So I went to a party and talked to someone ( who was probably drunk ) about the concept of dating partner having a past and is it possible for a future where we don’t heavily judge a person because of their past numbers. I’m referring to both long term partners and casual partners. What is your opinion on this
Let’s say you meet someone who is absolutely delightful and is truly into you for who you are, but they had more dating partners than you did, would you honestly think twice about them? If so, why?
It’s possible
Never will be possible
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When it comes to dating, Do you think the past will ever remain the past?
So at 46 years old myself, let me tell you by the age of 30 everyone has some type of past, or lack there of. Even having no past is an issue honestly. It kind of like a credit score, in order to have a good credit score you have to have a history of good credit... but at the some time you can still have a good credit history but carrying a lot of debt.
What you don't want is someone with really bad credit and with a crap ton of debt... but by 30 years old who doesn't have some type of credit history? Someone with no credit history, you have to ask yourself why? Is it because they are broke and can't qualify for any type of credit, or do they make so much money that they just never had to borrow?
So enough talk about credit history, it was just a metaphor. But it rings true, if you have women into their 30s who has no dating experience or sexual skeletons in her closet then you have to ask yourself why? I mean what it is about this person that she got into her 30's without ever being in a serious relationship? If she has so much history... well that can be good or bad... deepening on if its good or bad history in terms to where she is at now in life and her perspective on the future.
So back to the metaphor, banks and lenders make money by offering credit to people... so in these situations you have to pretend like your the lender. Is this person a wise investment? That depends on if they have good or bad history and you have to decide that for yourself.
I, myself, am more like an adventure capitalist. I am willing to make the minimal investment on the prospect of high return on investment. And what I mean by that is that I am willing to invest in a relationship as long as I get some type of return on that investment. If turns out to be a bad investment then I really do lose that much, but if turns to be great one then I can gain so much more... so what's the acceptable amount of risk you can afford, balanced against the minimum amount of gain you might achieve?
Agreement to Credit, Criminal, and medical physical appointments on the same day in phases. If one reaches that mutual, "Let's Do It' point then this should be appreciated. I am different though because I have access to some things most don't... And approach differently as I don't want her phone number for awhile. Email still works for a date or two... serious is serious !!
In the running car on the first date, before we go I have done the following: "since you are in here and don't really know me, open the glove department and pull that paperwork out. I blacked out the accounts but you can see payment history and score. My criminal is on the second page."
Girl that I almost married (I didn't know how to handle International Work then) said that this stunt (4 months in) impressed her... and it is why I am willing to do this medical physical for you,,,,, together with you !!
Know what's in the "Whole Foods" bag before you partake from the Buffet...
No, number of dating partners alone would’ve be an issue at all. I mean- that’s usually a matter of circumstance more than anything else.
Now if they’d had a lot of partners because they’d cheated on them or cycled through them seeking novelty and whatnot, that might be an issue. Though that’s more because it might indicate an incompatibility in terms of what we’re looking for or how we go about it.
Of course, unless the person itself can't let go their past
But like I mostly don't care about the past partners of the guys I date, I only care about how they treat me
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
More dating partners doesn't matter. More sexual partners doesn't mean they've had more sex than you but yeah a person's past matters because it can predict their future actions. Take an ex of mine. She was beautiful, funny, educated and great in bed but I knew she had been around, I had found out she had cheated on exs and of course she had reasons that were her exs fault and I also found out she engaged sex with multiple men at the same time often in her past during her "wild" days and though I really liked her could never see myself marrying and having kids with her so when she started getting serious I ended it. She did eventually marry and the guy who I've met is a great guy. I consider myself to be a reasonably high quality guy but this guy was on another level. Has everything any woman would ever wish for success, height, handsome, charming, wealthy, successful, dick like a firehose and gave her a pretty extravagant lifestyle with their kids but it wasn't enough for her and she started messing around behind his back with other guys. The guy came home one day to find 3 guys boning her and he got laid out by one and looking up she was crying and apologising to him while one of the guys was still pumping away at her from behind. That could of been me if I married her.
I think we live in fast times, sex driven society it is everywhere. but I personally am not into the hook up culture and am genuinely waiting for the right person. My friends have 3,4,5 kids by different men been through the ringer at their ages but make fun of me. I find it hilarious I have no body count, no hang-ups and not bitter, I meet someone talk it doesn't work out on a date what am i out? since i do not put out? I dont think it will dating will for the most part ever return to actual dating, dating means getting to know someone on a personal level not having sex. There are a very small percentage like myself, So I think it very much is the past for 95 percent of the world
I've had four girlfriends before so four past relationships...
and I would not mind it at all if I happen to know someone that is GREAT and such a DELIGHT and she had four, or six partners before...
while the past is important, and yes it does matter... it is not the main ruler as to define a person entirely
besides that, all of my girlfriends have "felt good" or have seen it in a positive light when they learn about my past relationships went, and that is mostly because they happened at different stages of my life, and I have become a better person because of each of them... so yes, I can absolutely consider her past relationships as the same, like mine
Idc that much but some things will never go away. Like there's this tattoo artist I met and she's fucked around a lot and had some traumatic experiences that were not consensual as well and she was with this guy who was like really nice to her and they got along well but something inside her was just bored with him and she didn't treat him well and respect him so if you don't care the past will still affect the relationship sometimes you just have to make sure you know what kind of situation you're in and know when you're wasting your effort.
Your past and your choices are part of who you truly are, therefore you cannot separate the two. Yeah people CAN change, but most won't and ignoring clear and consistent patterns is, well, ignorant.
I dont care about how many they dated. I care about how many they slept with. If its more than 5, i dont want em. More than 3 is honestly too much. But real talk, if its more than 5, they should pass me up. I dont think they take sex as serious and just no. Someone else out there will want them and i definitely want someone else
Well personally I care about the past.. I need to know if they were a really different person or had a really different lifestyle and view on things because life taught me it can come back at any moment so I need to know what I'm dealing with and not like gamble on everything
Dating people in the past isn't something I would really care about or have grudges about. It's more or so the number of "sexual" partners that I would have serious issues with.
Depends on the said partners. If they've one jerk in their dating history, it's probably bad luck. But if they've been dating the wrong people... Red flag!! There are many other things that also matter about a person's history.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
Finding a virgin and going out with a girl over the age of consent seem to be mutually exclusive. In addition to the number in the body count, which, with the drunken hookup culture, many people will have no idea what their own body count is, red flags would include a history of cheating, or binge drinking. In my experience, drunk women can’t keep their panties on and can’t be trusted.
I actually dont ask how many people a person has been with if im tryna date them because i dont want to know. All i want to know is if they’re a virgin or not. But a lot of people feel the need to brag about body count assuming we want someone with “experience” and in their eyes, experience means how many you fcked. You dont need to fck a lot to have experience but thats what a lot assume. So they brag about how they did 10-100 girls and i just immediately lose interest in them. They shouldve kept their mouth shut as long as they’re disease free. But nah the moment you tell me its this big number, im out
I feel like if someone is bragging about anything that's a sign that they're either insecure or pretty shallow and ego centric. Not that there can't be healthy egoism. Technically, loving or having faith in yourself is ego-centric, but I'd have been turned off by the example you gave too.
Now... that being said... if it somehow came up in conversation with my significant other that they've been with a lot of people, weren't exactly proud of it, but it happened, I dont think it would turn me off. Might make me feel like, "wow" for a second, but I dont think it would change how I feel. Pretty sure, if you add up both the men and women, I think my girlfriend has been with more people than me, but I've never asked or been curious to know an exact number
I mean if they showed remorse and its under the double digits, maybe. But if its already in the double digits, they just need to find someone other than me
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