Girls , My girlfriend is turning dominant.. Could you help me out?

[Barryy]

My girlfriend of 3 years relationship.. Whom I used to spoil..& treat her pretty good.. doing everything she'd wish for.. even girls got jealous cause of her.. who seemed to be totally submissive to me.. having me as a leader for the relationship.. doing whatever I'd find right to do..& I'd even discuss things with her , so I can get her opinion as well & she was being happy with that..
is no longer seems to be so.. she's been turning to be dominant over me..
starting by isolating me slowly.. from others.. girls mostly... making up fights based on jealousy... every few days.. and we'd fight aggressively.. even tho I might have done nothing that worth an aggressive fight.. Girls would just get to me.. & I push them.. some may try to express thier feelings toward me.. yet I tell them that I'm in a relationship as they can see & I try to be as simple as possible.. & polite... yet she doesn't seem to like that.. I even cut ties with every single girl around.. which made her to keep fighting more & more.. saying that I'm dating in secret..& hiding stuff from her.. which I'm not doing at all.. !
She's no longer doing what I tell.. no matter what is it.. whether right or not.. she just started to want things to be going on her own way.. otherwise.. " Leave me " .. or be like... That she doesn't care about how I feel.. the point is.. I could feel her trying to play " The man " in the relationship.. Which I find strange... I don't know why would she do that.. We could be on a breakup.. for not on good manners.. yet she acts as if she's the happiest girl around.. posting happy stuff constantly..& at some point she'd try to make me jealous.. & once I catch up to her.. she be like " I'm none of your business "
I'm not even sure if she already talked with some other girl.. or guy.. who's somehow digged that idea into her mind.. to be dominant over me.. & that I'd do whatever she wants on her own way.. no matter even if it's not right..

Updates

+1 y

However , We've been like that for awhile.. Things are getting worse..
from what I've noticed that things would resolve whenever I try to satisfy her being the submissive one.. & just give up to her , which is kinda repulsive from my side.. I used to be the man , but I just want things to be calm & stable.. so feel like it's not me any longer.. I don't know what to do.. I don't know what's going on with her.. I'm totally mad & upset..
Your help will be appreciated ! . Thank you

Updates

+1 y

Also , It's not a 180 change.. It started on a run of a year.. a year of her trying to isolate me from people , getting jealous over the slightest things.. She'd get jealous if any eye contact happened accidently.. I just don't know what's wrong with her..
I do get jealous aswell , but not that way.. I'm a bit considerate.. to know when to get jealous & when not to..
But she's almost being jealous all the time.. scared.. worried..

[Anonymous]

You need to show her who's boss and spank her. Submission is a woman's natural state and woman are happiest when submitting to the will of their husband or father. But often you must enforce your will upon her to submit. The rise in feminism has left a lot of women unhappy in life and 1 out of 4 women are on anti depressants.
Sometimes it's necessary when my wife isn't acting right, refusing to keep the house cleaning and have a meal prepared for when I come home from work. I tried to discuss her disrespectful behavior but she flew into a rage and attacked me so I grabbed her and put her across my knee hitched up her skirt pulled down her panties and with the palm of my hand spanked her bottom as hard as I could for 10 minutes. Her ass was red raw and she couldn’t sit down for a week. She ran home to her parents who were discusted by her behaviour and her father threatened to take his belt to her. After a week she realised how wrong she had been andrawn apologised, we had amazing make up sex. Ever since she's been as good as gold putting maximum effort into our marriage and is now pregnant. It was all just a classic shit test to test my limits and of course if I hadn't disciplined her she would not respect me. She is happier now sumitting to my will and being the good helper the lord intended

[Barryy]

Your opinion is very helpful.
Yet, I must tell.. she's not my wife yet.. however.. we were planning for marriage
We're just a boyfriend & girlfriend... what do you recommend me to do?
I don't wanna display aggressiveness in public.. Yet I want to put her in her usual place as before.. before trying to take control & testing my limits..
So , What do you recommend me to do?

[Opinion Owner]

In private bend her over your knee and spank her into submission.

[Barryy]

Hell no , it's not even possible , wish it was.. but at least for now..
We don't have sex either.. so what else do you recommend other than that?

[Opinion Owner]

Dump her and move on. No pussy is worth the humiliation

[Barryy]

Oh , guess there's no choice other than spanking then?
What about verbal or whatever?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes as your spanking her.

[SammyL]

No, submission is absolutely NOT a woman's natural state. If it was, there would be no need to "beat it into us".
Some women are dominant, some are submissive, but if you have to use violence to get someone to act a certain way, then it isn't natural for them. Then the woman is just appeasing you out of fear of being beaten.
If we were naturally submissive, feminism would have failed. Yet many of us seized the opportunities available to us. Women are doctors, lawyers, scientists, pilots, engineers- you name it, millions of women are doing it.
I think part of you knows this already, which is why you are posting anonymously. Yours is a dying, outdated way of thinking that denies the facts of the world around you.

[Opinion Owner]

@SammyL yet those women will only accept a male who is superior to them. Also those women are all in their 30s, past their prime years.

[SammyL]

Don't know why you think you can speak for every woman on the face of the earth, especially as you are not one. Making simple, basic assumptions about a massive group of people is a way to avoid in-depth thought.

[Opinion Owner]

@SammyL don't be mad at me just cause the truth hurts

[SammyL]

lol, is this middle school now? Instead of presenting actual facts and evidence for your points (which you can't do because you are wrong) you're just trying to act all smug and pretend it's a counterpoint? I don't know why you even bothered.

[SteveSmith1985]

Sorry to have to say this man, but you need to end your relationship. This is toxic as hell, and bordering on abusive.

It's unhealthy in so many ways. I cannot explain why she has changed. I can tell you that those changes are not ones that ever happen in a healthy relationship. It's not a phase. It's not going to get better. It will get worse.

She is not respecting you enough for you to even attempt to talk to her about this. Therefore, its impossible to work any of it out.

I know its not what you want to hear. There is no way to fix this. It's not going to happen.

You need to end your relationship. It's turned into something grotesque and unhealthy. Sorry. That's really the only solution.

[OjosOscuros2]

She stopped perceiving you as a leader somehow. You either showed that you didn't respect her enough or you overextended your dominance on something that hurt her feelings. The jealousy could be a clue to some of that. I think some forms of jealousy are okay but she is clearly more insecure than you thought. Spoiling her didn't help either because now she's got a false sense of confidence. She needs to get those figured out and talking to you make help her resolve some of those deeper issues. Make her talk to you and clear up any misunderstandings between you two. If she insists on being negative and not apologize for her behavior then she needs to be alone to work on herself.

[Barryy]

Could you explain or define " insecurity " in her case?
How spoiling her made her to get a false sense of confidence?
could you explain?

[OjosOscuros2]

An insecurity is something that makes us doubt ourselves and our abilities. People have all sorts of insecurities. She could feel that she's not as gorgeous when she compares to other girls which lowers her self-esteem so this causes insecurity. Or maybe she thinks she's not good enough for you. It could have been something you said that she didn't tell you hurt her or it could all be in her mind. That's why constant communication is important. Receiving gifts and being treated well makes us feel good about ourselves but only temporarily. So that's what I mean about false sense of confidence, because whatever confidence she thinks she has, is only because of your affections towards her. Confidence has to come from internal things and not external things. She needs to work on building up her confidence. Again, it may or may not be related to something that you did.

[Barryy]

Well , I did notice her lately.. seeing her trying to get some attention or affection from other guys.. prove that she's insecure? :O
or thinking that I don't find her good anymore so she's trying to see if it's only about me? that I'm seeing her not good enough?
is that what girls do to feel secure?

[Barryy]

In such a condition..
How do you think that I may fix up things.. without being weak.. or getting more to be submissive to her?
Like , If you were in her choose & being like that..
What would you want your guy to do?

[OjosOscuros2]

Yes she is very insecure. She is only seeking attention at this point. It could be that she feels like you stopped paying attention to her or she's trying to make you jealous. I don't know what could help her change to be honest. Maybe try to make her realize how wrong she has been treating you. Tell her you've done nothing but love her, done good things for the good of the relationship, and despite her accusations you've remained faithful. Remind her that she's the one being seen with other guys while you're trying to win her back. Hopefully with this she understands, or at least bring out her feelings of being hurt by you. More importantly remember to listen to one another and discuss.

[Barryy]

One more question..
Could she still be insecure.. even tho she's " showing " that she's totally strong & careless? specially when I'm around?
Do you girls try to appear to be so? around your so?

[OjosOscuros2]

Yes, it could be. Unless she truly believes in her mind that she has been wronged and it's changed her.

[shy_girl96]

Assuming you have tried to talk to her about how you feel, I think it sounds like you both need a break from each other for a bit to think about your relationship and whether it will work out or not. I'm not saying break-up, just give yourselves some space to think. To me it sounds like you are struggling in the relationship and need to get away from her. Otherwise, think about the worst situation that could possibly happen to you and try work out how she would react in the situation. If you think she would support you then stay with her, but if you think she would react differently then maybe you should breakup. Only you can truly decide

[AthleticMom]

First, this is NOT a male-female role defined but this is a minor tangent

Her changes are obviously (not to you) a product of HER looking around & even cheating with others and getting rebuffed sooner or later by those guys. You must be the one that stays home in safe harbor for when she crashes and then takes out aggressions on you.

Either enjoy being her kept boy toy and sex or
leave her while burning all bridges that could serve her pursuits

[Citara]

Being dominant or submissive isn't about being 'the man' or 'the woman' in a relationship. Some people like to have more power and be more dominant. I'm a girl and I would never in my live be submissive to a man (or another girl in fact) I believe a relationship should be equal. No playing games with telling the other person what he/she should or shouldn't be doing. If you don't feel good in a relationship talk about it, if that is impossible just break up

[AlienChickk]

I hate to break it to you, but she might be cheating or thinking of cheating. When someone suddenly gets jealous all of a sudden like that, and start distancing themselves they possibly could be seeing someone else on the side. I'm really not sure what else could cause such a 180. It could be something else entirely. Or she is getting tired of the relationship, another possibility

[Barryy]

Also , It's not a 180 change.. It started on a run of a year.. a year of her trying to isolate me from people , getting jealous over the slightest things.. She'd get jealous if any eye contact happened accidently.. I just don't know what's wrong with her..
I do get jealous aswell , but not that way.. I'm a bit considerate.. to know when to get jealous & when not to..
But she's almost being jealous all the time.. scared.. worried.. & when I tell her later why you're being so jealous over me.. She's like " I'm not jealous anymore.. do whatever you want "
What later on she repeats the cycle of her horrible jealousy..
I got tired of that , my mind gets on fire several times.. I can't think I can't focus , I can't do anything.. I feel like I'm just cuffed to her.. being in a prison... and I love her a lot..
She's started being controlling... even tho she's younger than me..
I'm so tired.. I don't know why she'd do that.. I just want peace in the relationship..
but she's sturbborn.

[AlienChickk]

Hmm, I'm not sure really. I've never been like that with someone, so I don't know what's going on in her head.

[Joyee]

Ummm, maybe she didn't actually completely agree with everything you decided in the past and just went with it and now she realized she should probably put her own opinion forward and see it through, because of this she could think that you're pulling away from her coz she isn't "the same" as before. She could be getting more insecure that because she's changing as a person, you won't like her the same.

[Barryy]

I don't really think so , because whatever she decides us to do.. causes nothing but more trouble for us... She kinda immature & yet she wants things to go on her own way..
if you've got a boyfriend..
What would you actually like him to do.. to feel like him being a man / dominant one for you?

[Joyee]

Hell no.

[Stef2424]

That type of girl is very annoying and if you don't like it anymore, you could leave her. Being jealous all the time can be frustrating and stressful especially for you and create health problems because of all those fights over useless things. With her that way you will never be able to go out without her, you won't be able to have friends without her meeting them too and so on..

[Barryy]

I totally don't know what to do.. she's been kinda fine for 2 years..
and I feel like I'm already losing control...
What should I do to gain back control? " not in a mean way "
but just to have the relationship stable & calm.. I don't want them fights..
how can I dominant her back in such a way..
What would you want your man do.. to get you to stop doing that annoying stuff & being all dominating , controlling, aggressive.. and such
Your help will mean a lot , Thank you

[Stef2424]

I don't know can I see myself as her now, because I'm not so strict to my boyfriend. I know to be annoying sometimes, but because he's stubborn. It means that she loves you, could be that just now she started to have real feelings for you, so she's trying to do anything to keep you by her side. Who knows what her friends told her like "there should be balance between one and another". Funny but to me to stop being worried, or too anoying is to keep myself quiet, then I start to think about everything and it makes me cry, but then he ask me what's wrong and so on until I open up and just then we start to discuss about anything, relaxed and calm. The important thing is to say to each other what you really feel and think :)

[Anonymous]

Maybe she wants you to man up? Oh boy I always make my boyfriend take the blame even if it's my fault and he apologizes for things I do. I make him jealous on purpose because I like the attention he gives me will be a consequence) maybe she behaves this way because she thinks you're not gonna leave her she should be afraid of losing you and she is not gonna care about her actions unless you show her she could lose your love if she doesn't treat you better or this could also be her way to make you take control in the relationship again.

[Burningbeauty]

If there's no trust in a relationship it's not much of a relationship.. that doesn't mean it can't be rebuilt but sometimes this just means you have to cut ties. It doesn't make either a bad person it's just the relationship is toxic..

[QueenofCups]

If this bothers you that much, maybe you should break up with her.

[false]

didn't read most of it but you can't spoil her like that cause shell eventually take you for granted

[Warmapplecrumble]

Why is she suddenly jealous?

[Barryy]

That's what I'm asking. :(

[Warmapplecrumble]

Well because its sudden means something happened and only you know what exactly happened.

There must have been an incident and she snapped and hasn't calmed down.

[itwasmelaniasfault]

Unless she cheated. People who cheat get jealous sometimes, because they can't handle what they give.

Anyway have @berryy have you asked her why?

[Barryy]

@itwasmelaniasfault I did try , but as you've read all of what I wrote already..
We keep getting to the same point.. she always keeps accusing me of being " wrong " or " cheating " on her.. while I'm not.. we get into deep tough fights.. ending with insults...
we get distant a for some period of time.. then gets along once more & the cycle repeats.
She's acting all weird , we've been planning for marriage already.. we been for 3y.. in realationship

[itwasmelaniasfault]

Sounds like you should just tell her if she doesn't stop acting like a spoiled child you are going to break up with her. If she doesn't change after that, break up

[momo770]

Tell her to kick rocks

[TallGuy96]

Have you ever expressed what do you feel to her?

[Barryy]

Well , We ' used ' to express things.. but it's getting worse by now..
it's like she acts as if she doesn't accept anything.. or any opinion I tell..
which gets on my nerves mostly... I be like " GOSH.. What's wrong with you ! "

[TallGuy96]

Tell her how you really feel and be gentle

[Barryy]

Well , I've always been gentle..
but what would you call it? when everyone else finds you gentle & accepts your tone..
while she's the only one finding you aggresive.. ?

[TallGuy96]

Hmm did you ask why is she acting like this?

[Anonymous]

You're lucky, I wish I had a dominant girlfriend.

[Nikki6969s]

Red flag pal

[Barryy]

What would that mean? If you don't mind me asking for explanation

[troychapman]

outsiders opinion she's paranoid about you around other girls when people accuse think your seeing someone else its often beacause they are and there both guilty and afraid your doing the same

[troychapman]

and i may be wrong but girls tend to like to be submissive if she's turning dominant she may look for someone else as she is changing and you may not be able to give her what she wants anymore