Girlfriend wants to be more dominant and I’m embarrassed to tell her I’m kinda into it?

[Anonymous]

Yesterday my girlfriend (she’s 20) and I were being goofy in general. So she told me to shut up jokingly and I joked back and said “make me”. That’s when she said

*NSFW* “I’ll sit on your face and fuck that pretty mouth”

I got red. My girlfriend’s never had any partners before me, so I didn’t expect her to say something like that. That’s never happened before. I got red and I couldn’t even look her in the eyes and that thought haven’t left my mind ever since. I’m just embarrassed cause I’ve always been the dominant one and she loves it but honestly I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I wanna tell her I want her to dominate me but I’m scared she will make fun or mock me.

[NamerOfStars]

Well, if you're concerned about how she'll react, phrase it more carefully. A lot of people think women being sexually dominant is inherently harsh and cruel, the stereotype of the angry dominatrix screaming about how pathetic you are while she stomps on your balls. Now, that certainly qualifies, but dominance is about power and control, not hostility and violence; it can be gentle and nurturing, too (curiously, male dominance isn't seen the same way, but that's a whole other issue). That's likely to have more appeal to a typical woman, and even if you WANT the harsher stuff, it's often better to try out a new sexual thing slowly, and build from there, especially if it's something that can be emotionally draining, as well as physically.

You can open with something like "Why don't you take charge tonight?", and if she asks what you mean, say "Well, you told me the other day that if I didn't shut up...". I obviously can't read people's minds, but what I've seen and heard suggests these fantasies are far from uncommon among men (although to wildly varying degrees, naturally), and there can be a lot of fun for both of you in trying them out, especially if you make it clear that it's something you're looking to supplement your usual routine, not supplant it (big changes are usually harder to accept).

Now, do remember that the goal is to get to a point where you can discuss these things openly with each other; feelings and shyness may get in the way, but that level of mutual trust and respect should be what you're working towards. Let the suggestion be a part of building to that, and remember it when she nervously comes to you with something she wants to try.

[Asker]

Thanks man. I had an honest conversation with her about that so we’ll see how things work out.

[NamerOfStars]

Glad to hear it. Good luck!

[AviatorTom]

You missed a great opportunity. When she said that, you could gave said, "Okay, then do it." She would have gotten the idea that she can be dominant... sometimes. If the opportunity happens again, don't pass it up.

[Asker]

I was going to! But damn, it got me embarrassed lol

[PrettyPriya]

Well, aside from the explicit details, that is up to the two of you what dynamic of intimacy you want to have. If that is her desire and you like it, who is anyone to say you cannot have that.

Unfortunately, I cannot give much good advice as I would be labeled "vanilla" when it comes to intimacy. That works for my partner and I. He isn't into kinks or fetishes. What works for you will be different from what works for other couples.

So long as you have good communication about your intimate desires and both consent on what you want, there is nothing really strange about what you are asking about.

It is a fairly common BDSM fetish from what I have seen from this site. Just make sure you communicate. While it is not something I will ever be into or want to try, what you do in the privacy of your home is your business. In other words, you do you.

[AliciaLee]

Someone woman like that a guy wants her to be dominate. A lot of people like to be equal in being able to be the dominant one by taking turns. The only way to know is to talk to her. If she really loves she won't mock you.

[Guy13]

Interesting dynamic. At least it’s working for you 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Anonymous]

'My girlfriend’s never had any partners before me'

Oh boy... don't tell me he fell for that line...

[Asker]

LOL I’ve known her since we were kids.

[Anonymous]

Seems like she may be open to it based on what you said. Next some you have a similar conversation, try answering with something like "first you have to wrestle me" and then do it, let her win, and then see where she takes it.

[panamared1]

You both might be switches, let her lead for awhile