Let’s be real. Most guys on GAG are not the happiest bunch. We tend to be long time single, broken up/divorced, never been a relationship, in a relationship but having major problems, etc. If we really were in a true meaningful relationship (not the exact same as “happy” but it means it’s solid) then chances are we wouldn’t be on here unless we are bored.
I’m 41. I’ve been in 3 long relationships in the last 8 years and every single one of them ended horribly. Not to say I was completely in the right in all of them. But I can honestly say there definitely much more conceit, selfishness and malice on the other side than vice versa.
I’ve had some flings and hook ups in the interim. But dating has gotten hard VERY hard. I know my age is part of it (and i know I look good for my age) but I also think this culture has increasingly gotten more anti male.
Anyway when I am brutally honest with myself I felt like I haven’t “grown up” the way I thought I would. But the fact I rarely come across available classy women doesn’t help either. I don’t expect women to be perfect but I do expect them to grow the f*ck up on how they communicate and show respect to men. But I’ve met grown ass women in their 30s who STILL think that ghosting, friendzoning, intentionally shit-testing men is “okay”.
Have you or anyone you known persevered over this and finally got someone decent? Honestly I don’t want to even try even more. It’s one thing if you experience what I described above in your 20s. But when women in their 30s do it to you it’s whole another level.
Bro, I can tell you I've been there and still struggle. Every time I think I picked a "good one," I end up finding out we're not really compatible. That would explain why I'm not rich!
Here's what I think, however, about how to go for gold. Before you become entirely pessimistic or completely give up the chase, get some serious advice from a professional. If you are habitually trying to find your golden calf advice on sites like this, that could be a major factor in your disappointments. Seriously, don't rely on buddies or other girls, etc., etc. Put out a few bucks to get a reality check in a few counseling sessions.
Look for a counselor that will work with you on these types of techniques:
... designed specifically for men include:
* Integrative counseling (combines the most effective methods)
* CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
* Solution-focused, problem solving therapy
* Anger management & mindfulness methods
* Relationship counseling
* Men’s therapy groups
And make certain the counselor has these available:
* Goal oriented
* Direct, actionable, and collaborative (most important)
* Focused on solutions (Yeah, like really!)
* Male counselor (You really need to focus and not waste your money, no?)
I’ve actually been chatting with a counselor for a while.
Tbh I’ve engaged in both positive and negative behavior over the years. I’ve done some amazing things but out of loneliness I’ve done some self destructive crap as well.
We all do the self-destructive stuff... You are perfectly normal in that respect. It's how we learn from it and apply the right things for the next time is what counts. Relationships really aren't easy. I hate even typing that, but it's the honest truth. We all make big blunders early in our relationships, later when we've married or "gotten serious." What's bad is when you invest 15 or 20 years in a relationship (yes, my experience talking) when you wake up one day and say to yourself, "What the hell just happened?" It's better to learn who you are now, apply better strategy and interpersonal techniques, and continue to hone your super powers up front. Then you can live with yourself the rest of your life—even if she turns out to be a lemon. (Yeah, don't ask me about that!)
Thanks for your feedback.
Tbh I want to do things the right way. But there is nothing worse when I invest my time, heart, hope and money doing just to experience what I mentioned above. I’ve already been exploited more than once here. Feel like I’m better off doing my own thing and getting an escort occasionally to get my needs met. Seriously I never thought I would be like it my 20s. But when I got in my mid 30s and disgusted with how some grown ass women were still acting. I know I sometimes said and did stupid things in my 20s. But when legitimately dating I definitely communicate and behave differently now vs. back then. But seriously there is a stereotype that grown men are “Peter pans” yet in reality there a ton of fucking Wendys out there.
I hear you... not a lone ranger on that.