What does this mean and how long should I tolerate this from her?

Question

Back story: There’s this girl that I’ve been crushing on for a while. When we first met I was sure she was interested but I kinda let things die down; I used to reply late then she got petty and it became this toxic thing of who can reply later till it died (my fault I know). Fast forward to current day I’m 90% sure she knows I like her (damn near obsessed even) and now I’m really trying to apply pressure to get her or at least get closer to her.
. I sent her a voice note talking about how we should have a “light catch up” and that I’ve been thinking about her during the summer and stuff. She’s down to meet up this week but over text she seems kinda disinterested and takes a whole day to reply even though I’m replying in due time.
. Should I take this as test? Should I tolerate it because I was the one that was fumbling since and she’s getting back at me? And if so how long? Or should I simply take it as signs she’s not interested? A lot more could be said about the whole timeline but this is a summary.

Inbox · Accepted Answer

What happened was that she felt rejected when you were replying too late (it was a sign of low or disinterest in her POV). Women are like cats - they come and go as they please... At this point, you're chasing her (your interest is much higher than hers and she sounds like a young girl). As you get older, sometimes girls (or guys) don't get back to you for a whole day or even weeks because life is much more busy.

At this point, I would just tell her "Hey X! It's good to hear from you, but let me know when you're free!," or if she's being flaky when you try to pin down a date either do NOT respond or simply say "Hey X! It's good to hear from you, but just let me know if you change your mind" and simply move on to other girls.

When you are obsessing over one girl, it's a sign that you to meet other women because when you start obsessing, it means you'll probably get needy and neediness is one of things that makes a woman close her legs quickly.

At this point, she KNOWS that you want her more than she wants you most likely - your job is to show her that I am valuing my time and self respect by no longer chasing. This will tell her that you are possibly moving on (maybe even found someone else) and that will show scarcity and make things urgent on her part to move things forward with you (if she is still interested - she'll either move things forward with you or she won't). You must come from a place of indifference and the way you start is by approaching other girls/going out with them (also known as "abundance") and leaving the ball in her court from now on.

Vegasrunner · Accepted Answer

I'm guessing you have limited experience w/ women. Sounds like you kinda understand what you need to do but aren't sure how to apply the tactics. You didn't do anything wrong by replying late, in fact it probably helped you. You're voice note was OK, but you should have just called her. The "light catch up" phrase is wack. Be a man and tell her what you're trying to do, you're attempting to avoid rejection because you're thinking more like a woman. Here's how you fix this.

Set a date and time for the meet immediately. Then don't contact her at all, only 1 of 3 things can happen.

1. She reaches out and cancels

2. She doesn't show up

3. She shows up

All of these are good for you.

justkoala · Accepted Answer

In this situation, it's essential to approach it with patience and understanding. It's possible that her disinterest in text conversations or delayed responses might not necessarily be a "test" or a way of getting back at you.

However, it's also crucial to pay attention to her actions when you meet up in person. Face-to-face interactions can provide a clearer picture of her level of interest. If she agrees to meet in person, it could indicate that she's at least open to spending time with you and getting to know you better.

Rather than trying to decipher her texts, focus on building a connection during your face-to-face meeting. Be yourself, engage in meaningful conversation, and see how she responds in person. If she continues to show disinterest or lack of engagement during your meet-up, it might be an indication that she's not as interested as you hoped.

Ultimately, the key is open and honest communication. If you feel comfortable, you can express your feelings and intentions during your catch-up, but be prepared for any response, whether it's positive or not. Remember that you can't control someone else's feelings or interest, and it's essential to respect their boundaries and decisions.

Adaeva · Accepted Answer

You may be a backup option for when there is no one else. However, that is not how a girl acts when she is into a guy. Nevertheless, you should continue to spend money on her because that will get some more talking time with her.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

Maybe it’s just me but you are interested in a girl and the defining characteristic of this whole dynamic is this petty game of when to text who and how long after being text and how much interest to show and so on. Seems to me it always has a wobbly foundation. I’d just move on and learn from the whole experience.

Anonymous · Answer

you both are in your mid to late 20's... why are we still playing this texting game? i did that back in high school... i don't think she's that interested and if this turned into a relationship, you'd have a lot of problems. either you or her need to mature. and i'm pretty sure she's the one that needs to mature more than you.

no need to play mind games

Nirmroth · Answer

The problem lies in a keyword in your post "pressure". This smells like desperation and its the best way to keep just about any women far away from you.

you're starting to loose yourself and your pride my guy. She is showing low if no interest and yet you're chasing her.

Do you guys at least flirt? Did you ask her out on something yet? If you want to be something more than just a text pal, you have to be a man and act.

Flower7 · Answer

It seems that she’s no longer interested. Most likely because you were replying so late.

Anonymous · Answer

Dude--communicating on text with a girl is good for one thing and one thing ONLY--meeting up. There should be ZERO drama in this communication: either you meet up or you don't. There's literally NOTHING to think about. Tell her you want to meet up when and where. Either she says yes and shows up or she doesn't. It's that simple. There's nothing toxic, there are no battles, it doesn't matter when anyone replies to anything. All that matter is: 1) did YOU make CLEAR when and where you are to meet, and 2) did she confirm and then show up.

From that measure, it would seem the problem here so far is that you haven't done 1) yet at any step. Make a clear request in ONE message. Don't ask her if she'd be fine with you asking one day if she'd be fine with catching up. FUCKING ASK HER TO MEET UP AT A SPECIFIC TIME IN A SPECIFIC PLACE!

Anonymous · Answer

Dude she isn't interested.

You're only chance, and it's not a guarantee, is for you stop contacting her. Wait for her to contact you. When she does, hold off on texting. Do not reply. Let her text you again, later in the day, or another day before you reply. Don't start your text by saying sorry I didn't reply quicker, and all that horse shit. You don't have to give a reason. If she wanted to meet you, some otbe day at some time, tell her you busy then, and that you going to be busy until <his day and time> let her lead in asking you.

It's a good chance this doesn't happen in this manner as maybe she has some other dude strung around her finger. If that's the case, move on

Finchie40 · Answer

She is unsure on how you truly feel about her since you didn’t make her your priority , so it’s your job to admit you were wrong of you truly like this girl , if you want her to trust and respect you you have some work to do my man or she is just going to assume you are playing her

LiamJHayden · Answer

Tolerate?

"I used to reply late then she got petty"
"over text she seems kinda disinterested and takes a whole day to reply"

She's doing to you what you did to her. You sound like you are perfect for each other.

WhitneySnow · Answer

She may not really be interested or she might just be a bad texter. Talk to her by voice chat or in person and see if she still seems uninterested.

lorenzomichael · Answer

Listen I get it. But you should try this the straight up approach call her don't text and tell her "you want to meet up at Starbucks and you'll buy her a coffee and just talk no pressure." Then tell her to please get back with you because you don't want to waste her time. Then hang up. If she don't respond to you in a reasonable amount of time. Forget it and move on.. Don't be a pussy and be some sweet nice guy because those guys finish last with nothing to show for their sweetness.

SakuraBlossoms87 · Answer

What ARE you crying about? You're the one that started this toxic behavior, she's just returning the favour.

Be a man - get a spine - and move on. You're so up & down with your mindset it's almost like biopolarism.

Momma-404 · Answer

If she’s playing these games with you, she’s not that into you. Especially at the ages y'all are at? It’s time to grow up

slatyb · Answer

Sounds like she's not that interested but since you haven't asked her for a date she's not making it clear.  Ask her to dinner and find out whether she has any interest in you.

averageJosh · Answer

Dude. How about you start over and shoot for a successful relationship and TALK to HER. "Hey, I want to make a go if this and it's a out off to have you respond 12-24 hrs after I text you. Is it me? Should we just not? Let me know."

magiusX26 · Answer

you blew your, probably only, chance. take the loss and move on.

DextroShade · Answer

Sounds like she doesn't have genuine desire for you, which means she won't give you her best. You should move on.

Anonymous · Answer

Crushing?

DreamLife7 · Answer

What do you mean tolerate? Lol she's not interested in you and has shown you that. You're the one hounding her.

Staximus · Answer

You played stupid games and now you are winning the stupid prizes

JesseP1nk · Answer

I think she is no longer intrested and probably thinking "Wtf does he want with this meeting"

What does this mean and how long should I tolerate this from her?

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What does she expect from me and how can I deal with this?

What does this mean and how long should I tolerate this from her?

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What does she expect from me and how can I deal with this?

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