Do you see it as a waste of time/money if the other person won't put out on the first date?
Saw this video the other night and wanted some opinions.
This question is more for guys, but I'm leaving it open to everyone who has an opinion on this matter. š
Off the top there are several things about this video that are not right to me. But before I get into that, let me say that I absolutely do not expect sex on the first date from a woman.
As a guy, I rarely take women on diner date for the first date. I do the walk in the park, trip to the local zoo, or cup of coffee or drinks type of date. If the walk-in part, cup of coffee thing goes well then there is a strong possible that there will be a meal offer in it at the end, or on the second date. When I take a woman to dinner, I am paying for the pleasure of her company and nothing more.
Now let me get into what I think is wrong with this video and play devil's advocate for the guy. Because on the surface this guy sounds like an asshole... but if you pay attention to the video and listen to what is being said and how she acts you can pick up on the fact that circumstances mean everything.
1. First off, he offers to walk her back to her room, and says she does not think that they would allow that. So, this tell me that she not staying at home, and that she is out at some event or traveling.
2. When she accepted this date things should have been made clear if she was intending to have sex or not and who would pay. Because it seems to me that this guy she may have just met, and not someone she had known prior or had any type of preexisting relationship. So, given the circumstance in which they met, she should not of accepted a dinner invitation unless she was 100% willing to pay from the start.
3. Looks like she had a mixed drink on the table, so if she was not indenting for the date to go any further, why is she running up the bill. Drinks can get expensive and seems like they are in hotel restaurant if all she had to do was walk to her room from the date.
4. She said in the video that she was more than willing to pay, because she said that she was not the type of girl to have that type of issue. So, when he said great, I see the type of women you are, then you pay for your half... her response was "you're and fucking ass hole and she cuts off the tape." Well, if paying was not an issue why start cussing at him? True he said fuck it first, but he said I see now the type of women you are... he did not say you're a fucking bitch to her... but she started calling him prophane names first and that was wrong of her, unless she was that type of women and pissed for being called out about it.
5. If her heart was in the right place why the fuck is she taping this thing anyway? Who the fuck does that? Do not say it was for safety issues... because obviously there are lots of other people around... so, she was setting this guy up from the start. So, it sounds to me she was looking for a free dinner honestly.
In the end we will never know all the details or circumstance that led up to this date... but I am far from giving this woman the benefit of the doubt. Seems to me she was trying to play this guy and he called her out on it, and she got caught. So no, I don't expect sex on the first date unless I am led to believe there will be, and but even then, if there may be then dinner is not really necessary right?
Standing rule, is do not do dinner dates, just met for drinks or something if you think it's a sex date or don't go to dinner unless you think it is building up to more other than a sex thing... which is where this guy fucked up. If it was just a sex thing for him, then he should not of offered a dinner date.
Great analysis! It is indeed very fishy how this entire thing was set up. And the audacity of having to rack up the bill and then get mad when she has to pay her share is a testament to the entitlement of so many (modern) women in western society.
They are "strong and independent" up until the bill comes. Smdh.
Itās funny, I have plenty of experience with women, yet Iāve never really traditionally ādatedā, in terms of taking women out on first dates and such. I was for all intents and purposes āin collegeā into my late 20s lmfao, and I think everyone was too poor to go on dates with any regularity, like that was more something you did AFTER you started hooking up consistently. Iāve kind of fallen into most of my romantic situations, they were either started off of random meetings/hookups, or a lot of times they were just girls I met at or through work (and āworkā was at a bar, and I was a bouncer, so I had the ability to talk to them in a roughly similar situation and environment as if we were on a date). A lot of the time Iād just know them for a few weeks and after some flirting, weād find ourselves in a position to hook up. So Iāve slept with women on our first outside-of-work hangout, as an example with a coworker, but weāve probably known each other longer than the people sleeping together on the first date, or even the more common third date or so. Weāve worked together for like 60 hours, the Date #3 couple have like 15 hours of time together, not that Iām keeping score, haha.
I donāt know, I havenāt been on a proper first date in forever, maybe things are different now. And like I said, in my environment, asking someone out was more just like āIām having a party Saturday night, you should comeā, or āIām going to be at the bars with my friends, you should meet us out thereā, and then youād take it from there.
I guess my position if was going on a first date is āIād shave my junk and bring condoms, but itās 50/50 at bestā, haha. Also, at my age, Iād likely be going out with someone 30+, maybe divorced or somethingā¦. I feel like grown adults are a little less likely to beat around the bush and just get to it. But the guy in the video is obviously a douche, even if you āexpectā it, it shouldnāt be an entitlement. Iām a big proponent of factoring sexual compatibility into your overall choice of a partner. Just like any other aspect, it doesnāt necessarily have to be a perfect match, but you should aim for something close, or a tolerable long term compromise. If one of you wants sex every day and the other only wants it once a month, I just donāt see how that works long term unless you can meet in the middle and live with it. Or like if one of you is pretty straightforward and somewhat vanilla, and the other is into whips and chains and hot candle waxā¦. somebody is going to go through the entire relationship either sexually unfulfilled or made to be very uncomfortable. Life is too short to willingly fuck up your own sex life. So I say all that to say that I do think itās important to start being physical a little sooner rather than later. If that takes several weeks or a month, so be it, but I always wonder how it works out for the āsaving it for marriageā crowd. Itās very sweet, and it just may work out fine, but I guess, for me, thatās not a dice roll Iām willing to make. First date though, I certainly wouldnāt expect anything like that, but still wouldnāt rule it out. Iād just read the situation and do whatever seems right. I really missed my window if first date sex is the norm though, lmfao, but Iād probably be half-dead from super-herpesyphyllAIDS by now😂😂😂
This is why I always insist on pay myself the first several dates. Too many men think, a expensive dinner or drinks or something else means they are entitled to something from me.
I've had guys I say no, I don't know you well enough then they try to negotiate. Well if you won't fuck, how about a BJ?
No thanks, we are done.
Now in this video there is something off about both of them, she says she'll pay without a problem, he says he got it covered until he realizes that he isn't getting anything then suddenly he doesn't want to cover it and rather than her politely being like, okay I'll pay my own way she cusses him out.
They are both kind of jerks.
Sex on the FIRST date? No absolutely not! Sex is great, but sex with someone you love is amazing! The shortest Iāve waited between the first date was 5 months. So IF he really does care about me, or ālove meā as im sure heās said a LOT, then he will be more than happy to wait, and if he canāt wait, then itās east, he does not really love me.
Opinion
55Opinion
Fuck no. Especially if I donāt even know her. Plus if a womanās so easy to sleep with. Sheās probably slept around a lot and who knows what kind of STDās she might have. As well as will probably be easy to cheat. If a woman wants sex on the first date. I dump.
I want her to show interest in me. But not sex.
If sex is the only thing someone is after. Wellā¦. Theyāre not looking for the right things. Good women wonāt want them and will stay away from man whores and man whores wonāt want them anyways because theyāre not putting out.
Good women want men with morals and dignity as well
Yes i am an exception then if i dont cheat on my boyfriend at all
@CoolCatMar1 many women donāt cheat
I mean i had sex with him the second day i knew him because we had a connection and i am loyal to him since day one because he is what i was looking for and wanted a relationship with him.
@CoolCatMar1 wellā¦.. could be using you. But okay.
u I date for the purpose of finding a partner for an exclusive LTR. If she is willing to have sex before she gets to know me and feels any affection for me. . . THAT is a bad sign!
Chick in the video says she has no problem paying for her own meal... then has problem paying for her own meal.
She knows what the situation is (obviously because she pulls her phone out to record it), yet she tries to do it and rejects the guy of the sex part. It doesn't go her way and he simply calls her out on the game she is playing.
Look ladies... if you take me out, buy me a great meal, entertain me, buy me some of those overpriced drinks... and you were making it obvious from hello that you really want to fuck...
... chances are I will let you walk me to my room and do what you want on my cock.
Now if you were a non-desirable chick and I have no interest, I would of just skipped the invitation you gave to go out to begin with. I've had very sexy girls ask me out, but I know they're sluts (the type that's basically fucked every guy in the office), and I just have better things to do with my time... like bang a hooker or two.
This is where I'm going to stop because my logic here is probably flying over most chicks heads and the effeminate blue pilled dudes will simp rage against it.
Sex is always an option on the first date. Whether or not thereās a meaningful connection is actually the primary motivator; not who pays for what. If thereās no connection, weāre definitely going Dutch and weāre not having the conversation that the idiots in that āvideoā had. Ell oh ell!
Both of those assholes were trying to take advantage of each other. There was no meaningful connection. First he got pissed when she got over on him, then she got pissed when she didnāt. He should have called a professional, and she should never ask if she should pay her share. If youāre not absolutely certain you made that necessary connection, pay your own way. Donāt ask, donāt discuss. Just do it. Easy peezy! Even if youāre wrong, heāll try harder on the next date, guaranteed.
The right time for that discussion is BEFORE the first date anyway. If itās an issue for you in any way, that conversation should be had before the date.
For the people in the video, he was in the wrong. She had already offered to pay for herself BEFORE he stated any expectations.
I think each person should pay their own way on the first date for sure to avoid any expectations or anyone feeling used. Anyone expecting sex on the first date is a bad person for a relationship. Also, anyone expecting the other person to pay for them on the first date is a bad person for a relationship too. Both of those kinds of people are users and low quality.
For me, they should expect to wait 3 to 6 months before expecting sex, and that is if we were together at least one day per week that whole time too. I would have to develop pretty strong feelings and emotional attachment to someone first. And if she has a past of casual sex I would lose all interest in her too.
Ladies, if you have no intention of seeing the guy, DO NOT MAKE HIM PAY FOR DINNER. Simple as that. That way you don't feel like you owe him something and he won't feel 'used'. And if he insists on paying, stay persistent and be honest to why you don't want to let him pay. Make sure to tell him that because you don't fancy him, you don't want to do him a disfavor of letting him pay. At that point, he can make up his mind of splitting or covering the entire bill. At least he can get his hopes out of his head.
The saying women break rules for alphas and make rules for betas is so true. Girls donāt make guys they really want wait so if sheās specifically making you wait x amount of dates to have sex with her then she doesnāt find you that attractive and is just using you for the attention or free meals. It does also depend on the context of how we met/how much weāve already interacted. If we already knew each other through friends or something then ya why not if thereās chemistry but say theyāre like a complete stranger that you met at the gym or grocery store then itās totally understandable for her to need a bit more time to feel comfortable.
no, entertaining video.
The vibe was obviously bad so no point even pushing the issue. he needs to learn some communications skills, but maybe just wasn't the right match.
I don't believe a word she said, she would on first date, if the vibe was right.
I'd bet he did have sex on the first date, with himself.
no, cause if we're talking actual dating (not super casual dating) i feel like ideally you dont want to fuck on the first date. or else i feel like it means your not taking the other person seriously. also the guy might lose interets in you and think your a slut because your giving yourself too early. it's only okay if the guy doesn't view sex as a big deal at all and it wouldn't affect how seriously he takes you
I had sex with my boyfriend on the first date because i felt i was ready and we clicked with him since day one. it wasn't exactly a first date hhha. He just offered to drive me home and it happened... We were talking in the car he was so funny and cute o could not resist him. It was the second day i knew him and he approached me first the day before the event. Anyway I don't Regret doing so because now we are together happily for 5 months almost.
Bella I voted that I don't expect to have sex on the first date. I have in the past but I don't think it's a good idea anymore. I think it's good for the 2 people to get to know each other better first. And I also think it's good to not cause the other person to think you only want sex.
I wouldn't expect it and tbh. I wouldn't expect that sex would be considered until dating for a while and having had a conversation with my partner about that.
I wouldn't see it as a waste of time or money. How I see it is a first date shouldn't be high pressure or cost. As it's an investment to see if you have comoatablilty and seeing if you can picture a relationship.
I think it's better to be low stress and low cost so not to say spent a fair bit of money on a fancy meal only for one person to not enjoy it more so with the time as well. Plus a low stress environment to make people more relaxed and truly get to know them as a person.
Nope itās never been a expectation and also Iād honestly be off put by it. Not sure Iād go into a relationship with someone so eager to jump into bed with a complete stranger they never seen nor talked to the very first time they meet.
And if sex was all I was after then I wouldnāt even bother with dates in the first place because Iām not gonna pay for the cow when I can get the milk for free somewhere else.
I'm not a believer in dating. I think it's stupid. But in this context, thinking that by paying $50 for her food and drinks is enough for her to give it up is pretty low minded.
When I did have sex on the first date (in my foolish youth) it's because she felt comfortable and relaxed and intrigued and a few other things. I guy has to earn her attention.
Only if I hired her! LOL
Yes, she was right - he's an asshole, but she doesn't sound all that sweet either. I don't think the rest of the date went too well. I have to agree with DJord - why is this being recorded? Maybe the whole thing is bogus?
Sex should be optional in any situation and someone saying no needs to be respected every time, be it a first date or long-term relationship. Expecting it, as if they owe you sex for something you did, means you don't really care about making them happy or about what they want and you just want to manipulate them into it.
Sex on first dates is fun when both are into it, but trying to guilt trip someone into consent is just creepy
Iām really surprised that didnāt work for the guy in the video. It seems like she shouldāve jumped into bed with him the moment he pointed out that he had paid for her dinner. Huh. Who wouldāve thought that might backfire?
No. If he wanted to date me for sex I would run away. Men who thinks food equals to sex are shallow... and cheap. 😂
I fully agree :) giving people food means nothing to me
In my experience, first time sex with anew woman is never very good. You need to learn each others preferences first. Likes and dislikes. That takes more time.
No, I donāt.
And this is part of the reason that I donāt date.
Iād prefer to know someone before dating them and get an understanding of what kind of person they are, and likewise.
I never had, nor expected sex on the first date. I feel like on the first date you still barely know each other, so thatās way too soon for me to sleep with someone.
I'd like to get to know her first, so I can see that she likes me as a person. I hate it when it's just like a one-night stand and that's it because we don't get along.
I don't expect anything on the first date except civil behavior. If something happens, great. In my experience most women were inviting me to bed after the third date.
Zero expectation of that. If there was chemistry and it happened, then sure! But no expectation. And paying for a date doesn't = sex. Ever.
No. In fact if she pushes for sex on a first date I will lose her number. I know I'm not "all that" so if she wants it from me I just assume that is her normal, and I outgrew that phase years ago.
Nah... i hit it first. Sure if she wants sex that fast, I am not interested in a long term relationship with her. But I asked her out for a reason or accepted the date for a reason. That reason being she's attractive enough to have sex with it the opportunity arises.
I never expect it on the first date, but if she is pressing for it I am going to take advantage knowing there's probably never going to be a second chance. If I refuse she's going walk, the fact she's so forward is a turn off as far as relationship wise goes... but I am not opposed to some unabashed monkey love.
But let's be honest this hasn't happen for since I was in my 20s.
No I have sex a year after our first kiss before then I do all the other sexual stuff thatās available to us.
I donāt expect it on a regular date.
But if Iāve made arrangements for a hook up, then I am expecting it, obviously!
I never expect it however if Iām on a date & both of us are hot & horny for each other it usually happens.
No, just went with the flow and made sure to make a move if the vibe was right to show interest and to avoid the friend zone.
No. I've had sex on the first date plenty of times, but it's not the expectation. I also don't overspend on the first date. That keeps expectations all around on the same level. No one needs to be wined and dined on the first date. If you aren't ok with trading sex for a nice dinner, then don't demand a nice dinner. Problem solved. We'll go to Chilis.
I made a mistake once and went on a date with someone and she brought me back to her place and I like an idiot, I did not catch the hint that she wanted to. I was an idiot... lol.
No I do not expect to have sex on the first date. Or second.
I that's a bit ambitious BeeBella. By the third date I'd be like a powder keg though.
u No, I never did. I'd always expected to wait until marriage, which I did.
Nah i dont know that mf nor where his dick has been. He won't get sex outta me anytime soon
I don't expect to have sex on the first date
I find it gross and disrespectful if that's what someone expects
id like to be married and have sex soooo yeah
Not unless I was lead to believe that before or during the date
Sex on the first date. I don't think will happen.
Nope. It shouldn't even be in the topics of discussion until your 1 month in.
I would if it 'felt right' :P
just depends on the girl really
i don't see it as a waste of money if she doesn't put out first lol
i don't 'expect' it but welcome it if it feels right as i said
I voted C. If people are seriously dating just to have sex than Iāve essentially lost all faith in humanity this very moment.
maybe it depends where you meet-if it is at a bar or dance club my expectation is yes
Yea very much if she is good person and down for it.
I am not expecting sex!
It's also why I am for 50/50 so that neither party feels used.
Yup coz if he isn't gud i m not going on a 2nd with him
Personally for me it ALL depends on how the first date goes and how much chemistry there is.
If the women I'm dating is very liberal and I know she had many sexual partners in the past, yes. If she is more conservative, I'm willing to wait.
It's been a long time since I've had a first date, but I never went on a first date expecting to have sex.
m I'm actually a man... not just a guy
nope, sex only after were in a committed relationship and we have both gotten tested
I donāt even hug or kiss on the first date.
Uhhm... yes, no not really I don't really care
I have, but I don't expect it.
No, not at all.
I donāt work that way
Nah, more like first month or so.
Yes, she's getting free food.
Im lucky or fortunate
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