Did I get "friendzoned"?

[Zesty37384]

I'm terrible when it comes to dating and would like to set some advice.

I went for a coffee with this girl I worked with. I no longer worker there.

We would often tease each other. I left the place without a chance to ask her out. I saw her again and we got coffee to catch up.

When I texted her we should do it again sometime and she hit me with the "yea absolutely, the others would also be happy to see you too." When I replied she didn't leave me on read the chat went on for a bit — although it likely the case she's just being nice.

I've ran into her a few times since then and she would still tease me. Granted it could be her personality. I don't fully know her.

Honestly, this girl has a lot of great qualities I look for in girl. She's smart, she challenges me, she has this cheerful personality.

She is older and right now we are in different places in life.

I'd be more than happy to chat with someone in DMs to provide more context.

[SueShe]

Ah, the infamous friendzone...

You probably never left that zone in the first place. Only those that are in a relation with the target person are not in that zone. You having never had that privilege, are indeed in the friendzone. At least that is the way I see it.

She agreed to have a coffee with you but for her, it was solely to reminisce and to talk about the "good old times" when you worked together. She is not expecting to be hit on and that is also why she initially said that others from her workplace should tag along as well. She probably does not see you as a date. Also, you mention that both of you are in different places in life. That simply means that she is probably further ahead and that she does not view you as a potential date.

I believe that you should leave things in the friendzone and not attempt to hit on her. It is obvious that she is not interested in dating right now.

[PrettyPriya]

It is possible she just views you as a friend. That is something multiple meetups will tell you. If it just seems like friendly meetings, then I would say yes, she just views you as a friend. If she is flirty with you or the meetups get more date like (think dinner and movie, etc) then there is a chance she wants more than friends.

It is very hard to say since we don’t know how things went and if she was flirting with you. There should be pretty clear signs if she was.

The next time you plan something, you can reply “okay, great. Then it’s a date” and see what she says. That doesn’t necessarily mean her response will indicate she views it as a date but worth a shot.

My only concern is you say you are in different places in your lives. That isn’t exactly a good thing when it comes to a relationship. To have a solid chance at a relationship working, two people really need to click on a lot of levels. That is unlikely if you are in different places.

[Zesty37384]

At worst, I would say it's playful teasing. Which is what I probably think it is. I don't know her enough however.

Most of the interactions I had with her have mostly been 1 on 1. This includes back when we worked in the same office.

The office thing was a few months ago but and I've been super busy. We've only had small conversations since then. But we both haven't talked to each other through text since I messaged her after coffee mostly because I've been busy and am a huge chicken.
TLDR: I had some setbacks in life and currently I have a worse job then I did before - the place I used to work with her. She did push me as to why I'm still at my current job when we had coffee. Which did give the vibes that it was deal breaker. She ask why I did/haven't found a good job and honestly I didn't have a good answer

However, I am in the process of trying to better my future. If looking at where both of us are in live she is definitely more ahead than I am. And i think the age difference plays a difference.

So she's definitely waaay out of my league.

[Smoothing]

You have not made your interest known. You can't begin to worry about it. You used to work together so she already knows you therefore, it is more than likely that she would not turn you down if you asked to meet up or hang out.

If you are wishing for her to date you, you have to make your interest known. As far as it stands. You haven't asked her out so she has no Idea. There is a nig difference between friends or former work colleagues getting together and actually going on a adate.

What happened was two former work colleagues getting together it was never a date in her mind e en though you assumed so.

You have not been friend zoned. You have just never dated.

[Guy13]

You are being too whimsy for her. Make two Options and these are her choices. Time date place be ready at this time elements in both Options WITH a Vision of Evening. “Details are subject to agreed upon spontaneous change.”-she will test that SO be aware and move in her way at that Point in Time. Tell non sexist jokes…animal ones are good (Ahh, he makes me laugh) and be “On-Point Attentive”(In the Moment by your display actions and sense of what’s best for her in all things).-Simple as moving her to the non-car traffic side on the sidewalk…. Laugh and “that” kind of Man-Up Attending can get anyone laid. 💪

[Anonymous]

Yes, probably.