Guys, would you date and give a girl with 4 children a chance?

Question

I’m just curious if a 30 year old woman with 4 children (who can’t have anymore children) is a turn off.. do you just steer clear and automatically don’t give her a chance? Or are guys willing and open to it?

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I think that's going to depend very much on the guy. I'm 38, and would love kids... but for practical reasons am slowly becoming reconciled to that being unlikely. But overall, I am a guy who is open to kids, and who gets a long with kids.

It's hard to describe how I feel about the prospect of dating someone with 4 children. I would be "open" to it, at the very least. I am definitely not thinking "4 kids? no way"... but I am certainly thinking: "4 kids? MORE kids? no way"

So for me, if I'm getting involved with a woman with 4 kids, there is now zero chance I am looking to have MORE kids. So for me, your willingness to have more kids (which will indeed be important to some guys I'm sure) is really not something that matters to me. Because 4 is quite enough. I'm not going to be looking to have more. That thought stresses me out... and I don't even have kids. I think you're a brave woman thinking "yea... I might be open to more kids" when you know how much work it is to raise the 4 you've got. (I actually think the fact that you're open to having more, says vaguely positive things about you... even though I'd have zero interest in taking you up on that).

The biggest thing is... it would seem like a "tall order."

I feel like I would be worried about "not measuring up" for a woman who had 4 kids, in a way I'm not so worried about in a 'regular' situation. I would feel like the expectations are different (which they are. You've got 4 kids to think about. Of course the expectations for a guy you're with are gonna be different).

I would wory whether your kids would like me too. Because, I'll tell you... it would be really hard to date a woman with 4 kids... if one of them is like 10 or 12 and hates your goddamn guts for trying to do any sort of 'parenting'.

I think overall though, it's something I could definitely figure out, for the right woman. If I was really clicking with someone, and she happened to have 4 kids, I'm sure that's not going to stand in my way. I feel like I'd figure out how to navigate that one way or another.

But it's a scary prospect in the abstract (like you asking this question. Not some specific woman I'm considering, but the 'general') It's an intimidating, tall-order. But not something that would make me not even give a woman a chance.

But it would have to be a situation where over the long term... It felt your kids are my family too. Like it can't be a long-term feeling like an outsider-type-of-situation. That would never work for me. But if I could come to see a woman and her 4 kids as family, then at the end of the day, that's what matters. If I always feel like that goal is achievable, It wouldn't make me run.

Avicenna · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately, the chances of a man being interested in dating a woman with four kids is almost zero, especially if you can't have any more. What's in it for him? There are so many individual relationships that would have to go right for that to work, and it's very tough financially for a woman to support four kids, so the guy might be expected to help out there. And imagine how much you'd have to pay a babysitter and how many cancelled dates there would be due to a kid getting sick or injured. It's simply too much to ask of a guy, even if the kids' father is fully involved in their lives and there's no tensio between her and him.

I have four kids myself (by two different women) and if I were lucky enough to have sole custody of them, i wouldn't think for one minute about dating (not that many women would be interested in the first place in a custodial father with four kids). I'd be spending my time at their extracurricular activities, helping them with their homework and taking family vacations with them.

lightbulb27 · Answer

If the fit was good.

For long time didn't want my own kids. Would have to find a guy like that (or can't) and there are a few around. Have to find a guy that likes kids, or has his own (Brady bunch).

I turned away from that once when was younger than your age. Didn't like the situation, several of the kids, I was immature and felt that was more than I wanted. Turned away from a woman (older) w 3 grown kids, more because didn't feel the fit.

I married my wife whom came with two kids. I'm very active with raising the one, works well. Now I'd want to have my own since meeting wife, but too late.. e. g. I know reasons why I didn't want kids.

In general, probably needs to be a little older/mature guy, for whatever reasons doesn't want own kids, maybe religious convictions so he has a heart for others and not as selfish. A lot more issues to traverse, like do they have a good father, family, finances, parenting, having time together vs all energy on the kids, etc... Probably more effort required managing relationship, and likely need to be very open to tradeoffs.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Not being able to have kids is a plus, but I'm not interested in parenting or having some other guy in the picture.

Its going to be especially hard for you to find a guy, Anyone who likes parenting enough to put up with the kids' father, or put up with not being the real father himself, is going to feel bad that they don't at least have one of their own kids with you, because then its like their dad is your real SO and he's just "some homewrecker guy".

You are probably limited to single dads with their own kids, or guys who just want sex but don't care about relationships.

Sleeper07 · Answer

I wouldn't want to take care of another man's kids, so she can forget about anything related to marriage or anything similar.

But I would still build a relationship with her and have sex with her. Funnily enough I had a girl exactly as you describe, she was 31 and she was absolutely one of the most wonderful human beings I've met in existence. Excellent mother, caring, loving, let me lead the way, didn't give me problems, loved me and adored me, even took care of me.

But my boundary was her 2 daughters and sons she had with other men in her past, for that reason I am not nor was I willing to marry her or anything like that. I have too much self love and respect to bring myself to a point where I'm taking care of someone else's children.

smilelots · Answer

hell yes ,, its not easy for a lady to find someone that will date them if they have kids but I have no problem with that at all.. good luck to you all that do have kids men and woman.

jshm2 · Answer

Not sure what you're expecting to hear?

Sure, some guys might enjoy a woman they can creampie every night, without any "presents". But the issue is that you've a lot of baggage they also need to care for.

Not saying put the kids in adoption (depending on their age), but you're going to have to be open at the outset.

Mansearching · Answer

My girlfriend has 3 kids and 2 grandkids. Answer your question?

Shamalien · Answer

Most men, especially men who can pull a girl without kids are not gunna settle for this. Desperate losers and pedophiles will be into it.

best bet? Find an older, more mature man who also has kids from another woman, then it will be fair for both parties and you can share family running duties

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

Most guys would not because of no legal say in the kids education or medical. Lets say you left them with a guy and something happened to one of them and need medical attention but you were unable to get ahold of and the guy made a decision you didn't agree with. He could be sued.

Jay3344 · Answer

Not a turn off necessarily but not relationship material. 4 kids? I mean she obviously liked this previous guy or guys enough to have kids again and again. Unless she’s a widower or something that’s not something most people walk away from. 4? I mean she can still be attractive for sex but I doubt it for a relationship unless the guy is a saint

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

I wouldn't personally, but I'm sure there are men out there who would. Probably older men most likely. Don't give up hope

cunnilinguist · Answer

As long as we have a lockable soundproof bedroom and she likes cunnilingus, I don't see why not. Let love be your energy.

Adam1978 · Answer

You can get sex but I think you will have a hard time finding someone who wants to settle with a woman with four kids, at least until they left the nest and both of you are old enough too have the family chapter behind you.

MrCommodore · Answer

Possibly, but it would depend on her relationship with the biological father of her children.

crossdressingrihno · Answer

Well I’m 21 so I wouldn’t date a 30 year old but I’d date a 23 year old with 2 kids.

Berethor · Answer

WoW, how desperate should be a man if he take woman with 4 children that is also barren.

RealMarek · Answer

Sure. I’m with a woman with a few kids. We’re a great match and I’m happy with her.

DJB72 · Answer

Several kids isn't a turnoff for me if they all have the same father. Four kids by four men and I'd pass.

DarkLegacy · Answer

Obviously not. I would steer well clear. I mean how may fathers do they have and why is she not with the father.

Guanfei · Answer

Hard to tell, but probably not. That would mean having the responsibility for a whole family, but never have any say on it. Those are your kids, and the father's kids. I wouldn't have a say in their education, or discipline or anything.

RavVid · Answer

At my age no. I don't want 4 children who aren't mine to support. If they have different fathers then it is far more emphatic NO.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Maybe if she is a faithful widow with all the children from the same man and he is also widowed with children. Otherwise, it might be a hard time finding someone willing to take that on.

magiusX26 · Answer

if i was still wiling to date, hell to. the naw. and if those children were by more than 1 father, even less of a chance.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I wouldn't. Because it would be weird. She would be too mature for me. We are in different places in life. I am still a virgin.

slatyb · Answer

No, I wouldn't. That's just too much. There would be very little time for us.

gorydetails · Answer

Nope. No desire to raise someone else's kids.

Anonymous · Answer

A single mom to a guy is about as attractive as a homeless guy is to a man. Do you write a homeless guy off or give them a chance? Well expect the same from a guy towards you.

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Why would I want to spend my time raising another man's children in a relationship where I will always be a lower priority than your kids. There's no benefits for me.

Chthou95 · Answer

Fuck no. Those kids are not my responsibility and i wouldn't just be dating a single mom of 4. Id be dating a single mom and helping her take care of her 4 kids. No single mothers please

Surely · Answer

Depends on how many sperm donors were involved and rather or not she was a widow.  Short answer. No chance

Vegasrunner · Answer

This is an interesting question as I'm currently banging a 30 year old with 5 children. But what do you mean give her a chance of what?

Guys, would you date and give a girl with 4 children a chance?

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Guys, would you date and give a girl with 4 children a chance?

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