How early on do you have to tell your partner you're transgender?

[angeliquedevereux2]

How would you react if your partner didn't tell you they were transgender and how early on in the relationship should a person come out? Obviously I'm cis but I thought this would be an interesting conversation.

[tiff_the_tranny]

I meet half of my prospective partners au naturale (meaning in my natural state, not in the buff) and I get clocked all the time so they know going in.

If I meet someone when I have to disguise myself as a guy I don't go straight for the dating angle. I build a rapport with them. I live in an area where if I'm outed it could be a life or death situation, so I start off with smaller, yet embarrassing, secrets. If they keep those then I keep going until I know they can be trusted not to out me.

If they never gain my trust then I move on, because if I can't trust them with that then there's little I can trust them with. If I know they won't out me then I tell them before we even start considering a first date.

If you're in the closet you need to let your partner know before you start dating. It's poor form to let them invest in you only for you to drop a potential deal breaker on them. If you're in the process of transition you need to tell them before you end up in bed with them. If they find out the first time they see you naked it can literally be life or death.

[Xoxocutekitty]

I think between dates 3-5 or whenever you've decided that they can handle more sensitive information.

I get that it might feel like 'deceit' but just because you feel 'lied to' doesn't justify being a complete asshole. We don't tell people we have depression or messed up parents or a family fortune on a first pr second date.

We're all entitled to testing and slowly getting to know people without fear of then lashing out at us.

[ChrisMaster69]

Does this also apply if the guy waits until date 5 to tell you he is married?

[Xoxocutekitty]

@chrismaster69 there are perfectly reasonable expla actions as to why a person could still be legally married but looking for something else. My parents were in a paper marriage for 7 years after they filed for divorce. It just has to do with wait times, division of assets, and additional complications. I don't think being Trans is comparable to breaking a legal and sacred promise to a beloved. If you have a small dick, are you gonna say that in a first date? No. You're gonna test her and make sure she gets to know the real you and isn't only judging someone based on their genital appearance. She's gonna find out as soon as she beds you anyways, it's how she handles it which shows whether she's a decent person or not.

[ChrisMaster69]

@Xoxocutekitty I think you are fiddling with the point.

As a girl, you agree to go on a date with a guy, the idea being a relationship,

How do you feel when you find out he is actually married and no intention of getting divorced?

Are you saying that women or men should not be a bit upset that after 5 dates, countless meals, even maybe something sexual, you find out your prospective partner is actually married and not changing that situation?

Yes it is quiet close, I have been out with someone for 2 months before I found out she was married and just wanted some fun while her husband was working off shore,

Yes there are a huge number of reasons, I’ve been though the divorce thing I am very aware of how it all works.

This is about basic honesty and respect for the other person, this is not about hate for trans or anything, this about respect,

A bit like dating someone that is HIV, yes they will leave it but must bring it up soonest, if the other person expects a relationship, it is simply lack of respect.

[Xoxocutekitty]

@chrismaster69 I do agree with you that it is important to respect the other person. And of course I agree that people are allowed to feel upset over what they see as wasted time.

I still don't think we are entitled to know everything about an individual's trans journey, where they are (physically and emotionally) what they are going to be, even before they may know the answers to those person questions themselves. For some people they wake up and know, wrong body, someone up there fucked up. For others, it's like following someone's journey on what they thought they'd be when they grow up. Pro tip: few of us are firefighters or doctors.

It's a very sensitive and complex topic, and we can't blame people for wanting some privacy on the way they disclose themselves. Trans people are breaking promises to an existing partner, which is why I don't think it's comparative to a married man lying about his status. People lie all the time, we condone his behavior because it impacts a non invested party.

I understand wanting a traditional relationship and not wanting to 'deal with' all of the extras that come with being with someone trans. I can relate to this. I also sympathize with individuals who don't have that choice because of their past.

I'm not calling you transphobic, but I'm saying from a trans persons perspective, on a first or second date, they don't know who could be. There is the reality that some people are incredibly violent when they find out, if it's the first or 5th date. If you screen people, get to know what sort of friends they have, general attitudes towards transfolks, they can still reject you for wanting something traditional, they just won't go full rage on you.

Conceiling a trans identify is NOT the same as harboring a secret if a contagious life altering disease.

[MrNameless]

That's an awful way of thinking, and its dangerous. It's very deceitful and a waste of time for BOTH parties. This also puts the transgender person's life at risk (more likely if they are dating a man) as well. It's not worth it.

Always be upfront about it. You simply cannot bank that they would like you if you told them after 3-5 dates. This isn't a white lie you can't hold until they get to know you more.

[MrNameless]

It's a false equivalency to compare hiding your family fortune, family drama, clinical depression with purposely withholding to tell someone you are transgender or married.

[Belgie]

I think it’s significant for any trans women reading this question that your opinion was disliked by 100% of the men. Making it terrible advice for trans women trying to date men.

[MrOracle]

I can't speak for women, but the majority of men want absolutely nothing to do, romantically or sexually, with trans women. Certainly there are exceptions - and that's great - but they are definitely the minority. And most men would feel incredibly deceived and betrayed if they learned they were on a date with a trans person and didn't know it. Some of those men would be extremely upset, and a few would even get violent.

Trans folks are a tiny percentage of the population, so, understandably, most people are going to assume that a person is genetically the same gender they appear to be - but that's not true of trans folks, so, in my opinion, they are obligated to disclose that from the beginning. There's no downside to that either - if the person is still interested, then it's a non-issue, and if they aren't, then you are just avoiding much bigger problems down the road. And you completely avoid the violent situations that are possible when some men feel they were intentionally deceived.

[Alecosun]

I totaly agree

[snowboarder720]

Very much agree. I’d feel betrayed.

[Guanfei]

This.

[jackderby_01]

Agree to this.

[canucker90]

Yeah it’s disgusting. It’s funny how women will bash Pamela Anderson for having fake breasts. I don’t want to have sex with a dude with a fake vagina.

[mistixs]

Maybe there should be an online dating site for trans people and people who would be willing or happy to date them. Even if only 1% of people are willing or happy to date trans people, trans people comprise far less than 1% of the population so they should have no problem finding dates if they're in the right environment.

[MrOracle]

I'd be all for that. I have no problem with trans folks being in relationships and being happy, but people need to be able to make their own choices, and that means being fully informed.

[John_Doesnt]

Men should be able to figure it out on their own, if they get "tricked' they're not really straight.

[mistixs]

@John_Doesnt are you not really straight if you're attracted to this trans woman?

[Gosselinfan]

Yep I wouldn’t date a trans either it’s just weird

[John_Doesnt]

@mistixs that is clearly a dude. You're gay if you date dudes in woman's clothing. You can slap a pair of boobs on a man and chop off his penis, but he still looks like a dude underneath.

[Gosselinfan]

Yep a trans will always be fake they will always be the same gender they were born with

[mistixs]

@John_Doesnt yeah except when she tried going into a men's restroom at a bar as an experiment & she got kicked out of the bar because she actually doesn't "look like a dude".

[Sarahnah]

@John_Doesnt The first time I saw Blair White I didn't know she was trans, so yes with enough surgery you CAN make a dude look like a gal.

[John_Doesnt]

@Sarahnah you're not a straight male so you probably wouldn't know the difference anyway. But a straight man can always tell a real woman from a man with girl's clothing.

[mistixs]

@John_Doesnt Lmao you sound to me like you are secretly attracted to trans women but are trying to go far in the opposite direction to try to hide it. That is the only explanation I can think of for claiming Blaire White looks like a man.

[John_Doesnt]

@mistixs you sound like a feminazi liberal who wants a safe space for everyone. Just be careful you don't let reality in.

[mistixs]

@John_Doesnt now you sound like a troll. It's not feminazi to say Blaire White looks like a woman.

[John_Doesnt]

@mistixs Blair White is clearly a dude. Sounds like a dude. Acts like a dude. You're either a feminazi or blind & deaf.

[Leavesbound]

I think it is a good idea that they know before the first date. Personally I like surprises so you would not have to tell me until you take your clothes off and by then I could guess. But many people react strongly if you wait until after the first kiss to say something. Some would get violent and that would be unsafe for a transgender person to let happen.

[OlderAndWiser]

If I got to the point of asking for a first date, they had better tell me right then. Anything else is misleading and I am likely to pull out a gun and shoot that son of a bitch if I discover it later.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

So... murder because of a bad first date. That sounds perfectly reasonable and level headed.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Ez-Bri-Z Hyperbole. Google it.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Assault by threat/written threat

Google it.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Point is there is a person in this thread who has already admitted to being transgender and could legitimately fear for her life. In several states this is considered a threatening act and is illegal.

Just watch what you say on the internet. It sticks around forever.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Ez-Bri-Z To establish a battery, the prosecution must show that the purported victim had a reasonable fear of imminent physical contact. That could not be shown in this case because

1. there was no threat directed at any one specific person, so if this guy claimed he was in fear, that would not be reasonable;

2. the threat is a contingent or conditional threat: If you do A, then I will commit violence against you. Until A occurs, that contingency is not fulfilled and the threat is inchoate.

The prosecution would also need to show that I had the actual ability to carry out my threat. "If you say that one more time, I can going to drop a nuclear bomb on your house" is not an assault because I don't own a nuclear bomb and have no means of dropping such a bomb on your house. In this case, I do not own a firearm, nor do I have ready access to a firearm.

If you want to know more about the law on this subject, please let me know.

Many people would be quite hostile and belligerent to this guy if he duped them into a date, and I suspect that he already knows that. If not, he should know that. If he does not want to hear any hostile responses, he should not ask the question, particularly if he has snowflake sensibilities. But he did ask and I have no obligation to respond in a way that doesn't offend him.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

1. This girl* not guy. If I yell bomb on a plane it isn't directed at anyone in specific and yet it still incites fear. It doesn't have to be a direct threat.
2. You did say this specifically when you said that if a transgendered individual didn't reveal themselves to you that you would kill them for it. That is both A and B

You have no idea of the location of anyone here. Any one of them could be your neighbor for all you know. Whether you own one or not is inconsequential, it's whether or not you could reasonably obtain access to one and if the victim believed it was a possibility.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Ez-Bri-Z Thank you for your exposition on the law. Where did you attend law school?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Oh man you got me, though I do wonder about something.

I never went to culinary school, but somehow I know how to cook.

I never went through medical school and yet I know how to give CPR.

I never became a firefighter and yet if there is a grease fire I would know how to extinguish it.

I never went to cosmetology school and yet makeup and doing my nails seem to be a thing I can do.

I think you get the idea, but if you need me to go on please feel free to make the request.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Ez-Bri-Z Yes, please do continue lecturing me on the law. I did attend law school and I graduated with honors. I have the highest possible rating from my peers and I have lectured young attorneys to teach them about the practice of law.

You never went to culinary school, but somehow you know how to cook. Does that mean that you know more than a recognized, experienced chef?

You never went through medical school and yet you know how to give CPR. So you teach other doctors now?

You never became a firefighter and yet if there is a grease fire you would know how to extinguish it. So when you pass by a fire with firefighters already on the scene, do you stop to help them with your expertise?

You never went to cosmetology school and yet makeup and doing my nails seem to be a thing you can do. But most women can do those things and they do not claim to be as knowledgeable as cosmetologists.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

For a lawyer you sure don't read very well which I figure is sort of important for your job, but shoot, what would I know about it? I never went to a fancy school for law to know if reading is important. Please do educate me on how it is in law school where reading is not an essential part of your workload.

When you finish with that part please do go back through and highlight the part where I said I was more experienced than any of those roles. You see, my time in college was very limited and only focused on a tech based skill so I am clearly not as educated as someone as yourself. I do look forward to you teaching me as much as you teach the impressionable young minds aspiring to be attorneys.

I thank you in advance for your time in pointing out the requested information. Please do forgive me if I opt not to hold my breath while you take the time to review and locate the section where I claimed to be better than any of them.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Ez-Bri-Z

"You never went to culinary school, but somehow you know how to cook. Does that mean that you know more than a recognized, experienced chef?

You never went through medical school and yet you know how to give CPR. So you teach other doctors now?

You never became a firefighter and yet if there is a grease fire you would know how to extinguish it. So when you pass by a fire with firefighters already on the scene, do you stop to help them with your expertise?

You never went to cosmetology school and yet makeup and doing my nails seem to be a thing you can do. But most women can do those things and they do not claim to be as knowledgeable as cosmetologists."

Yes, I read carefully, despite your careless claim to the contrary. And I never made the conclusion that you said you were "more experienced than any of those roles." However, you made those statements as support for the proposition that you are qualified to debate me on the law although you don't have a law degree.

Of course, all of these silly word games cold have been avoided by you admitting that you were wrong when you accused me on making an assault. Obviously, you have no intention of doing that, and this conversation is going no where, so there is no need to continue.

Good day.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Sure you did, right about the time you said

"Does that mean that you know more than a recognized, experienced chef"

See?

Now, if you want to argue law, cool. There are differing precedence by state, but I will only speak to Texas which is where I am. You are correct in stating that imminent threat is the linchpin to this whole thing, but only because it can be argued that threat may have been intended as a future attack.

In Texas :
The speaker’s words may be subject to several interpretations, so the law typically considers the words from the victim’s perspective. For instance:

If a wife tells her husband, “I am going to kill you,” the threat is direct.

Any other person, including the husband, will probably consider the statement as a threat.

Some threats are more subtle. The law says that the statement context could be considered a threat by a reasonable person.

What Are the Laws in Texas Regarding Verbal Threats?
In the State of Texas, there are different levels of ‘Assault by Threat’ charges that a citizen can face, that vary depending on the nature and severity of the alleged comment (s). A Class C misdemeanor charge for a verbal threat is punishable by a fine of up to $500.00. That is the most common charge for verbal threatening, where the statement is not particularly violent.
Some examples of this level of verbal threat (without indication of physical action) may include angry or frustrated statements like:

“I hope you get in a car accident.”

“Why don’t you just die?”

“I wish you were dead.”

[Ez-Bri-Z]

It may also qualify as hate speech which is generally protected except in certain cases including true threats of violence which is protected by hyperbole as you stated. Now you can claim hyperbole but if we go back through comment history here for you can we determine that there isn't an established pattern of behavior for discrimination against transgendered individuals that may lead one to believe that it is possible you meant it? Don't know, I haven't browsed your history and don't intend to.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Ez-Bri-Z Apparently, you don't understand or respect the meaning of "goodbye" and you are butthurt because I showed you were wrong when you accused me of assault. Keep blabbing on about how you are right and how evil I am because I don't want to date a guy who had a sex change.

Last chance to show respect coming up. . . good bye!

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Also, I have to get to work now, but thank you for the debate. It was fun to get to practice against an actual attorney. Always wanted to be one myself but I had a fear of speaking in front of people that I just couldn't shake. I dont mean this sarcastically. I actually did enjoy this. It wasn't about winning or losing for me. I just wanted to test if I could do it without backing down. 😊

Have a wonderful day!

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Aww, see you had to go and be mean. I dont take anything on here to heart but I will defend those against equality or those against lgbt. Anything I say is within the debate. I dont harbor any ill will to you outside of it. No need to be rude.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Ez-Bri-Z Okay. Glad you had fun. And what I told you about the law IS what the law says on that subject. I am smart enough to not make public statements which would subject me to prosecution!

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Fair enough.

Do try to be nice to our transgendered friends though. They just want to exist like the rest of us. 😉

I promise if you do i will never make or say another lawyer joke 😆

[OlderAndWiser]

@Ez-Bri-Z I don't chase after any of those folks to express my opinions or disapproval. . . never! But if you post a question, and you ask opinions, then you need people to answer honestly. If I was in that position, of course I would not actually shoot someone, but I might pull the car over and tell them to get out. That is a fact which should be disclosed from the very beginning and many of us feel that it is deceptive to not make that disclosure from the start. Those are my feelings and they, too, should be respected.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I would have been perfectly fine with that answer actually. (Well I mean it sucks for the person who has to walk now). I just worry if we say things like "I would shoot them", even in jest, it then sort of normalizes that thought process and could actually incite someone with an unstable mind down the road to think it is ok.

It's perfectly fine not to agree with a person or their lifestyle. There are a lot of things out there that confuse the hell out of me, but I personally try to just respect and avoid it.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Ez-Bri-Z Yes, I let those people live in their world and I live in mine. If everything stays like that, we're good. I really don't care what other people do with their genitals behind closed doors.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

See? That's just awesome possum thinking right there. 😊

I really do need to work though now lmao

Again, thank you so much for the talk!

[VanillaSalt]

Oh stfu I agree ide shot the bastard. If your not clear your trans up front giving me the opportunity to make my own god damn choice ide shoot you and take the jail time that went it.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Do us all a favor and just go to jail now. If you are going to be a drain on society I'd rather it be from behind bars.

[VanillaSalt]

Fucking feminist trash leave.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Nah. I think I like it here. Gonna feminize the room a bit. Add splashes of pink and random potpourri containers.

[angeliquedevereux2]

Can I just say, loving the conversation 👌

[Breanna_nonbinary]

I told my wife when we dated. I think most significant others are upset because the person they though the other was isn’t. For example I am the same person when I was Brian as I am Breanna. My feminine side and personality have always been there and I don’t have a personality change.
Many men put on girl clothes and the woman that was inside comes out and the male they were pretending to be is hidden. This new person is different and I can see why spouses leave.
Most trans people grow up hiding their true identity because social norms in our country are so askew.
You may have noticed that transgirls in Brazil are difficult to differentiate from cis women. This is because the culture is more accepting of trans people. Thus they are more open sexual identity and a young person can express themselves more freely at a younger age. Because they can do this they also transition younger so rather than developing masculine features that need to be changed they simply develop the female ones.
My advice is to tell them sooner and be more tolerant.

[FunkyMonkee]

Pretty damn close to when you figured it out for yourself! How would YOU react? You're with some guy and everything's wonderful and you think he's THE ONE and marriage can't be far off and you find out that he's already been transitioning for about a year? I'm pretty sure that I would feel that I've been wasting my time and my love on someone who isn't who I thought they were!! You SHOULD'VE been told from the outset!! I mean, good for him that he's taking the steps to be who he needs to be but, if you're in a relationship, TELL THEM FIRST!
In a way, I went through something fairly similar! I was with a girl for 10 years!! i was madly in love with her and was hoping to marry her and have kids (we even came close, twice!)!! Then, just after our tenth anniversary together, she tells me that she's gonna marry some other guy!! Then, I find out, it's all about how he's got more money than me!! So, she wasted those 10 years of my life, especially when I had other offers and turned them all down because I was too busy wasting my love and my time on her!! (Even more hurtful was that she left him a year later!!) Had she TOLD ME 10 years before that she bases her relationships on the amount of money a guy has, I would've dropped her like a hot brick before we even started anything!! Thanks for all the great sex and wonderful times we shared but, it was STILL a waste of my time!!

[oldasIfeel22]

You need to tell someone this before you go out on a first date. I’m sure I’ll get all sorts of progressive wrath but I can tell you right now most cis gendered men and women would be rightfully furious if they found out after the fact.

It really pisses me off on how the goal posts are constantly getting moved with this crap. The argument used to be that a person should have the freedom to do what they want with their sexual orientation or gender identity. Personal freedom of choice. Alright fair enough. I’ll stay in my lane and you stay in m yours.

But that of course wasn’t enough. Now you are “transphobic” if you don’t want to date someone who is trans. Absolute nonsense. Wrong.

Hetero men are attracted to women born with ovaries because our biological sex drives influence us to procreate with someone who can reproduce. We might not want to have kids but this really is what drives hetero men and women to be attracted to each other. Hetero men are looking for someone with ovaries. Hetero women are looking for someone with semen to get them pregnant. This is all biological subconscious impulse. THAT is following the science.

A post op trans woman cannot reproduce. Period. Same with a post op trans man.

That’s not to say there isn’t a dating market out there for transsexuals. There definitely is. But quit hiding the ball only to shock people later so you can chastise them for being “bigoted”. No. It’s twisted and wrong.

[Anonymous]

This is part of the reason why I will never accept transgender people because to be lied to about your gender is wrong on all levels. I don’t care if people give my comment a thumbs down. But as a straight guy I have my rights as well and if someone who is pro-extreme LGBTQ supporters and tells me that I should fuck off with my views just because I want to be with a straight person and I do it in silence, well then, that goes to show the ignorance of the LGBTQ movement. I say that because in university many TA’s I had are pro-LGBTQ and I remember one female TA who was pro-feminism/pro LGBTQ tried to rip me apart on my essay because by accident I referenced a female scholars name by her first name. I told her off and said, so because I referenced incorrectly that’s how you think I view all females in the academic field compared to a male academic scholar? She’s lucky I could have filed a report about her being sexist towards me to the university but I didn’t. The only reason why I’m saying this is because people think all feminists, gays and lgbtq supporters are such wonderful, kind, liberal minded, civil people... wrong. I’m calling out the right and left now. For the record before someone dislikes my comment which I know people will, I don’t care what gay people or lgbtq people do behind closed doors that’s none of my business, but I won’t tolerate BS or rudeness from them either if I’m minding my own business and not saying a word to them.

[hahahmm]

*Before he has any reason to introduce you to family/friends/strangers as my partner.
*Before he gets intimate in any way (including a kiss or sexual touch).

If a guy is showing any interest beyond what he'd give to a platonic friend then it's time to tell. Doesn't matter if all he did is make a flirty comment. Unless he's a total stranger who is just walking buy, then you need to tell because otherwise you are basically making a fool of him/misleading him against his wishes (potentially). And a lot of guys don't react well to that.

[ShortCircuit]

I think you should tell your partner as early as possible. But that goes for any important/relevant info, not just being transgender. If there is something about you that could be a deal breaker to others, then the sooner you tell them, the less time you'll waste for both them and yourself.

How would I react in that situation? Well, I don't have a particular problem with transgender people, but it is a deal breaker for dating. So if they went a long time without telling me, I would be pretty upset. However, I wouldn't react any differently than I would if they had lied about something else, like their age, having a kid, being a smoker, etc.

[tuvwxyz]

it's deceptive because you KNOW the perception will mislead the other person by omission, this the debate about omission - "I want to be transgender, but want to stay in certain grey areas where results might prove unfavorable to my interests, as I'm unwilling to accept full accountability that comes with being upfront, and honest with my partner about my choices... at what point do I reveal who I truly am? How long to I continue to live an illusion to avoid unfavorable results that might come from being upfront about MY OWN CHOICES with another?

If I were transgender, I'd accept accountability that comes with it, that includes being upfront with everyone - giving the same honesty I"D WANT MYSELF - no less than to know upfront - you wouldn't be too happy if your partner withheld information all because it might be unfavorable to their interest in manipulating a desired outcome.

[boombastik]

In case you aren't following any of these rules and you make it to the dating stage or trying to ruin game stage, then they should tell you as soon as your drunk a$$ (cause hopefully your drunk at least) steps to them or they step to you but we pray at least before they get in top.
Rule of thumb#1... If you are ever in doubt get the hell out!
If you are into that then cool, I won't throw no salt on your game.
Rule of thumb#2... Don't have sex for the first time in the dark and you could save yourself a whole lot of buttache, I mean headaches.
Rule of thumb#3... If she got an Adams apple and a serious case of hemmoroids or if she insists on changing your flat tire for you... I'ma just leave it at that.

[MLGbreezy]

Id say when you very first meet. The earlier the better, this way there can be no confusion or hostility later. Especially for trans woman who often get killed over something like that which I think is stupid to take someone's life cause your insecure about your own sexuality. There are honestly some gorgeous trans woman out there who are prettier than a good amount of actual woman. If someone looks feminine enough to fool you into thinking they are 100% female, then I'm not even gonna be mad I'ma give them a round of applause cause not everyone can do it. Society is far to judgmental.

[MyNameJames]

I'd say whenever you feel it's best, but always before you have sex for the first time. I feel that's common courtesy, that way you can do it when you feel is safest without telling them after the fact that they just had sex with someone they may or may not have been okay having sex with otherwise.

This would allow them to get to know you a bit before you're ready to tell them possibly humanizing your identity if they aren't into that and possibly open up them a chance for exploration, and so as to not surprise them if they get to the sex part and either see you don't pass "down there" or finish without noticing and feeling betrayed either way once you do tell them.

One exception I can think of is if you aren't transitioned yet because you don't know for sure yet, haven't accepted it yet, or haven't realized it yet. This goes for all gender identity's and sex's.

That's just what I would expect you know... Let me know if you disagree.

[EmmaMary]

My honest opinion is that it should be divulged in the very first instance, and certainly long before getting into any form of relationship.

[RingOfFire]

Should tell them the moment the first date is arranged but before it happens. If you don't you are deceiving them and deserve whatever scorn they give you when they finally find out. This is central to their decision to be with you and they must know so they are given an opportunity to make that decision before the relationship begins at all.

I would probably already know that a person is transgender long before a first date is arranged though, so if someone has already gotten to that point where dating is a possibility they probably already know.

I would not have any interest in that kind of relationship with a transgender, so if hypothetically I did not know and they told me some time later, I would be infuriated... and rightly so.

[RingOfFire]

I think it is impossible though that I would not already know if someone was transgender. Since you cannot change your biological gender, and every cell in your body still contains the genetic record of the gender you were born with, it's probably impossible to hide it so that other people can't detect it. The changes are only cosmetic. So the date thing is hypothetical because I don't think there is any chance I would ever get to that situation since I will know when someone is transgender.

[Rok4bakAR]

If you try to hide it? And if a guy is not interested In a girl that’s not biological born as a girl? You might end up d3ad! You don’t wanna mess around with that stuff. It was psychological drive the guy insane. Just like a story in the Philippines with American Marines soldier that was there he hooked up with a girl found out the girl was a guy and he beat the crap out of her he ended up almost killing her. In the Philippine courts to justify the action that she tricked him. He was let free without any prosecution I condone it!

[KatherineJ]

I think that something like telling someone that you transitioned should happen very early in any relationship. Any relationship worth having must be built on a foundation of honesty and trust. If you can’t be honest with him/her then maybe you don’t trust that they will accept you. What kind of relationship would that even be?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

This is kind of a weird territory for me. I think I am ok if it isn't disclosed right away, even if we go on a date. I think it does need to be discussed before any physical intimacy including a kiss are involved.

Chances are it most likely wouldn't bother me unless the topic of sex came up and then I have my own personal issues to get past before I even worry about what part they are intending to use.

[CubsterShura]

As early as you safely can. Ideally before you even decide to date, not just because your date should know this but also in case this person is violent or transphobic you don't want to get beaten up or end up in an ugly situation. If the trans person in question is a public figure who did not come out publicly yet, then it can get tricker, but still, ASAP.

[WindAtMyBack]

Immediately. Anything else is deceptive. Do it with the wrong person and you'd be lucky to live through it because they'd beat you to a fucking pulp. That is not something you can lie about. Not telling them is a form of lying. It could go very very badly when they find out.

[Anonymous]

Can you report some of the potential murders here in the commentsection on gag to police? Gag admins should do that. People admit how they would be hostile/murderer. I understand that you should tell it in the first place but even if the transperson dont do it, shooting someone because of this is mental illness and crime. There is no justification for this

Mgtow incels wish so much to be gay since women are toxic for them but they are also toxic to their own sex since transwomen are genetically men

[just_a_potato]

After you guys have seen each other more than twice because its obvious you are both interested in each other by then. That feels like a good point to tell something like that, or anything that could be a potential deal breaker. Keeps both parties from wasting their time.

[VanillaSalt]

Yes but if I make to kiss you and you let me then come clean after... somebody’s getting an ass whopping.