Why do a lot of girls put available, sweet, emotionally chill men on the backburner?

[Anonymous]

I reciprocate the attention I get. We have fun, but then, after a while the energy dies down. I spoil like milk, put me in the fridge if ya busy lol, but don't leave out on the counter. It happens everytime I open up and leave myself a little emotionally vulnerable. And then all the sudden, I'm not sexy anymore, but I'm seen as someone they might marry/f*ck if no one else comes along. Do I really have to be the one to break hearts? To I have to be a little of a closed off asshole to keep girls interested?

[RangerBlue22]

Women want you to understand them but not be like them which is extremely difficult. They often don’t even understand themselves.

They are also naturally more selfish than men. Reason being is there was a time in history they had to be for survival purposes. Now that’s no longer necessary but many of them haven’t evolved out of that.

But most of them do not realize how insulting the friéndzone is. They don’t realize how that is an insult to a man’s masculinity. They don’t realize how much more difficult dating is for the average guy compared to the average woman. They don’t realize that most men desire to be respected by woman and asking “can we just be friends” is very rude. Most don’t realize that being politely direct that they aren’t interested vs playing dumb is actually the best way they do a rejection. It rips off the band aide and let’s the guy heal quicker

I hate to tell you this but women aren’t going to change. Rather men need to develop radar for their bs and walk away and mean it when they are getting jerked around. Women generally don’t feel shame about how that makes a man really feel.

Now there are a minority of women who are nothing like I mentioned above. But they aren’t common so if one surprises you than don’t let your guard down with others.

[lightbulb27]

It's probably more how you project yourself. Women love it when you are vulnerable and open. But the wrong energy, negative energy, and the "flower" will close up and say "no". A vulnerable/weak guy just doesn't say "mate and have offspring". Simple as that and you can't blame them because look at history of woman kind. If she's with a weak, wimpy or dump, man then her and her offspring can face misery. They run from that feeling, not you. You are seeing consistent behavior, you just need to understand it.

So work on yourself. You don't have to be a bad person or man to get women, you are mis perceiving that... that is frustration speaking. You do have to be the better MAN that you are inside, with confidence, when you heal the inside. Action: Spend some time working on yourself and then try again.

[Asker]

Yes sir! Words of wisdom!

[silvermoon84]

Guys did this to me a lot when I was younger and then around age 32/33-ish, I finally realized it was because I was too accommodating and made myself too available. This is not really a gender thing, but more of a “people” thing. As humans we don’t really value something that is easily attainable. Kind of like how some people might place a higher value on cars such as a Porsche over say a Honda Civic. Everyone knows the civic is cheaper and more reliable but a Porsche is more unattainable and therefore more desired. Do you see what I’m saying? If you have to invest time and money into buying and maintaining the Porsche, you’ll value it more. Likewise, when people know they have to invest time in being with you, they’ll also value YOU more and put more effort into being with you.

[Asker]

Dangggg that's deep and on the money. I totally get where you're coming from. Thanks

[silvermoon84]

You’re very welcome 😊

[CMeow]

If “opening up” is dumping deep rooted trauma and airing dirty laundry, while having a breakdown… then that will turn women off. That serious stuff is better saved for once she’s your girlfriend. If opening up is saying you’re scared of bees or you peed your pants in kindergarten, then the problem is more likely you’re mismatched with these women.

you also might be lingering in the friend zone too long, by having all of these deep conversations without making a move or showing interest. If you’re just always talking over coffee like she would with a gal pal, she will eventually assume you’re not interested in more than friendship and treat you that way

[Asker]

Thank you. Yeah I probably shouldn't scare them away... I'm bad at being an open book sometimes.

[DribbleGodCurt]

when you put peeing yourself in kindergarten i laughed a little bit lmao, but yeah but if you know she likes you and you like her it's okay in my opinion bc that's what i do bc females can be amazing emotional supporters in my opinion, most of my friends are females, i have like 15 female best friends and 5 male best friends.

[Asad1ONE1]

Nah I think you're just saying this because you've had bad experiences with men being turned off by the same things. This isn't gender specific.

[CMeow]

@Asad1ONE1 Im saying this because it is about a man in this situation. The same would apply if this was a woman asking this. The only person limiting my response from applying to both men and women is you. Obviously I touched a nerve with you though 🤔

[CMeow]

Women will appreciate how open you are once you are in a relationship with them. This is a good quality. However if you come on with too much intensity, getting very upset or telling serious “secrets” too soon, it might overwhelm her or make her wonder if you have the stability to be a good partner. Keep being open, just take it slow with how much you share. Also make sure you are giving the girl hints you have a crush on her :)

[Asad1ONE1]

Yes I know about this. CMeow meow meow 😺😺 LOL

[jennifer_bloom]

My theory is that women are attracted to change and effecting change through rebellion is easier than affecting change through humour or kindness so some people choose the inferior option because they never had access to the better one.

[Asker]

That is an interesting theory 🤔. It does go more into the subconscious aspect.

[Asker]

I'm horrible with change it makes me antsy 🥺. Why fix it if it ain't broke?

[BlueScorpio]

It sounds like they aren't that interested and don't mind talking to you as a friend. Once you see they don't have the same feelings as you, the best thi g you can do for yourself is just move on.

[Asker]

This is after effing tho. And then they come crying to me when their boy treats em like trash. I wouldn't...

[Asker]

I guess it still applies after sex even.

[Asker]

Things change constantly and I shouldn't be upset when they do

[DribbleGodCurt]

That's rough they fucked you to feel better, they used you that's sad women are evil sometimes.

[BlueScorpio]

Wait minute after sex.. okay sounds like emotion unavailable women you're seeing. Try find one who really wants a relationship.

[Guy13]

They don’t know better🤷🏻‍♂️

[PrettyPriya]

What in the world type of theory is this? I think you just meet the wrong girls. I would never want a man that would be as you described it “closed off asshole”. That is completely unattractive to me personally.

My fiancé is extremely sweet to me. I love it. He is also a true gentleman. Something rare it seems anymore. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. He also has a great personality, character, morals, values and many other things I look for in a partner.

The type of guy that you think you need to become is a complete turnoff to me. Maybe other girls like that. I don’t.

I wouldn’t suggest being that sort of guy, but if you think you need to then by all means. Just be prepared for disappointment when you still don’t have any luck. Most girls I know would run from the type of guy you think is “wanted”.

[Asker]

I said it blunt and on the other extreme. But I mean do I always have to be macho? Why does it seem like I open up and it's a turn off. Just an ounce of showing that I bleed too, and it's done, Ur a friend now.

[Asker]

Acting the way of my theory is bleh believe me. But maybe it's just that I need to get out there bc mean girls are gonna be the only ones that pick me.

[PrettyPriya]

No, macho isn’t attractive. Not to me. My fiancé got me by being a gentleman. You know…opening the door, pulling out my chair, being attentive and all the things I mentioned.

That includes being emotionally open with me. This is just my view on it. I cannot speak for the girls that look for the opposite I do.

by the way, even though he is the sweetest, kindest man, he is still a guy. He does sports like rugby and football. All that stuff. At the end of the day, he’s a giant teddy bear. Doesn’t hurt he has a super sense of humour.

[Asker]

I know what gentleman is.

[Asker]

It sounds like to me I have played around with girls and I need to find myself a serious woman

[PrettyPriya]

Sounds about right to me. Serious women looking for an all around guy. Not these immature girls looking for the “bad boy” type.

[Vegasrunner]

Not a closed off asshole but you can't be so available. Reality is you're in an awkward spot. Women are never going to share this truth w/ you but you need to understand this if you're going to have any success. Women operate from a sense of neediness, and bevause they're needy they become insecure, when you give away free attention like you're doing you give them what that want w/out getting anything in return. What would help you is if you learn to be the one that creates distance first.

[Haha456]

so what? you're saying that you're entitled to all women marrying you just because you are "sweet and chill"? nobody gives a fuck how sweet and chill you are if you're boring as hell to talk to. we need someone with personality, not someone who is just "chill".

[Asker]

What's with all this entitlement nonsense. Maybe I wasn't clear. That's what I bring to the table. I am actually an interesting human being. I have many talents and many hobbies and I contribute a lot to society. I just freaking share too much, leave myself too vulnerable. I figured it out already. There's no going back when ya open the can of worms of your backstory.

[Asker]

And hell no. I'm not entitled to all women. I really don't think that way.

[Asker]

I have too much personality at least too soon. I don't know where to start without scaring them away bc I raised myself and have felt alone my whole entire life.

[Asker]

Hmm. I didn't think my being upset might come off as entitled. I feel entitled to dirt. That's what I feel entitled to. I work to earn what I want whether I deserve it or not, I will get it and cherish what I get.

[Asker]

I just feel robbed when they back off after it was good chemistry. I'm talking about halts in already established chemistry.

[JDavid25]

It's the opening up part.. In the beginning of something blooming that scares women away.. Especially if you open up too much.. You gotta remind somewhat of a mystery to women.. They like that.. Open up little by little.. You have to make them work for it.. In the end women like somewhat of a chase with men.. Meaning they like to do at least a little chasing.. Make sure you are not making them your emotional dumping grounds.. At least not in the beginning.. Or for a long time.

[Asker]

Thanks. Yeah, as long as the cool dude part and good vibes isn't a mystery, right? They don't deserve to be emotional dumping grounds. They deserve fun and maybe we'll be thick as theives later on.

[JDavid25]

The cool dude part is good.. But yeah with a woman it should always be more about her having a good time with you for at least 2 months, and her finding out about you little by little.. I made that mistake too..

[Man-O-Metal]

You can't open up to girls until it starts to get real. That makes you look more mysterious. That's what keeps their attention. Wanting to unwrap your secrets. (Not in a dirty way. I'm talking about discovering the persons character.) When you open up even a little bit to girls you're just getting to know, they immediately see you as an emotional support pillow that they can cry on whenever their current boyfriend did something stupid. In other words... #friendzoned

[ObscuredBeyond]

Because you don't know where to look for a woman who is wants to pursue a higher purpose than her own immediate desires, or believes in any such thing, evidence of one be damned.

You seem to only meet thots, who only want to feed their immediate impulses, even if that leads them to where the worm dieth not.

[melanieeeB]

Cause most of you aren't that sweet and innocent like you claim to be lol

[DaySpring]

I find that to be true. As time goes on, I find it to be true on both sides. It's very common to find a decent person but it is very rare to find a good person.

[Asker]

Hmm. No I am a lot of things, but I'm mostly honest about what I see in the mirror. It's change. I'm not good with mood changes

[Asker]

I mean not to invalidate sorry. Lol yeah it is like that though🤣

[CallmeTheKnight]

Look at the type of women you're going for. See them who they are and how they receive you... If you're a safe choice, you're not the first or best choice.

Then again, it could be you. You're coming off as undesirable or you're just not their type. We can't continue to wonder why someone does something that doesn't favor us, no matter how good or how nice we are. That particular person just doesn't see a future with you and you can't make someone want you.

[bamesjond0069]

"It happens everytime I open up and leave myself a little emotionally vulnerable." Why the fuck are you doing this? Women hate hate hate this. Don't listen to what women say, pay attention to what they do. Clearly you can see they don't like it. So stop it.

[DesiUwU]

hell nah. I hate guys who never tell men anything that's going on with them. I understand, but it's still annoying, especially since they expect answers from YOU

[Asker]

Maybe they get the wrong idea. I don't expect answers, but maybe it comes off that way. Maybe I should just give more time before opening up. I really don't have a what comes natural side to me. I have to kinda hope what I say doesn't kill the mood. Maybe I should protect girls from the negativity and hide the darkness away. It's probably as bad as being an outlaw and not picking up the bodies before the ladies move into the new hideout with us. I got to show my better side before they see the inside. But eventually she should know my strengths and my weaknesses to understand what kind of man I am all around. Maybe I am going into husband mode way too soon before even realising it while dating. They're not my wife yet, why do they need to know what I've been through?

[DesiUwU]

no, i mean, they BEG me for an answer, but then when i want one, they refuse to give it. And I put up with guys like this all the time smh

[Asker]

Don't have to put up with it. If you know you're not getting what you want go. It's easier said than done obviously, but yeah. I put up with being in a relationship where I was shut up and belittled and my name was even thrown in the dirt during and after.

[Asker]

Best thing happened I left.

[NotTacocaT6969]

This theory only applies if you strictly date superficial hoes.


The solution is to date a woman who is not a superficial hoe.

[Asker]

Valid

[Anonymous]

When they are young, women want to play games with men's feelings to get ego boost. They realize when they grow old, then they cry for relationship and say where have all the good men gone? Please date me, marry me and make babies with me.😂🤣😆

[Asker]

Sometimes women never grow up, sometimes men never grow up. Sometimes people never get over their trauma.

[Anonymous]

Usually the type of man that us women actually want, don’t want us back. So when actually guys that would like a woman like ourself, we tend to undermine them because they are not who we feel we should have, if that make sense.

[Asad1ONE1]

Yes and maybe they feel the same about you. Frustrating thing is we'll never know until someone makes the move.

[rienna888]

Because they’re usually not sexy, many girls go for looks first. But the rare ones will go for nice with great personality

[Asker]

Well it's not looks lol. It's probably the fact that I scare them off with bring up my insecurities. I gotta stop airing out the dirty laundry. Sometimes I'm too open about dark things. I bet that's what kills the mood.

[rienna888]

Yeah don’t tell them ur insecurities too often lol. Just try to be fun and crazy. But seriously fuck her, you deserve better. I’m tryna convince myself that too

[rienna888]

To early*

[RangerBlue22]

An average looking asshole (not ugly but average) usually has an advantage over an attractive nice guy.

[Asker]

Truth. I can usually get them with the jokes and stuff and get them in bed, but I talk about insecurities too soon.

[RangerBlue22]

You need to look up Corey Wayne asker. He can help point you in the right direction on a lot of this.

[Asker]

Will do thanks bud

[sheikalana]

Maybe those men are not physically attractive.

[Asker]

Maybe, but I have been told I am at least. I'm at least a 7 even on a bad day

[Aphrodite801]

Say women don’t like you because you’re annoying and lame without saying it

[Asker]

Say you are superficial without saying it

[Aphrodite801]

Oh wow you even managed to admit you are unattractive as well? Yikes. Yeah you will be ignored for a very long time if you don’t stop being ignorant.

[Asker]

I meant emotionally you really suck at listening. Maybe that's part of the problem to. You think your shit don't stink. Well I'm sorry it does now bye

[Aphrodite801]

Sorry I don’t argue or go back and forth with unattractive men. Goodbye!

[Asker]

You're fucking hilarious. Gawd, haven't gotten such a big laugh. I'm probably an 8 on a rough day.

[Asker]

You're talking to someone who could be a heartbreaker if he didn't have a heart and felt like not giving a shit. How to say you're part of the problem without saying it.

[ZenJen444]

Just because you view yourself as these things don't mean you truly are and no one has to settle for you.

[art84]

As a guy I wouldn't be too emotionally to woman as it would certainly turn some off.

[Agape93]

Because we aren't into you like that.

[Asker]

You were a min ago. Don't complain when ya wonder where all the good guys are, not incel, just real. I get f*cked an we f good i know bc i pay attention and then left on read when i open up.

[Agape93]

1. No, a minute ago I was talking to another moderator

2. Wtf are you even talking about?

3. FYI, good guys don't immediately start bitching because someone isn't into you.

[Asker]

Oh so good guys just don't have emotions at all huh.

[Agape93]

They have enough character and sense to not fly off the fucking handle over being rejected and certainly don't feel like they're entitled to a woman's attention and time simply because they're good men.

[Asker]

Oh so what if I was that guy who made you fsll in love with me just to get into your pants, but I didn't feel that way about you? Just fresking deal with it loser is what I should say?

[Asker]

That's what you're telling me

[Agape93]

Pretty much, yeah. If I consented to it, and turns out I was being duped, oh well. Break it off and go my own way again.

[Asker]

Yes so easy. But when girls do it it's over months and when ur dating.

[Agape93]

Good job with the strawman argument, there.

[Agape93]

So let's get back on track. What makes you think someone's niceness entitles them to someone?

[Asker]

I am not entitled to anything, I work for everything. I just wish for the same respect to not be stringed along.

[Asker]

I'm not talking about oh I got duped. I'm talking about being put in limbo where they act like they might be interested if I stick around. But really, they just want someone stable to vent to even tho they don't see me that way

[Agape93]

I didn't say you were, read the question and try again.

That's also being duped, you're literally being tricked by someone for their own gain.

[Asker]

Nothing entitles you to anything, but you just hope for results.

[Asker]

Also I'm not talking about niceness. I'm talking about giving the person genuine attention.

[Asker]

And genuine interest

[Agape93]

So then why the absolute hell did you jump down my throat for saying we just aren't into people that we don't actively go with? Just because you expect or want something does not mean she's culpable for that nor is that her problem.

[Agape93]

If she's not giving you those, leave. Clearly she's not into you, so staying despite that is your own issue.

[Asker]

Yes, I have abandonment issues. But sometimes I can tell them they don't get to vent if I'm able to let go of them. Sometimes it's better than not talking at all, but I get destroyed inside trying to hold things in, trying not to hope for something else.

[Agape93]

Those sound distinctly like your own issues, things you need to fix about yourself instead of attacking others.

[Asker]

Attacking others? I am very direct with what I want. I just wish I didn't get the runaround all the time.

[Asker]

It's not just my issues. Their issue is they can't handle openning up. Mine is I can't handle leaving knowing I'm being used

[Asker]

And then if I say go kick rocks, I'm the asshole.

[Agape93]

If you attack people when you are the one expecting things they clearly aren't giving you, when you misinterpret a lack of interest as being used, and use those to attack people like you tried with me, then yes you are attacking people and you are the problem.

[Asker]

Attack? I don't attack.

[Asker]

I never attack. I hope. But I don't attack.

[Asker]

And I'm talking about the physical attraction being there. For some reason she just doesn't want to talk the same way anymore even tho nothing has changed on my end.

[Asker]

And I think maybe she just wants to see a different side. Maybe if I bring up the right topic, she'll be drooling over me like she did last week.

[Asker]

And no the drooling part isn't in my head either. Straight up going to the bar with friends, yet still texting me nonstop telling me no one else is really interesting but me, to cold turkey.

[Asker]

Maybe she feels bad for having a fling, but she doesn't need to. It's not my business and I don't mind if she's swinging, we're not together together. It won't hurt unless she's done with me in that way. The interest just seems to have faded out of the blue.

[Agape93]

You attacked me you fuck wit. You talk a lot, but you never sit down, shut up and listen.

This is not her problem. This is not her cause. This is YOU because YOU have the problems here, YOU, not HER.

You Need to work on yourself instead of starting shit with people for no fucking reason.

[Asker]

I'm not calling you names...

[Asker]

You are the one putting me into this generalization and you aren't mature enough to realize there is more depth to the story.

[Agape93]

When the fuck did I say you called me names?

This is a prime example of shut up and fucking listen.

[Agape93]

I made a comment and then YOU overgeneralized ME

"You were a min ago. Don't complain when ya wonder where all the good guys are, not incel, just real. I get f*cked an we f good i know bc i pay attention and then left on read when i open up."

[Agape93]

You can call me immature as soon as you grow the fuck up

[Asker]

I'm not the one who needs to.

[Agape93]

Yes, you are. This is not a debate, I'm telling you this is the case.

[Agape93]

@PrettyPriya this is the kind of Schweinebauer that makes me irritable on here. :/

[TroyDT2]

You can't force long term attraction.

[Asker]

Nope. I cannot. But I wish I could walk away when I know better.

[Anonymous]

You are simply meeting the wrong women.

[DribbleGodCurt]

exactly what i thought, bc they all are different he's meeting dick heads that aren't mature or they just don't like him at all like in any way as a friend, partner or etc.

[Asker]

I gotta realize flirting has all sorts of different intentions.

[DribbleGodCurt]

Yeah it does sometimes i flirt with women just to give them confidence bc i don't really want a girl atm bc i'm focusing on my goals and dreams.

[Asker]

I sometimes wish my heart was dead and not wounded so I could just focus. But then I probably wouldn't have the dreams and goals I have in the first place

[DribbleGodCurt]

I have PTSD from childhood trauma so my heart is wounded and i still focus on my goals and dreams more than women, bc if it's the right one they will talk to you unexpectedly and trust me when i say this they will support you when they don't want to when you feel like you yourself don't deserve it, they will belittle themselves to make you feel better if necessary, same goes for a man if he's an actual man and not a asshole he will be humbled in my opinion bc humbled people are usually the strongest ones of all people just don't know bc they put themselves lower than other people that are lower than them, if this makes sense.

[Asker]

Total sense. I just have different battles different days. My ADHD or PTSD (not diagnosed yet) brain has me stuck in my own head. I raised myself emotionally and told myself when to eat as well. So when I put myself out there I forget to let things settle.

[Asker]

It also contradicts itself. Somedays, I feel like the smartest human being on the planet and I have to chill it out. Other days I feel like the most worthless piece of dirt and I have to tell myself I'm doing alright.

[DribbleGodCurt]

Yeah i think you have PTSD, also it depends on the people you surround yourself around bc when i go around someone that treats me like shit it makes me feel like shit bc i know i should be treated better so put yourself around people who treat you good, and you will feel 100x better trust me.

[Manuel2]

We ate the safe sure cash bull or safe dick

[Asker]

And you have a point. Needs more chase. I'll put that indgredient in with all my nice spices and we'll have a heartbreaker out of me.

[Manuel2]

Then you are the one that never say no, and when job done, a smile a thank you and they are off.
If you are a Christian, they use that against you too.

[Asker]

I don't say no a lot. I need to think about what I want instead of being a people pleaser.

[Manuel2]

Also when you say no and find you are worse than the Devil. You forgive those who say no to you. But you have no right to say no to them

[Asker]

I do have a right to put my efforts where they're valued.