I honestly am completely okay with being single right now. I'm so done with being with toxic men. Maybe I'm the problem though. I don't know. That's what I want to figure out.
Yeah, I was depressed at first and kind of just wanted someone because all my friends had someone, and my parents wanted me to have someone. I just turned 30 and I've never actually dated. The closest I came to "dating" was online. My last real life "girlfriend" was in 6th grade. In middle school I wasn't interested in them at all, then I tried dating freshman year of high school, but after being rejected, I gave up. I didn't talk to girls at all until I got to college, and I only started flirting my last semester. There was one girl in Uni, I asked her to "hang out", just to see where it would go, but that all went to shit. It was also in uni where I tried to steal a guy's girlfriend, but that also went to shit. Then when I started working I became more interested in just developing a strong friendship and seeing where it goes, but all the girls I was interested in were taken.
The two strongest romantic connections/feelings I've had were online. One girl just stopped talking to me, and the other only likes me as a very close friend.
Then a couple months ago, I met a very amazing girl at work. She's actually single, but claims she's only interested in women now, but this isn't necessarily a bad thing, because since she's not attached/committed to anyone, we can at the very least built a very strong friendship. So I've come to realize that I don't need dating or a girlfriend, I just need someone loyal who will show me compassion. Despite my age, I still don't feel ready for a committed relationship. If one came around, and I knew she would accept me the way I am, I wouldn't object to it. But for now, I've come to realize that just hanging out and having a strong connection on a friendly level is enough for me. I don't need to date. If I'm completely honest, my most ideal would be a Friend With Benefits, as I seem to crave more of the sexual aspect of a relationship. So this way I could still have some fun, while keeping my options open by not have to comit to something as big as a relationship. With the girl I'm currently talking to, I've been trying to get her to hang out. So far, she's already given me some of the things I listed above, and there are definitely perks to being close friends with a girl who's into women.
I decided not to waste my energy focusing on something I can't get and instead learn how to be happy and make the best with what I CAN get.
I'm alright... I don't date around much anyway, or at all
I've been in fairly few relationships that had lasted years, and they went well, ended well too so I don't really have any reasons to be fed up with relationships, they've been rewarding
being single has never been an issue to me either, I like to be okay on my own and I can do that
the future will happen on it's own, it usually does... lol
That's really cool that your relationship experience has been so chill. I'm curious as to why you guys split if things were so good, but I understand that some people want more but are adults about it.
in short and more simple... with my first two relationships we were just very young, and the last two we had very different plans for the next years of our lives and they didn't connect or match well at the time
my first girlfriend, we were teens in high-school, so we knew that we would not want to end up married for the rest of our lives, not only we wanted to experience life but we were also in the middle of growing up, lol
second girlfriend was very early 20's in college age, and similarly... we had very different plans, she was going to finish college and continue studies + career, and I was still working on my own plans and future business and we did not want to marry that young, so we knew that if we continued our relationship, we would have ended up probably married young so we decided not to complicate things
third and fourth girlfriend were similar, different life plans, and at the moment different needs... I was starting a business that didn't let me move that much, while they were going after careers and ventures that required to move and even go places around the world, so, while everything else was there... there was not the best match in career-wise, and location wise, and then we just did not want to force one or the other to sacrifice their happiness in order to satisfy the other, it didn't seem fair and while we tried, we didn't find an alternative solution at the time, so we did it for the best of both
My opinion is there is nothing wrong with you! After getting out of toxic situations you need time for self love and healing more than ever. Our heart and mind usually tell us what we want and right now your meant to just focus on yourself and when you are ready and you meet the right person you both will just add to each other’s lives🤗
It’s quite exhausting. Especially when you only find men that aren’t looking for anything serious. I would say I’m on the verge of being done but I’m hopeful that one day I’ll find someone
I understand the frustration. That's good you're staying open about it still though. There are many good men out there, we just have to be patient and see the red flags ahead of time.
Good for you. Figuring it out is the important part. The problem with dating today, is everyone thinks they're perfect. Unhealed trauma is glamorized, so most people are choosing self destructive behaivor which only hurts themselves even more. We all have had bad relationships, so the key is to heal from them before going back out to date. Best of luck.
I definitely don't see myself as perfect at all. I just have always been someone who likes to look at things from both sides instead of being biased. I agree healing before getting involved with someone else is so important. Thank you! Same to you.
Yup! Got tired of women sh*tting on me for being too short, not good enough looking, not white, not rich, and so on. All of whom were mediocre-at-best women (not that I judge on looks). I can't grow any taller, and I'm not going to simp or debase myself for anyone, so I put women behind me.
It's made me a much more honest person because there's literally nothing I want from most of them anymore. Women don't like honesty, so now, some of them call me "an incel" and try to talk crap because I don't kiss their ass like most men still do. So now I just sh*t on these girls and mock their stupidity and intellectually shatter their self-esteem by pointing out their flaws and insecurities and holding a mirror up to them.
"The monsters have made me king of the monsters." Or "I learned from the best and became what you turned me into." Or some other edgelord/cringey line to go here.
Dang. That sounds brutal. I don't get why height matters so much to most women. I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds like it taught you things though. Just so long as it hasn't turned you completely biased and you still see each person for who they are.
I now treat everyone the same and give back the same respect I'm given, regardless of who they are. Most men treat women better than they do other men, in hopes of dating/sleeping with them. Since that's not a realistic option for me, I don't have to kiss women's behinds anymore and treat them the same way I do men, which many aren't used to.
I haven't given up, but the fact that virtually no (single) women I've met since about when COVID started were interested in anything other than fuckbuddies has been pretty discouraging to say the least.
Also my female coworkers (all but one anyway) are pretty openly sleeping around with multiple guys at once, and the exception has cut guys out of her life pretty much entirely. Just watching the next generation and how they treat each other is pretty depressing, and I think many are either numb or don't realize it...
Yup. I’ve done been fed up for a long time now. My answer to your suggestion, “Maybe I’m the problem.”, was that i’m always 50% of the problem, more or less. That was a reckoning for me. Society was constantly telling me that i’m always 100% of the problem, and my nature denied that i was ever the problem. Took lots of reading, self reflection, and conversations with other men to get to the “truth”. That realization compelled me to knock off dating. Then i met a remarkable woman out of the thin blue. It was good for awhile, very good. Then one day i just wasn’t good enough anymore. Haven’t dated since. Neither do i have any desire or intention.
I took down my online profiles on dating sites when the lockdowns began then the price of everything went through the roof. Been single for too long, However, not long enough to temp me to jump into a relationship just because I want to live with a woman. Till the economy improves I will stick to living with my little dog and masturbating as often as necessary to curb the urge to go out and do something really expensive and stupid.
Nothing wrong with single also not saying your toxic but probably the problem. Reason I say this opposites attract most people that aren't toxic end up meeting mainly toxic people and they pass on others because there's no attraction. Don't get me wrong there's the odd bunch that both are normal or both toxic
I definitely have no issue being single. I'm actually really enjoying the freedom. And true, I've seen that a lot where opposites are together. It concerns me because I'm an empath and I've read and learned that narcissists love empaths because we avoid conflict. So, for them we're easily controlled or manipulated. I just don't want to put myself in that position again.
Not sure what that word means but ever man controlling in some way if they care about there girlfriend. Same goes for females they controlling to and say your not and answer one question have you ever bribed you man with sex or affection when he mad or you want something. Most of the time it's just don't be around certain people that don't respect relationship or something simple like demanding spending time together. But if there's no control then they don't care about you, you can tell them bye they'll move to next. In a relationship your each others everything, and yes that includes property. Now as bad as that sounds it's true if you're not willing to dedicate to that person time, love, and make sure they are satisfied in every way possible then your not being serious with them. Now doesn't mean you have to do everything compromise on what doesn't matter and what does Matter stand your ground. But even in poly relationship there's boundaries and expectations. So don't say you want something serious if you're wanting to do whatever you want.
Also to add to again nothing wrong with controlling people being protective it's a form of controlling, it's the reason and motives that matters, and how you do it if you're kind and caring. People need to stop judging so hard without trying to figure out reason why people do certain things.
I'm not sure which word you're referring to. Narcissist or Empath? Or, something else? I can honestly say I have never bribed any man for anything. And, I definitely put everything into my relationships. I even stop talking to my guy friends if they say they don't like it. I think that's my problem. I let them control me without realizing it. I don't stand my ground because I'm afraid of it causing a fight. Then, before you know it an inch turns into a mile.
Mb, as for you stopping hanging with certain friends, especially male friends or the ones that are a bad influence that's respect and loyalty. If you're serious and wanting to be long term maybe creat a family you focus on the relationship not others, and yes that goes both ways. But as for bribe not always as bribe tbh most of the time it more like a trade off.
I agree to a point. I never have wanted my boyfriend's to stop talking to their female friends. I've never had an issue with it. So, I would like to hope they would feel the same about my friends, so long as it never became an issue obviously. But, I never wanted them to feel like they couldn't trust me, so I would just distance myself with my guy friends.
I'm still unsure about what you mean by bribing or trade off. I've never traded or bribed in any of my relationships. Maybe this is something other people do though I'm assuming. Seems deceitful.
Maybe just been my luck and what I seen. From dressing up when they want something subduction something always happens to try getting what they want and tbh I don't blame them shit I like it honestly at times
Yes I'm fed up with women that treat my commitment like its a game, so much so I've stopped looking for now & focusing on working on myself instead. I'm a realist, I'm 42 & my chances of finding a women with her pair bonding intact is next to 0.
I gave up dating/trying to find a partner 14-15 years ago. They're all gold diggers anyway and are incapable to love anyone else but themselves, not to mention I don't have a paracetamol for women, so it's pointless to even try.
I have zero respect for gold diggers. And, being shallow and superficial, women tend to throw themselves at the guy with a rapidly depreciating fancy car over the guy with real estate and a stock portfolio.
While I don’t respect hold diggers, and I see how inept women are at picking out men who are accumulators of wealth, I understand them. In my pre-fed-up days, I had women turn me down to go out with drugged-out, brain-dead, chronically unemployed losers and chest-thumping, strutting ass holes. If they turned me down for rich guys, I’d understand!
I, personally, am not sick of dating, but I was for a long time. The big thing that changed for me is that I forgave my father, mother and brother for the way they treated me growing up, and then I learned how to set healthy boundaries in my relationships.
my dating life got a million times better once I did that
Yeah, but she lives in Bulgaria and I haven't talked to her in at least 10 years. I'd LOVE to get Hope over here and I'm pretty sure she'd love it, too!
We only talked online and, when she finally left her abusive hubby, she had no way to access me, anymore. She was not very good with computers and had to have her 12 year old daughter show her what to do. She's at least 5 hours ahead of me, tine zone-wise.
I know her name and have tried looking her up but couldn't find her. Nadejda Moncheva. Problem is, that might be her married name, if she''s going by her maiden name, I don't know what it is. I know her kids' names, too and have had no luck looking them up, either. I had a British friend of mine living over there a few years ago and he said he'd try to find her for me but he had no luck, either. I imagine she's already found someone else by now and probably thinks I have, too and just isn't bothering to look anymore.
That's so sad. I really hope they run into her someday. I've had to look for people sometimes and all I knew was there first name. So, I'd type (first name) and then either the area or town they lived in and just would scroll through the list. I came up successful a couple times surprisingly.
When I was talking to her, I know she was working for some company that built sidewalks and such. She was one of the people that actually did that work. She hardly knew any English at all and I only new about 4 words in Russian so, we had to use translators to understand what we were saying to each other. That might be hard because she lived in a town called, Lovech which was actually in another town called, Lovech. For all I know, she re-married and had more kids!
I've never had sex with someone outside a exclusive relationship myself. due to my own morals and believing that sex is meant as a relationship tool. to help a couple bond on a deeper level and weather both the good and bad times.
I didn't say I am. I said there's always a possibility. I think it's good for people to look at themselves instead of always blindly pointing the blame on everyone else.
@2Wheels Well I could see where you may he the problem. You made the statement but when asked to articulate why, you deflected and looked to use general phrases vs accepting responsibility for your shortcomings. You claim people should look at themselves but you're not really doing that, you're pretending to but in your original statement you lay the blame on "toxic men" which is what you accuse others of doing.. if you really were looking at yourself sounds like you would have tangible critiques.
Wow. 🤦♀️ Maybe learn to read and you won't make yourself look like a complete fool. 😆 I never said other people need to look at themselves. (I was referring to myself.) I said that it's important for people (yes, including me.) to look at themselves. And that I'm in the process of learning about myself which MIGHT lead to things that COULD be the problem. Now, go be a troll somewhere else. 👋
No. I just treat it with the seriousness it deserves. I know most women do not take dating serious. Ergo I don't take most women serious. If the dynamic changes I'll change with it. 🙂
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