Why do I lose interest so quickly?

Question

Whenever I start seeing a new guy, everything in the beginning is great until the point they disappoint me just a little bit with something (granted some things were really bad but I'm also talking about banal things). And then I lose interest and just want to be single or with someone else. None of my relationships lasted longer then 4 months because of this, and not to mention billion first dates that never progressed to second.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It sounds like you have some childhood trauma you need to figure out , something in your past is impacting the way you are today, without you really Realizing it , it doesn’t make you a bad person just makes you a lost person, especially when you can’t figure out why you are breaking hearts and dumping people over little things , I don’t know your past with you parents etc. But a lot of your actions stem down from childhood trauma without you realizing it , Were you a spoiled kid? Did you do no wrong when you were a child? Were you always told you were right and never told you were wrong? Were you constantly given things? Or were you neglected and treated like shit? Were you abused , Do you have a hard time trusting people? So many things can impact us from childhood or past experiences that we bury away and forget about, not realizing we are hurting someone else, cuz to us it’s a normal reaction , I am complete opposite of you , I want commitment I want a girl that just wants me , that stays loyal and faithful to me and just wants intimacy and affection with me , but sadly that’s hard to find these days , But I finally realized why I am that way, and why that really matters to me , I was molested at a young age and even though I felt like it didn’t effect me , after all these years , I realized it did , when I did some research on it , I was shocked on what I found and realized why I am this way. So it doesn’t hurt if you take the time and dig into your childhood experiences it might help you understand why you act or treat people a certain way , Again it doesn’t make you a bad person but understanding why you do certain things but it can help you change the way you handle things, by looking at it from a different angle , Finding out why i am a certain way , helped me see things clearly to help me understand others better without just thinking what is best for me , One thing we all have in us is selfishness , when you learn to remove that selfishness from inside yourself for someone else , that’s where you will see love grow , Most people don’t grasp this concept, because it isn’t right in front of our face , but when you dig into your childhood experiences and find out what the root cause of your actions are coming from , you will hopefully understand where your selfishness stems from , helping you see things differently, I am not a psychiatrist and I am not a perfect person , none of us are , but understanding why you are a certain way can help you in the long run , especially if you want to be in a loving relationship and commitment , Only you can fix that, or you can stay single and do what you want to do without ever experiencing true love and continuing on a path of just fucking with people’s hearts , It’s your choice , I don’t believe we were put on Earth not to find true love , Even though love is a choice , I believe without finding true love we have no other purpose on Earth , We can only give what we want to receive , we can’t force someone to love us , but we can treat them the same way we want to be loved in return , if they choose to walk away , Let them go , We can only be happy in a relationship when we know our partner is doing the same for us , it won’t always be perfect , but when they are choosing you the same way you are choosing them that’s where love grows , when you learn how to remove your inner selfishness they will more than likely do the same for you

SomeRandomGuy89 · Accepted Answer

I think this is fairly common.

What you've been doing over the years has conditioned your brain to seek out the pleasure and excitement from you get from the early stages of relationships at the expense of creating and maintaining meaningful and lasting relationships.

After the romanticism of a relationship fades, you stop getting dopamine from your interactions with said individuals, and this leaves you with a sense of disappointment/boredom/disinterest.

You've been destroying your brains reward based systems.

I'm not entirely sure how someone would go about correcting this issue.

I know that with habitual things like social media, video games, foods, etc, the solution is to deprive yourself of said things, resenting your dopamine responses, and then reteach yourself how to interact with said things in a healthy manner...

but how this would apply to relationships is beyond me.

Especially considering that you'd have to get through the honeymoon phases of a relationship in order to retrain your brain to seek pleasure from the phases of a relationship that come afterwards, which would be done at the expense of others.

I think you may be boned.

itsalyssaagain · Accepted Answer

Maybe you’re dating the wrong kind of men. It might seem like silly things but maybe you’re gaslighting yourself and shifting the blame onto yourself — maybe they do some really shitty things and that’s why you get put off.

Guy13 · Answer

Yeah, sounds like your expectations are too high and you are living in La-La Land. You are 30... tick tock. Maybe, you should recognize your situation and give people more of a chance.

Mybeachlife8888 · Answer

I have a few ideas as to why this is happening with you. As a guy, I had this problem and refused to settle down with someone who I didn’t have a huge connection with. I understood that things would never be as magical as the first few months, but I was very picky in finding someone that I knew I could keep just as happy and excited as she kept me. Both things are important. Me being happy was just as important if not more important as me keeping her happy. I think this is overlooked by so many people. Finding someone to spend your life with should not be easy. If you’re picky, you better also be putting in the work. Meaning if you want someone who you consider hot as fuck, you better work on yourself so you’re also hot as fuck. Don’t just rely on your god given attributes. If you have a nice ass and tits, don’t just rely on them to land you a guy that’s great and looking for more than just that. I hope this makes sense.

magiusX26 · Answer

sounds like a part of the problem is overly high expectations, being more used yo things being more about instant or near instant gratification, and could be some lack of communication or articulation of some expectations, bounderies, standards, wants, and needs. could possibly thing of some other possibilities given a longer time of pondering and further info, but thatbwould be more like me or another on here being your therapist or worse, thinking for you which neither is or should be the case. so i will not venture further thinking on this.

lightbulb27 · Answer

We'll, you are afraid of pain... running.

The reason why I can only guess... you saw lot of pain in your parents relationship? Maybe you had a tragic loss. Or maybe you have high standards with a large number of "must haves" rather than soft boundaries. Perfectionism tendencies?

Maybe you have a false view of the work required to get two people to fit together, but if that was the issue alone, it wouldn't be so emotional.

Anonymous · Answer

The men you're ending up with aren't very attractive. Women will claim all day that they want so many other things, but the second they meet an attractive guy, all that shit goes out the window lol

serious · Answer

It seems you develop feelings fast without properly knowing the person. You should take it slowly until your are totally comfortable.

Sleeper07 · Answer

It's most likely because the losers you date are afraid of getting sexual with you? Or maybe you're shallow?

Juxtapose · Answer

You have to be emotionally intelligent enough to keep the relationship interesting and know when the step back for alone time so you don't get overwhelmed.

JSmuve · Answer

Probably because you're too idealistic and want a guy that doesn't exist. You like the idea of a relationship instead of actually being in one.

strlb · Answer

You sound like one of my ex's. This is a great question b/c noone is perfect and we all have our own faults. The key is finding the medium to what you can handle and be content. Best of luck!

FilmGuy93 · Answer

You're in love with the idea of being in love.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I am the same way. I can be friends forever, but in dating so many trivial things can lead me to end it.

shanshu · Answer

And you count yourself as interesting? I bet what comes out of your mouth is boring as fuck aswell to them but at least they try

Shy_Steve · Answer

Every Relationship you have to keep trying otherwise it can get Boring, That's just the way it goes.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Because you are as shallow as the shallow end of the kiddie pool.

Deserter · Answer

You like the novelty, the chase, the lack of commitment

justabuddy · Answer

not to be rude... but maybe your expectations are more than reality can provide.

jshm2 · Answer

Because you've undiagnosed ADHD

Marked_Man · Answer

Great recipe for ending up alone.

Nominal · Answer

Same thing.

Why do I lose interest so quickly?

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