Why do people look down on those who marry due to fear of being alone?

[shaysh87]

Many people shun on the idea of marrying due to fear of being alone. They act as if loneliness and isolation is a mere joke and that it has no effect on an individual's well being. We are not meant to be alone. Humans are social animals and need love and social connection to thrive.

Imagine spending all your Thanksgiving / Christmas alone while everyone has a family to rush home to celebrate a huge feast with. Imagine spending birthdays alone while everyone else has their children buying them gifts and cooking up a huge feast. Imagine going on vacations alone or constantly having to beg others to go on trips with you, which they likely will turn down, because they have other plans. Imagine not doing certain things because you don't want to do it alone? Imagine being admitted to a hospital and not having anyone to put down as your emergency contact. Imagine being kicked out of your apartment because you cannot pay rent and yet you have nobody you can reach out to for help.

isn't it horrible? who would enjoy such a life where nobody cares if you died? Are these not valid concerns?

Sure, there will be plenty of idiots on here who say friends can help with loneliness. Firstly, friends are hard to make. Friends get more difficult to make as you get older because people have families and children to take care of. People also get more close minded and pickier with who they hang out with as they get older. Secondly, friends do not have your back like your family does. Your friend is not obligated to do anything for you and they may even disappear on you overnight. there's nothing that beats the security of having a family to care for you.

[Jouth]

I usually look down on people because I'm tall

[jahaims]

Because it's sad

[Cynicaldreamer]

Because it comes off as looking desperate and pathetic. Rather than marrying for love and being with someone that makes you genuinely happy, you settled with anyone that shows you an iota of attention- even if they're not the right person.

And that will only result in you winding up lonely and hurt later on in life- especially when you realize you can't hold a meaningful conversation with them, or they lose their looks (for those that marry someone for superficial reasons). In other words, you'll still be alone; maybe not physically, but emotionally. And that's just as bad, if not worse, in some cases.

Sorry if my answer comes off as rude, but you did ask, so I'm answering as candidly as possible.

Also to refute some of your points-

"Firstly, friends are hard to make. Friends get more difficult to make as you get older because people have families and children to take care of." Correct. That's why you find others like yourself that share common goals, interests, and hobbies. If that's still in issue, reach out online and chat with people in forums and social media- or get a pet.

"Secondly, friends do not have your back like your family does." Family isn't always there for you either... and it sounds like you're picking the wrong "friends." If someone is not there for me when I need them, I toss them out of my life.

I'm not saying a friend is the answer to your loneliness. Trust me, eternally single person here. But I'm sure as hell not going to settle with the first guy that shows me a little attention because I'm afraid I'm going to die alone! Instead I find other ways to keep myself distracted, or reach out to people when I am feeling lonely.

[shaysh87]

I think it all has to do with your expectations of marriage. Marriage is too romanticized in america. Americans like you think that marriage needs to be exciting, passionate, and full of feelings. In other countries, marriage is moer of a means of taking care and being there for each other. Its not romanticized.

If you walk into a marriage, expecting things to be a certain way. Then of course it will backfire.
You can't walk into a marriage thinking that if its not someone you are in love with then you just absolutely cannot stand them.

You find someone that you get along with and spend your remaining years together.

[jhl_x]

This usually comes from people who are not alone or from people who are fine with being alone by themselves. They never had to think from the other's place in life.

[shaysh87]

thats actually true.

[boggboss]

Because if as u say friendship is hard take or get how is marrying someone random any better u are linking your life to someone simply out of fear of being alone like that will fix your loneliness and won't backfire if that person ever found someone he actually wanted to be with

[shaysh87]

I think it all has to do with your expectations of marriage. Marriage is too romanticized in america. Americans like you think that marriage needs to be exciting, passionate, and full of feelings. In other countries, marriage is moer of a means of taking care and being there for each other. Its not romanticized.

If you walk into a marriage, expecting things to be a certain way. Then of course it will backfire.
You can't walk into a marriage thinking that if its not someone you are in love with then you just absolutely cannot stand them.

You find someone that you get along with and spend your remaining years together.

[boggboss]

Yet I'm not American and what your describing is essentially friendship that u are labeling as marriage

[shaysh87]

sometimes friendship is better than dying alone and neglected and lonely. its something americans like you can't understand.

[shaysh87]

and another thing is, just because you are in love with someone. It in no way shape or form means that you will last forever with that person. why do you think break ups and divorces happen so often?

[boggboss]

Again I'm not American not sure if u can read and why would I marry a friend if I can make friends in the first place then look for someone I actually feel romantic towards u simply sound like someone thats alone but gave up on trying to find someone meh

[boggboss]

I never said loving someone means it will work but I tell u what marrying someone you don't have romantic feelings for definitely increases the chances if them leaving because they will have the chance of meeting someone they actually like

[shaysh87]

you're not gonna leave because leaving will just make you lonely, neglected and miserable. People marry because they want a family, not be lonely, have social support, to be taken care of. At some point in life, when you realize you're 40 and still single, you will marry because you don't want to suffer being alone.

You keep acting as if being married to someone you're in love with is suffering. but what about dying alone with nobody to talk to, nobody cares if you need help or die, you have nobody to enjoy life with. isn't this also suffering?

[shaysh87]

[I never said loving someone means it will work but I tell u what marrying someone you don't have romantic feelings for definitely increases the chances if them leaving because they will have the chance of meeting someone they actually like]

but what if you never meet someone you actually like? what if the person you actually like does not want you? what if your relationship with the person you like , could not last? half of all us romance marriages end in divorce.

[boggboss]

Your acting like marrying someone to simply not be lonely would not encounter any of the same issues any other marriage would encounter

[boggboss]

Someone u marry to not be lonely with could find someone else the same way amareige for love could turn out

[shaysh87]

what makes you think that no marriage has issues?

your expectations are too high for marriage. this is why at you divorce at the first sight of any dissatisfaction. why do you think your divorce rate hovers at 50%?

[boggboss]

Divorce rates are high because people like u decide to rush into marriage without finding someone to actually marry and stay with

[shaysh87]

Actually, romance marriage have higher divorce rates than non romance marriages.

do you realize that?

[boggboss]

Please show me the stats for that

[Blackcosmo]

I have no idea. I think it's a sad sight but I don't look down on them. You're right being lonely isn't easy.

[LazerBean]

Because it is demonstrative of a weak mind, and usually ends badly for both people.

[shaysh87]

um... no. In other countries, marriage isn't romanticized as it is in america. In other words, people don't always marry out of romance yet their divorce rates tend to be wayy lower than that of the US. Half of all US marriages end in divorce.

[LazerBean]

In other countries people don't even get to choose who they marry. And obviously if they're not allowed to choose who they marry, they're not allowed to get divorced either. Yeah, sounds great.

[shaysh87]

Actually, in countries where people don't marry out of romance, a lot of them are equally allowed to divorce. But their divorce rates are a lot lower than the US.

If romance is key to marriage, then why do half of all US marriages end in divorce? You're operating off of a system that does not work. Feelings are fleeting, they change, people change. This is why your marriages do not last.

[LazerBean]

Values are key to marriage success. Which is why American marriages do not last. But someone who has to be married in order to feel whole - which is what the question is - is absolutely weak-minded.

[shaysh87]

I don't think fear of dying alone is weak minded. The need to be loved and cared for and be connected socially is a natural human need. there's nothing wrong with wanting this. You're criticizing something that is natural for humans to want.

I think having very high expectations of marriage then divorcing when things do not meet your high standards is the worse way to live. Because in reality this is the way American marriages operate. People have very high expectations and are constantly under the delusion that marriage should meet a specific standard. Thats why your marriages do not last.

[shaysh87]

And there is a reason why marriages not made out of romance last longer because these couples have lower expectations. They don't have wild delusions that marriage is supposed to be really happy or supposed to be a certain standard. They understand that all couples have their differences, have their flaws, have their fights, might be unhappy at times but at the end of the day, they marry to serve each other.

These aren't American marriages where everyone has wild delusions of grandeur and if high expectations aren't met, divorce is imminent.

[LazerBean]

I'm not even going to read all that. Someone who marries out of desperation rather than waiting for someone they actually want is weakminded. You can argue, but anytime anyone does anything out of desperation it is a result of a weak mind.

[shaysh87]

you don't want to read my explanation because you're ignorant. you pretend you don't see the truth so you can continue to believe in falsities.

[LazerBean]

The truth is that acting out of misplaced desperation never gets the best results. But if you like settling then by all means do so.

[shaysh87]

because your chances of finding love does not increase as you get older and wrinklier. Eventually you will have to settle in life if you're 40 and still single.

[LazerBean]

If you are unhappy by yourself, you certainly are not going to be able to make yourself plus another human being happy.

[shaysh87]

Loneliness doesn't mean that you're not happy with yourself. You can be very confident and love yourself very much yet still be lonely. Humans are designed to need social connections and support.

[LazerBean]

And marriage doesn't cure loneliness.

[shaysh87]

Marriage does help with loneliness if both of you want to be together. And often times, marriage doesn't work for people like you , who only look for reasons not to be together. It only works if you look for reasons to be together.

[Jamie05rhs]

@LazerBean I don't think that person is weak-minded. I think that's a bit harsh.
Also, you got married young yourself, so I don't think you can judge. You really have no idea how you would feel emotionally if you were still single right now. Who knows; you could actually be craving love.

[Jamie05rhs]

But yes, values are key.

[Jamie05rhs]

"I don't think fear of dying alone is weak minded. The need to be loved and cared for and be connected socially is a natural human need. there's nothing wrong with wanting this. You're criticizing something that is natural for humans to want.

I think having very high expectations of marriage then divorcing when things do not meet your high standards is the worse way to live. Because in reality this is the way American marriages operate. People have very high expectations and are constantly under the delusion that marriage should meet a specific standard. That's why your marriages do not last."
This is a very valid point.

[Jamie05rhs]

I mean the second paragraph.

[Jamie05rhs]

But @shaysh87 I think that the non-romantic marriages have higher standards than the romantic ones.

[Jamie05rhs]

@LazerBean I really do think you should read what she said.

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, @LazerBean On the issue of loneliness, I'm sorry but I agree with @shaysh87. I am completely on her side.

[LazerBean]

My marriage is great, and my standards are very high. I suppose I wouldn't understand where you're coming from because I never have and never will need to lower my standards. She is saying that marriage is a cure for loneliness, while also saying marriages don't last and cause unhappiness. I've seen many people who were married and lonely, but also trapped in their situation because they got desperate and lower their standards. I've also seen single people in their 50s who were happy and had no drama in their lives. The outstanding difference between the people in those two groups? Self control and mental fortitude. It's just a harsh reality.

[LazerBean]

Let me just put it like this. If I were to ask you who the most mentally sound, content, and best decision-making person you have ever heard of or known is, you would not be able to honestly tell me that you think they would marry someone out of desperation. And that is because marrying out of desperation is a result of a week and faltering mind.

[shaysh87]

[She is saying that marriage is a cure for loneliness, while also saying marriages don't last and cause unhappiness.]

I said that romance marriages do not last. Marriages not made out of romance actually have the lowest divorce rates.

The fact that you said something like this , shows that you haven't been reading what I've written throughout this entire time

And you can't understand why someone will settle rather than die alone?
Just wait until you're 75 years old single, lonely, nobody cares if you die, you spend days without talking to anyone, nobody invites you over to Thanksgiving or Christmas. All you do is to sit in your old empty apartment like you have been doing for the past 35 years.

Then you watch other 75 yr olds who have spouses who care about them, concerned family rushing to their side when they get sick, children, grandchildren, daughter in laws who call them all the time and invite them over. They have their children helping pay their medical expenses.

now you understand why some people settle instead of dying alone.

maybe you wouldn't even read this because this threatens your beliefs.

[LazerBean]

And exactly how many people do you know who have zero friends and zero family members? You cannot pull the "alone" card out when very few people are actually alone. And are you aware that most women die after their husbands? You're "alone" argument is false and a frail excuse.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

Because after your parents die, you will no longer be anyone's first priority. In other words, nobody has the obligation to care for you. Your brother has his own family. Your sister has her own family. Each family has their own Christmas celebration, and you are not allowed to be there unless they invite you. If you break your leg and cannot work to pay rent, none of your siblings will offer to pay your rent for you. If you need help with something, get ready for them to say "im too busy with my kid or my husband needs my help". You are no longer important to anyone. Your siblings can move away to different states and not be around you anymore.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

After your siblings get married, their spouses and children will be their "family". You will suddenly turn into a relative who they see once or twice a year. Or sometimes they won't see you at all.

[Jamie05rhs]

@LazerBean I never said that your marriage wasn't great, and I never said that you should lower your standards. I think you misunderstood me.

[Jamie05rhs]

"I said that romance marriages do not last. Marriages not made out of romance actually have the lowest divorce rates."
@shaysh87 I don't believe that for one second. Most marriages who CLAIM to be based in romance are actually business arrangements. Some aspiring housewife finds a "traditional" man (with a big paycheck) and pretends to fall in love with him so that he will fall for her and marry her. It's the biggest scam out there, and it's been running since about 1980. There's no true love in that marriage; that's why they don't mind getting divorced when they run out of tolerance for each other.

So no, they don't have the lowest divorce rates. They have the highest.

[Jamie05rhs]

@LazerBean @shaysh87 is right. A LOT of people are going to be lonely in their old age. You don't realize how lucky you are to have found a good man and gotten married to him.

[Jamie05rhs]

And she's absolutely right about the siblings, too!

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Those who enter an arranged marriage also have a much lower divorce rate than those who enter a marriage without their parent's involvement. The divorce rate for arranged marriages is 4 percent, while the divorce rate in the United States is around 40 to 50 percent.

www.codehergirls.org/.../arranged-marriage-vs-forced-marriage-what-s-the-difference

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Personally for me, if I am unmarried by a certain age, I will just marry for stability rather than romance. Because I don't think there is anything worse than being isolated, lonely and neglected at an old age. There's nothing weak about wanting to feel cared for and socially connected. Anything is better than dying alone. Your chances of finding love does not increase as you age. Lets face this reality.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I concede the point about arranged marriages.

[Jamie05rhs]

And @shaysh87 I totally understand, and I feel the same way.
... Who knows; I might even marry YOU! 😆 Lol

(Not today, of course. But who knows what the future may hold.)

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Its hard to find Americans that are open to marrying for stability. Marriage is too romanticized in the US. They have set up such a high standard for marriage in our media. Things such as "soulmate" "meeting the ultimate right person" is so over glorified.

Even in childhood, we are taught to chase an exciting, passionate, rich, glamorous life with a hot spouse rather than a steady, stable, low-key, average relationship with a plain jane who would be willing to back you up in any circumstance. We are trained culturally by our media to chase excitement and passion over stability, trust and reliability.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

I will tell you of a story that will teach you a lot about arraigned marriage. Back during the 1980s in china, a mother gave her daughter a plane ticket for an arraigned marriage in Shanghai. Her daughter flew over to shanghai and married the guy after a few days of meeting. A few years later, they had two sons together. Eventually, she wanted a better future for her sons than to stay in poverty stricken shanghai. She flew her kids over to the US, leaving her husband behind since he ran an extremely lucrative cane sugar business. It would be a major loss if he lost the business.

For 20 years, her husband sent her money from Shanghai while she raised her sons by herself in the US. Every year she would fly back to Shanghai and spend 2 summer months with her husband. In 2015, after being married for 35 years, she suddenly has cancer and will be dying in a matter of months. Her husband immediately flew over from Shanghai to care for her on her remaining days of life. Even though his wife was never truly standing by him all these years, he is committed to caring for her as if she had never gone.

Would such a thing happen if this were an American marriage? NO.
If an American was in an arraigned marriage and only saw his wife 2 months a year, for 35 years, he would remarry another woman within a blink of an eye.
Why would he settle for a marriage where he could only see his wife 2 months a year?

this was marriage back then in the old days where couples married because they truly wanted to serve each other until death. Marriage wasn't something about romance or "what can do I have to gain from this?" It was about being committed to serving each other. Loyalty and selflessness is something that is impossible to find in our current modern society. Such a thing simply will not exist today.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Meanwhile, you compare this to modern romance marriages:

Nowadays, almost half of all US marriages end in divorce. There are men who would go out of their way to spite or hurt their ex-wives. There are kids out there who suffer immensely from their parents divorcing. Nobody cares about each other unless romance is alive. Broken families are extremely common here.

Your system is broken. At the end of the day, there is no one you can trust, no one you can rely on, no one who can make you feel safe, your kids having to pick between living with mom or dad. People keep idealizing romance but turn a complete blind eye to the shattering devastating effects it may lead to. But Americans won't mind because nothing else matters than passion and excitement

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Wow! That story about the Chinese couple was very touching. ❤️. I was extremely impressed by how they conducted themselves and how they stayed true to their love. I cannot respect them enough.

[Jamie05rhs]

But see, I that what they had WAS romance!

[Jamie05rhs]

But yes, if you're basing your relationship solely on passion and excitement, that is not a solid foundation for a durable relationship. Divorce is unsurprising in that case.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

I'm not interested in floating from guy to guy , dating then breaking up, marrying then divorcing a million times. At some point in life, I will need a stable relationship with someone. there's nothing wrong with wanting security and stability.

And plus, a lot of arraigned marriage couples eventually get attached to each other and love each other over time. It may not be huge chemistry sparkles but eventually they will get attached to each other.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I'm with you 100%!

[LazerBean]

@ Jamie05rhs I have never once said that people should marry for romance and excitement. I just said people should not marry someone they don't 100% genuinely want just because they are desperate. Everyone I have know who has decided to settle and "put up" with someone they are not genuinely happy with is still "putting up" with that person and not genuinely happy.

And a lot of women at still going to be alone in their old age of all they are counting on is a husband. 77% of women outlive their husbands.

I don't know how many old people she actually interacts with, but I live in a primarily retirement community. Most of them don't have family nearby, and most of them have extremely active social lives. 2 of my grandparents live 600 miles away, and are doing something socially almost every day of the week with friends. Another lives here and we see her every week. She sees her friends 3 or 4 times a week. On the other hand, in the nursing home there are plenty of widowed women whose kids never come see them.

If you don't want to be alone, you're going to have to do a lot more than just marry any guy off the street that will have you.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

More than 40 percent of seniors regularly experience loneliness, according to a University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) study. This feeling of separation and disconnection from others may predict serious health problems and even death, the UCSF researchers find.

stonegatesl.com/.../

[LazerBean]

And? How does that prove that getting married to anybody will solve that? A third of married adults over 45 still report feeling lonely, which further reinforces that being married does not stop you from being lonely, especially if you're making bad choices in who you marry.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

Friends do not make up for family that care for you. There are also many years before retirement where older adults want someone to confide in when they are upset or in trouble, wanting people to eat Christmas / Thanksgiving dinner with, someone who they can trust that can them during times of financial stress, having someone they can count on or do things with. Imagine not being able to go on the vacation you wanted to go on because nobody wanted to go with you. This is the reality of staying single. Unless you are a loner, you really wouldn't enjoy this type of life.

If you're married, you have a huge safety net that singles do not have. Friends won't be able to provide such a safety net for you. Friends come and go. Its very hard to find a friend you can trust and rely on. Even if you do find one, you do not know when they will leave you and they can leave you overnight. This can leave one feeling like they are all out in the world by themselves. Blood will always be thicker than water. I have met quite a few women who remained unmarried until their 50s and all of them tend to feel it significantly worse during times of financial stress or unemployment. Married people fare better in many different aspects of life. You don't know what you have until you lose it. And this seems to be the situation you are in right now.

[shaysh87]

[And? How does that prove that getting married to anybody will solve that? A third of married adults over 45 still report feeling lonely, which further reinforces that being married does not stop you from being lonely, especially if you're making bad choices in who you marry.]

you don't have to chose the wrong person. you can chose someone you get along with but aren't madly in love with. Its not black and white where it must be someone you are in love with or its someone you can't stand. The problem is that you have certain expectations out of marriage. When your expectations are too high, this is when you get disappointed easily.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

and what makes you think that just because I am in love with someone then it must mean that it will last forever? I'm not interested in floating from guy to guy to the next guy for the rest of my life. I'd rather have someone I can trust and rely on for my remaining years of life than to be in 10 relationships that can never seem to last. what makes you think romance will make a relationship last? if romance was the answer, your divorce rates won't be so high.

[LazerBean]

Perhaps your friends don't, which is another demonstration of poor judgement and is probably why you're lonely and have this opinion. I have a grandma that lives 600 miles away and has outlived 2 husbands. Her days are spent with friends and the family of her passed husbands, including most holidays and all vacations. She does not depend on a man for fulfillment. Every problem you have described this whole time have been results of weak bonds and poor judgment, not lack of a husband. You speak of having expectations too and getting disappointed, yet you have this whole time been trying to defend your opinion that having a husband will fix your social problems.

[LazerBean]

[and what makes you think that just because I am in love with someone then it must mean that it will last forever?]

I would definitely like to see an exact quote on where I said that, because I certainly have not.

[Jamie05rhs]

"Most of them don't have family nearby, and most of them have extremely active social lives. 2 of my grandparents live 600 miles away, and are doing something socially almost every day of the week with friends. Another lives here and we see her every week. She sees her friends 3 or 4 times a week."
@LazerBean You do realize these people are lucky; right?

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

Because the reality is, friends are harder to make as you get older. This starts happening in mid 30s where people start getting married and having children. They have very little time for friends. In most cases, friendships end. I dont know if you have ever tried making plans with someone who is married and has children, but it is usually almost impossible to make any legitimate plans with them. And often times , these married individuals do not have the determination or desire to follow through making plans with you. Its just a waste of time all together.

Secondly, people grow close minded as they get older. They become increasingly selective on who they want to see as a "friend". Even in my late 20s right now, its hard to make friends because people are very selective on who they want as a friend. I have encountered a lot of people online who are desperate for friendships and social connections (vast majority of them are singles in their 40s-50s).

Thirdly, when you're 60, your kids are likely grown adults and have moved away or work 40 hours a week and they do not have time to visit you. Young adults like to spend time going on adventures with their friends, not knitting clothes with yarn with mom. You spent so many years with a busy workload raising children that you've barely had time to maintain friendships. Suddenly your kids are grown, and you find yourself sitting in an empty nest with no friends.

And just because you have relatives. It does not mean your relatives wants to talk to you. I have plenty of relatives who never gave me gifts or visit me for my birthday. There are relatives who didn't bother to keep in touch with me for years despite living in the same city. Your example of a grandma's friendly connections with her ex husband's family does not represent all family relationships. I have relatives who wouldn't give me a dime if I was homeless on the street.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

[I would definitely like to see an exact quote on where I said that, because I certainly have not.]

this is implied with your terrible attitude towards settling for someone I'm not in love with. You're acting as if I'm making a terrible mistake if romance wasn't in it.

[LazerBean]

Do you realize that widowed people and married people experience virtually the same rates of loneliness? Which further reinforces that presence of a spouse is not indicative of if you will feel lonely or not.

[LazerBean]

Most of my friends are married with children. I see them about 3 times a week. We are actually going on a girls trip in a few weeks.

I would certainly encourage you to look up AARP study on loneliness, because it debunks pretty much everything you say. From 45 upwards, people report being less and less lonely every decade.

You'll just have to excuse my bad attitude, I'm friends with several different people who have gotten desperate and settled, and all of them are unhappy and have come to low-key despise their partners.

I'm my opinion, marrying for positive feelings alone is no better than marrying someone for negative feelings along. People who Mar ry out of passion end up in the same position as people who marry out of loneliness.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

Loneliness Is Lethal
More older Americans are suffering from chronic loneliness, and the long-term health risks can be deadly

When loneliness becomes a lifestyle, it can have a profound effect on health and can lead to increased levels of stress hormones as well as a heightened risk for heart attack and stroke, dementia, and premature mortality. According to the American Psychological Association, more than 42 million Americans identify as being lonely. The most recent U. S. Census Bureau data indicate that number will only increase: More than a quarter of the population lives alone and nearly half of the population is unmarried. Given this outlook, some health care professionals see not only an incipient public health hazard, but an epidemic.

www.aarp.org/.../loneliness-risk-death.html

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

I would never be lonely being married to someone I can get along with but am not in love with. I would only be lonely if I was only seeking romance and not companionship. Or If my husband doesn't truly want to be with me. These are the only times I'd be lonely.

If you're truly willing to settle for companionship because you were unable to find love, then you wouldn't be lonely with this type of marriage. It requires someone to be truly on board with their desire for companionship.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

I'm now 26 and I'm planning on spending the next 5-7 years , trying to look my best, go to clubs / bars/ social events to find someone I might have romantic potential with. But if that fails, I will be looking for an arraigned marriage with a decent hardworking family man.

And no, I won't be upset because I am tired of constantly being lonely, constantly on the pressure to make friends then getting rejected, constantly turning down adventures because I lack the people to do things with, I'm scared as hell of dying neglected and all alone, I want to feel secure, protected and to be able to enjoy life.

I have spent most of my life up until the age of 26 avoiding doing things I really wanted to do because I just don't have people to do it with. I am tired of constantly trying to look for a man's approval, I'm tired of going on dates where there is no chemistry. I'm tired of begging people to be my friends. I'm tired of friends who just leave once they have nothing to gain from me anymore.

[Jamie05rhs]

"I'm my opinion, marrying for positive feelings alone is no better than marrying someone for negative feelings along. People who Marry out of passion end up in the same position as people who marry out of loneliness."
@LazerBean That's exactly what @shaysh87 said. You're both saying the same thing.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I don't think bar and clubs are the place to find a good spouse, romance or not.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

If you're not happy to settle for someone steady and stable, it means you aren't looking for security or stability. It means you're looking for romance, passion and excitement. There is no wrong or right answer to this. It all boils down to what you're looking for.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Of course I want them to be stable.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

And the thing is, I really like it when I have relatives calling me to rush home so we can start Thanksgiving dinner. I really enjoy my future mother-in-law taking care of me like I'm her daughter. I really like having a social support group of aunts and uncles willing to babysit whenever I need help caring for my child. I love being invited to warm parties where there is a strong social family bond that is unbreakable. Its a feeling that is priceless. This is a feeling that you can't buy with money.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I agree with you. All of those things are wonderful.

[LazerBean]

Marrying someone because you are afraid of being lonely (which she is defending and I am opposing) is marrying for a negative feeling, so no we are not saying the same thing.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

I'm thinking about an arraigned marriage with an indian. They still do arraigned marriages. Many countries such as china, they no longer do arraigned marriages like they used to 35 years ago. Indians speak English and typically are very bright and educated. I'd only marry a well-educated, intelligent, financially well off, family-oriented man. Even though I would get along much better with an American husband, I wouldn't trust American guys for arraigned marriages since they are raised to chase passion, excitement over stability and steadiness. Indians are raised differently with different views of marriage. They actually understand the concept of arraigned marriage rather than some American guy who would divorce upon meeting someone better. This is actually the pattern in American marriages. Once you meet someone better, the solution is divorce. If you are unhappy for more than a few months, divorce is the answer.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

its your belief that I would feel negative. but in actuality, i don't feel negative or bad. I actually feel relieved and welcomed with a steady stream of happiness. Maybe not bursting over the top happiness but I'm happy.

you need stop seeing the world through only your perspective and understand other people have their own perspectives as well.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Nothing wrong with that. Indians are cool.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87
"rather than some American guy who would divorce upon meeting someone better. This is actually the pattern in American marriages. Once you meet someone better, the solution is divorce. If you are unhappy for more than a few months, divorce is the answer."

Married people shouldn't be LOOKING. 🙄😑😑

[LazerBean]

Bars and clubs are a terrible place to look for a spouse. You will not find stability there, and you will only be self-fulfilling your own prophecy about being alone later in life simply because you only expose yourself to lower classes of people. Hearing more about your life pretty much confirms my assumptions about people who have your way of thinking. If my expectations were based on bar people, I would probably have as low of an expectation out of life as you as well.

[LazerBean]

Loneliness is a negative feeling. You can try to rationalize it into a positive thing however you want in your mind, but it does not change the fact that loneliness is a negative feeling. Which, you already know because you've already expressed that you want to avoid that feeling.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Americans just don't have the values that I'm seeking. Loyalty, selflessness, steadiness are not part of the values that americans are raised with. At a very young age, we are taught that to chase money, prestige, rather than to be true, honest, humble, average life. Nowadays teenagers go around dreaming about their own future "soulmate" or their disney land fantasy magical first kiss, or only chasing after hot girls or taking sexy pics for instagram then rating their own self-worth by the number of likes they can manage to get.

We don't live a society where people chase a humble life. Everyone is chasing prestige, money, sexiness, fame.

I've had friends who dump me after they realize they no longer have anything to gain from me. Nobody values loyalty anymore. Everyone is just out for themselves and their own selfish desires. Its no longer about relationships and bonds anymore.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

and marriage WILL CURE my loneliness. I will have a husband who will listen to me when I am upset, comfort me when I'm sad, massage my back when it hurts, cook for me when I'm too lazy to cook, help me care for my kids when I can't do so, someone to go on vacations with, someone I can hike with. I no longer need to beg people to ride bikes with. My husband's family will invite me to new years celebrations where my mother in law will take care of me, feed me, give us gifts. My children will have aunts and uncles showering them with gifts and warm hugs.

why would i still be lonely?

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

[Bars and clubs are a terrible place to look for a spouse. You will not find stability there, and you will only be self-fulfilling your own prophecy about being alone later in life simply because you only expose yourself to lower classes of people. Hearing more about your life pretty much confirms my assumptions about people who have your way of thinking. If my expectations were based on bar people, I would probably have as low of an expectation out of life as you as well.]

I've tried meeting people in speed dating, bars, online dating, work. Nothing has ever worked. I've never found the right person. And upon the rare times where I did meet a guy with a funny personality that i liked, he either didn't like me back or had major personality flaws / characteristics. I've had many guys fall in love with me. These were amazing great guys. But I just never fell in love with any of them.

[Jamie05rhs]

"At a very young age, we are taught that to chase money, prestige, rather than to be true, honest, humble, average life."
@shaysh87 But you just said you want a financially well-off Indian man.
So, those two value preferences kind of contradict each other.
You can't on the one hand say you want a rich man and then on the other hand criticize guys for trying to get rich.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Financially well off does not mean rich. It does not mean wealthy or having millions. It just means he has enough money to comfortably provide for his family. I am financially well off. why can't I expect a man who put in the same effort and dedication to be financially well off as well? It has nothing to do with being shallow. It has to do with being able to support a family well. why would I have kids with a man who cannot support kids? its not practical and makes no sense.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I love hiking and riding bikes as well!

[Jamie05rhs]

And oh; okay. I gotcha.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Having children with a man who cannot adequately support children is similar to trying to have kids with a 40 yr old woman who is out of her child bearing years and needs IVF. If you wanted to have kids, you would go for someone who is in her child bearing years right? you wouldn't go for a woman who is struggling to have kids and then needs IVF.

Same situation. If you I want to have kids, why would I go for a man who cannot support kids?

Kids are expensive nowadays. It would take a combined salary of at least 150k annually to have adequate resources to raise a child from birth to the age of 23 when he finishes college.

[LazerBean]

Why are 30% of married people lonely?

What you described is what every girl wants out of marriage. And truthfully, it's everything that I get out of my own marriage. Another truth is that very few people actually achieve those things from marriage. You know this.

Do you know why?

Because they let their FEELINGS get in the way of them making good long-term decisions. Sometimes those feelings are lust, or passion, and sometimes those feelings are loneliness, or fear, or low-self esteem. Regardless of what those feelings are, when you let your feelings make your decisions for you, you will ALWAYS fail. That has been my only point this whole time. Not that you should marry for "passion", but that you should not marry only because of any feelings at all.

Do you think anybody who gets married expects their marriage to fail? Do you think that any woman expects trauma to arise between her and her husband's family? Do you think any woman expects her husband to become lazy and not want to do things for them anymore? Do you think that any woman expects a family member to turn out to be a child molester who molests their kids? Of course not. Yet those things happen all the time, and you yourself said that 50% of marriages fail. You cannot say that marriage is the cure for your loneliness while also saying that a lot of marriages are worthless. Either it is a cure or it is not.

The very thing that you are so avidly preaching against, which is marrying to satisfy feeling, is also the very same thing that is motivating you to get married and making you fight so hard to defend your opinion.

Why would you still be lonely, you ask? One third out of every married persons can answer that for you.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

if romance was the key to a long-lasting marriage, then why do your divorce rates sit at 40-50%? why don't you explain that to me?

As far as I'm concerned, I'm not worried about an arraigned marriage not lasting. Because according to records, only 4-5% of all arraigned marriages end in divorce.

If I'm wanting something long lasting, I'd definitely go for an arraigned marriage rather than a romance marriage where there is an extremely high chance of divorce.

how do you still brag that you're doing something right when half of all your marriages end in divorce?

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

[What you described is what every girl wants out of marriage. And truthfully, it's everything that I get out of my own marriage. Another truth is that very few people actually achieve those things from marriage. You know this.]

because you need to grow brains and learn ot pick the right family. Just because a marriage is arraigned, it does not mean you go blindly marrying into any family you can get a hold of. You need to make sure that you and that family are a right match, it might take a year of getting to know each other. I need to make an effort to control my bad habits and fit in. I need to get a mother-in-law who isn't annoying, doesn't have personality issues and genuinely loves my company.

There is a list of criteria when it comes to arraigned marriages just as there is criteria when it comes to looking for romance.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 You do make a good point. And that's the main reason I don't want to have kids. They're too much of a financial drain.
(No offense, though.)

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

I think kids are worth every penny on earth. One of the reasons why I have spent years trying to become financially stable is because its my life goal to have kids.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Nothing wrong with that. I support your goals.

[LazerBean]

I'm not sure you even understand what an arranged marriage is by the sounds of it. An arranged marriage, YOU don't do any picking at all. Your family and his family does the picking and arranging, hence the "arranged" part.

[How do you brag that you're doing something right when half of all your marriage is in and divorce?]

If you'll notice, I'm not saying that Americans are doing something right. I'm actually saying you're doing the exact same thing as the Americans are complaining about.

[shaysh87]

@LazerBean

[I'm not sure you even understand what an arranged marriage is by the sounds of it. An arranged marriage, YOU don't do any picking at all. Your family and his family does the picking and arranging, hence the "arranged" part.]

you are soo arrogant and ignorant. what ever gave you the impression that I never have the decision to pick? Arraigned marriages are made based off of an agreement on ALL parties. Both mother / father in laws on the bride and groom's sides of the family including their brothers / sisters / along with the permission of the groom and bride.

Its not like your American romance marriages where your mother / father-in-law absolutely cannot stand you and hates your guts but yet they have to see you anyways.

its time for you to drop your negativity towards arraigned marriages and start respecting it. At least people who do arraigned marriages don't have kids growing up in broken homes being raised by mom and only seeing daddy once a month.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

It was never my intention to not marry for romance. But as a 26 who has never been in a relationship. And I don't see that changing any time soon. I don't want to continue to remain lonely, childless, and neglected for the rest of my life simply because I couldn't find romance. I still want to have children, be taken care of, get to enjoy Christmas and Thanksgiving with family, be welcomed home by family with open arms at the end of the day, have people around me that i can do things with.

why would I let the fact that I cannot find romance screw up the rest of my life? there's so much more to life than romance. I just feel sorry for the rest of the people out there who want children and families yet think they can't ever have those things simply because they just weren't lucky enough to find romance.

And even if they do find romance, there is no guarantee that they will continue to have family because the divorce rate is so high.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I understand.

[Jamie05rhs]

Why do we look down on them? Because they act impulsively and choose the wrong people. And then they get divorced.

[shaysh87]

um... no. In other countries, marriage isn't romanticized as it is in america. In other words, people don't always marry out of romance yet their divorce rates tend to be wayy lower than that of the US. Half of all US marriages end in divorce.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Which country are you from?

[shaysh87]

you don't have to chose the wrong person. you can chose someone you get along with but aren't madly in love with. Its not black and white where it must be someone you are in love with or its someone you can't stand.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I kind of agree but I kind of disagree. I do think you need to be "attached" to the person in some way. If you don't give a f about the person, then you don't really have that magic bond that helps you to stay together.

[shaysh87]

like i said, just because you aren't in love with someone , it doesn't mean you don't give a fuck about them.

often times getting attached comes from the willingness to be attached to them. you can never grow attached to the person if you refuse to be attached.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I mean, sure; I suppose I can agree with that, generally. I just think it's always better when attachment comes naturally.

[shaysh87]

you can't grow attached to someone by repeating to yourself that settling for anything less than romance must mean you can't stand or you don't care for the person. You need to look for reasons why you should be with them rather than why you should not be with them. thats why I mentioned : you can't get attached to someone if you keep looking for reasons for it to not work.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Well, actually, everyone SHOULD be looking for reasons for "why it wouldn't work.". The biggest problem we have today is so many people go NOT do this! They fall in love blindly and ignore all of the red flags.

[Jamie05rhs]

And yes, you should be attached, but never let yourself become attached UNTIL you make sure that they're a good fit for you.

[shaysh87]

Its called compatibility. Things like being able to tolerate each other's flaws, the extent of each other's flaws, similar hobbies, lifestyle habits, money habits all play a role in whether or not a couple will work out. But I'm not picky on finding the perfect person who is perfectly compatible with me because the chances of finding someone like that is like searching for a needle in a hay stack. I'm tolerant of certain differences. After all, we are not carbon copies of each other.

But at the end of the day, there is no perfect match. You're gonna have to compromise on something.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I understand that. I look at it this way, though: If our incompatibilities are going to cause enough annoyance that we will want to end the relationship and get divorced... then I will not date that person.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

You keep repeating that to yourself because you don't truly want to settle for someone you're not romantically in love with. If you truly wanted it , you would look for ways to make things work. There isn't someone that will be 100% perfectly compatible with you. Its like looking for a puzzle piece that will fit you perfectly. There is a good chance you're not gonna find someone like that.

Thats one of the things I look for when it comes to arraigned marriage. I need a man who is truly on board with me on what he is seeking. I can't be married to someone who is constantly looking for reasons why our marriage cannot work.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Actually, foresight and risk assessment is a very important skill, and it will serve you well in life. It can keep you out of a lot of trouble.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

oh yea, i definitely know how to risk assess. but unlike you, I am realistic with what I'm looking for. And I can tell that arraigned marriage is definitely not something for you. Neither is it something you actually want.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

One of the biggest signs a marriage won't last is a man who has no determination to make the marriage work. I won't bother being married to someone like that. This is the way americans think. Stay married during happy times but divorce when times are miserable. This is why a huge chunk of your marriages don't last. You live in a country filled with broken homes, single parents and blended families.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I definitely do not want an arranged marriage. You are absolutely right about that.

[Jamie05rhs]

"One of the biggest signs a marriage won't last is a man who has no determination to make the marriage work. I won't bother being married to someone like that."
I completely agree. And I refuse to get married to a woman like that, either.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Your chances of finding love really decreases as you get older. You think its worth going through the agony of dying alone?

[shaysh87]

For me, I am absolutely exhausted from the search. I have been on 35+ dates without any luck. Even upon the 2-3 times where I did like a guy, he either married, too old, didn't like me back or had severe personality flaws. Currently I am so burn out that I no longer have any interest in meeting new guys because there is such a high chance, I wouldn't be attracted to them. I'm just so tired of meeting guys then getting burned. I've had many guys who liked me, but never could I return any feelings to them. Its such a disappointing and frustrating experience. My loneliness just makes things worse.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I would much rather die alone than go through the agony of an unhappy marriage. (I've always felt this way, by the way.)

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh I'm sorry. 😔. I know the process can be very difficult. Believe me; my search hasn't been easy, either.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

what makes you think that marriage would either be happy or unhappy? you can very well marry someone that you love but you aren't in love with. Someone decent such as a best friend rather than a girlfriend.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I'm saying I wouldn't even be friends with that person, let alone marry them. Because they're annoying.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

So you would never be best friends with anyone?

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 What do you mean?

[shaysh87]

You sound you wouldn't even be friends with that person.

[shaysh87]

Are all people too annoying to you?

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87
Your question was this:

"what makes you think that marriage would either be happy or unhappy? ... Someone decent such as a best friend rather than a girlfriend."

And was saying that I know the marriage would be unhappy if the woman we're talking about is someone who I would not get along with and I would not even be friends with.

[Jamie05rhs]

"And I was"

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

I was referring to marrying a best friend, not referring that you should marry someone who you can't get along with

I dont understand what your problem is

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Oh, then maybe I misunderstood you.

Yes, I totally DO want my wife to be my best friend.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

I think you misunderstood me again. I'm not referring to your wife being your "best friend" and your "girlfriend". I'm referring to you are marrying a purely platonic best friend.

I don't know why this is causing you so much confusion.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I don't know, either. Lol. Sometimes it feels like we're speaking two different languages. 😆

If I decide to marry someone, it isn't going to be platonic anymore from that point moving forward.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

you can't just turn a platonic relationship into romantic overnight after marrying your platonic best friend. You can't force romance.

so, the question again is: would you marry your platonic best friend if you happen to still be single at an older age?

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87. I'm not talking about overnight. And of course I won't force anyone. If she doesn't fall in love with me, I simply will not marry her.

[Jamie05rhs]

And no female would ever be my best friend. I wouldn't allow it. I don't give my heart away to a woman that easily. She would have to be my official girlfriend before I let her get close to me.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

So you will only marry for romance. It makes everything youve said on here about yourself agreeing with me to be completely false. You dont understand why i am marrying into a platonic marriage

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 The reason I always argue with you is because you're very argumentative! LOL. You like to make discussions into arguments. 🤷🙃

[Jamie05rhs]

And no; nothing I said was false.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

you literally just said you totally understand and agreed that it be a good idea for me to marry for stability over romance this entire time. Except up until now, you revealed that you didn't want to marry for stability.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Why should my personal views dictate yours? I'm not your boss.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Because if you agreed with me that its not with the agony of waiting, then I assume you would also say the same thing.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Just because I decide to marry someone who wasn't my first choice, that doesn't mean I won't still try to have a healthy and genuine relationship with them.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Thats hard to say when "someone who isn't my first choice" is impossible to find.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Your 2nd choice is impossible as well? Well, damn! 😅. How far down the list do you have to go, then? 3rd? 4th? 5th?

[Jamie05rhs]

For me personally, my second choice type of woman is extremely easy to find. I've already found several of them. (But I won't tell them that, of course. Because I don't want to lead them on. That would be cruel.)

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

why do you think I have given up all hope?

I can't even find someone who I can settle for.

Upon the rare occasion where I was attracted to someone, he was old ugly married with kids , too old, didn't like me back and had severe personality flaws.

Or even if i met a guy with the personality I liked, would he have the type of character that I'd trust that he would never cheat on me? After 35+ dates, I have enough experience to have developed a very strong intuition on whether or not a relationship has potential to last forever.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Hmm... 🤔. That is a tough one.

Have you ever considered the possibility that you might be demisexual?

[Jamie05rhs]

"After 35+ dates, I have enough experience to have developed a very strong intuition on whether or not a relationship has potential to last forever."
Well, so have I. But you criticized me earlier for that.

[Jamie05rhs]

(Also, just a quick note: One of the first questions you always want to ask when meeting someone is "Are you married?". That will avoid a lot of trouble.)

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

no i am fully capable of falling in love. there was a night i almost fell in love but the guy didn't like me back.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 You almost fell in love in just one night? You just met the guy and start talking to him and then -Boom- you felt like you were in love?

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

Personality is the only way I fall in love. I can't fall in love through sex or cuddling. I like funny guys with a great sense of humor. But guys with humor are hard to find because young modern men lack social skills and charisma nowadays.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

I have the ability to know right from the first date whether or not I will fall in love with someone

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Interesting. Most people call that infatuation, though.

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, how do you know that you can't fall in love through sex? Have you ever tried it before?

[shaysh87]

Love takes years to build. Its not something that is built over a few months or a year. But love can only occur when you have someone that can make you laugh, make you happy just by their presence. All love starts off with infatuation or a crush. Love never starts off on the first date.

[shaysh87]

@Jamie05rhs

you can get attached to someone due to sex. but its very rare that people fall in love due to sex. Even if it somehow happens that you fall in love due to sex due to chemicals that occurs in the brain after sex, the relationship won't be sustainable long term unless there is real chemistry and mental attraction between both partners.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 You say that all love starts off with infatuation or a crush. But previously you said that even people in arranged marriages can eventually learn to love each other. So apparently there is such a thing as a slow burn.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh, I 1000% agree with your last statement!!

[shaysh87]

You can love someone but not be "in love" with them.

There is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

In arraigned marriages, you love your spouse, but you are not "in love" with your spouse.

[shaysh87]

By your age, you seem to be very inexperienced when it comes to dating.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 I disagree. I believe that many people in arranged marriages actually DO fall in love! (Not all of them, of course. But some.)

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Why do you call me inexperienced?

[shaysh87]

I don't think you have the experience to understand the difference between loving someone and falling in love.

[shaysh87]

You may have love, but not be in love, if you enjoy spending time with your partner but aren't attracted to them. “There has to be an element of passion, desire, physical attraction to go from love to being in love,” Cramer says. “No matter how much we want it to happen, it's not something you can will.”

www.bustle.com/.../difference-between-loving-your-partner-being-in-love-with-them-according-to-experts

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 You and I are on an equal playing field, honey. You haven't had a relationship, either.

[Jamie05rhs]

What the hell is "Bustle"? Lol. Is that like BuzzFeed?

[shaysh87]

We're definitely not on an equal playing field. I have certain understanding of things that you don't.

Loving someone is caring about their wellbeing but not necessarily sacrificing yourself for them, not necessarily excited to see them, no real passion. Its possible to live without them.

Being in love with someone is thinking about them all day, rushing home all excited to see them, sacrificing yourself for their wellbeing, not being able to live without them.

[shaysh87]

Loving someone: You kiss them.

Being in love : you kiss them passionately.

[Jamie05rhs]

LOL. You have a certain "understanding," do you? Like what?

[shaysh87]

The fact that you're asking questions and I'm answering them.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Yeah. I'm interrogating you. 😆

[shaysh87]

you're not interrogating anyone. you're genuinely clueless.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Haha. Believe whatever you want, Shug.

[shaysh87]

Maybe you should've tried to hide it better than to accuse others of seeing what they've seen.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Accuse who of what?

[shaysh87]

Clearly you don't have the maturity to handle the situation.

[Jamie05rhs]

@shaysh87 Clearly we're a perfect match, then.

[shaysh87]

Its ok not to know everything. But it only matters how an individual handles the situation.