How to meet men in person when I have no social life?

Question

I had originally typed up a whole thing but I went to google for a photo and saw that the page for this had disappeared 🙄 So im keeping it super simple this time lol.

I have no social life, no friends therefore no gateway to meeting people. I never leave my house asides from classes which is all female😩🙄🙄 No I won't spend the little money I have left to join thjngs in hopes I meet a guy. I dont even have time for that.

I've always been against dating an online dating, too afraid to put my photo online too, should I give up try it since nothing else works? Im also afraid of people I know seeing me. Pretty embarrassing.

Datboi65 · Accepted Answer

See, I'm gonna take a bit of a different approach from everyone else here. I don't think youbare ready to meet a guy.

You have to be honest with yourself on what your intentions are, and why is it that you want to be with someone at this point. Is it because of loneliness? Is it because you desire a companion? Or is it because you want a long-lasting relationship that will eventually lead to a future and a family.

See, there's nothing wrong with being shy. I went through phases in my life where I was outspoken, then shy, then outspoken again. I did struggle making friends in my early high-school years, so I understand exactly where you're coming from. However, I will tell you what got me out of that bubble.

What you need to understand is that people are too focused on themselves and not others. You live your life like it's a movie and you are the protagonist, but reality could be very different. I had to realize at some point that people just don't really care about what I'm doing all that much, and that took a lot of weight of my shoulders. As I started to care less what people thought, I became more confident and less clumsy. I will have to say though that a balance needs to be maintained, because you shouldn't overthink what people think of you to a point where you have extreme anxiety, but you also shouldn't have zero care what folks think to a point where you have no shame. A decent balance is needed, just like everything in life.

Back to my original point. After I got out of my bubble, I felt what it was like to be "popular" and I didn't like it. I got to know a lot of people that I didn't really care about that much, nor did I know if they had my back. They were mostly people I wasted my time around talking about things that did not have any substance, and most of these encounters were draining. I learned another lesson that you cannot call everyone your friend, and that you real friends are those who will help you without expectations or need for clout, and you do the same for them. Now I'm very selective of who I let in my circle, and I'm very loyal to them.

So I have an excercise for you that maybe you should try. Since you don't know anyone that well, try to talk to more people with no expectations of friendship and see where the conversation goes and how it flows. You will have to make the first move. Once you have done that, you can sample out who you want to keep talking to/associating with and who you will have as nothing more than an acquaintance. After you have done that, find you a hobby/activity you enjoy doing that you have in common with the group you have created. Finally, when you start looking for a guy, make sure that it's at a stage when you are more comfortable with your self, and that the guy matches your morals and beliefs FIRST before everything else that follows.

All the best.

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

I was looking through your responses and from what you wrote multiple times it seems people don't enjoy your company very much. So it might not be that you don't have opportunity to meet men, but rather that you meet men and they don't enjoy your company. Sorry if this is a bit harsh but I'm just being honest and I'm only really going off of things you have said, it's not some personal opinion I have from hanging out with you.

So, from this point, you have some choices to make (maybe more options than I list, if you want to be creative, go ahead):

1. Figure out why people avoid you, and take steps to be more enjoyable to be around.

2. Stay "true to yourself" and try to find someone who enjoys you as you are.

Now, it may seem at first that option #2 is the more genuine option, but honestly, it's not necessarily a bad thing to look at yourself and see a need for change. You can learn and grow from your experiences. An example is babies. Babies and small toddlers are like wild animals. They bite, pull hair, don't want to share their candy, don't want to eat their vegetables, &c. They are kind of assholes, and people have to teach them to get along with others. They are lucky they are considered cute. But they learn and grow and start to share things and eat vegetables and stop pulling hair.

You might say "I'm not doing anything wrong! I'm a good person!" but it seems the majority of people who interact with you are disagreeing as they don't seek out your company at all.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I like your comment @DoctorSex

but today this is called “arrangement” and considered so disgusting yes extremist go up to say it’s Islamic. But finding a suitable match or connecting a women with someone shouldn’t be seen as weird it’s very normal. Actually that’s how healthy societies function!!! However some women are evil making it seem so low and disgusting and discouraging it. Says what? Arrangement ? where is love there? As if like her life is full of flowing love bish
Meanwhile them self has sex already by 15 god knows how many abortions this women had. Fill of hurt emotions by now. Probably in a loveless situation with a “non arrangement men” 🙄 and suggest a good girl as OP to keep looking for love in an open space like this.
How do you think rich people you never get to see in your community match with other rich people? Have you ever asked yourself this qs. They have a healthy brain cell left and know vouching for each other is heathy and keep their social statues intact too. Just an example: same goes for many communities too.

My point is start asking around and be selective too ofc. Because you are brainwashed into the idea that arrangement is forcing you LOL. No you select your ball is in your side.
Yeah don’t sit there hoping this sudden prince will appear and will be like oh my god this girl has 4 degrees 5 masters a 3.7gpa and speaks 7 languages. No one gives a shit.

yucychan · Accepted Answer

The thing is you have to at least put yourself out there in order to land a potential date.

If you are not comfortable in online dating, then don't. There are other avenues. There are always meet-ups for singles, etc, that you can consider.

I have a senior who gave me this good advice. Trying to get a potential date is like going for a job interview. You have to brush up your resume, apply for the job when it's open, make efforts during the interview etc. A job opportunity is not automatically going to come to you with you just sitting at home, doing nothing.

You have to at least make the effort to know people and make new friends. Are there any activities you are interested in e. g., hiking, travelling?

OlderAndWiser · Answer

The rest of the world is doing online dating (though many don't want to admit it) so there is no reason to feel embarrassed.

DeltaRecon · Answer

You can’t meet people if you don’t leave your home. You don’t need to spend money to meet people. Start making friends at school. Ask the girls for their numbers and if they want to go hangout sometime. Ask guys for their numbers and ask if they want to hangout sometime. You start creating a social circle of friends by doing this. Eventually you may meet a guy that wanted to hang out with you by you asking him to hang out or meet a guy through a girls social circle that you started hanging out with. Go party with your new friends. See what they do. Ask them how they met their boyfriend’s perhaps. Ask guys you run into at places like the local grocery store. Same with girls. Start a social circle outside the school so you meet new crowds. Most people always want to make new friends and want to hang out with other people. Human beings are naturally a social creature but in todays world are too chicken to try and socialize. Most people would always want to make a new friend to hang out with. Most of the time they are waiting for other people to ask them if they want them to hang out with them.

DoctorSex · Answer

Now to be clear,

I'm not one of those red pill guys. Disclaimer aside, it's sad to see the lingering effects of feminism. In the old world a father would have searched the community alongside the mother and grandparents for a suitable match.

Women like yourself have always existed but you never had to worry about pairing up, that was taken care of for you by those who loved you and knew you well.

Now introvert type ladies are having to take up the humongous task of mate selection in an ever more competitive and manipulative world filled with bad actors.

To answer your question, I'm not sure.

Start by taking a personality test

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Lots of studies have been done on cognitive functions. It's not the be all and end all, but it may point you in the right direction in regards to the type of man you're likely to work well with. This may save you a lot of time in respects to the screening process. It may even help direct you in the general activities that you're likely to find that guy engaged in and give you the skills to identify him by his behaviour.

Kind regards,

DoctorSex

OpenClose · Answer

I don't have great answers for you, but it IS nice to know that this problem isn't specific to guys.

My friends groups disbanded after college, so networking is harder. And it seems like it's harder than ever to just "mingle". It's like the mere act of meeting people new is enough to raise suspicions about you. Whereas at some EDM fest, this sort of thing comes more naturally, it seems like we used to have like 10x the avenues for socializing that were acceptable.

I hope we can create more avenues for socializing, because right now there is little room for changing up friends groups. I can only imagine what Swedish life is like now. My understanding is you speak to absolutely no strangers there. Like, how do they even date?

And the problem is that most of the social interaction you do get, people hate the idea of flirting in those few scenarios. Class, Gym, Grocery shopping, work, walking down the street. All considered inappropriate.

So for me it has been dating apps because that is the only place a girl will admit she is single and wants to be talked to. It's just a LOT of left swiping before I find someone who actually intrigues me.

Maybe I should try the Mediterranean or eastern Europe.

But yeah I'm in the same boat, and I hate noisy bars. I want a place where we're drinking wine and listening to soft jazz or something.

loveslongnails · Answer

I saw your other replies and the one about a long response to someone, which I'm not going to read because I'm not your therapist or anyone else's. But I will tell you what I gather from your short post.

What I read is litany of things you won't do, are afraid to do, and for reasons of your design that you refuse to do. Then you wrap that up in a feeling of embarrassment that you might be seen as someone who is looking for a date, which is what you ARE doing and there's nothing to be ashamed of for doing. To TOP it off, you say "I don't even have time (to join in things where I might meet someone)!

Seems to me you "have" no social life because you choose not to make time to BE social, for one. It's also not clear that even if you did make the TIME, you'd choose to be a "social person". It just sounds like you're hoping for a magical encounter to take place on your way to or from your all girl classes, and all the other things you do before you stay locked up at home. But you don't think this is your doing and it's just sort of unfortunate circumstances you're in? Tell me if I'm wrong.

YHL6965 · Answer

Giving up will only ensure you will not succeed, you got this! I know how embarrassing it can be to put yourself out there, especially pictures, but don't forget that, in the eyes of some people, you are a prize to get. You'd be surprised by how much attraction you can generate.

You can start with simple conversations, to kind of "dip your toes in the water". It will help you get more comfortable, more at ease with putting yourself out there. Then, you can start talking about maybe more personal topics like your opinion or views on certain things to show a bit more of your identity. Ideally, you'll find someone that matches your vibe.

You can always try to make girl friends as it would give you opportunities to go at parties and such, to meet more people in more comfortable settings as you'd be in groups and with friends in case things don't go very well.

You can also get into clubs, hobbies and meet people through that. That way, you do something you like so it's not time wasted, and you'll meet people with that interest in common so double win!

purplepoppy · Answer

You say "I don't have time for that" well the fact is other people want your time, that's the most important thing to people. If all your doing is sitting at home then you've got plenty of time to go an socialise.
Make a list of your favourite pastimes and look on social media for local clubs or groups. Outdoor pursuits are a good starting point because people like a bit of company and many join because it's safer in a group.

If men aren't approaching you in general then you need to work on your approachability. What are you doing to scare them off?

Paulalove98 · Answer

It took me time to meet guys but some was online not gonna lie because I used to be very very shy in person. It took me time to also grow and mature, come out of my shell and approach guys too because lets be real, their just as shy as us sometimes or not that sociable right away at least i wasn't but for my personal experience after i took a year to myself i learned a lot about my special qualities and social skills, to be comfortable in my own skin and im like super confident now. I actually made my nice guy friend from talking to him first as same as my ex boyfriend but the ex was online. I met my guy friend at work. I know you said your classes are all girls but you could even try a church or volunteer organization too to meet people. Heck even some people meet at the park or store. Also i apologize in advance i saw you mentioned expressing some of this previously but this is my first time reading your question and thoughts.

VIVANT · Answer

Is there anything you like to do? I’m not being snarky just thinking there are so many feee online community sites if you have some special interest you could get used to meeting people on line in a casual way it won’t seem like such a big deal after a while and if you make friends that are real people your circle can slowly expand. In ways it’s kind of better bc you’re meeting the person but all the fluff you get with meeting people irl where there are 1000 veils to who they are. In tine if you trust people you can meet in person I don’t think you need to even oust a pic ever if you don’t want to but you may feel at ease. Also volunteering is free and often people there are going to be considerate and a good group. Online stuff tho isn’t so weird it’s pretty common & if you just start with meeting people to increase your circle you may be surprised. I’d def go for volunteering tho bc it’s itl!

wallyworld12 · Answer

Time for judge Wally to appear and drop the gavel.. Here's the verdict;

If you want something you have never had then you must do something you have never done.

I hereby declare anonymouse to keep being the woman you are. Have no life with no friends and be a great loner. Sounds like you love yourself. Now if only we could clone you and then give you a d... Hey lemme ask you this.. would you want a guy similar or one that's opposite. they say opposites attract. What is your philosophy? Annnd.. guys are attracted to looks... I know I know you want someone to cuddle for the cold season. Maybe anonymouse. Throw the come and get me vibes out there.

fbk94 · Answer

here and social media In the meantime, I would appreciate it if you could comment on my question.   #Reigner

Sixgunsound · Answer

There are lots of guys in the situation too. You don’t have to spend money to join things, there are plenty of common interest groups on the Internet, even academic and trust. There are plenty of free games you can play on your computer that you might meet somebody on, are there any future professionals organizations for classes that you do really well in and might go to university to pursue as a career? I think about the places where introverts like yourself would hang out; the library, coffee shops, etc. if you are religious, you might find someone at services, but based on you saying you don’t leave your house for services that would seem to answer that question. It is difficult for many if not most young people who had years stolen from them in terms of social development, so this is a lot more common of a theme then you would believe.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Im gonna say it, regardless if you're a guy or girl, meeting a person requires effort. And the quality of that person is proportional to the effort invested.

Generally I recommend doing something you love. A hobby or special interest group. Volunteer service projects. You'll be happy doing these things, people will FEEL your radiance and be drawn to you. The rest comes naturally.

Online dating is a joke in my opinion, because it robs people of truly knowing your beyond your physical appearance. And the guys you attract are typically interested in only what they see. Its easy, but thats the problem...

When I had an online dating profile, most women wouldn't even respond to me. When I met women in person, one of whom was itonically someone I attempted talking with online, she was so much more enthusiastic to meet me.

Anonymous · Answer

I can tell, but you are lazy and don't want to challenge yourself in the slightest.

It's not the 1960s anymore. Women are liberated and independent. So it is only fitting that a woman is a 50/50 partner. Stop sitting around lazy and wait for prince charming to sweep you off your feet. It would help if you approached the men

"I don't want to do this. I don't want to that" stop complaining and do it. Grow some balls and women up already.

you're a grown-ass woman. You want a boyfriend you need to work on yourself.

Valso · Answer

You haven't missed much on the so called "social life". I gave up on dating women altogether 15 years ago, after the girl I was in love with broke my heart. She was the reason I gave up. I have almost no social life either but it's not a big deal. From time to time me and the 2 of my closest friends (both male) get together to see each other and talk (mostly about computer systems, servers and the latest Micro$hit's absurd; never about women) and that's it. I don't even feel the need for... broader social life.

Summeroflove · Answer

Yeah number one dating online I don't know the person. I am always mortified of doing that myself plus what if someone sees me... What would they think? Really not much other then I am lonely and looking for someone. Maybe anyways.

Yeah, just spend your time being single working on you and praying about the guy that you will meet some day to become your husband.

MCheetah · Answer

Even as a female, you can't expect to instantly get someone if you don't try. Either post an online profile not showing your face, or make an effort to talk to more people, starting with ones you don't have much of an interest in by making small talk, and working your way up to flirting with men you like.

You don't deserve anything if you put in no effort to get it. So grow a spine and start putting it some effort.

HighValue · Answer

If you try online just register your location as the next county over so people that live in your same city are unlikely to see you. Or make your pictures private and only share them with someone after you message with them a few times first to make sure it isn't someone that knows you.

Do you live in an area where your moral/political views are different than most people's around you?

Sometimes that is why someone gets little attention or is ignored.

SamIam96 · Answer

I've read this entire thread. There's a lot of advice some good some not so...

Try this: DM me. If we live close to each other, I'll take you to dinner and we'll see what happens. No pressure, no expectations except we both try to have a nice meal and conversation together.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I'm not going to lie... I think you're in the worst time period in time to meet people and this is the same advice I'd give another man. I'll keep with that trend of giving you what I'd say to a man... stay the fuck off anything online and hit the weights. That tide will switch to where their trying to grab onto your cock (in this case clitoris), so learn the vet those motherfuckers before you have to deal with them. A lot of them are bat shit crazy.

Massageman · Answer

Go to a hardware store and check out picture hangers. Maybe a guy there will help you.

Go to a food store and ask a guy in the cheese section which he prefers, cheddar or Swiss. The question (and for the most part, the answer) aren't all that relevant. At least it's a way to get a start on a convo. Good luck.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

If you don’t leave the house or put yourself out there how are you going to meet guys? I don’t blame you for avoiding dating apps- I think they’re garbage. But you need to find an alternative. If you’re in college making friends and getting involved in friend groups is the best way to meet new people with similar interests.

Anonymous · Answer

im not incredibly social either, but I've met guys at jobs, at bars, online. if you're not willing to go out in person (a bar is 100% free, except the drinks) then your only option is online dating, or doing hobbies/joining events where the opposite gender will be there.

I've seen people i know on dating apps. sometimes i match with them for shits and giggles, but if THEYRE on dating apps, ofc theyre gonna see you! and no one will judge you for it.

nawtee_me · Answer

One thing is be yourself. That means no anon... Come here as often as you can and ask questions and give answers when you can. You will learn social skills from being online while you are still at home where you are comfortable. You may be shy at first but keep it up anyway. eventually you will get over that shyness and become bold and confident.

here is someone that can help you. @PrettyPriya

ZenJen444 · Answer

So what is the point of your post? You don't do shit, have mo personality, no social skills, no life and no hobbies, stay in the house yet expect a man to fall from the sky? This screams mentally unstable dating isn't for you. People want healthy sane partners.

User3191989 · Answer

That's something you need to decide on what you want to do. Do you really want to meet a man, or do you want to remain single. Because they're not going to just appear out of thin air, and I wouldn't do online. Too many creeps online, trust me

So, if you "don't have a social life", it sounds to me like you just don't want a man. If you want a man, GO OUT

Spiritofn · Answer

No social life is so attractive you actually have to be careful.

If you have no social life I'm imagining dominance is potentially going to be an issue so stay away from "bad boys" its just bound to go wrong to toxic. Even the guy that parties next to never but when does it to cool about it, is sus.

Goodluck much care n love.

Onfineguy1 · Answer

I feel you. You need to get out to church gatherings or supermarkets. For instance, I was at a pharmacy and meet a friendly woman who was very attractive and kind. We just started talking and the next thing you know we went for coffee and hit it off. Try getting out and socialize. Don't give up, love will find you in the most unusual places. Good Luck.

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

I see you're also annoyed by the browser refreshing the page after returning from using another tab.

I feel you girl. Good to see you stay away from online dating, its like poison for a person's psyche. It will screw your brain up and get you a false view on reality.

DiegoO · Answer

Forget dating online. Join a gym, or a group. Be active in some community. Like you, I have the same problem, with heavier and more worrying problems on my shoulder.

From my experience with dating online and having a LDR, I only can say: do not go into online dating—100% not recommended.

OddBeMe · Answer

No, there are guys exactly like you. Or maybe you’ll fall for a guy exactly opposite. But having experiences is key. That’s how you meet people. And we tend to dig ourselves into a rut or bubble.

I own a business and have to network each week. And usually have some ratio like meet 20 people and one will become a client. Soemthing like that.

msc545 · Answer

Don't waste your money or your time on online dating sites. They're filled with trolls and scammers and nobody on them is probably real. They're also very expensive. Instead I think you should try meetup. com these are in-person meetings that occur in various locations and if you specify where you live or at least your ZIP code they will be close enough to you. This is probably a good idea since I think there are a lot of single men that go to these things as well.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

You can accidentally on purpose bump into him like, if you spot him at the grocery store you can try the old drop-the-jar-of-mustard-on-his-foot ploy. Or, just walk into a crowded room and yell, "ANY SINGLE GUYS HERE WANNA DATE ME?"

fantasticass · Answer

Go volunteer somewhere and stop thinking about yourself. The homeless shelters are always looking for volunteers, so are animal shelters. When you volunteer it opens new opportunities for friendships. ✌🇨🇦

melanieeeB · Answer

Get a social life, go to classes like I don't know baking or shit and well go out!  If you wanna meet someone, you gotta do something, nobody is going to show up at your door just like that

laurieluvsit · Answer

That's an easy one :)

slatyb · Answer

Try online dating. You can "meet" someone from your couch, then arrange a meeting. My advice is to meet ASAP. Texting someone you haven't met is often a waste of time.

SeriouslyFunny00 · Answer

How can you meet men if you don't leave the house? 🤔

ushagomez · Answer

Join a class that isn’t all girls. In fact join one that is mostly boys. Take a deep breath, take a risk….. enjoy.

Bethany22 · Answer

Don't go on dating websites, they're a waste of time. Go to Meetup. com for social groups

Anonymous · Answer

If you won’t get out to meet new people and refuse to date online then you obviously won’t meet anybody. Well I guess you could hope to meet someone at the grocery store or something.

boobliker · Answer

dress yourself up with not too much make-up and go shopping in the supermarket just walk around looking for dinner looking at the men as you do you don't have to buy anything just be on show go to two or more the bigger shops are better. good hunting

sheenagwapa · Answer

you oray to Jesus... God provides even love life. how about you join christian faith organizations if you don't like online satinh.

jshm2 · Answer

To be fair, you sound like a typical cat lady,

Rockstarrrrr · Answer

The age old question... How to find your soulmate while you're a lone wolf / wolf girl 🤔🤔... Okay that just doesn't happen.. I think you don't find them... They find you!

βιυεsκγs · Answer

Find a hobby where you can meet others. Are there classes where you go to? For example dance? Have a look what’s available in your area. I always find that people want to socialise at these types of things. You’ve got this girl!

michael00007 · Answer

Once you start talking to people on online forums then prolly you'll be more comforatable talking to them socially about intrests hobbies and slowly you'll learm how to socialize more.

Faith18letsgo · Answer

Speak up more in class, join some clubs, maybe take a lighter semester.

BeMuse · Answer

Observe the elusive couch sloth in her natural habitat...

Mofunfour20 · Answer

At the gym. You usually see the same people routinely

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Try maybe from a friend don't do apps I heard a lot of horror stories on people testimony.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

So you wanna meet someone without having to meet anyone...

TroyDT2 · Answer

Go to free things that you enjoy. Art exhibits, free concerts, whatever it is that you enjoy.

AddylynnNightingale · Answer

Social media is the only method I can think of.

Chthou95 · Answer

If you're a woman and you have no social life, that's your fault. You can go on social media and find groups of people that meet in person. You have a plethora of options as a woman

JPresidente · Answer

There's an old saying, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained". If you don't put yourself out there, you'll never know.

OnTheLevel · Answer

What interests for you have? Maybe join a club or organization focusing on a personal interest. A side benefit of this strategy is that anyone you meet there will share that interest with you.

Imsmurter1 · Answer

I feel you. I have trouble meeting girls myself. No classes, work is off-limits, and no social life beyond work. Socializing on Discord helps me some.

TallAnon · Answer

Your photo online is like a drop in the ocean, you won't stand out in any negative way. More to the point, if you're struggling with money, earning some with a side-job could be your gateway.

How to meet men in person when I have no social life?

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