Girls, Bit of a distant crush on a woman at work?

[ChrisSkywalker9191]

So, I work in the school system, and we have a new choir teacher. She is quite cute, but I haven't really every spoken to her.

Normally, I keep to myself, and don't really reach out to coworkers unless necessary. Many people I have worked for with years know that I am quite reserved, and don't usually press me about it, even with work oriented social stuff. However, I also know I am quite liked by those who do know me slightly, or work with me. So its a bit of a double edged sword.

Anyways, I was wondering if it would be acceptable to approach a coworker that I find attractive? Never really understood the rules of it for the workplace.

If you had someone approach you at work, what would be your preference in how they did it? Would you give them hints as well if you reciprocated the feelings? Perhaps you wouldn't want to be approached at work?

Just asking? Might be a bit obvious..

I am just a really reserved, quite type, and never was that great in social situations (though I ironically work at a school...)

[Anonymous]

This seems kinda sweet to me honestly. It's cute. From a girl's perspective I think it's perfectly acceptable for a man to express his feelings towards me so long as they are respectful about it. If I make it clear I'm not interested then they should keep a professional distance. If I am interested then we should be able to chat or hang out outside of work.

I think in this situation, you should start by simple talking to her, asking questions, getting to know her. Don't tell her right away that you're attracted to her but give subtle hints through respectful compliments or whatever. If she seems to take it well after a couple weeks then you should tell her and ask if she'd like to go out for coffee or have lunch together. If she doesn't seem interested then keep it professional and move on.

[ChrisSkywalker9191]

I will try my best! :)

[ChrisSkywalker9191]

The other issue is that I am 32, and she is likely no older than 24.
I also screwed up a bit in my life, so I only had a Teaching Assistant position, and often work with special needs children. So, the likelihood that she makes more money is 100% haha.
From my understanding, women tend to care about that sort of thing, so many might discount me immediately for not only my reservations, but also the fact I don't make as much money.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know from my experience women tend to like older guys. After a certain level of maturity, we really don't care that much about age gaps. It's more about compatibility. So long as you're able to support yourself and give her what she wants/needs in a relationship it doesn't really matter. As long as she's into it, that's all that matters in the end.

[ChrisSkywalker9191]

I understand, I suppose I am just in this weird position in my life
Throughout my 20s, I did an excellent job at burning bridges... being self destructive.. etc.
I never went as far as doing drugs, or anything like that... Just walled myself off from everyone.

Then by the time Covid19 comes around, I had very little in my life other than taking care of my family (Grandmother in particular), no social life, very few people outside of family (and coworkers) to speak with. COVID was also very lonely, in that I spent much of it unemployed (I resigned from my job, thinking I was moving to a different state)..

Long story short, at this point.. I am back working at the same school I worked at years ago..
I have little to no real social life... very few people I consider "friends"...
and now that I've got my family issues settled, I don't feel like I have much left? years and years of depression, stress, anxiety... etc.
Often times I am just exhausted, and its just difficult to stay committed to even a conversation (like I just go blank...)
Its also been about 9 years since I have even hugged a girl...

so I don't know?
I want this.. I want someone.. I want friends...
but im also just emotionally drained

[ChrisSkywalker9191]

Soo.. the point is...
When I see this cute new choir teacher...
not only am I a bit of a social misfit (I am reserved in general)
but being emotionally drained from years of giving everything to others (family)
and being at this point where im exhausted from it... often feeling a bit worthless..
its difficult to even convince myself its worth the effort

[Opinion Owner]

I feel like most of us are at that point honestly. I'm also extremely drained from everything going on. Lost so much motivation after COVID and lost a lot of friends. It's all a part of life. At some point you gotta pick the pieces up and decide to move forward. I wish you the best!

[ChrisSkywalker9191]

I am trying, often times I get into these fits of self loathing...
one coworker at work, ill just complain to him how I feel inadequate... and almost convince myself out of even talking to her..
but then other times I feel confident, realizing im a lot more than that.. and if she doesn't see that, then oh well?

ill figure it out hopefully.
just the constant battle I need to win

[ChrisSkywalker9191]

Like a quote from one of my favorite franchises
"Fear is the Mind-Killer, Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.. I will face my fear.. I will permit to pass over me.. and through me.. and when it is gone past.. I will turn the inner eye, and see that only I remain"

Paraphrased.. but you get the point...

[Opinion Owner]

You seem very intelligent, genuine, and kind. I think she will like your personality. You should just talk to her. You got this! You're gonna do great!

[ChrisSkywalker9191]

thanks :)