My boyfriend's family said they will disown him if he marries me. He still wants to get married anyway. What should I do?

[DermalPunch]

He doesn't want the girl they picked for him because even though she's pretty he said she's a fake and jealous person.

Regardless, of whether they are pushing a girl on him or not, they think he wants a human vacuum cleaner but he wants a partner he can have fun with and doesn't just agree with him and serve him. He wants someone who will light a fire under his ass.

Also, his mom wants a girl she can exert control over.

So he just told me that basically him and his whole family are in a war about it. I mean I said I understand if he has to pick them but he said he isn't going anywhere.

Updates

+1 y

G@G is choosing MHOs I didn't pick!

[Screenwriter]

Unless you two are going to live in another state and won't see or interact with his family, I'd advise against it. And what exactly does "disowning" him entail? Is he rich and doesn't have to work and disowning him will render him destitute?

Or is he able to make a living independent of this family? Does he have a poor relationship with his family to begin with, independent of his potential marriage to you?

If the former is the case, I'd be somewhat worried about that also. He's in his mid- or late thirties and his parents are insisting who they want him to marry? Seems pretty draconian, unless there's some giant inheritance in the offing.

But, marrying under such negative circumstances worries me. Is marrying you giving his parents the finger? Do you WANT to be in the middle of such a negative situation?

At some future date do you want to hear, "I married you despite the fact that my parents didn't want me to, and I lost all the money due to me because of it."

That's an awful overarching burden. Money is one of the top reasons people divorce. I wouldn't want to start my marriage with money being taken from my husband and familial relations being soured because of me. It's a bad start..

HOWEVER, if you're going to be far away and he has independent income, you might be OK. Have lots of long, serious discussions and see if this rift between his parent and himself can be healed. In-laws don't have to love you, but toleration is a minimal requirement. What happens when you have children? When he needs some of that inheritance?

I think he needs to work on his parents before you seal this deal and see if he can make headway. Family is usually key to good relations in a long marriage. Money is too.

, Good luck.

[DermalPunch]

Most of what you said doesn't apply.

[Screenwriter]

I'm just stabbing in the dark since you didn't give a lot of reasons why this situation exists. I might be more on point if you did. What DOES apply?

[DermalPunch]

I'm not in North america and it is honestly a whole drama with cultural overtones that have to be explained.

[Screenwriter]

OK. Sounds very complicated. Good Luck, though, in any case.

[DermalPunch]

It is and it isn't. Thank you

[Alwayreckles93]

Absolutely right.

[shyman87]

I might be the only girl who replies to this, but here's my opinion...

I think you should definitely marry him! After all, it's your lives and future you're talking about and not his parent's reputation. If you both think this is a mutual decision, don't worry about what others have to say. If you both believe you're happy with each other, then go ahead and marry each other. Don't let other's opinions show you up!

I'm tellin' you girl--YOU. GOT. THIS!!!

Don't doubt the spark you and your boyfriend have! Live your best life, and have no regrets!

[shyman87]

@DermalPunch Thank you for the MHO :) I also hope you and your boyfriend work it out! Best regards to the both of you!

[Moose304]

I will be 100% honest here and say I have seen this crap happen several times in my 64 years on this planet. Only 1 time did it end well. A family tie can be VERY strong, especially if there is money involved and time DOES NOT diminish it. Back about 25 or so years ago a man I knew of said this to his daughter if she married a guy. This man was well to do and his family name and money are all over Georgia. The daughter went on and married the guy. Her father also made good on his threat. Over time the pressure on that marriage got to be more than both of them could handle. The marriage flew apart. The daughter got back with her family but was unhappy, and about 10 years ago overdosed on some pills and died. I only have 1 piece of advice for the asker. Go get some good advice from a neutral party like a priest etc. Then if you still want to get married, do so with BOTH EYES OPEN!

[DermalPunch]

Yes, this situation doesn't involve inheritance. Also, this type of fmaily. drama is common so the family usually gets over it after they see thebson won't budge and they want to see their grandkids. It's just a lot of theatrics mostly meant to cause stress.

[Moose304]

It's been my experience that the families don't just get over it. Even in cases where there is not a lot of money involved. One point that must be made BOLD. This is TIME. Time has a way of changing these kinds of situations. Grandkids can have an effect on these situations. What I have seen though is these reunions don't last long because the original issues are still there. This is not a contest to see who can make the best point. This is life! Ask yourself this one question. Only you know the full dynamics of the boyfriend's situation. Will this person still feel this way in 10 years? I recommend you not assume either way. It's sad that folks are like this guy's family. The pressure these types can exert can be tremendous. Most of the time when I see this happen it's because the person is of a different race or religion. These two things have a tendency to become hard barriers.

[DermalPunch]

There are no guarantees in life and I can't live in what if. People with perfect family compatibility still break up.

[Moose304]

Yes, they do. In fact, a couple I have known for almost 30 years is getting divorced. This still does not change my point. Let me put it this way. If you do get married I wish you all the best. However, with his family being the way they are, your marriage will have pressure on it that most marriages don't have. Good luck!

[DermalPunch]

Yes, it will. There is history already and it just always makes us closer.

[Haha456]

@DermalPunch

this is a family decision for HIM to make, its not up to you to make this decision. If he does end up marrying you, the only way this is gonna work is if you both cut off all ties to his parents.

Your marriage with him will not work if you plan to stay in touch with both his parents. This means that when their grand kids are born, they wouldn't get to see them. I know from personal experience that these types of marriage tend to not work for the most part. Even if they do, the marriage goes through a lot of severe stress.

[DermalPunch]

@Haha456 Yes, I know. The people am dealing with don't do the cut off thing. They will get over it bit there will be a lot of drama before things calm down.

[Moose304]

You seem to have the opinion time is your friend. I would remind you this thinking may be in error. You might never know it, but his guy's parents will always run you down to him. Every mistake you make will get magnified. Understand I wish you all the best! I am just pointing out that time may not be kind to your relationship.

[DermalPunch]

@moose304 I don't think that at all. I have no intention of trying to win over ignorant people. I feel there isn't time to waste actually. Nothing is set in stone and there isn't a date set. It takes two to tango and if he doesn't want to dance then I will just move on and get over it. Then I can talk about time.

[Wraven]

That's probably one of the strongest willed characteristics of someone, of you two both really love each other, have nothing to hide, and feel you could bridge the gap of life together, go for it.

Not many guys will risk his paternal family to strike it out alone with someone else.

[Pinay_ako]

Then stick with him through thick and thin from here on out if he chooses you over his family. That’s one of the hardest decision to be made but love wins.

[Datboi65]

I have noticed you're from Morocco, so it makes absolute sense why his family thinks this way.

His family is strict and traditional, as they should be. Most Muslim families are, and they probably did not approve of you two dating before getting married, as arranged marriages are culturally common. Also, the wife is usually the homemaker while the husband is the breadwinner, even if both parents have jobs.

In the west, parents are less protective of the son and more protective of their daughter, for obvious reasons. In the east however, they are strict on both. A man being disowned by his family may not necessarily mean much in terms of finances if he is old enough and has a job to provide for himself, but since the country is more community-oriented, it holds more weight, because families are more culturally important in Morocco and cutting family members of isn't something that is done as commonly as in the west, so it's a big deal if it happens.

Now, for your part. If his family are making a big deal out of it, leave him alone. You aren't going to gain anything from him losing his family, and he may be too short-sighted to see it, hence his insistence on being with you. He has been sold the lie that arranged marriages are hell and that he would rather pick his partner, but the truth is that parents have more life experience and they are better at vetting individuals than himself. If he cannot let go of you, then you need to do it for him and let him go.

[DermalPunch]

You have somewhat of an idea but you are off base. This is a cultural family. They barely even pray. None of his sisters wear hijab. They just figure they can intimidate and they use guilt and so on. If he does marry me they will be pissed for a bit and get over it. It's more akin to a tantrum. Moroccans rarely disown. They can go to the point of nearly killing each other and when it all dies down, sit around laughing over tagine and tea. He is just really afraid to go through the tantrum part.

His story isn't unique. The young people like the nuclear set up that has creeped in from the West. But they like the closeness of the traditional set up. But he, my boyfriend, doesn't like the old way. It is very mentally draining and the family politics are stupid. Also, religiously, they don't have a leg to stand on to refuse me. I have more reason to say he isn't suitable in that regard.

I highly dislike having a boyfriend even though we don't have sex. And he doesn't like it either.

In Islaam, marriage is stressed to avoid fornication. They are asking a hormonal 20-something year old to not get married because he is too young when he is dying of desire. In Islaam this is very disliked.

Culturally, they would be happy if he married the girl they want to be the family maid and him discreetly commit adultery. This is, of course, totally out of step religiously.

Culturally, there is a lot of mental abuse within normal family politics in Morocco and he really can't take it anymore. But, it isn't fair to me to be his support and anchor when I am not a spouse.

So in Morocco, you have to look at each case individually and their criteria are not good criteria because they are operating from a place of cultural ignorance which they know but are just attached to the old ways.

They haven't vetted me. The mother wants a girl under her thumb and she knows that she will have an equal in me perhaps beyond and she doesn't want it. It's all about control.

[Datboi65]

Now you have explained it better, here are my thoughts.

Personally, I come from a religious background, so I would understand if it was based on that. Now that you mentioned that his family are not religious, it does sound odd. I still don't think that it's a power struggle.

From what I understand, you boyfriend is much younger than you, so he lacks the maturity to make certain life-changing decisions. His parents may be afraid that this puts you in the driver seat, and to them it might be a recipe for disaster. Men generally have to be leaders in their household, but your man is too young to lead a woman that has more life experience than him. They are afraid that you might become manipulative and controlling.

[Datboi65]

Now I personally don't know you, so I'm not gonna make that judgment. You may be a great person, but you need to understand that parents do the best they can to protect their kids. By giving him a woman younger than him, it puts him more directly in control, so he can mature better by taking on the responsibility of provision and protection of a family, rather than have someone do that for him. Also, there are plenty of younger women today that are combative and disagreeable when it comes to their in-laws, so I don't believe that it is unique to older women. The other girl they had in mind might butt heads with his mother in the future, that's a possibility. To bring this back full circle, they are probably more worried more about him being manipulated and less worried about a power struggle between you and themselves.

With all of that taken into consideration, here's my advice. Your boyfriend has already stated that he wants to be by your side, so the final decision is yours. I would maintain that this situation is a mess, so it's probably best for you to walk away from the situation. However, if you decided that you want to pursue this marriage, then you will need to sit down with his parents without his presence and convince them otherwise that you are trustworthy so they can lay their guard down. You say that disowning family members isn't a common occurrence which I already stated, but the threat is significant, and I would take that very seriously.

Whichever way you choose, best of luck and hopefully it turns out well.

[DermalPunch]

Yes, you are absolutely right about them feeling that I will have control over the situation. It's them who are control freaks not me. And he had a lot of that little manipulation tactics at the beginning because that's what he knows. I wasn't having it and the honesty, open communication and stating needs has been healing and eye-opening for him. And me because I am out of a rather mentally abusive situation myself.

I don't know how he will manage in that Moroccan mess after being with me because I see how much it hurts him. I'm not Moroccan.

Age is not a factor in our dynamic at all. In Morocco, you have to grow up fast and he has a dominant streak. He's been through a lot in his life already and from the start I feel like I'm dealing with a 30-year old.

Most Moroccan girls are raised to manipulate situations to get their way. So he knows that if he marries the type of girl his mom wants he has to deal with all of that. Again, I'm not Moroccan and I don't do that to him.

Also, I'm not money obessesed because I don't come from the survivalist mentality so prevalent in Africa.

I'm basically unheard of and so is the situation. If it weren't a real connection we wouldn't have even gotten this far.

You are right, it's a mess and it isn't logical to stay but any Moroccan family comes with crap. You just have to pick which crap you want to deal with.

[DermalPunch]

Also, I was with an expat friend over the weekend and she was talking about how most of the toxicity is perpetuated by the mothers. She basically was giving me a run down of the inner machinations of the Moroccan family structure and I really understood more why he wants to be with me. He wants distance but is just afraid.

[Datboi65]

There's one contradiction that I noticed. His family are afraid that you will take control, which we already established that. Apparently you are not interested in being manipulative, but Moroccan women are? I hope I got everything correctly from that.

So basically, if he marries a Moroccan woman that is manipulative and gets her way, she will most likely have issues with his mother as opposed to being under the mother's control, since she is used to getting things her way. Wouldn't you think that's more logical?

Fathers are generally more protective of their daughters, while mothers are more protective of their sons, so in a way I understand why she might be slightly overprotective, but if you say that he acts maturely for his age, she has to let him decide at this point.

If you want this to work, there's no other way apart from making amends with his parents. It's not gonna work if you get married to him behind their backs, because he will not have anyone left from his family other than you, and that can put a lot of strain on the marriage. I understand that in-laws can be a pain in the ass, but sometimes you just need to tolerate their bullshit from time to time if you are really serious about this thing. Talk to them directly and see where they stand, and then make your decision after that.

[Anonymous]

YOU, don't have to do anything. It's their problem, not yours, not his. And most likely, it's an idle treat and they don't actually mean it (just trying to manipulate and control). But if they want a relationship of any kind with their SON, they'll realize eventually how stupid this decision would be. So I don't know how he feels about it, but hopefully he won't "give in". And as far as you go, don't let this get to you. I know it's hard, especially if you care, but it's completely on them. My personal response if a family member ever said that to me..."that's really too bad you feel that way, I hope that's not the case, but this relationship IS HAPPENING. I hope you can change your mind" (and that would be the end of it - I wouldn't be "trying to convince them" or "begging", all on them.

[Opinion Owner]

*threat, not treat LOL

[DermalPunch]

Yes, I know it's a empty threat. They are just intimidating and using their history of control.

[Kabluie]

We talked about some scenarios like legally getting married on-paper first, can do that and then when the tide turns can have a real ceremony anytime later. That way in the eyes of the law you can be married without anyone else knowing except for a witness that has to sign.

In-law parents aren't even necessary in the process at all, if anything it's more of a courtesy like the guy getting 'permission'.

[DermalPunch]

That's the plan.

[Sour-rose]

Sounds like it's just a "mofo, i swear to god if you do this I'll... I'll... I'LL..." and if they go through with it, here comes the true test to see if he'll swim and grow wings later and fly... or sink. Sooo if he wants to go through with it, better have a plan and keep at it.

[DermalPunch]

It basically is.

[Sarahr123]

He is a man he can make his own decision and they are wrong and abusive to use that kind of emotional blackmail. There is a way to deal with everything. If I thought a girl was wrong for my brother or son I would explain to him and try to make him see sense. If she was absolute danger then extreme stepts may be required but otherwise I would let him learn for himself and leave her himself.

[DermalPunch]

He told me the conversation in detail with his mom. She put her hands around his neck and said you will go to hell if you marry her. Makes me think they feel really threatened because they thought we were done and now he's back on about it. He said he feels like it's him against the world. 😪

[Honesttguy]

If my family tried do shit like that i would walk away from them and say i have no family. Just cus they let their parents treat them shitty now think it's ok to do it to next generation, fuk them bro, they need to do some spiritual work and its non of my business that they failed at that.

That would be me in situation like that.

To be a men is to walk and create your own path in life. Not to listen to parents telling him what to do.

[DermalPunch]

That's what je wants to do. He said his family has ignorant outdated ideas. They do. And other serious issues. His mom flat out made it clear she wants a girl she can rule over and order around.

[DermalPunch]

And funny you mention spiritual work. I'm all about that at that's the main theme of our relationship.

[Honesttguy]

Im 100% with him, they do have outdated ways how it should be. Her mom seems can't wait to do what was done to her, starving for some control. (India)?

[DermalPunch]

Noooooo. But I'm not surprised you would think so.

[UdosUNDERDEVELOPMENT]

Romantic relationships are just as important as family relationships , they are circumstantial for the development of ones own freedom because of the social system bound upon us , which in the ideal existences both types of relations become obsolete and will eventually be more of a play quest than an obligation to be a part of , because in the end we all just become universesal neighbours who have universesal freedoms , being able to participate in all universesal existences without abuses and evils.

[theblacksheepcat]

i married someone who family didn't like me and it ended in severe stress and anxiety who to say that he won't regret his decision later on in life and resent you? you have kids and they won't know their dad side of the family once all the glitter fades away reality will set in i would move on if i was you and let whoever is “worthy” have him

[DermalPunch]

Are you still married?

[theblacksheepcat]

no i am not

[DermalPunch]

Was it due to the family dislike?

[theblacksheepcat]

yes that was 70 percent why it didn't work out the other 30 percent was our own issues his mother and sister hated me and felt like i wasn't pretty enough for him or perfect enough i didn't realize how much family can have an influence over a relationship or marriage im still in therapy healing from the whole thing just stay sane if you go through with it

[DermalPunch]

I wish you healing and yes you are good enough! Beyond. Thanks for the advice.

[theblacksheepcat]

thank you and you are welcome

[shyman87]

@theblacksheepcat I feel a lot of sympathy for you. But in "relationships" for me (if you want to call it that), it's the complete opposite. My dad would always tell me to hurry up and marry and give me grand kids. The truth is, he don't like ME nor anyone who is comfortable around me. girl or guy it doesn't matter!
If anyone wants to be my friend, and you're reading this PLEASE message me.

[shyman87]

me = him

[BullShark]

unless it doesn't affect you directly, I think you should respect his decision and actions. If he's willing to stand up for you and defend you in front of his family, then you're really special to him and he really truly loves you.

in the unfortunate case where his parents do end up disowning him, just remember what I said and to NEVER leave his side no matter what, because this man right here left his frickin' family for you. I wish you both all the best.

[LovingLoverReturned]

I couldn't of said it better.

[Losalt]

I'm guessing this is a cultural thing?
Possibly the Indian subcontinent?
You might want to elope together to a city once one or both of you got a good education.
Cities tends to be a bit more liberal and you can have friendships and a good life with less of those issues.
Possibly move out of the country for good measures.
The key here is how the two of you feel about each other.
It won't be easy.
But if you genuinely love each other then that's what matters.

[Chazmatazz269]

Have you met his family? If you’re a better choice for him, they should come around. It won’t happen overnight, but likely eventually. If he’s really the one for you and you are the one for him, it’s worth a little more time and energy to have his family on the same page.

[Greedier]

Oh my, it must have put you in a tight spot Ig, so it's totally normal to ponder and get confused in this kind of situation.

• Well, but do you want to marry him?

• Does it matter too much to you that his family isn't in favor of this marriage?

• He seems willing to put everything at risk, are you willing to do the same too?

I think once you have the answer for these questions it'll help you to make your decision and clear your mind. ^^

[libsaretards]

If you go through with this relationship, you better stick with him through good and bad. Before you decide, you both better determine how much you love one another and if both of you are mature enough to endure a marriage with a rocky start. Many couples start a marriage off with help from family, but many also manage without. You better be sure there won't be resentment down the road. If you can achieve this, then your love is true and should go forward.

[NovaCourier]

You just keep a tight hold of him! He is clearly committed to you and loves you if he is willing to turn his back on his own controlling family for you. He wants to be free. He believes you can give him that. So keep him!

[Literalbillionaire17]

That’s your love and he’s willing to give up his family to marry you. I understand you don’t want to cause a division but he obviously loves you and wants to be with you so marry that man😂. It’s rlly sad though that his family his that terrible.

[AviatorTom]

You should do whatever your boyfriend wants to do. Anything else will most likely ruin your relationship. Be grateful that he's putting you above his parents... that's a good sign.

[Gent207]

Over 20 years old?

Living on his own? I. e. pays his own bills

If yes to all the above then FUCK WHAT HIS FAMILY WANTS OF HIM!

BE A MAN and stand on your own two feet even if that means standing alone. Family is not determined by blood but by it's members and shared experiences

[itsmeirene]

Probably her boyfriend Muslim of from asia

[DermalPunch]

@itsmeirene not in Asia.

[Gent207]

@DermalPunch
So is he living on his own?

[DermalPunch]

@Gent207 No. But people don't move out until they get married generally even if they can afford to.

[Gent207]

@DermalPunch depending on the culture if someone can move out on their own they should ASAP. Once they are independent they can determine their own destiny

[countrygirl8754]

Stay with him but I'm actually afraid that If y'all were got in an argument he gonna blame u for it.
. see where his heart is
Talk to him about it
Tell him how u feel

[DermalPunch]

Oh we've argued about all kinds of stuff. No, he wouldn't put anything on me.

[Apulu_Imback]

He is already adult so legally the parents don't have any rights on him. Hell they don't even own him now to disown him.

[Apulu_Imback]

For update : Yes gag chooses the MHOs after 3 days of posting.

[DermalPunch]

I already chose my MHOs.

[Apulu_Imback]

Oh then they must have chosen their own MHOs as well. This happens.

[DermalPunch]

Yes, so annoying.

[HaveNoName]

Would you like to be with a guy for the rest of your life whose family despises you? He will have a stressful & miserable life divided between you and his family. This is how short term marriages out of lust are created.

[DermalPunch]

His family is toxic and emotionally abusive. I've already supported him through so much stuff with them it's ridiculous. So while there is a lot of passion, it isn't a lust-based relationship. All my life peole have hated me unjustly. Just add it to the pile.

[HaveNoName]

I have see the same story at least 10 times in my extended family (inclusing my wife's extended family). If you only want to hear answers that support your view, then that is a different matter.

[DermalPunch]

Well, how do you figure I only want to see stories that support my views when I have put it
on a forum where people have posted all sorts of contrasting views and I have, by ostention, seen and read all of them?

[AimeeKyle]

Sorry to hear. That is unfortunate and not a good for him (whether it’s with you or another). Unless they either, totally disown him or totally except you (which could happen over time - after a disowning event) he will likely have a stress filled life (unless he stands up to them both in private and with you present).

[anton_dee]

Find out why they hate you and try to sort out differences. If not, it is yours and his choice. But beware that in future it is going to be a bit of a thorn in the side. Every family event gonna be awkward and bit painful.

[DermalPunch]

Haye is strong. I don't fit the mold and the mom knows she can't mold me. It's largely about control.

[DermalPunch]

Haye*

[anton_dee]

Then it's a bad situation. Continue and have that thorn life long. Break off and lose your love.

[DermalPunch]

It is and it isn't. It's mostly theatrics.

[anton_dee]

Okk...

[Waldoe]

Follow your Heart... When you get "married" you are beginning your life and starting your own family... if they can NOT support you, then you are better off with them out of your Life. You will have children and Love and Less stress from "Controlling" relatives, you are NOT children... seek happiness

[SarahJ92]

@DermalPunch it is sad that his family feels that way but what matters is he wants you and for you to be his wife. as long as it what he wants loves you and you feel the same about him. The marry him and screw everyone else

[snowboarder720]

Parents have no control over their adult kids. In the end his choice is what really matters, he’ll marry who he chooses regardless if his parents what to be control freaks about it or not.
What you should do? Do whatever makes you happy.

[JessicaEarl]

Just curious, is there a cultural difference?

[DermalPunch]

Age gap is the main issue and that his mom has a girl she wants because she that she can train to serve the family but he doesn't want to be with her. There is somewhat of a cultural difference but it isn't the reason for the drama.

[Hoomin]

Do what your heart is telling you to do. If really love you wouldn't want to loose him knowing that he wants to stick with you even after all the drama. He sounds like a keeper

[LilyoftheLake]

Get married anyway. My parents were in a similar situation once - and I was the result. They've lived happily, even though BOTH sets of parents formally disowned them.

[Avicenna]

OK, you are 38 and he is 23? That's one of the things she has a problem with. My kids' Arabic teacher is from Morocco and was lucky not to get disowned when she got married a second time (to a non-Muslim).

[baserunner611]

Married him, grandchildren break many grandparent hearts.
If you love him

[DermalPunch]

Love him so much.

[baserunner611]

Marry him, city or county house marry same day

[baserunner611]

If knocville Tennessee, I married both by happen soon wedding 💍 license

[silkjames]

You know what you have too doo handle your business girl if he's worth the drama and u have too compete for him goo all in lol and NOO don't be nice that other girl is not pretty your supposed to say she thinks she pretty or something lol and tell his parents u can't wait to call them your new mom and dad lol 😂😂😂 jk well I hope it all works out:)!

[Anonymous]

For some reason people have a very hard time to walk away from being controlled like that by their family. If he walks away like i did, i will salute him. strength and honor.

In the opposite case Stockholm syndrome might be as rampant as is depression.

[Rania05]

Do marry him, it must've been hard for your boyfriend to bear with his mother and his other family members for so long. He wants you and you choose him 😉

[EaterPeter]

He likes you, and he have decided to chose you over anyone else. Are willing to do the same with full commitment?

[DermalPunch]

Oh yes, no issue. He wants me to meet his mom and that. I'm not even worried about winning her over because mother's are a piece of cake for me. What I am worried about is envy and jealousy.

[shyman87]

Be yourself. I may not be in your shoes, but what I do know is that you should be confident to win over your boyfriend's family. And as long as you stay the loving and funny person you are when you and your boyfriend first started dating, strengthen that love as the years pass, and he'll love you even more than you ever thought. Just go for it.

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for like!

[Seinna]

I don't understand the problem... he clearly loves you. If you love him too then you shouldn't even ask this question, it's no brainer.

[Alwayreckles93]

He loves you , He has that romantic connection to you. People can't forced anyone to love someone that's something I've learn this past year.

[normalice]

Marry him. It doesn't sound like the sort of family anyone would want to spend a lot of time around anyway..

[normalice]

In fact, if they actually go through with the disowning (which I doubt), >you< must absolutely enforce it. If his mom calls three months later, tell her to "stop calling, you walked away" and hang up. That's all you say over and over. Stop calling. You walked away. She will almost certainly say she was only leaving you not him (in some subtle way) but fails to understand that the two of you are united now, and, again, "you walked away." And hang up. She will eventually be "sorry" for walking away from him. Press that she "need to be sorry for walking away from >us<."

Until she apologizes to >you<, don't even let her talk to him.

I'm sure he'll be fine with it, of course. He doesn't really care if he never talks to her again. The thought seems a little... empty, but not really a painful emptiness. Just a confusing one; precisely the sort of emptiness that never nags at you leaving you free to ignore it into obscurity.

But as it's true, in all ways, that he doesn't really care, he also wouldn't mind if you did make up with his mom. And it does make sense that since his mom started the war, it is within his wife's right to establish the terms of surrender.

[Fuentes]

Ngl I would not approve of my son marrying a cougar either.

[DermalPunch]

Yes, I would absolutely be bothered by my son marrying an older woman who wanted him for purely sexual and ego gratification puposes. Don't see how it applies here.. oh waiit it's Fuentes. You say attention-seeking provacative BS all the time. 😘

[Fuentes]

It was you who said the age gap, any woman pass 35 dating a young guy in their 20's is a cougar in my eyes. You can't tell me how to think.

[DermalPunch]

No I can't tell you how to think. I also don't give your opinions much -- if any -- weight at all. So we good. Carry on.

[Fuentes]

Then don't tell me I'm attention seeking and being provavctive because what I said isn't what you wanna hear. But I don't care a lot of men think your age is older & would be considered a cougar in their eyes and I think that as well. So don't try to tell me that's not how I actually think. Don't ask questions if you don't want questions to them.

[DermalPunch]

"Don't ask questions if you don't want questions to them." Ok.

[Fuentes]

Answers to them it must have been my historical spell check. But that's besides the point.

[Luopio27]

Where Im from, (Finland), parents ain't got no say in the matter who the girl chooses to marry as long as both are adults.


Love, if anything should never be a business or family politics. What is happening to the freedom of choice?

[Sixgunsound]

I picked my wife over my family. No regrets.

[zagor]

What are their objections to you?

Anyway, if he is all in, go for it.

[DermalPunch]

Dumb stuff.

[OddBeMe]

Why bother with this family? Let them disown him. Just make sure he’s really ok with it.

[DermalPunch]

He is a loyal type but he knows when people are wring as well. I don't say much but since we were talking I came out with my opinion on the matter and my perception was correct. Even if I wasn't in th epicture, he would be having this issue re marriage. His mom wants an extra maid for herself not a partner for her son.

[ethanallen]

I think you should respect his parents wishes. Family is most important. You should break up with your boyfriend. You will find someone new. If you marry, you will have a lifetime of harassment and stress because of his family's disapproval.

[Sarahplus2]

He has to make his own decisions. If he wants to marry you then marry him and the hell with them. They will regret their decision

[Staximus]

He's his own man, not a child anymore. This is his decision to make, not theirs. Sounds like they are control freaks used to getting their way.

[ZackBan]

Story is different based on where y'all come from.

If it's india, good luck overruling his mother.
If it's a western country why is he even letting his family give an opinion on the subject?

[driven159]

first off, he needs to be ok with what will happen if he marries you and he will have to disown them if he is ok with that then it will just be you two with no family which sometimes that's a good thing

[AffectionKing]

He must really love you. If you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him then marry him.

[Ms_Facesitter]

There is nothing much you can do. Think of what you want and what he wants. You both want to marry so well... screw what the family thinks!

[WizzardGirl]

Damn or you are a monster or yiyr boyfriend fsmuly is a monster

Chose... wisely. His family will always be therr you need to get ready to be hated on your whole life

Do you need that?

Or just move to another city or another coyndtry and tell 'em to fuck off

[hIopinionated_]

You have your rare 1 in a million. Lucky gal.


Wonder where you found him. .

[Wubs3000]

You have a good man. Let him make the decision

[slatyb]

It’s his decision. They will get over it. Watch “The Big Sick”

[LztutuIsCute]

It doesn't matter what your boyfriend's parents care about.

Just get married and live together!

You and your boyfriend are going to make a family, anyway.

[SkyCastle90]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/PIh2xe4jnpk

Marry him anyway.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Just hope they don't get Crazy Rude.

http://www.amiright.com/parody/2010s/magic5.shtml

[Nik1hil]

Marry this guy!

Fuck his family's opinion

[sheikalana]

Marry him no matter what. He seems to love you very much.

[Jamesshinobi]

if disownmemt would greatly harm the person you love, then you should leave him. if not, then fuck them its the two of yous life.

[msc545]

Who he marries is none of their business, but if he does marry this other girl, you dodged a bullet.