28m, struggled with dating/female relationships all my life, what can I do?

[Rickyrick12]

I am a 28-year-old guy. I have never been in a serious relationship but have had one casual fling about seven years ago with a girl who actually was very direct and made a move on me. She apparently saw my comments online on Facebook and found me to be very interesting, it is a unique story lol.

Other than that, I am very much an introvert, so much so that some people have found me to be socially awkward and some people are not even surprised or have asked me if I have never had a girlfriend.

I am a social introvert though and make attempts to speak to people if an opportunity arises, i. e if there is someone sitting next to me on a plane, I will greet them and then chit-chat to see if there is a connection and vibe. I won't force it if I notice that the other person is non-engaging.

I have been using dating sites and apps for a long time and get very very few matches from women, I would say about 1 a month if even that which is legitimate.

When approaching women, I normally talk to them as friends. I do not indicate direct interest but if I sense some chemistry, I will message them and say something like "I really enjoyed hanging out with you and it would be great to get coffee sometime".

Is this a good way to indicate interest? I have had quite a few coffee dates in the past though nothing came of it. Either they cancelled after the first time (I know that this happens to everyone) or in some cases, started telling me about their crushes which was just bad.

Is my issue likely with my vibe or looks?

This is me by the way.

https://imgur.com/gallery/eDg76gT

I'd appreciate all constructive advice.

Updates

1 y

Edit, this is the correct picture. I mistakenly uploaded an image from Reddit where someone asked for their Bumble profile to be reviewed. Both links are Imgur hence confusion.

Updates

1 y

https://imgur.com/a/SICsa0H

[GoodManDave]

It's really hard to tell, so here are some off the cuff, first impression stuff. And, this is just from one photo.

What kind of guy are you? Ok, quiet, introverted. Are you geeky... nerdy? More formal speech, or casual?

What would you look like cleaned up? Without the hat, dressed up, etc. I think you are fine in a casual sense, though. I think the glasses fit your face well - I WOULD be curious about a black frame surrounding the lenses, though.

I tend to wear a lot of plaid as an over shirt, too, just being comfortable, going to the store, etc, though lately I've been favoring nicer dress up shirts (solid color) as an over shirt.

For me, I'm at the age where plaid shirts are sort of "overplayed." Like some fashion gurus would tell me it's a young look, and I'm dressing too much like a teen or twenty something. I think you're still in the age range of it being ok as a casual look. It's also good that you're not doing the printed shirts ("geek chic?") which is kind of becoming less popular, and plain shirts are becoming more popular, so that's good.

The facial hair - is it a "chin strap?" Is it more on the neck than the chin? It's hard to see in the photo, though my eyesight is not what it used to be. I'd be curious about a mustache part with the chin strap, maybe, though I think there's something cool and kind of unique about it.

I may be bad at quantifying from one photo - but that the shirt MIGHT look big on you. Something to me either says you're a stockier dude... or you're wearing it over sized. There's something I'm noticing with the outfit. Maybe... the outfit makes you look... boxy? You have thinner arms (or wrists, anyway), much like me. I think I'd be curious about a look that shows what you look like body wise would give a better idea of what's going on.

And specifically with this photo, I think that it's a lot of "blue" hues, and it's just a little washed out as well... like something isn't working 100%. I think the black shirt, and black hat do work in a casual context. It bridges the colors nicely. I think maybe a slightly different plaid shirt might not wash you out so much (most things work with black, so hey), or a solid color (not blueish) might work here. Probably not a black over shirt - it'd be too much. I think the blues are blending in with the jeans giving the kind of washed out effect. It could also be the background.

So, as a guy, I probably would barely notice ya on the street. You'd probably look like anyone else on the street. That's not an insult. You would probably match many friends, at least fashion wise, so... there's nothing that would makes you that "out of place" or anything. You look approachable enough? Like a normal enough guy. That can work for you, and that can work against you, depending on the women you want to attract. I think I'd actually have to know you to make a more informed decision about fashion - but it's not bad. And of course, this could be fine, maybe just a tweak, but if you're really shy, or you belch and pick your nose in public, or you cuss a lot or make rude hand gestures at women, then whatever fashion changes you choose might do very little. ;)

Hope this helps.

[Rickyrick12]

I am 1.78, Indian and about 128 lbs (just under 60kg). I am definitely on the leaner side.

Socially, I would say I am an introvert but more of a social introvert so I make an effort to talk to people and try and I attend social events when invited.

I have tried Bumble and while I get several matches from men when I switch to "BFF" and "Bizz", I have gone months on end without getting a single match from a women.

A lady I text regularly yesterday described me as "polite" and a "gentleman" so I think I come off okay generally.

I am not sure what the issue is.

Sometimes i get frustrated as I will be 28 this year and there are guys and girls far younger who have had far more experience than me.

[Anonymous]

Embrace it. All you can do is be the best version of yourself. If you can honestly look yourself in the mirror and say you're doing that then it's not your fault no woman has been smart enough to pick up on ot.

[OddBeMe]

You need more girls who are actual friends. Even married ones. They’ll set you up.

[es20490446e]

I don't see a guy there.

[Rickyrick12]

Sorry, I made a complete mistake and mistakenly pasted a link from Reddit where someone was asking for their Bumble profile to be reviewed.

This is he pic I meant to insert (I see that there is no option to edit post).

https://imgur.com/a/SICsa0H

[es20490446e]

You look cool, so the limitation isn't there. It shall be some BELIEF you hold into.

Let's start with the basics:

What do you think a woman needs to be attracted to a man when she sees him?

[Rickyrick12]

I would say personality. I've been told I have a good personality but can be very quiet and sometimes shy.

[es20490446e]

Are you afraid of a woman?

[Anonymous]

yup this case makes me mad