So my boyfriend of 2yrs and I were talking and at one point we were talking about our personalities etc.
Im a nurse and he said something like ‘I don’t think you’re caring by nature but you care because it makes you happy’ and ‘you have a priority list and you’re at the top’…basically saying I’m selfish and I like to put myself above others…like he was saying my family and I like to treat other people like we are above them…? And I’m a taker instead of being a giver like he thinks he is.
Then he was surprised I got annoyed, I didn’t say much because I didn’t know what to say but I’m glad to know how he really feels about me I guess…why is he making comments like this?
It's less important guessing why than asking questions of him that may elicit why.
I know it's not easy but you need to look him firmly in the eye and say: 'I don't agree with you but I want to hear your side of the story and why you feel that way?'
You mustn't back down either - he started the fight, but you get to end it. He can't just back away from making comments like that and then say he won't explain himself.
It may be that you actually see the world in quite different ways which is very important to know. Either you will have to make significant compromises on both sides to stay together or it may turn out that you are not right for each other.
What you don't want to do is to let this fester, hoping that it goes away. If he's actually saying things like that it should mean that he wants a response and wants something resolved.
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I have an unconventional answere. In his eyes what he said wasn't a bad thing. He might think that you choose to care is great because if a person is careing by nature you don't know if they care because the want to or because they can't not care. And that he said that you are on top of your priority list isn't neccesary a bad thing either. Just because he thinks you are on top of your priority doesn't mean he thinks you are selfish since he did say that you choose to care. What he might wanted to say is that he thinks it is a good thing that you know what is good for you and you won't do things that are bad for you. It is something positive because you don't want others to warry about you. But the best way to find out what's going on is to talk about it with him. Tell him that what he said hurt you and why it did. And give him a chance to explain what exactly he meant. Maybe he just didn't know how to put it in to words. I hope it was helpfull and sorry for the long answere
He probably feels used. It’s hard to say when we only hear your side. Or he’s just a dick. Or he’s cheating on you and wants to make it seem like it was your fault he cheated whenever he gets caught or brakes it off. Or maybe he thinks you need to be more humble and didn’t know how to say it any other way. Hard to say. Good luck.
Well, it’s not coming from a place of love I can say that much. I don't know how your relationship has been recently, like whether there’s arguments or what, but now that you know what he thinks of you, I hope you choose not to stay with someone who thinks so negatively of you.
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I think he's trying to pick a fight with you. He's trying to provoke you with those comments. Can only guess at the reasons why though. My guess is he wants to break up, but not be the one to dump you.
he thinks he understand you and that maybe you don't understand you. but it doesn't mean he's right or understands your motives or whom you really are.
nothing like carrying around a "mallot" and whacking your love on the knee...
My wife was in health care & my observation is that healthcare workers become somewhat immune to emotions because you kind of have to be. You might be witnessing death multiple times a day with grieving families that you shit out or you’d be an emotional wreck.
Unfortunately it carries over to home life
He does not seem to understand that doing the right thing should make you feel good, but that does not automatically mean making yourself "happy" is your primary motivation.
because he's a douchebag... and not a smart one either
Ugh. Sounds like you got with a heartless jerk. I've been on the receiving end too.
He sounds like a jerk. Ask him why he's with you to begin with, if you're such a terrible person.
I once again find myself asking how people keep dating these idiots.
He was being truthful. Almost all women put themselves first, especially in relationships.
Women want the truth then they get mad when that truth isn't flattering. 🤣🤣🤣
Ohhh honey he does not understand
Maybe he's right.
Reality can suck
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