Girls, where do you look for a partner? What do you look for in first impressions that leads you to think, "maybe this guy", and what do you do next?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Please give an online (dating site) answer, and an in person answer.

[Rosexøxø]

I stood away from online dating sites because I knew that a majority on there would not be serious, and would be most likely “entitled,” or difficult to engage with, since they’d know/ have an idea of the one thing you’re looking for/ trying to make work.

They’ll basically take advantage and waste time, so I’d spend time in apps and sites that would allow me to meet others, in a more natural format, who would respect me, and we would both figure out what each liked and whether or not if we had that chemistry, or not.

In-person is the exact same thing. I wouldn’t go to some speed dating thing.

Maybe blind dates or speed dating for fun. The bachelorette for fun lol

but not for anything serious, no.

I go to all the places where I can meet someone with similar beliefs.

I go to places to find like-minded people. If we build on that, we have more of a chance than us saying

and playing 50 questions or 20 questions (whatever that’s called).

Like what’s your favorite color..

girl: what’s you're favorite race of girl

guy: what’s your favorite sex position

Me: really peepel 😒🤚

lol

so best of luck to you.

Try to find in person, at places you like, and then online, on active spaces you like, as well.

Staying strictly to the dating stuff is not helpful and pitiful for anyone, including myself.

Although, some claim to have married from stuff like that

and farmers mingle, and all that.

I just rather not leave certain things up to fate. Be intentional wherever applicable.

[TheSpaceGnome]

"Try to find in person, at places you like, and then online, on active spaces you like, as well."

Thats not an option for us men. I'll dm you why, because this thread is supposed to be about women describing their perfect matches and how they spot them.

[AmyHew1tt]

I recently tried out an online app, just to see if it feels right, and I can't speak for every woman, but these are turn-offs for me.
. When he puts random keyboard smashes instead of answers to profile questions. He doesn't need to be a Harvard student, but just writing irrelevant jibberish is like shouting 'this isn't worth it I'm lazy I'm just looking for someone to think I'm hot.'
. When he writes down everything he wants in a girlfriend like she's a personalized menu order, but doesn't mention anything about himself.
. When he gives the impression he wants a girlfriend to check a box, or to be his comfort and doesn't seem to realize that relationships go both ways.
. When he writes everything in lowercase and has a bunch of misspellings
. When he doesn't use a profile picture, and writes about himself degradingly, or tries to make himself appealing by talking about how good he is at sex, or how much he wants it, etc. These might not bother all girls, but I find it a bit repulsive.

In person, honestly, the first thing that draws me to a guy is whether or not I find him attractive. After that, I look for kindness and interest, someone who listens to me when I talk, or at least talks to me at all, and emotional maturity. Hope this helps :)

[TheSpaceGnome]

"When he puts random keyboard smashes instead of answers to profile questions"

People actually do that? Wtf is the point of even answering the questions then? 😂

"When he writes down everything he wants in a girlfriend like she's a personalized menu order, but doesn't mention anything about himself."

Ok so this one actually kind of makes sense (as does needing her to check boxes since it's the same thing). Typically people want likeminded spouses, and so that checklist is usually intended to be both a "I want this in a partner" list, while also being a "by the way I'm describing myself right now" list.

So for example, if a guy says he wants a woman who likes video games, obviously he also likes them, If he says he wants a sweet, kind hearted woman, it should be assumed that he thinks he's the male version of that, or at least he would need to be most of what he is requesting, if he's not, then I agree with you.

This is mostly turn offs you are listing though, what would you WANT to see in a profile? What kind of profile would have you drooling over it instead of scoffing at it?

I'm not looking to hear about dealbreakers and "at least do x", I'm interested in knowing what stands out as "if I don't get this one, I'd be crushed".

I see so many women online complaining about men, but almost none of them seem to really be brutally honest about what they even want.

Raise the bar on your expectations. Objectify him physically, personalize your menu mentally. What would that look like on a profile or on person?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Or in person*

[AmyHew1tt]

(Ok so this one actually kind of makes sense (as does needing her to check boxes since it's the same thing). Typically people want likeminded spouses, and so that checklist is usually intended to be both a "I want this in a partner" list, while also being a "by the way I'm describing myself right now" list.)

Yeah, that's normal. I meant more, writing something like this for a profile: I want a hot cute girlfriend who supports me no matter what and kisses me and wants sex with me and accepts all my bad sides and wants to do everything I do. then in I've years we'll be married and have some kids and she'ell do everything to make me happy."

That's what I find off-putting.

But sure, what IS a checkmark for me: Putting effort into his profile. Not telling me why he's the best choice, but showing it. Answering the questions that will reveal something about himself. For example, one guy I saw wrote about wanting someone who would share his interests, and be there for him, but also challenge his opinions and have her own. That's a green flag because I can see he's looking for a real person, not a walking, talking sex doll. He's willing to compromise, which you need if you want an actual relationship.
So apart from being physically attractive to me, being a real person and looking for one is a big thumbs up. Be genuine.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Ah ok that makes sense. Yeah it can't be one sided like that.

I don't particularly agree with the compromise part though, I think it's best to date a "mental clone".

I don't think compromise or conflicting opinions belong in romantic relationships, as they just tear the relationship down 100% of the time. I see a need or willingness to compromise as the largest red flag, as it's a sign she doesn't know what she wants yet.

On that topic, you still haven't actually said what you want. Just that you want it to not be a farse when you see it.

[AmyHew1tt]

I agree major compromise is a bad thing, but some is healthy and good. At least for me, because I'm not attracted to guys who have too much in common with me. On stuff like political views, children, morals, plans for the future, and religion, yeah, it's best to have as little disagreement as you can. What I meant about compromise, was more about not being too stuck in your ways. Like, say you meet the perfect person, except they have one hobby or trait you don't like, are you really going to through this person away?

In my case, I'm highly against dating a guy who games. But, if other than that I really like him, and he's willing to compromise with me, say he only plays games for a few hours on Saturday, and unless we live together, never when I'm around, I can make do with that.

I don't know precisely what I want, as I don't have a particular type, and even if I did, what's attractive in a guy is highly subjective to each person. But if you want kind of the ideal I imagine, he's handsome, taller than me, but not gigantic. Fit, but not a supermodel. He shares some of my interests, enough that we have a decent amount of things in common and can have fun together, but has his own as well. Communicative, respective of my opinions where we differ, affectionate, excepting of affection, kind, and shares my love language.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm only attracted to women who have everything in common with me except anatomy and sexual preferences (unless she's bi).

She can like things I'm indifferent about, but she has to like the stuff I like and hate the stuff I hate, as it represents her mind as a whole and what makes her happy also has to be the stuff that makes me happy. (you memtioned the video game compromise, as a gamer, I's find that demand infuriating, I'd want her to pick up the other controller and spend most of the day playing the hardest games with me during the times we aren't doing art or otherwise creating, or she's not even besty material).

She has to be stubborn and stuck in her ways too, otherwise it won't work out long term, as the risk of her changing is too high (I'm the same person I've always been, and I always will be. I need that stability in a partner too).

If she doesn't know precisely what she wants, thats an immediate dealbreaker, those types are typically not gamers, artists, musicians, geeks, nerds, architects, or engineering minds, and I want all those in one sexy package.

Unfortunately, I've not seen those on dating sites, or in person, just on youtube, tv, podcasts, social media, and other places where that type of woman is in droves, but taken (and even when not taken, being an internet celeb, they are wanted by thousands upon thousands of men).

I need to better know how to stand out to these types of women and get them to come to me (since I can't find them in non internet celeb form), but whenever I ask women what they look for, all they say is "I don't know, he just has to love me and be genuine" and thats horseshit, because I'd be married by now if that were the case.

Why are women so terrified of being honest on the internet? Are they afraid that if they detail out the perfect match, they will be chased after with pitchforks? I don't get it... That many women can't genuinely have no idea what they want...

[AmyHew1tt]

Well, there is a lot of shame when a girl writes out the man of her dreams because truthfully, very few normal guys will meet her standards. Women are told all the time they need to lower the bar, so yeah, I think there is some fear of honesty. I mean, I feel guilty enough admitting that looks are the first thing I notice in a guy. I could give you a detailed character profile of the guy I wish I could have, but as every person is different, I don't see the point as it's unlikely I'll find someone who fits it exactly.

The reason I don't know exactly what I want is that while I have liked guys before, I've never been in an actual relationship, so I don't know what worked, and what didn't.

[TheSpaceGnome]

"I could give you a detailed character profile of the guy I wish I could have, but as every person is different, I don't see the point as it's unlikely I'll find someone who fits it exactly."

That is actually what my question asked for, I'm expecting each woman to post something different, but all of them to be orecise and picky, because I see this a ton from guys about their perfect woman ideal, but never from women, and with how hard women make everything else on men, we need this insight. So by all means, do so, do not be ashamed of any of it, and yes, it has it's informational usefulness.

Aldo, you do not need to habe had a relationship before, the idea is that if you get a relationship, ____ is how you want that to play out. Be a story director, aim high, but avoid listing things like "being a provider" as thats not a personality trait or physical feature, anyone can make a living, and the entire point is to be selective, to narrow down what you actually like in a person, not what he can do for you.

[TheSpaceGnome]

precise*

[TheSpaceGnome]

tldr version, whats the coolest, hottest, most mentally interesting guy on earth to you, if you were asked to make a mock profile about him, and you were so rich that money did not matter to you.

[AmyHew1tt]

Well, I do see your point, but I also think the being picky thing is one of the main reasons people get passed over. But it can just come down to personal taste. It is true that one of the things men and women criticize most about each other is having a high bar they won't lower even a fraction. I can't say I don't find it kind of uncomfortable to have to fit a mold picture perfect. But I don't believe in settling either. Just have reasonable expectations.

But anyway, just for the sake of it, if you have something really specific in mind and you feel comfortable sharing, what is it? (No judgment will impale you)

[TheSpaceGnome]

I've already made numerous posts and comments about specifically what I want in a woman, If anyone wants to know that my profile has it in droves under questions/opinions.

This thread is for women to post their ideal on.

As far as being picky resulting in getting passed on by non matches, thats kind of the point, thats a good thing.

[AmyHew1tt]

Okay, well, from what I know or at least think so far:

Full head of good hair, at least 5ft8, sense of romanticism but not cheesy, fit but not with his whole life revolving around sports or working out, more extraverted than I am but not a die-hard socialite, is willing to spend time with me doing our own separate things as well as the stuff we enjoy together, appreciates and can give words of affirmation and physical affection, communicative, fun but level headed, able to tell a dirty joke, somewhat of a reader, no smoking or excessive drinking, shares my political views, doesn't have children but is open to the idea of having them at some point, loyal, thoughtful personality, enjoys swimming, likes cats and dogs, accepting and not resentful towards me because of my food allergies, open to learning a new language with me, good sense of style if the situation calls for it, likes movies but isn't a gamer, has something he's passionate about. If I could have a cherry on top? An Irish accent.

That's all that I can think of right now. But Jesus. The shame is real. This was probably one of the singular most difficult things I have ever tried to write 😐

[AmyHew1tt]

*Also, very important: Unless his family is bitchy, a good relationship with them, similar taste in music as me, and willing to grow with me, both of us improving in ways we need to, monogamous.

[TheSpaceGnome]

What would you consider fun?
What would you consider level headed?
What subjects/genres of reading material would you prefer he took interest in reading?
What are your political views?
What would you want his passion to be?

You mention is being difficult, but it still left me uncertain, it will do the same to your dream guy on a dating site should you not make a habit of clarifying details.

[TheSpaceGnome]

it* not "is" typo sorry

[AmyHew1tt]

Okay, I was trying to be more simple.

Fun: Goofing off sometimes, talking, going out now and again. It's not so specific with me.
Level-headed: He won't walk off in the middle of an argument, won't give me the silent treatment if we fight, is willing to examine himself and admit to being wrong, things like that.
Reading: I don't really care, as long as most of it's fiction, and he's read Lord of the Rings at least once.
Political views: The entire woke movement needs to chill out, there are two genders with the odd exception, men are not all born violent assholes and the world needs them, women can be homemakers if they want and not be shamed for it, women should still be labeled women and not birthing people, free-speech is important, vaccines should never be mandatory.
Passions: I'm totally open, as long as it isn't video games, porn, or TikTok

[TheSpaceGnome]

Ah ok, thats clears all those up quite nicely, thank you :)

[TheSpaceGnome]

Now my next question, is while single, would you set aside shame long enough to put all of that on a dating profile? And if not, why? (since it increases your odds of finding said guy)

[AmyHew1tt]

There usually isn't enough space to fit more than two paragraphs in an intro, and the chances of meeting someone who is exactly what I described is below zero. But I never considered that being unspecific might be frustrating to guys, so I am open to being a little more detailed.

[TheSpaceGnome]

its not below zero, I've met lots of guys in my lifetime who fit everything on your list.

Sites/apps with low character limits are best avoided, those are for hookups, not serious dating.