So I’ve been with my narcissistic boyfriend for 7years that I met through Xbox and moved from tx to ks for. Well at first our relationship was great then I don't know he started becoming what I’d assume mentally and emotionally abusive. Judging me by tattoos and telling me I drive like shit calling me stupid sometimes if I don’t take the exit he wants etc also telling me he’s not attracted to my stomach but if I go to the gym etc yet I’m super skinny I’ll attach a pic of me can't say I’m that great looking but whatever. Well I noticed some red flags too with his mom she’s really hateful and always causing worse issues in our relationship and seems narcissistic herself well I’ve became kind of controlling to where I don’t want him talking to her to protect my peace because I’m so drained from what I deal with daily with my boyfriend and then his mom is added crap and it’s not like me to do that. I know I should leave but I don't know why it’s so hard to leave this relationship it’s not always like this with him sometimes theirs great times. But his mom I don't know she’s always starting shit and posting quotes towards me on fb and etc.
Updates
1 y
What should I do with the mom situation cause I don't know anymore but he also treats me way worse when he talks to her and I’m scared
Yes I was married to a person like this. It did not start out like that, but over time she became more and more obsessive and abusive in the relationship... all mental and emotion abuse. Again there were some very good times, but then there was these bouts we it was very toxic, then better then toxic, then better, to eventually extremely manipulative and controlling behaviors all the time. It start with good days and bad days, every few months, to every few weeks to almost every other day to the point that it was something I completely quit trying to deal with. It took years to fully come full circle for me.
So I can only tell you what you already know for yourself you need to get out of that relationship, and the sooner the better. Most people who have never lived with or deal with some one like this will never understand the level of emotional and mental manipulation that goes on, and how easy it is to back slide into these types of relationship when nothing in your life prior has prepared you for it.
Its so hard for you because you, I will assume are like I was, love the person they could be and who you thought they were and would be. I loved the idea of being in love with this person... but it wasn't really love I was just fooling myself. And they never were the person I thought they were and they never became the person I knew they could be... I was fooling myself every step of the way as I lived through a toxic relationship that was constantly spiraling on down trajectory, making up excuses every step of the way down, that seemed rational and completely logical at the time.
By year 10 I mostly stayed to protect my children and by year 22 I had to admit I failed in that as well.
Look I don't know you, and I don't really know all the details or circumstances... but all I can say is please don't let something like this happen to you. If you can read this an pull anything from it and prevent it from happening to you then maybe there is some good that comes of my experience. But trust me, if you fool yourself into thinking you got it under control and you can deal with it, and that eventually things will be better or as good as they should be... well your lying to yourself. That the mind trap your falling into and people like this choose their victims very wisely.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
This question spurs more questions from would-be responders. It's hard not to judge... I'll try. Why is he a "Narcissistic" boyfriend? What do you mean, you can't say you're "Great-looking or whatever?" You seem great-looking from the pic. I'm sure you have a great relationship. Stay away from the Mom. Be a bigger person and interject helpful insights amicably, tactfully. It's not easy. Your choice to stay in it. If it gets too toxic, your choice also to get out.
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Asker
1 y
He belittles me all the time, puts me down, gives me the silent treatment, judges everything I do from my driving to what I cook to how I make something, calls me stupid at times, then one day will be the complete opposite.
You aren't going to leave until you are ready to leave. Even if you know you should, deep down you aren't happy and you deserve better. But you are afraid of starting over, or afraid you'll never find anyone else, you'll be alone. That's common feelings when leaving. Trust that You will find someone that will truly love you and not make you feel like shit. It's hard and scary and sad and lonely but it's something you gotta learn to get through, every women goes through this especially with that first real boyfriend and all the time wasted it sucks hard. But please understand you will be happier out of this situation. Maybe not at first but eventually.
He is more loyal towards his mom as you can see he is even doing bad things only because of his mom. You should get out of the relationship because from what I notice it is getting worse by time and would become more worse later on. It would be mentally damaging for your future kids as well because their dad would always judge them and they would build up many insecurities. However if you aren't ready yet then it is high time you talk about this to him. If he doesn't gives an logical explanation then leave him.
I have to say this but, if you wanna experience less stressful and scary and unsafe moments, you need to set things straight! I mean with yourself. You have to be honest to yourself that do i really wanna keep this relationship or i think of sth else... Then if yes, you'll need to kinda get adapted to the situation because talking to him or his mom in My opinion won't help! If no then, just cut it and have your logical reasons.
First of all I hope it's okay for me to say but you are a very attractive woman.
Secondary well from what I've read he is being abusive and making you doubt yourself and that I think is why your finding it hard to leave also when you account for the mother being worse maybe it's making you think that if she would stop it would get better? And because it's not all the time it's easy to remember the good things and such and that makes you doubt your decision again. I also think he is part of the reason your maybe doubting/judging your decision and your looks with his abusive comments.
I do think you should leave him for your health as I don't think it will get better and your already sounds like your having health issues. Do you have family or friends you can maybe turn to for help?
Also I want to say it you need someone to talk to I don't mind listening.
This guy's a mommas boy. You're never going to compete with his mother. Be a lesson for this guy and get home. I wouldn't say there's anything grossly wrong with what he's done. There are some women he'd be perfect for, I just don't think you're one of them.
You just need a little more confidence in yourself. You look pretty good so I'm sure your insecurities stem from someplace else. I wouldn't waste my time with this dude though
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Asker
1 y
He puts me down all the time like if I get a pimple or just my tattoos from what I wear etc so I think it makes me feel insecure
That would make anyone feel insecure after a while. Why wouldn't it?
I would dump him and move on. You deserve some say in your life and if you're not gonna get that, you need to be given respect at the very least. If he doesn't respect you, that's a very bad position you're putting yourself in.
By the sounds of it is Real that he is still "momma's boy", he has been raised with xbox, and pizza... he never think/done things "outside the box"... So if you Value your mind/life... get the fk out before is too late, that sounds like a TOXIC relationship... You will be Controlled all your life! And i don't think you'll want that!.
GET OUT BEFORE HE KNOCKS YOU UP TO KEEP YOU THERE. Narcissists will absolutely knock you up to tie you down, even as they make you feel unwanted. Happened to my sister twice with the same man. Each time she was ready to kick him out, she just so happened to get pregnant...
It's never going to get better, I know it's a hard thing to do, to either relationship but it's time. You have no idea how many times I've seen this. The sooner you do it the happier you will be. Trust me
It seems to me that you should end this relationship. You don't get in with his mum. Red flag. He is abusive. Red flag. Those two things alone are enough for that relationship to fail. Move on.
He will kill you one day, and I'm not exaggerating.
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2 Reply
Asker
1 y
I’ve been in the hospital a lot from stress have chest pains all the time and sometimes feel that way. He doesn’t hit me but the mental and emotional abuse is a lot
This seems to be the mother/son equivalent of “daddy issues” for women. You can’t fix him and he will probably get worse with time. I would start planning my way out if I were you.
That kid is obviously controlled by his mother and probably gets most of his mental problems from her. His loyalty will always be with his mother so i suggest you gtfo as soon as possible! Its a huge red flag
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