My boyfriend has been struggling a lot with personal problems, that he won’t even share with me. He said he feels like if he expresses feelings I’ll leave him like everyone else did. Which is not the case, I’ve tried to reassure him that it’s 100% acceptable to have feelings as a man and there is no shame in them. The last two weeks have been rough for us, as he went back to his home state to visit his son. Something happened while he was down there that he won’t disclose with me, but it seems to be significant. It’s taken a huge toll on how he’s acting towards me. He’s short and dry in his responses and posting sad stuff on his story. I didn’t know what I did wrong or if it was me and that was taking a toll on my mental health because I’m panicking and worrying if I did something to upset him. Today I finally asked point blank what was going on, and to my surprise he shared a little. He said he felt like we both pulled away and need to work on things. My response was are these things stuff we need to work on with or without each other? And he stated that he doesn’t know, he loves me but things need to be worked on. I said okay well I will give you space, I love you and I’m here of you need me. You’ll be in my prayers and he responded with you’ll be in mine too. We haven’t spoken today since, but I have noticed he has gone through and deleted all of our saved snaps and conversations. Keep in mind he’s not the type to cheat before you go convincing me that there’s another woman. Early on in our relationship we established we’d tell each other if we found someone else, plus he’s been cheated on before and is not the type to put someone else through that. Does he sound like a man who doesn’t love me and want to be with me? Or does it sound like he’s struggling internally and needs to work on himself a bit? How long should I wait? Should I reach out first or should he? What do I do? Is space a bad thing or will it help us? Did I do the wrong thing by offering it?
Is giving each other space a bad thing? Does it mean you no longer love each other and no longer be together? How do I know if he’ll come back?
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If he has a small son, I don’t want to say he’s cheating but I do wonder if him and the BM had some sort of conversation or something happened between them. It’s a scenario you have to at least consider because otherwise why since then has he gotten colder, shorter, and started deleting your things off Snapchat? Covering your ears and La La La’ing your way around that possibility. In any case you should have a conversation with him about what comes next. Like he said things need to be worked on, so is that what he wants to do? Or does he want this space you offered? It’s better to have that clarity so you can act accordingly.
He seemed to take the space offered, and there’s always that possibility. He does talk bad about her often, which could mean he still has feelings for her. But from what I understand they did talk while he was down there but it definitely wasn’t positive, she was asking him to do things like turn his location on while his son was in his care and so on and so forth. But from what I heard she’s not a good mom and that’s been bugging him a lot. A year or so ago they had a court case to challenge who gets custody and the state said that unless they catch her doing meth there’s no chance that he’ll ever have full custody even though he had stacks of information proving how bad of a mom she was. I think that’s what eats him up about it, because he’s a great dad. And his son is always asking and begging to live with him and he can’t
I think he wants space to work on things himself. And I don’t have an issue with that, I’ve been there sometimes self healing is the best option. Loving yourself and being in the right mind frame for a relationship is important. And I know there’s things I need to work on too. I’m just really worried that if I give him this space he won’t come back. He’s the type of person to be extremely blunt about not wanting to be together, not the string you along type. So part of me thinks it will work out and the other insecure part of me is worried he won’t come back, or he’ll find someone better
Yeah, like I said, I’m not pointing the finger and calling him a cheater, but clearly something transpired and who knows if he’s being 100% about the whole situation. It’s easy to paint her as this mega-villain when when he knows you will probably only ever get one side of the story.
I just find it very interesting what a drastic change has happened since he got back, and that’s the only reason why I’m having this perspective. My partner is in a baby mama drama situation with his young son too, so I understand relying on trust and being confident in what they say, I do get where you’re coming from in that aspect, even down to the drugs. Anyway, it’s important to have peace of mind no matter what. You can’t hang in limbo, waiting however long to see what happens next — that is torture, it’s stressful, it’s too much. I genuinely think that rather than giving him this “space” at the cost of your own mental health, you should ask him what comes next. Because honestly, what is the break supposed to accomplish? Some epiphany? It’s not hard for him to know whether or not your relationship is worth trying for. It’s also not fair for him to put you through this. You don’t have to press up on him or pressure him, it’s just asking for clarification so that you aren’t waiting around in pain.
Also, I think you need to put more value on your presence in someone else’s life. Just as you worry he could go off and find better, he should have that same fear of losing you, if not more so. If he isn’t afraid to lose you, then there’s really nothing to fight for. No matter how much you love him, love yourself more.
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