being "mad" is no excuse to bash you across the face with a mini bat (if I'm thinking of the type of waterb ottle it sounds like).
You're fully within your rights to press charges, if you wanted.
She's got a lot more maturing to do before you can trust her to be safe.
Get out. She's going to get worse.
Please keep yourself safe. Unfortunately men get the short end of the stick with this. Take photos, keep your texts, document everything. Be overcautious.
I've been cheated on and lied to and I still would never physically harm someone I love. I'd rather stab my own heart (and I hate pain, I'm a wuss, so that's a big deal for me).
Please get out, please be safe. You'll find someone who truly loves you. But it ain't this bitch.
It doesn't matter what you were arguing about, hitting your partner is never okay. This is a genuine case of DV, and if you don't walk away now it will continue to get worse and worse.
Also, the fact that she told you that she won't let the relationship end (as if she's the only one who can decide) and called what she did a "stupid mistake" should be sending up red flags immediately. Also the fact that her fallback was to offer you sex, that's not only manipulative but semi-sociopathic. Finally, the fact that she was even going through your phone while you were asleep in the first place... ALARM BELLS.
Red Flag #1: snooping through your phone Red Flag #2: excessive jealousy Red Flag #3: physically abusive Red Flag #4: uses sexual enticement to get what she wants
The snooping through phone stuff is what chicks do when they're thinking about or have been cheating..."He's keeping stuff on his phone because that's what I would do."
So she finds something and starts a fight over it... probably woke you up, just to fight about it. She thought she found what she was looking for. Stright up, she sounds possessive. "I won't accept breaking up over this." That sounds pretty gnarly... was it a threat and has she given subtle threats about what will happen if... type stuff in the past? That's a question you should ask yourself. Like, does she keep a lock on her phone? If you go near her phone, does she go into panic mode? That's some more questions you should ask yourself.
Depends, some guys have choices, many don't and accept what they can get. A little abuse from women is normal, I'd certainly rather have a women that hits than one that manipulates. Emotional damage is harder to heal than a few bruises.
If you have options, you might consider leaving. If you're like most guys you need to weigh this against the truly horrible dating environment and the real possibility of never dating again and being alone the rest of your life.
No no no! Hitting is not OK, manipulation is not OK! Don't sell yourself so short that you're willing to take abuse! No one should have to take abuse!! You're worth more
Her hitting you is a red flag, but it's not the only red flag.
She immediately tried to change your mind, instead of respecting you wanting space. That's called manipulation. Red flag.
"I wanted to cry when I found out that I hit you that bad." She's saying that she gets to decide what level of physical abuse is and isn't ok. Red flag.
"I won't accept a breakup over this" You aren't her property, so that's not her choice to make. Red flag.
"I won't loose you over something stupid like this." She's saying that you're overreacting and implying that she did nothing wrong. Red flag.
"I'm sorry I hit you but when I get angry, I get angry." Not once did she say it wouldn't happen again, she's basically telling you that when she gets angry, it WILL happen again. Red flag.
Pretty much what I would have listed, and I want to add, also, at the beginnig of everything: she browsed your phone without your permission. This is a red flag too, before anything happened... Why would a girlfriend browse your phone if you don't have anything to hide? Why to be this invasive/possessive? I would be so mad at -this- oh my god, I would break up I guess. And yeah I agree with the last line. She will react violently again and tried to justify herself as if this is her nature, asking you to understand. This wasn't an "incident" or "just a mistake" that you can repair with blowjobs, this is the outcome of a person who works in -that way- and who does such things in tense situations. Keep your holy space with jealousy until you sort out what you want to do with her... And you can keep it forever, as much as you decide. Another tip: forgiving her will mean that you allow this standard of things. So even if you come back to her, I think things couldn't (shouldn't) be the same anymore, because your trust would be lowered and you would need to keep your boundaries and space solid with many more measures. She would have to understand and to accept the new standard SHE set, in response of the person she is.
"If you ever were to have a daughter with a woman, ask yourself, would you be ok with your daughter growing up to be exactly like her mother?" - advice from my dad that stuck with me.
Yes, this is a red flag. And yes, she will continue to hit you. Doesn't matter how much she apologizes. The part where she succumbs to giving you sexual favours in return for your forgiveness is just lame and pathetic. In the first place, why is she even snooping around in your phone? Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't even respect you in the first place?
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Asker
1 y
She uses it to play games on my iPhone. She has an old android
If you hit her, just bare open handed what would have happened? What would you expect her to do? If this was your friend asking you this exact question what would you tell him/her? Telling you that their other was going through their phone, and the quick "Its my fault for not having a lock on my phone" and other justifications. How would that really sound to you.
Its good you asked for time. Its good that the action gets an immediate "punishment". Don't give in and keep the distance while you meditate on this. In reality only you can make this call. I don't think people should be totally condemned for even major mistakes. But look for signs of habitual conduct. I think the answer from the male Anonymous (18-24) brings out some other red flags you should consider. Use the time you are taking away from her to consider these questions he brought up.
" You are lucky because I'm giving you another chance.. but if you EVER do that again, don't expect me to be around to accept your apology.. You and me will be 100% over.. do you understand? NO.. I'm serious... Do you understand? "
Textbook narcissist. Run away before she gets you like Amber Heard got Johnny Depp. "I won't accept a breakup over this" is incredibly sinister word choice considering she just physically assaulted you. Take photos for evidence in case she makes false claims about you being the abuser.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
This shouldn't even be a question. Men need to acquire much higher standards and solid boundaries. This girl should be out of your life already, blocked, deleted and avoided at all cost. Her offering sexual favors as a bargaining chip is even more of a redflag...
Reverse the genders and the guy could even be facing charges, in jail, have an injunction against him, or more. She could ruin your whole life very easily.
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Opinion Owner
1 y
'I forgot to mention that I actually really like her and we have insane chemistry. We have similar goals and are perfect for each other. Ugh. '
That is the trap of the scarcity mindset. Regardless of this, there are billions of other girls on the planet. It is your scarcity mindset that will keep you in a toxic situation. Your choice is to walk away and learn this the easy way, or remain and learn this the hard way while losing self esteem, health, and other aspects in the process.
Note that when you listen to the victims of violence or DMV, often many will say exactly the same thing.
She sounds like my mom! My mom is a narcissistic control maniac. That's why she was divorced 2x and lives alone in an assisted living complex. She has a very funny, outgoing personality, but once u get to know her, ur trapped. Get out man. GET OUT!
She is quite short tempered. She just lost her cool and thats normal for short tempered people (I know 'cause I am short tempered as well). I suggest you rethink about the relationship and make sure you are really happy in it. I was in a relationship, I was not happy with but continued to stay and it got worse and broke up.
The bigger red flag for me is that she offers sex to resolve this rather than acknowledging she has a problem. She needs to address her problem of "when I get mad, I get mad, mad."
If she was then she wouldn’t hit you? Anyone with common sense knows to not abuse their partner. They don’t need to hit me twice for me to leave. Boy the second a person raises their hand to you, just leave.
Fuck, who are the pussies telling you to break up? She had her (perceived) reason to get angry AND she did not mean to hurt you since she apologized immediately. She already apologized, you should also apologize for not taking her apologies.
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Opinion Owner
1 y
A real man would give her a good fucking and get over it.
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