Was I rejected indirectly or am I reading things wrong?

Question

There is a guy I like and we were talking when the topic of crushes came up. I told him I have never confessed to anyone that I like them to which he said "you can confess to me right now and I'll reject you " he's always joking around so he laughed right after and said he was joking. I replied with "you don't have to be so direct about it" he then proceeded to get quiet for a while and tell me that he doesn't find people from my generation mature and that he has plans to settle down and date for marriage. ( he's 30 and I'm 22) I really like this guy and I think he knew that beforehand.

quaranta · Accepted Answer

Most likely he detected you were into him in advance and wanted to reject you in a kind way. Most of us give early signals to our "targets", maybe he noticed a few things and suspected about that in advance, such as: you were replying fast to texts, you were texting first, you accepted all his invitations or even invited him yourself somewhere, you aren't dating anyone, you don't have many male friends so that would mean having one is not your "norm" and there may be something, you try to get more personal, you don't have real reasons to talk or interests in common but you see anyway the motivation, etc.
Plus, when you said "You don't have to be so direct about it", you pretty much confirmed that he was your target I guess.
And he tried to tell you:"It's not you, it's me", by giving you a generic answer about why your whole generation would be rejected and not you in particular.
He might have a point because if he is looking for women around his age it means he wants women who have experience with relationships enough, that means they have probably more relationship skills, communication skills, know themselves and know what they want, more than an early 20s girl. Because maybe he has experiences and understood the hard way how it's important to have these kinds of requirements to start anything serious, while when you're in your 20s you pretty much go where your heart indicates, with no precautions.
Of course nobody's rules are ever "that" strict and he doesn't even know your plans or maturity level, but what he knows is he doesn't want to date you currently.
If he wanted to, he would not try to destroy his chances by joking about a rejection or anything else that could draw you to other guys if you misunderstand him, so... Also he might have got all the space he wanted to actually make a move or flirt more, until now, yet he didn't ask you out it seems.

Bitter reality. Before moving on you can still play your last card and confess but in a confident way, like if you know what you want from him and you know what you can offer (not like desperate or insecure otherwise you kill any chance if there was any). I don't think it will work but moving on with a doubt might be a longer process than moving on with a clear rejection. And anyway, at least you'd know you played your card and that you respected him by being honest.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sounds like he was trying to say he’s not interested.

Guy13 · Accepted Answer

Yeah, I think your friend was doing everything possible to cut you off before you began. I think he could sense that you liked him. He is obviously concerned about the age and maturity difference. It must be obvious because most cases the ideal age difference is 6-8 years. I would not push him romantically in anyway or you will lode his friendship.