How do you deal with men who act hot and cold when you're just dating?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Read your comments with other people (just to be sure I’m not repeating any thoughts already given) and my opinion is that if you want, you give him the benefit of the doubt and have a conversation with him about his behavior, but he’s giving you a lot of his answer without any words needed.

It’s only been two months, and he did that typical thing a lot of men do when they’re so sweet and attentive in the beginning, then gradually slide downhill, going from adequate attention and effort to hardly any. You can say that you don’t think he knows because he’s so sweet when he’s around you, but trust me, he knows. He knows when he’s making real effort vs letting days pass in between conversations, and to me it shows a lack of interest in prioritizing you and getting serious with you.

He is setting the stage for a very casual relationship, and I know this because I’ve seen many angles of men and their interest. I’ve seen the hot and cold, the lovebombing turn into ghosting, and the rare person (my current boyfriend) who has always been consistent from the start and never switched up, even after a year. That’s what you are looking for: consistency, and a man who is genuinely interested in getting serious with you doesn’t need a reminder or talk from you to keep doing it, he will be the same from the start because he wants to establish something serious with you one day, especially after 2 months. So sure, have your talk if you wanna and give him benefit of the doubt, but to me the writing is on the wall. He knows what he’s doing.

BlueScorpio · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't waste my time on that, especially in my 30s. I would just leave that person alone to let them figure themselves out and move on so I can find someone who knows what they want. You just get to a point in life were you don't want to deal with that kinda mess.

dynamicyandere · Accepted Answer

1. Either he’s using a seduction tactic to keep you on your toes and keep you drawn to him and interested in him. (Quite Common)

2. Or, he’s a moody guy with emotions that fluctuate a lot. (This could lead to a passionate but volatile relationship.)

3. Or, he genuinely has mixed feelings about you and because he likes some things about you but dislikes other things about you. (Not a good sign if this is the case. If you start a relationship here, it would mean he’s settling for you instead of being truly in love.)

4. Or, likes you but HE doesn’t want to look desperate, so he acts cold to purposely give you confusing mixed signals. (Also Common)

Now, how do you deal with this?

If you like this guy, you can give him the benefit of the doubt and just accept this is just how he is. Learn to be at peace with it.

If you’re curious, you can also ask him why he behaves like this, but keep in mind, if it’s anything other than scenario 2, he may not give you a straight answer.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

I do not know how to deal with men who act this way. But I know how I deal with women who act this way.

When women do this to me, I try to discuss it with them, make them aware of how their actions are making me feel. If they are respective to that and understanding, then there is a chance. If they get defensive about it and react negatively then it never, never, never as in ever worked out for me.

What do I do about it? Well, it all depends on the person and circumstances, if they are fun and cool to hang out with on a good day then I might stick with it for a while... especially if the sex is good. If they do not warm up to the situation or change... I usually talk to them about it and then start looking for someone else.

Honestly people who act this way are never a good match for me and I do not put up with it for long. They are just usually become less and less attractive to me, regardless of how good looking they are... it's just not attractive behavior and it usually leads to toxic relationships.

Guy13 · Answer

Hot-n-Cold stops overtime when at least one partner recognizes that the reaction is Fear based. This requires having a heart for her. So a heightened and demonstrative reaction to H/C exacerbates the Fear.

H/C is an effect, therefore, both parties are seeking an understanding of the Cause. This requires intimidate, chilled, and seriously concerned about “Us”communication.

The bottomline is: if a woman goes H/C and the man can’t handle that then the woman don’t want you and your no backbone. It is a time to grow-up, grow together, and not react like a 5 year old.

And there’s going to be both more Undiscovered and Undiscussed Fears expressing themselves through distance and in uncertainty.

coachTanthony · Answer

First off understand you're not the issue here it's him. Second don't chase when he goes cold... give him some space. Sometimes backing off when he goes cold he will then fall in line and realize you're not blowing his phone up or chasing him down going why why why... Stay strong.

Adam1978 · Answer

It's your emotions that up and down. Causing you to feel the hot/ cold thing because they don't respond as you wish. Guys rarely have emotional Rollercoaster so their behavior is more consistent. It's more about how much time you demand and how fast you try to move.

t_time · Answer

Ditch them. They are playing Games... personally I like consistency

Anonymous · Answer

There's various reasons why someone blows hot and cold.

The most effective way to deal with it is to use the silent treatment. If he blows cold, go silent on him. Don't reach out to him. Don't call or text. Leave the ball in his court. Dont chase him during the cold stage. If he cares about you, and wants you in his life he'll reach out to you. He will fear losing you if he likes you enough.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe he doesn’t know what he wants  I’m dealing with the same problem 🥺😟

LittleSally · Answer

Dump him. He is obviously fooling around on the side and not taking you seriously (at the least).

pizzalovershouse · Answer

I can't really say other than find out if he is feeling well

Katyalov · Answer

You don't deal with that! You leave that mediocre shit alone and find you a real man! Most likely a narcissist trying to get you addicted , you run and don't look back

Shy_Steve · Answer

The fact is he would probably think your doing the same thing being hot and cold so just try being being a bit more romantic or caring when he is Hot for you and you can just ignore him when he is Cold.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Do you have to do anything? Y’all aren’t exclusive, at least you shouldn’t be; just do your thing and don’t pay it any mind

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I don't. I give them the benefit of the doubt once, but if it happens again without any explanation I call it quits.

Lis-the-librarian · Answer

Dont deal with them.  You want somebody to be crazy about you, while you are crazy about them.  Everything else is just meh.

Labokachulaa · Answer

I wouldn't, I would just block and move on. There's no need for mind games, let him play them on someone else.

Anonymous · Answer

You don't deal with someone like that who is not sure about you or your relationship. Who wants a Turn OFF!!!

jshm2 · Answer

They are usually just reacting to you. If you're not giving the right signals then they don't know how to act.

Anonymous · Answer

act the same way you're being treated or just ghost them. since you're only dating, then it's not serious anyways.

Ehjoh1 · Answer

I'd talk to them about it and if they act distant to such questions I'd happily get of them because they're just playing with my feelings.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

I don’t date men but i’ve learned to accept that most women are that way. Acceptance is the only way.

20yearsolder · Answer

Play the same game, make yourself unavailable when they want to hang out.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Girls do this too. Hot when they’re bored and want attention. Cold when a better dude hits them up

Tina19 · Answer

He is confused about dating you hence he is giving mixed signals u need to ask him what he wants

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Find out if they are acting that way or if you perceive that

Rockstarrrrr · Answer

Maybe he's just insecure... And maybe he's not sure about it and not taking it seriously...

Anonymous · Answer

Return the favor. When a woman does that to me I'll tolerate it for a bit if I think it's just nerves. But if it continues I'll just drop her flat. Let her play those games with someone else.

Oddi_211 · Answer

You say bye bye. I don‘t have the patience for this childish shit. You either want me or you don‘t. You either act like it or you don‘t

krin_m · Answer

Same way with the women who do it. Drop them and move on.

Minahh · Answer

You let them do all the pursuing and live your damn life to the fullest

Hummertime · Answer

Dating scenes is crazy.

Anonymous · Answer

I am not a faggot, so I am not sure.

linka_pat307 · Answer

Break up or act like how they do

ZenJen444 · Answer

That means he doesn't like you.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I thought you were married.

Alex8736 · Answer

date someone else when cold

dustybiker · Answer

Leave

itsalyssaagain · Answer

You leave them

malwins · Answer

I dump them

How do you deal with men who act hot and cold when you're just dating?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do guys play hot and cold when your not dating?

How do you deal with men who act hot and cold when you're just dating?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do guys play hot and cold when your not dating?

We're glad to see you liked this post.