Does a trans person have a moral obligation to tell a person they are trans before dating?

Question

snackthatsmilesback · Accepted Answer

If u mean just right when pursuit starts, like they ask for a number or flirting. No. As MOST of the replies here show, thats dangerous. Why would they put themselves at risk for someone they just met?

It comes down to expectations. When you meet someone and you've never discussed any expectations, none are set. You may just have a nice talk or a date or 2 and never meet again. That's no reason to divulge real private info. But if you meet and you think, this could be serious. You gotta set the expectations. Why are they looking to date?

Do they want sex? If so you need to figure out how they feel about trans people (assuming you also want sex). Judge the situation and whether u being trans would be a big deal to them. If it is then u either tell them or u leave bc chances are it's only a big deal 4 sex bc they don't respect u. If maybe being trans wouldn't be a big deal to them, but diff parts than they expect would, then same thing if u have those parts. Either tell or leave. Here is more grey tho bc they can totally be cool w trans people & just not want to involve themself w diff parts. So that can be harder to judge if it would be safe to tell or if u gotta just leave.

Besides sex tho, what are they looking 4 long term? Do they want a family? If so better figure out their view on infertility. & u don't have to tell them ur trans here either. U can just say ur infertile if it is a big deal to them. Cuz that's true, at least 4 ur 2 relationship. Or again, u can leave w/out telling them shit.

But around the time you are getting to know about their past more seriously, not just their plans for the future, that's about the time u ought to tell them if u haven't already. Cuz that's natural, and important part of building relationship is knowing each other. & that's part of ur past & helped shape u. 👍 at that point I think it could be morally wrong to keep get close to/learn more about them w/out tell them that kinda significant thing about urself.

Paul_in_Indy · Accepted Answer

I don’t think that this is a question that is limited only to the trans community. No one should date someone else under false pretenses. You can’t conceal or alter your demographic information in order to get a date with someone.

Nor can you incidentally Deceive that and not correct that. For instance, if you met me here and we planned to go on a date, I probably should tell you what my real name and my actual age are. (I am actually a nine-year-old girl name Simone. Just kidding… But if I were, I should tell you before we go out.) If I met someone dressed when iI was a woman, I certainly need to let them know that I’m a man before we go on a date. If I have a reason for wanting to present myself as a woman, that’s fine, but it’s certainly something I need to be honest about if I’m dating you.

Trans individuals may present themselves as a different gender for reasons that makes sense to them. But they have to be honest about that to someone before they go out on a date.

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

I think so, as it would simply be safer to avoid violence if the other person gets upset about it later.

At the same time I would think the trans person would want to, to avoid wasting time and falling in love with someone who may become violent with them later and then be upset and dump them.

Seems like a good way to head off all those problems.

Razp_Sorbet · Accepted Answer

It's a tricky thing I would say yes, but also no. There's really fucked up people out there who would literally kill a trans person in a situation like this.

I think it's necessary to tell the person before anything serious happens but you should feel safe to do so.

AviatorTom · Answer

I would say Yes, that is the correct thing to do.

Anonymous · Answer

I believe so. If something, within reason, could change a person's decision to be intimate with you (outside of negligible things like "I work at McDonalds" or something), then I might even regard it as rape-like.

I know many people won't like this analogy, but it liken it to things like "stealthing," where a man secretly removes the condom directly before, or during, sexual intercourse. The fact of the matter is she consented, but under the assumption or impression the condom would be on.

If someone engages in intimacy, even as simple as kissing, under the assumption or impression you are male or female, and later finds out otherwise, it could be genuinely traumatizing or incredibly uncomfortable for them. It also might not, but that's not the point.

People might conflate gender and biological sex, and they have the right to their opinion but with all due respect, those are two different things, even if some consider them to be closely related. Some people might not subscribe to the notion of transgenderism, and you'd be exploiting them, as well as not respecting their sexuality of you omit this information from them.

Trans people have been asking for respect for a while now, and I believe they deserve it. But I also believe trans people should respect the sexuality of other's as well, even if their notions about it don't align with the other person's.

Sabretooth · Answer

better yet would be to engage them in a discussion of transgender issues. but for trans girls, you need to accept that trans attracted men will be interested in the dick... they're the best you can ask for. sadly, this is an issue that such understandings and conversations usually receive the hand. they ask for far more than they are willing to give. many trans girls treat the guys who are interested with the same disdain as the transphobes treat them. until that changes--no real progress can be made on any grand scale. ignore me if you want--just understand that you get the bill--not us.

Berethor · Answer

Of course, otherwise the trans person is tricking the non-queer person, it's likely to end bad.

Finchie40 · Answer

Out of respect yes they should , that goes for anyone trying to date someone , honesty is important , if you are lying you are pretty much wasting your time and the other person’s time , People that lie are dumb and the people that fall
For the lies are dumb as well, I won’t meet anyone off the internet until they prove to me they are
Legit and prove who they say they are

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Not just moral I think it should be legal obligation as well… you may identify as the other gender but it is my right to know what you did so I can decide if I want stay in that situation or not. I would be extremely upset if someone tricked me into thinking they are a woman but we’re a man that transformed. To me, that’s still a man regardless. Even with all the “changes” that’s an criminal offense to keep that information from people.

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

Yes. There are plenty of people that are against dating trans people and that would avoid incidents such as this. A former sailor in the US Navy stabbed a woman 119 times when she revealed she was transgender after they had sex. They chatted for two months online before they met and she didn't reveal it to him until after they became boyfriend and girlfriend and had intercourse. I don't condone violence, but at the same time, that's a very big deal to a lot of people.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

You’re not obligated to say anything unless you’re asked outright. However, if you don’t share something and it becomes an issues later, that’s on you. Doesn’t matter what it is. Honesty is always the best policy. Lots of people consider withholding the truth every bit as bad as lying.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

Yes, and it's smart too. If a heterosexual guy is tricked into a disgusting situation with another man he's likely to act out aggressively.

You can hide a lot about makeup, hormones, and clothing, so false advertising can be a real thing.

lightbulb27 · Answer

everyone should be clear about who they are and expections, basics. If can't get past that, there's no hope. It removes lot of problems.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I think they do I know if I ever came across one and they didn't tell me they were trans I'm gonna throw him a beating sorry but that's how I feel if you know a person is straight and you know that you were born 1 sex and changed to another than you need to tell that person give them all the information and let them decide if they want to move If not you probably going to have some issues when he find out

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

The only problem is that some people will be nasty towards them even after they tell them. They need to ensure they're safe with the person they're dating before that.

Pacquet · Answer

I understand there are safety precautions but I think it's better if everyone knows in the very beginning. Anything else is considered making choices for people without their consent.

I've occasionally swiped right on trans women that are fem passing, it's never lead to a date but I'd see where the interaction goes like any other woman. Point is that the choice was mine to make.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes.

If a man pretends to be wealthy to get a females interested and she has sex with him, it is actually seen as a sex crime, because falsely telling a woman something to get her to have sex with you is seen as “wrong”.

therefore when women lie to men it should be a crime, and when people lie about their sex to others to get them interested it should also be Sex crime.

DizzyDesii · Answer

If they don’t want their face bashed in for tricking someone, yes

loveslongnails · Answer

I don't think it's a moral obligation, but I think it's absolutely a wise thing to do in a dating situation. You wouldn't want to put in any time or effort with someone and learn later it's a deal breaker for them.

genericname85 · Answer

well no. but also nobody has got the "obligation" to tell you if they're just gonna pump and dump you. so it's like you're not "wrong" for not telling them. but you're an asshole for not telling them.

Paige90 · Answer

I have never met a trans person that I would know they use to be male or female. You can tell from their voice and body.

HighValue · Answer

If they don't want to be harmed or killed they should tell the other person before they do anything with them.

matty6500 · Answer

I don't think they have an obligation, but it would be smart for them to do so. I don't know why hiding this would do them any benefit in the long run,. And while I respect people's choice to be trans, I would never want to date someone who was.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Yes, they are morally obligated to reveal that information beforehand. Though most of the time it's obvious, traps still exist.

spartan55 · Answer

It would never get even close to that point with me anyway.

Sour-rose · Answer

Honestly, no. that's like tellin a n*gga how much money you got in your wallet and his eyes are red and glassy. Sure, it sounds like a good thing but telling anyone now a days you don't fully trust could be your biggest... and last mistake.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Yes, some/many people may not have a good sense of humor about that. People have been shot and killed because they didn't tell the other person.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

Of course they do. Why would a person hide that?

FunkyMonkee · Answer

It's probably a good idea. I'd like to have kids so, I wouldn't wanna waste my time and emotions on someone that can't have them.

dreamstar72 · Answer

It a good idea to tell the truth because the consequences of their false image could be deadly.

Guardian45 · Answer

As someone who mistakenly propositioned a tgirl, I appreciated her being upfront about who she was. I thanked her, complimented her and wished her well. As I walked away, my heart dropped.

Shamalien · Answer

Yeah, because you are wearing a surgical disguise. No different than wearing a really high quality movie level masj

Sparkie460 · Answer

I don't know if they do or not but I think it's a good idea if they did

SmokinAces2000 · Answer

I feel like the answer should be duh, if I was dating a girl and found out that she was trans I would break it off immediately

Rollingstones84 · Answer

I think so, because some Trans people do actually look very female, so it wouldn't make sense for a straight individual to pursue that individual

Anonymous · Answer

I think so, because isn’t it considered rape if a man lies about things for sex in certain places.

gorydetails · Answer

Of course. But you gotta be pretty fucking stupid not to figure it out quickly

Randalama · Answer

Absolutely, we all have a moral responsibility to be honest. Seems much safer as well.

Caliguy88 · Answer

I think so. I’d not be ok with that. As a person I have no problem but not date:

TallAnon · Answer

Morals are subjective, but I would personally say; Yes.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Why didn’t you make a poll?

slatyb · Answer

Yes, they do. This is an important consideration for many and should be disclosed early.

Flight0 · Answer

I would think a false misrepresentation would end up hurting them badly.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

I think it would be fair to do so early on. Its a big deal for some. Why waste peoples time .

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Yes I think so. Same goes for anything that might be a deal breaker to the other person.

TrillXHippy · Answer

Either way they’ll just get beat senseless regardless. Maybe worse

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Hell yes! Not disclosing this is a great way to get your ass kicked!

villainfantasy · Answer

That's subjective. If you can't tell the truth you were never in a relationship.

SnowedIn · Answer

I think they do.

notwoke · Answer

I'd be a good way to not end up with a bullet in the head

Slay256 · Answer

In general, if the trans person doesn’t say they’re trans I would see it as immoral.

OddBeMe · Answer

That is a toughy. I’d say yes.

driven159 · Answer

Yes, can avoid a bad surprise later

abc3643 · Answer

Y E S

DarkLegacy · Answer

Yes they do.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Duh.

AFretiredTXn · Answer

Yes early

Pohjolan · Answer

Yes.

Heolurt · Answer

Yes for sure

Christoff92 · Answer

Maybe don't know 🤔

Anonymous · Answer

Yes.

dudeinohio · Answer

Absolutely

lessthansane · Answer

Honesty is paramount

Does a trans person have a moral obligation to tell a person they are trans before dating?

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Does a trans person have a moral obligation to tell a person they are trans before dating?

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