I recently asked out a guy to see if I’m into guys- feeling odd having gone out with a girl despite (to my knowledge) not being into girls - weird?

[VIVANT]

As i mentioned a while beck I said yes to a women I work with who Ashlee me out bc I like her as a person and bc she’s cute and bc she asked and bc I had no hard reason to say no & I like to stay open minded. It went well but it was like hanging out with a friend, as expected.

i recently asked out a guy to kind of get rid of the feeling I had from going out with someone I’m not properly into. I’m just wondering I’m not into anyone now or if it was bc I’m not bi.

I didn’t ask him out in hopes of starting any relationship & definitely not to have sex just to go on a date & see how it goes. I think that’s ok bc not much should be expected from one date anyhow. But I’m not sure.

It’s odd but not bad

It’s bad

It’s ok

Other

Updates

1 y

Ok I need to rephrase this I think I said it weirdly. I DO NOT FEEL WEIRD OR BAD going out with a girl—I’d go out again with someone else if I like them. I feel weird that I felt nothing bc I liked her & she is attractive & into me and i thought We had a connection & I just dk why I felt nothing…I may just feel nothing for any people these days I don't know 🤷🏻‍♀️

So I asked a guy out who I likewise like and find attractive who yes I’d see again-It’s not a game. And well, I guess we’ll see.

Updates

1 y

I have a problem. I told him if he wants to meet up meet me after swim @ the fountain on Thursday’s (bc I’m always same place at 8 pm) but I realized if I’m stressed or tired or something came up after I swim I may not feel like dealing with someone. Originally I thought this was a good idea bc it keeps things casual for everyone no pressure- which I prefer- now I think it was short sighted & potentially more stressful than a plan. Should I leave it or fix it & How do I fix it?

[ChiTown33]

I'm not an expert. But going on all you have posted in the time you've been on here I just don't think you've found the person. But maybe that's just because I don't know of anyone who is... I don't want to use the term asexual (because you posted that hugs are harder for you than having sex leading me to believe it's not sexual attraction) asexual is the term, but it seems like it's more no emotional connection with anyone. Not lack of emotion, just emotional connection to them. So I feel like the term doesn't fit. I suppose it's possible you're not interested. And may never be interested in anyone. Forgive me, but I just can't fathom that. I'm not judging I just can't fathom it.

I'm not going to pry. But most people who have troubles with connection to others have experienced some sort of trauma that is the catalyst for it.

[VIVANT]

Ohh I see yeah I meant Hugs are harder bc I’m uncomfortable intellectually confronting wanting affection but I do want it —- whereas sex I’m indifferent to do when I say a hug is harder I mean the intellectual stigma I attach to it not the physical action itself 😊

I’ve been in love but just the one tone snd I wasn’t comforts nor the entire time bc I never reconciled that I’d love anyone snd I was too used to being detached I couldn’t adjust kit in the tone that the person needed confirmation I just take a long tone to adjust and people tend to feel insecure if you take too long 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do think I’m probably somewhat asexual and somewhat bi since I’m somewhat sexually ambivalent on the exact sex if the person may not matter so much

[ChiTown33]

So what your saying it isn't the hug itself, it's the expectation that comes with it? That if 2 people hug it's generally because they care about eachother. And you don't necessarily always know how you feel so it messes with you mentally because you don't want that feign feelings you do not have or hurt the other person's feeling? Or am I still not getting it.

I get the whole "people wanting love returned on thier timeline" so to speak comment. I feel like this every woman i think shows interest to me. I don't want to say anything that's not true or mislead her in anyway. But I can only give what I feel. To do otherwise would be dishonest.

[ChiTown33]

So I feel like every woman that takes an interest in me that a clock has started. Cause I don't blame them if they feel it's not being returned.

[VIVANT]

No not at all 😊 I may worry that the other persons I’ll think I expect more. That’s a pressure but not the main one. I’m just uncomfortable with affection. It makes me feel weak. Well not so much now but before.

[ChiTown33]

Weak? As in NOT in contril?

[ChiTown33]

Control*

[VIVANT]

Something like that yes 😊

[OlderAndWiser]

If you went on the first date and you felt a spark and wanted to see him again, would you have agreed to a second date? If so, then there's nothing weird or bad about it.

[VIVANT]

I suppose I would yes. You’re right I’m not “ using him” I’m just retina to get back to an equilibrium.

[the_sinner]

Damn Viv you’re autocorrect seems to be broken. Retina 😄

[VIVANT]

@the_sinner
😂 I have no idea what that was even supposed be either 🙊

[OlderAndWiser]

"trying"

[KatherineJ]

So I’m just making sure I understand what you are asking:

You asked him out for why? As a friend, or just to get rid of the memory of going out with a girl?

[VIVANT]

No I phrased this poorly lol I wasn’t trying to get rid of a memory I am trying to figure it out if I felt nothing bc I’m not into girls or bc I’m not into anyone. In both cases I like them & they are attractive so no reason I should feel nothing

[KatherineJ]

@VIVANT whether you are into girls or guys, it’s more than just physical beauty that causes us to be attracted to someone in a romantic/sexual sense.

[VIVANT]

Oh I know I “ like” thrm it’s not just looks. I just felt really numb. Which feels weird.

[Pinay_ako]

First of all, yay! You asked a guy out!
second, no it’s not weird..

[VIVANT]

😊 Yeah I don’t like being ashes put bc I have to wonder about the motive. At least I know my motives are direct literally just meet up see how it goes.

[Pinay_ako]

Yea I like straight up!

[VIVANT]

ASKED*

Lol every time 🤦🏻‍♀️

[VIVANT]

Same pin, same. straight: up. ⬆️

[Pinay_ako]

Girl I gotchu the first time 🥰

[VIVANT]

I hope everyone else did too with “Ashlee” 😂

[Pinay_ako]

That a little bit confused me 😂 but dw

[VIVANT]

lol I don’t want to waste an entire update on one typo I’m hoping the good people of gag can sort through it 😁😆

[lightbulb27]

You can go out with people and feel nothing even if they look good. Feelings aren’t looks… they are deeper than that.


The purpose of all this is subconscious fulfillment both in mating and in feeling loved…. Your early life emotional experiences that conveyed love.


To feel something you have to feel open to allow vulnerability and connect. That may be turned down or off.

[lightbulb27]

if you can contact him, just followup and confirm you'll be there and suggest some food to have and leave it at that. make it fun, life should be fun...:)

[VIVANT]

oh what I mean is I don’t think meeting after swim is a good plan even if I know in advance it will make me not want to work as hard so I’m not tired after. Should I suggest we 1 make a plan and 2 not after lap swim? Or ask if he wants to. I don’t even know if it’s rude to suggest something differnt or better to ask. And yeah this isn’t fun it’s stressful af 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️

[lightbulb27]

stick with the plan if there is one. after you work hard, you hungry, so that good excuse to eat together.

If you can't, then suggest another plan that's better, but only do that once.

[VIVANT]

I do t eat after drinking it’s too late in the day it’s a whole metabolism thing I’ve gone toned. I think you’re right if I switch just once it’s ok but if I do it more it’s sketchy

[Lliam]

Totally cool. And you're right, "not much should be expected from one date."

Going on dates is how you get to know people. You'll never meet a person who you really like and find intriguing unless you do. Dating is part of living in the real world. They don't imply that you need to do anything you are uncomfortable with.

[VIVANT]

For sure I wish this was a commonly understood or agreed to, premise.

[AimeeKyle]

People can be nice, friendly and good looking without there being a connection or have that something that makes you want to go out again. It’s part of the dating process.

I would do more interpersonal reflection to better understand your personal preferences and what gets your juices flowing….

[VIVANT]

I know myself fairly well I did say I liked them. not just that they were attractive. 😊

[Juxtapose]

There's an easy way to figure out if you are bisexual or not. Open up a porn video of a man and a woman fucking, the best looking ones you can find. The ones you are turned on by, that determines your sexuality.

[VIVANT]

I’m not turned on by porn at all bc. Physical contact doesn’t interest me without a connection and even then not so sure about sex

[VIVANT]

Porn really just makes me feel sick lol no judgement tho

[VIVANT]

Plus I can see someone getting aroused by watching something but not bc they are attracted

imagining how something feels cDNA be a rousing and you would relate more to someone of your own sex. So let’s say hypothetically a woman gets aroused watching a women get a massage- it doesn’t mean she’s turned on by the woman but rather having a vicarious experience.

[Juxtapose]

Well okay, pretend you have a connection with a hot man and a hot woman. Make them in your head and really immerse yourself in this scenario.

Do you like the dick? Do you like the vagina?

[VIVANT]

Hmm I don’t like either I like skin on skin contact but I’m not into genitals. I think a guys body might feel better to me but a woman’s touch can also be more specific to what I like so it’s hard to say I guess it’s a mix

I should try standing real close to a MSN and a woman blindfolded see which energy I am drawn to mire

[Juxtapose]

It sounds like how I used to feel when I was young and didn't understand sex. Standing near someone and touching them could be thrilling but sex itself was weird and genitals were weird.

[Juxtapose]

No offense meant.

[VIVANT]

No offense taken 😊

Point was porn doesn’t turn me on. I don’t think that’s learnt most people just get turned on whether they understand it or not

[humanearth]

Been you your shoes before about the same age as you to.

What you're feeling is100$ normal

[VIVANT]

Thank you 🙏🏼 😊😊

[humanearth]

You'll figure this out in no time.

[Philyouup]

perhaps you need to be intellectually connected. Not so much sex / gender based. Keeping an open mind is commendable and you explored an avenue never traveled. so good for you Ms Viv.

[VIVANT]

Very fair point Phil thank you 😊

[Philyouup]

life is a series of challenges, you met one with excellence. don’t feel weird , feel accomplished !

[Sevenpointfive]

it's odd because you asked someone out that you weren't into at all

[VIVANT]

No I wasn’t not into him I just had the motive for a diff reason but I wouldn’t randomly ask just anyone 😊

[Sevenpointfive]

you sound lonely

[VIVANT]

Hmm no I don’t think I do not beef in this lol 😊

[TheSpaceGnome]

Based on your responses to comments, it sounds like you are asexual, but perhaps still want a lifelong partner for emotional/intellectual/support reasons.

Thats a very hard thing to find. Not impossible mind you, but you may be restricted to using dating sites to find someone outside your local area, in order to find that kind of person.

Most people know if they like someone because they get hard/wet looking at a relatable person's body.

[blondfrog]

No note exactly but something similar I used to do. I used to ask a woman out just to see if she was into me and to feed my own ego.

[VIVANT]

Hmm no I wouldn’t do that lol I actually would get to know this person if he wanted

[blondfrog]

Maybe you did because you really are intrigued then? Or like you said because you want to get the thought out of possibly being with a woman?

[VIVANT]

Not to get the thought out of my head just to see what I’m actually into 😊

[blondfrog]

Well werent you attracted to your ex boyfriend?

[Makeushiver]

Well in my mind, bi is about as hot as you can get. Some of the best, certainly the most out there were with bi girls. Good luck with whatever choice you make and remember very few are even close to permanent. You get hot points on that alone

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, dangit! I wish I had known this was a thing because I would have bought a raffle ticket! 😆🤣

[Jamie05rhs]

Re: update: Yeah, a specific time and place is always better than leaving things open-ended. There are just too many variables in life. You don't want someone to get their feelings hurt because you extended an invitation and then had to unfortunately retract it that one particular time when they were going to accept.

[VIVANT]

Yeah I thought it’d be LESS stressful bc no one will show up if they don’t want to but in retrospect that’s a horrible idea.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yeah. Especially if neither one of you knows to expect the other person and you don't know whether you should look for them or wait or anything. Honestly, that would be extremely nerve-wracking for me. If I went there once and didn't see them, I would probably just give up and move on.

[Jamie05rhs]

But this makes me wonder... is this part of your anti-telephone thing? Because I think you said before that you don't want people to be able to reach you by telephone.

[Xtendable]

I voted C - its okay - maybe you’re more into the personality than the gender

[VIVANT]

Hmm yeah possibly 😊

[Havthrills]

Nothing wrong with it. You're just curious. You always have been. My question is, what was his answer?

[Jerre]

I think it’s ok for girls to do that. Most of my friends with benefits are Bi and it works out great when we have a 3-sum, but I am 100% straight and would never ask a guy out.

[Jerre]

@VIVANT Think you for the Like. Wish you lived close to me. We could fuck anytime you wanted. Think you would be surprised how much you would cum.

[RealMarek]

The reason to go on a date is to see if there is more potential to the relationship than friendship. It seems that is what you are doing. It’s okay.

[Andres77]

You’re sorting yourself out.

nothing wrong with that,

[Sixgunsound]

Without a basis of comparison it’s unlikely you will know what it is you’re actually into. Be happy you’re at a stage of life where you still can experiment.

[OddBeMe]

Sex is fluid. Sometimes you never know how it’ll strike. We’ve been denying it and having serial killers and wars the last centuries.

[Berethor]

I think that it's okay, lesbian who try to be normal.

[MysticDevice]

Sounds like you're just not really sure what you're into lol. I think as long as you have fun figuring it out you should be all good

[anon1903]

Can't you tell if you're attracted to a person or not :/