Do you let your girlfriend act dominant around you?

Question

"I'm the boss outside the bedroom" yeah right [redacted insults I can't say]

Askingforafriend3 · Accepted Answer

Okay so listen... Not sure what you mean by dominant, do you mean independent?

Because there are women who are independent (myself included). However, independent woman need a man who is sure of himself and is mature.

I was in a relationship for years with someone who thought I was "bossy" or underestimated him as his role as the man. However, to me I always had to do everything classified as manly around the house and handled myself and situations. He seemed to be very sensitive for even words. I had to watch out how to say certain things, even when I was just trying to help him or correct him like he would just respond with "don't tell me what to do". When I put a situation infront of him and ask him to help me with it. He would say "ohh so now I'm the man?" and still wouldn't do it. But whenever I asked him to do manly tasks or take care of something he would say "i don't know how to do that" and refused to even LEARN. (noone was born knowing everything so everyone needs to learn how to do things) So I had to take over myself. He couldn't even install a shelf, couldn't make dinner reservations, couldn't research activities to do, couldn't pay the dinner bill sometimes, couldn't talk to people at the store to find the correct paint we needed to paint the hallway with. It's just such minimal things that he just refused to do, so I slowly had to take over because then nothing will get done. And I did all that on top of my "female" role of cleaning, cooking, taking care for the household.

But my trauma from my last relationship of having to apologize for being "bossy" for speaking my opinion or saying anything has followed me and has affected the way I carry myself now. At work when I make a suggestion to a colleague on how to take care of something I say "sorry to trying to be bossy" and they said your not being bossy you are being helpful! And I always get called out by my colleagues for apologizing too much for even the simplest things.

It has followed me to my new relationship too but I am slowly learning to break that trauma because of how this guy now handles me. Because I correct him or speak my opinion I immediately after say "sorry I don't mean to be bossy". He sits me down and reassures me "You are not bossy, stop apologizing. I appreciate your input in things and you can tell me or correct me in anything and I won't be bothered because I know you doing it with care, love and respect." Or even ask him to take care of something and I immediately after say "sorry I don't mean to be bossy". He reassures me that he can handle the situation and appreciates me bringing it up to him and wants me to always be open with him if I need something.

This man has taught me he is sure of himself, mature and established enough already even just by his actions towards me and the way he carries himself. Now I only need to be independent out in the world but when I am by his side I LOVE being the "passenger princess" and letting him take care of me in every way. I LOVE that I am able to trust someone to take on the manly dominant role. I trust he will protect and take care me or the situation at hand and I can just let my feminity shine and take care of him and the household as a woman. It's such a nice weight off my shoulders not having to do both roles. I love that we are a "team" in life and we both understand each role and can act on it. And I playfully say to him sometimes "im the boss" and he says "yea right, you wish" and hugs and kisses me. But nope, he is the boss and I love him for it!!

So I would check with yourself internally and see how you act around her, how you treat her and how you look out for her. How are handling things outside of the relationship. Are you stepping up to the role of being a man the way you treat her, others and situations around you or even the way you carry yourself with confidence and reassurance and figure things out yourself or at least action on figureing it out. Or are you just trying to be an "alpha" just because she is a woman? But you haven't given the trust for her to be able to put her guard down and just trust you to take dominance.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

“LET”? 😒😒😒 That’s one unfortunate gal you’ve got there.

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

What’s dominant?

I mean…. I call her “the brains of the operation”, haha. I let her lead the way in a lot of things pertaining to what we’re doing. I’m just here to relocate (never kill🥹) spiders and keep the vibes up.

I usually just don’t care. I’m either doing what I want to do, or I’m doing something I don’t particularly want to do for her benefit. If it’s the latter, I’m not a sourpuss about it, but my mood is “I don’t care, you call it.” I’m just along for the ride for the sake being there. I want her to have a good time, my own good time isn’t what I’m thinking about.

“My own good time” is probably nothing that involves other people, lmao, just doing my own thing on my own terms and my own timetable, in whichever direction the wind is blowing me at that time. I enjoy our time together, but the activity we’re pursuing is largely irrelevant, as long as I don’t absolutely hate it.

My dominance is probably more done through actions. I’m kind of an old-school gentleman. Not to an obnoxious degree, but I’m a chivalrous escort if we’re out in public. I think that comes with an air of dominance, not in a way that she’s subservient, but she’s being well-looked-after. I’m in control of the situation. If she wants to make some kind of decision about what we’re doing, awesome. I don’t feel dominated, I’m relieved I don’t have to do any extra thinking, haha. I don’t want to always have to figure out what she wants to do, I’d rather she just suggest things she wants to do and I just accommodate her.

I don’t think she acts dominant in any other ways, like she isn’t bossy. She’s her own brand of “difficult” sometimes, has a little brattiness to her on occasion (less so as she’s gotten older), but it’s not a domineering sort of thing.

I think I’m overall kind of a “passive leader.” She’s “Nuyorican” (Puerto Rican from New York City), she has a big personality, haha. Sassy and feisty and all that. But at the end of the day, her nickname for me is “Jefe”, so I’m definitely the boss, and she likes it that way. I just give her room to do her thing and leave a lot of decisions to her unless I have particular interest in them.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

No, only in the bedroom her and I can be dominate and submissive to each other , but outside the bedroom we are both our own people and hopefully a team. That’s the only type of girl I will get into a relationship with, but if she is the type of girl that tries to control me and tries to tell me what I can and can not do , she is digging her own grave by thinking she has that kind of control over me , I understand if it has something to do that could add fire into our relationship , but if it’s nothing to do with our relationship and she is trying to control me? she won’t be my girlfriend for much longer.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

No, I've never understood that dynamic. I'm a believer in equality, and that extends to the power-dynamic we have in social (and private) settings.

I'm not looking to make myself appear dominant, but I'm not going to tolerate my girlfriend trying to make herself appear dominant in the relationship either.

In different situations, one or the other of us might be more knowledgeable, experienced or comfortable. There is no problem with one partner taking the lead in cases where they are better equipped for a particular situation.

The whole "well... she's the boss" kind joking-not-joking stuff. I've never been ok with it. It seems like this weird universal joke you hear over and over. I don't get it.

MisterWack · Answer

Why is this a thing?

Like, women don’t go “do you let your man be a sissy wimp outside the house?”

This is a man oriented thing and it annoys me since the majority of us aren’t this insufferable.
I voted “Yes” literally same reason everyone else did - As a sign to “I don’t care, I’m not an Andrew Tater”.

My advice : Treat your partner with dignity, respect, love, and appreciation. Stand by him / her, just as they would for you. Be warm, inviting, their rock, and if you need emotional support then they should be happy to give it just as you would, if they didn’t then they are toxic. Be the energy you want to bring to the relationship and let it be a positive & genuine from the heart kind of one. God Bless You!

Anonymous · Answer

You mean act stupid? No. Of course not. A man isn’t going to ruin his rep as well as hers over stupid things like that. She will, a lot of women most definitely do. I think this is more of a western culture thing, not so much a world thing. If she’s going to act a fool the man needs to walk. No this isn’t about oh he just can’t handle a strong, independent woman. Which is a stupid title to begin w. Men don’t go around calling their self strong, independent men. It’s called being an adult. Besides why should a man have to handle a girl. I thought women didn’t want to be treated as objects now she’s saying he can’t handle her. It’s not that he can’t handle her, he chooses not to. Women tell their self this to feel better about their self. No person in their right mind whether it’s a man or woman wants to handle someone who is out of control.

molonski2 · Answer

No , this is not a thing in most parts of the world ( maybe it is in USA ) , the man needs to be a man , he needs to lead.

Zack-Bann · Answer

I wouldn’t “let” her do anything one way or another I would simply be a man and fill that role  She will not be compelled to dominate me unless I start behaving like a submissive princess

NicholasRedone · Answer

Only if she was being playful and adorable 😍 🥰 worshipping me like and doing run-arounds of me and cartwheels and backflips and energetically showing she's playfully mine - worships me like an Oscar statue lol 🗽 🗿

MrChinaski · Answer

The word 'let' is the problem in that sentence. She can do whatever she wants. If you do not like what she does then you can a. talk to her about it, or b. find a different girlfriend. She is not your chattel.

Nikki1989 · Answer

OK, cue the brainless and immature blue anons. They will make fools of themselves on here anytime soon, if they haven't done so already.  Just too predicable.

Jersey2 · Answer

No. I would dump someone if they pulled that crap. Now playfulness is fine, joking around, being funny is all fair game. Seriously saying it is a no, so goodbye.

sawno · Answer

Outside of ths bedroom I want to be a team, so no. Wouldn't accept it.

Anonymous · Answer

What does that even mean? She's her own person and can do anything she likes. I'm my own person and I know what I'm willing to tolerate. As long as she knows that and respects that we're unlikely to ever have a serious problem.

glennos89 · Answer

No I will always listen to her opinion but I wouldn't appreciate her trying to be more dominant then me, that's not Feminine at all

Joshydavid25 · Answer

I mean I definitely wouldn't like it if she's trying to be the boss..

Anonymous · Answer

I'm single, but if I had a girlfriend, yes, I would like that, cause I like dominant girls, especially in the bedroom, not so much outside of it.

Anonymous · Answer

A man must be in control of his woman at all times.

MzAsh · Answer

Pretty sure she can do whatever she wants boo-boo

Anonymous · Answer

What a joke. Women are children with breasts

RavVid · Answer

She'd get slap on the ass for that.

exitseven · Answer

No, but my wife acts dominant around me

DrPepper12 · Answer

I don't know what that means

Anonymous · Answer

"Let". lol

msc545 · Answer

She can, but if she does, I am gone.

blackeagle007 · Answer

I’m 50/50. “You do you”

HelpfulWoman · Answer

lmaooooo

MrShaun · Answer

Sometimes. But my wife knows her place. 😊

weirdguy20201 · Answer

Yeah

Do you let your girlfriend act dominant around you?

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