Is too much attention to your partner a dealbreaker?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I just had an eye opening conversation with a Chinese girl, 25.

She told me a few things about herself and her relationship as well as a relationship culture in China. She said that even though she has a fiancé, they rarely party together, so she doesn’t see a problem going clubbing or partying with friends every week without her boyfriend, as long as she stays loyal, his boyfriend also has his own fun, but in the end of the day they live together and they just ask about each other’s day and they know in the end they have each other.

She told me she’s got this experience from her previous relationships because she has had 5 relationships, and she learned that you should live your life and never be fully invested. She’s also very experienced sexually.

She also told me if I am very attentive and don’t give my boyfriend space for his own fun then It will most likely result with a break up. I think that’s a really nice advice, when I lived with my boyfriend I lived my life, I didn’t go clubbing, but I had female friends with whom I went to have some girls time. However in a long distance relationship I got too attached to my boyfriend and forgot about my own life, which resulted in fact that I didn’t give him that much space as he was used to get anymore, which in the end lead to our break up probably. So I feel like this girl lives a good life, she is happy she is basically like a single girl, goes clubbing, partying, flirts, dances, does everything a single girl would do but in the end of the day goes back to a loving boyfriend who is happy too. She told me her boyfriend doesn’t need to know where she is, it’s not his business. It’s her life, and he has his life.

I feel like maybe I was too clingy, maybe that’s what I should be like instead. Like this girl.

So, is being very attentive in a relationship a bad thing, and is it better that in my next relationship I learn some things from this girl?

[Anonymous]

As you said she's had 5 relationships. And based on what you've described there's little doubt in my mind there'll be a 6th and more. If that's goal then listen to this girl. Personally I don't think ANYONE should model thier relationship after anyone else's. The dynamics of EVERY relationship is different. But I will agree with her on one point. I don't think ANYONE should be so immersed in a relationship they lose track of who are. There should ALWAYS be a part of you that belongs to you and only you that your partner will NEVER touch. Because as close as you may be, even if you're together for 50 years. You'll still ALWAYS be two different people.

[MementoMori777]

I have noticed that if you give them too much attention they take advantage of it and give you less, its actually a balance, something I learned from experience is that spoiling women with attention isn't the proper way to do it so it depends on how much you give

[PointTaken]

Being all over the person (being either way) will irritate them over time. For example, if you like to read or watch certain shows, you can't because the other person is always there. You have to try to do it when the person is away. Smothering is not a good thing. A little space so the person can do what they like at times is good.

[Kyr0s]

That's terrible advice. Neither of you should be clubbing when in a relationship. It's just looking for a break up waiting to happen. You're not supposed to live like a single person when in a relationship.

[Alex8736]

too much attention can sometimes be the same as too distant. there needs to be that happy medium for both to rise

[Anonymous]

I'm fuckboy n i tell you with experience this type of girls cheat on their bfs from the day one... this type of girls are my hunts.

[Anonymous]

Obviously it's a deal breaker

[EaterPeter]

@LaFemmeFatale_1

[EaterPeter]

Everything can be wrong with wrong person