So I have three red flags in dating, when two out of three are there, then I can’t date that person.
1- absence of “last seen” and “blue ticks” in messaging apps: These people tend to dictate the conversation time and place. They’ll answer you when they see fit, have the chance to avoid answering you, and always have the space for creating any excuse to justify their unavailability. In short words: they plan their conversations.
2- people of faith: Faith means restrictions on one side and the concept of redemption on the other side. These people would justify their actions through their faith and always consider the “redemption” card when they miss up. If they don’t like something they’ll brand it “unholy” and cut all ways towards it and when they miss up they promise “redemption” and blame it on their “sinful human nature”.
3- competitive people: These ppl’s soul purpose is to win at any cost! They’ll jeopardize everything in the process. They won't admit they are wrong and will even force you to agree and admit that you were wrong. Your relationship with them will always be compared to others and your job will be to make sure that it’s better than the examples they use. There is no team work, they are the coach and you’re the incompetent player. They should feel they are the best part in the relationship. If you give more they’ll sabotage it or demean it. You are never an equal partner!
What about you? What are your red flags? And why?
I have red flags I can’t tolerate when dating, what are yours?
drugs, smoking, very rarely smiles espicially when around me, tones of gfs and no long term ones, swears a lot, abusive, causes anxiety for no reason, laughs at your hobbies, makes comments about your looks (i dont expect them to be telling me im pretty etc as i dont want them to lie but id like to be called cute or adorable) about other peoples looks, callling people ugly, doesn't listen to what you have to say, isn't interested in spending time with me, lies a lot , i can easily catch a liar out
I'm that sort of person who turns off her read receipt and online status, not because I avoid the guy I was with, lol. It's just that online status and blue ticks can often cause misunderstanding. Even if I haven't seen it or I'm away from my phone or accidentally touched on the app... So, it will send out wrong message to anyone. If I don't enjoy talking to him or don't find him important, why would I even date him/get into relationship with?
You kinda explained my point from a different prespective 😂 and Some people get into a relationship just to have the status of it and not be alone. Or to get over somebody. Or for pure experimenting …. Etc If it was as simple as you’re putting it, then no body would’ve cheated!
Yep! They’d be glued to it. They take it with them even to the bathroom and when it’s not in their hand, it’s on the table near them flipped so you don’t see the screen. And if you ever ask who’s she talking to or even dare to see her phone, she’ll convince you to go to therapy and beg for forgiveness!
Faith should mean assurance of redemption, but not carte blanche in this lifetime. It's not a blank check to assume zero accountability.
Those who use it that way have an Antinomian view, and that's very destructive.
Hating someone for trusting in a savior for what they can't fix, while fixing what they can, is just plain stupid. Not trusting someone who routinely abuses the pretense of it to excuse accepting no responsibility for hurting you, is a fair measure.
But you have to make a distinction between the two, or you do a huge portion of the population a disservice by lumping them in with Antinomians.
I’m not hating here. Just simply not trusting. I respect all faiths but I like to keep a safe distance. I don’t like to question anyones’s faith, nor I’m comfortable with that faith being forced on me.
People who have weird red flags based on wild jumps in logic are my red flag. It goes to show that they'll never actually connect with me as a person and will always take everything I do with the worst possible perspective they can think of.
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Anonymous
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Emotionally unavailable guys. Guys who can't express their emotions for shit.
You are right That’s the cancer of relationships. But also not all women appreciate that. Most of the times opening up emotionally to a woman goes parallel with the decrease of their libido and attraction towards you. Also when women say they like a man who would care about their pleasure and ask more, contradicts with their reaction towards it. Eventually when sex becomes customized to insure their pleasure, they become colder and when you ask about the reason they simply answer you: I miss how passionate and spontaneous it was, you used to be dominant and know what you want and that was hot! So it’s kinda confusing ….
about the man opening up emotionally to a woman , u have a poitn , I don't find guys are emotionally unstable attractive , or that cry too much all day long , but at the same time I don't wanna be with a heartless robot
@Reem12345reem there certainly needs to be a balance. Not too emotional to the point where it's annoying but not too cold to where it feels like there's a freezer in the room. I definitely agree.
I'm going to be blunt, if I need emotional advice, the last person if go to is a woman. I'd rather go to a man who would actually give me a logical response on how to go whatever the issue is.
I'm not saying giving emotional advice. I mean one who does not like commitment and gets defensive easily especially when it comes to one's emotions. They lack being vulnerable at all. They often also dismiss your emotional state. They are cold unless it's dealing with sex. And they only seem to open up when drunk. At least that's been my experience.
You don't have to seek emotional advice from a woman to be emotionally available. Just expressing oneself through emotions is all she asks. Not all the time but just sometimes would be nice.
How do you feel about our relationship? What do you want? That kind of thing would be nice to know. With my guy it's like pulling teeth to get him to answer these questions.
Got you. When I'm like that in past relationships, I recognize that I don't really see the woman as my friend, more so a mutual beneficial situation that I need to just leave ASAP. The relationships that just seemed easy and flowed seeminglessly were those in which we were best friends, and I actually enjoyed conversationd with them. If the ones i really didn't see them as my best friend, I tended to wonder if she ever shit up and realized she had 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason
Honesty is divine, yet people never appreciate it. A person you are dating would rather hear a compliment than an advise for example. If your boyfriend tell you “you are the most beautiful woman, you are beautiful as you are”, it’s basically a lie which would raise your self esteem and feel loved. While if he tells you “you need to care more about your health and appearance cause you deserve better” is honesty which would make you feel insecure and probably distance you from him. We basically “lie” about hating “lies” and “lie” about appreciating honesty.
If he says “you need to care more about your health and appearance” or “You look fat or you need to wear makeup” I would try and change that I wouldn’t be sad about it. The most insecurities I have are from what I’ve said about my self and how I think about my self and not from what other people have said to me. I’m my biggest bully and critic. If he says something like that I would change it and I wouldn’t get upset about it.
I’m not talking about you in specific 😄 And that was an example. It’s great to be confident but not all people are like you, if they were then no body would need lies.
There’s nothing wrong with the first one. Some people just like their privacy. For the second one it’s better for people of faith to date people of the same faith as themselves. The third one I agree with you about.
1. Manipulating 2. Lying 3. Cheating 4. Not being kind and generous 5. Being agressive 6. Not taking care of himself 7. Arrogant 8. Being lazy as fuck 9. Not validating my feelings 10. Being a mysogynistic pig
“Being aggressive” “arrogant” aka having self confidence and/or opinions you disagree with.
“Not taking care of himself” “being lazy as fuck” “not validating my feelings” - you seem like a lot of fucking work, like you have all these expectations of his effort
“Being a misogynistic pig” aka disagreeing with anything 4-9. Hard Pass. Your profile pic has been replaced with a giant red flag in my mind
He has children from a previous relationship, 'white lies', overly trusting of strangers, is always up for a good time but can't carry or remember an entire conversations..
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