Boyfriend can’t take criticism. Am I wrong?

Question

We got into a fight recently which he made worse. I was annoyed at him and he felt I shouldn’t be annoyed and he was trying to “stand his ground” which made the fight worse.

I ended up sending him a no holes barred text basically saying he needs to grow up his behaviour isn’t normal and I said he is ruining our relationship and I was kind of angry so I said he’s too thick to understand this. And I basically said he’s not a good boyfriend and he needs to improve hugely. Basically I didn’t care if it hurt him he needed to know directly.

Since then he’s been crying since that text but am I wrong? I told him it was a text to make him improve and grow not to take it defensively

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Most guys don’t understand girls’ and most girl’s don’t understand guys , Most females think it’s ok to criticize and belittle her man and treat him like a punching bag but most guys don’t tolerate that shit much , for the simple reason he has feelings as well , Most you girls’ don’t see any wrong in your doings and just assume it’s ok to criticize and belittle your men , and think oh he is supposed to tolerate it and be a man , Sadly most men can’t tolerate it and sadly will end up leaving a girl or cheat on her because he feels she doesn’t value or respect him , Most guys want to be valued and respected by their partner , they want a girl that wants to see him smile , that has his back no matter what , that stays loyal and loving to him , he doesn’t want a girl that is going to criticize and belittle him and make him feel he isn’t much of a man , but sadly you girl’s are turned on to that, and most you girl’s want a man that can just tolerate your drama and put up with your craziness and treat him like a punching bag and sadly that’s where most relationships start to fall apart. Most guys can’t handle it , because when we give our heart to a girl we expect the same in return , and sadly that’s where most relationships fail. So your boyfriend is crying because he feels you don’t value him and respect him , he feels you don’t love him like he loves you , I am not sure what the fight was about, but I am telling you now , by you criticizing him is going to make him lose respect for you , My ex use to criticize and belittle me , anytime I wanted to have fun , like sitting by a bonfire and having some beers with friends , I was automatically a piece of shit just because she didn’t like beer , so she would criticize and belittle me in front of my friends about it and made me feel embarrassed that I enjoyed having some beer , I don’t drink every day but she would call me an alcoholic etc when I clearly I am not one but whatever , she just hates me having fun , there were so many other things I could be doing that would be worse then sitting on my backyard by a fire with friends but in her eyes I was a piece of shit after I worked all week , i wasn’t allowed to relax. That relationship didn’t last long , I ended up dumping her and told her To go find some other asshole to tolerate her shitty personality Cuz no matter what I did , it wasn't good enough for her , it was always her way or no way , what you girls need to understand is guys have feelings as well , we will stay loving and loyal to a girl that makes us feel valued and wanted , But a girl that doesn’t know how to , she is best not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out , Sadly I have learned how to tolerate females for the most part , I will treat her the way I want to be treated , but the second she disrespects me or belittles me and tries to rain on my parade, I just walk away and tell her good luck with that shit , she will usually come crawling back but sadly that’s what you girl’s need in a relationship and most guys don’t understand it , Your partner needs to be your priority over anything and most people don’t grasp this concept and wonder why they continue with failed relationships, The only way someone can respect you is if you respect them , the only way someone can remove selfishness for you is if you remove selfishness for them, you should always wear your partners shoes before making decisions , if you can’t do that then you shouldn’t be in a relationship because you are a selfish person , and sadly everyone has selfishness in them , learn to remove it and you will see your relationship and love grow with your partner

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

While it's important to communicate honestly with your partner, it's also important to do so in a constructive and respectful manner. It sounds like the way you communicated with your boyfriend may have been hurtful and insulting, which is not a productive way to address issues in a relationship.

It's understandable to feel frustrated or upset with your partner at times, but name-calling and insults are not an effective way to communicate your concerns. It's possible that your boyfriend is having a hard time taking criticism because of the way it was delivered.

Moving forward, it may be helpful to approach your communication in a more constructive and solution-focused way. Instead of attacking your boyfriend's character, try to focus on specific behaviors or actions that are causing problems in your relationship. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements, and try to stay calm and objective during difficult conversations.

It's also important to listen to your partner's perspective and be willing to work together to find solutions to problems in your relationship. Remember that relationships require effort and compromise from both partners, and it's important to approach communication with kindness and respect.

Now for example, Instead of saying:
"You always do this. You're such a bad partner."

Try saying:
"I feel hurt when this happens. Can we talk about how we can work together to avoid this in the future?"

This approach focuses on your feelings and the specific behavior that is causing the problem, rather than attacking your partner's character. It also invites your partner to work with you to find a solution, rather than putting them on the defensive.

Another example:

Instead of saying:
"You're so lazy. You never help around the house."

Try saying:
"I'm feeling overwhelmed with the amount of household tasks that need to be done. Can we come up with a plan to divide them more evenly?"

This approach focuses on your own feelings and needs, and invites your partner to work with you to find a solution. It also avoids attacking your partner and instead focuses on the specific issue at hand.

Remember, effective communication is a skill that takes practice, and it's okay to make mistakes. The important thing is to approach difficult conversations with kindness and respect, and a willingness to work together to find solutions.

DellBell · Accepted Answer

hmmmm seems like the two of you really need to learn to respect one another and maybe try to learn to keep your emotions under control when in a conflict confrontation. Both of you need to understand that its not about who is right and who is wrong but its more about listening to each other in a calm mannerism and simply trying to see from your partners perspective and respecting his point of view and he should also respect yours.

if its a behaviour of his that has been bothering you then simply say I feel at times... when you go on like that etc really makes me feel and say how you feel when he behaves that way etc. never say you dont do this or you dont do that etc because he's only going to get very offfensive towards you.

also those things in which you have said to him and looking from his perspective is rather hurtful, emotional abusive and you should be building your man up not putting him down as both of you are a team.

you can get your point across without hurting him with the communication technique that I have just given you above.

Potteplante · Accepted Answer

There's a difference in between insults and criticism.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"We got into a fight recently which he made worse." You are more interested in bamin him than resolving the conflict so maybe you have equal responsbilty for making it a bad argument.

"I was annoyed at him and he felt I shouldn’t be annoyed and he was trying to “stand his ground” which made the fight worse."

1. You should never tell anyone that they don't have "the right" to feel whatever they are feeling. Your feelings don't need to be justified.

2. If he was trying to "stand his ground," then he obviously felt he was being attacked. Going on the attack is never a helpful strategy!

"I ended up sending him a no holes barred text basically saying he needs to grow up his behaviour isn’t normal" Name calling isn't helpful. (No "holds" barred.)

"and I said he is ruining our relationship and I was kind of angry so I said he’s too thick to understand this." More name calling and you appear to be ruining the relationship, as well.

"And I basically said he’s not a good boyfriend and he needs to improve hugely." He's the boyfriend
you selected. Expecting him to change for you is a stupid mstake.

"Basically I didn’t care if it hurt him he needed to know directly." If you don't care that you are hurting him, then you are not ready for a relationshp wth anyone.

"Since then he’s been crying since that text but am I wrong? I told him it was a text to make him improve and grow not to take it defensively" Bullshit! You said it to hurt him and you are enjoyng the results of your efforts.

If you have the capacty, you need to take a few steps back and take a look at yourself.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

This... is really difficult for anyone from outside to answer. That's simply because we don't know the details of your relationship. We also don't know the details of what you said to him, nor how justified you were in being so harsh.

The first thing that I wonder, is: Didn't you bring these concerns to his attention before now? Did all of your complaints come as new information to him?

I can certainly see how an overly harsh message about how a guy suck, is an idiot, is ruining his relationship and needs to improve huge... could serve to break-a-guy-down, rather than making him want to improve. It all depends on what you said I suppose.

Openness and honesty are good. But... it sounds like maybe you were bottling things up, and/or said things in anger.

The conversation you're wanting to have: About how he needs to change. Is not one that is best to have while angry.

I can't say who is "right or wrong" here. I don't know. But depending on what you said to the guy... he might not be crazy for taking it the way he is.

Do you regret anything you said, or how you said it? Or do you stand by it?

DaveJord · Answer

No holds barred... is the saying. It a wrestling term, when you hold people down, choke or use what are otherwise penalized holds. Like for example kicking a guy in the junk, would be illegal, but in a no holds barred fight, it would be allowed.

So, unless you want a no holds barred relationship, I do not ever think it is a smart approach to take or to assume you are entitled to take. As a real man myself, not some pansy ass whinny, if a man would do that to me, we would be fighting. Like fists and all. But women do not fear that from men, so they feel empowered to say whatever they want knowing they will not get punched in the face. But men do not do those types of things to other men, unless they willing to have a no holds barred fight over it. So yeah, you totally disrespected him and felt justified in doing it, because you know he is not going to punch your ass out.

So yes, you are wrong. You completely felt disrespected so you in turn completely disrespected him. So, for me that is when you know the relationship is going to end... and that is when I change my tact from trying to build the relationship in a productive way too just trying to get as much sex as possible out of it until she "breaks up" with me. But I really stop caring if she does or doesn't. Because she has just proven who she really is to me.

So you wanted something more from him, he dug in and wanted something from you as well. Now if you think he is right or wrong about that really depends on a lot of things, but if you want him to respect you then you need to respect him as well. But you didn't, you got in to name calling and saying not nice things to him. So that means you are not a nice person, and you do not truly respect him either. So, two wrongs never make a right.

lightbulb27 · Answer

You are right. You are trying to communicate in a loving way your feelings and he was denying your feelings. He was not being a supportive PARTNER, thus, "boy... friend" was a "boy... torture" and needs to learn how to communicate... emotionally and communicitavely, before he trashes the relationship by "affronting" your feelings during conflict.

Basically, he needs to learn how to listen, communicate, be supportive, and learn to resolve issues with you.

Standing ground can be ok sometimes, but most of the time, his "boundaries" need to be soft and accomodative to your feelings. That's the nature of relationship.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

If he is the type to do very little in the relationship, then there is nothing wrong with stating that, however, when you open that can of worms, there is always the potential for criticism from him.

Depending on how tactful you can be, it does not have to turn into a fight. Elevating it to something where you both say hurtful things out of spite, tends to damage the relationship to the point of no return.

Even though you may be standing your ground too, it is often both peoples fault to some degree, things get to the point where a fight breaks-out.

Your question is "Boyfriend can't take Criticism", when one states something like this you have to be able to reflect as to whether the ability to take criticism goes both ways.

DamianTheSmikkelbeer · Answer

If he’s standing “his gaurd” he feels attacked, which obviously will make things worst. And don’t ever insult your partner in a argument much, it really impacts hard depending on what you say and they’ll remember it even long after said argument. And stop “telling him” and “him causing it” type of mentality, just think how “we can solve it” and how “we can get past it” it’s a much better mentality and 100% will work better if you love the guy. If not both of you will end up feeling neglected and shitty.

Adam1978 · Answer

What do you expect? People have their own view and they will always defend them. You are a fool if you think you can give criticism and not get into an argument. Your view might not be shared. He might think your expectations are complete bullshit that doesn't align with good male behavior. I would expect you to actually check what he thinks before you trying to get him to align with yours.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I can genuinely take abuse and generally, just make fun of people doing stupid things. But one thing I can't stand is being told I'm wrong when I know I'm correct. From what info you gave that could've been you or him... I don't know and can't figure that out from the information given.

So I would suggest you figure that out and then you'll have your answer to your question.

Stoner710 · Answer

Well, I can already tell your British since you use the word thick. ( love British literature).

I do have to ask to get more context. What’s he doing that make your feel like he is childish? I don't know what you mean by that. Do you expect him to be Robert Graves or Ernest Hemingway or as an American, my favorite the John Wayne. Please explain with a little bit more context so I can actually help.

MackBoy · Answer

He must be crying due to his guiltiness. the problems should be solved without getting into anger and nothing will be by being angry and shouting at someone. being angry is so bad and it is the main cause for murder, crime, fight and so many bad things. so the one who controls the anger is the strongest. anger can weaken the immune system and you can infected with a illness very easily because I have noticed in some of my friends who get angry quickly and they get sick very often

Twalli · Answer

You offer no reason why he said you were overreacting, when you may have been. Then you say that you said something that could hurt him, but you didn't care. Then you get upset that it did hurt him even though you didn't care if it did. I could easily say that you took it defensively when you didn't seem to want to not be annoyed when he said you should be. Relationships are a two-way street. You can't expect him to be what you want if you won't try to be what he wants.

noohair · Answer

Men will see a relationship as 80% good and 20% not so good and accept what they have to deal with the 20%. Women see the same relationship as 80% good and go to work trying to fix the 20%. The only person that you have any chance of fixing is yourself, so you destroy the relationship trying to do something that is impossible. Every human is a whole person with no spare parts, so don’t break anything.

Jdjfjcjj · Answer

He's not thick with respect to what you think. it's just that he knows he isn't getting you to follow his lead, but doesn't understand that your view of him controls that, assuming it's not the case that he picked wrong chick

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

He's right to stand his ground. If you don't like him how he is, leave. You can't change people. You should not be dating a person you don't like.

slatyb · Answer

Stop wasting your time. He's manipulative and immature and he's not going to improve anytime soon. End this and date someone capable of being a partner.

ilovelamp · Answer

"Boyfriend can’t take criticism. Am I wrong?" proceeds to not describe the situation, rather you describe your own actions.

David4358 · Answer

hard to know without knowing the context of the fight.. but if he is crying about it then i'm probably going to take your side  What was the fight about?

HighValue · Answer

So where are the details of what happened and what the fight was about? Nobody can have a valid opinion without details.

Anonymous · Answer

After reading your replies to @olderandwiser you're definitely in the wrong here and are making things worse equal to your boyfriend or possibly more than him.

Greenbean27 · Answer

You the problem here there is nothing wrong with disagreements but how you say things have an effect.

shades777 · Answer

I think as a man I want a woman to give criticism like honey, that harder approach is more appropriate coming from a man that has your back.

You come in swinging with the words what you expect to happen?

abc3643 · Answer

Just break up. Both of you are not winners...

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Classic western female, born and bred for conflict, nagging, obnoxious, difficult, and otherwise a pain -in-the-ass to be around.

Keishio · Answer

Without knowing him it's impossible to answer. He could be a bad partner or you could be wanting too much from him

Exterminatore · Answer

Yeah cause insulting someone always makes them hear your point better.

LiamJHayden · Answer

You were annoyed, flamed him, and wonder why he's upset?

Mangospacho · Answer

So…ummm…why do you want to keep seeing this guy anyway?

Heolurt · Answer

Or maybe you gave it in a way no one would take it nicely.

LovrUFFAllls · Answer

It is always healthy to be honest with your partner

Anonymous · Answer

pretend i give a shit a whole minute what was the fight about?

Reem12345reem · Answer

That's a toxic behavior from u tbh

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Well. Make a decision

Anonymous · Answer

I can't either

AliSulayman · Answer

Use silent treatment. It works the best

mommymommymommy · Answer

What was the fight about?

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

What are you criticizing him for?

Anonymous · Answer

Boys look for trouble.

Boyfriend can’t take criticism. Am I wrong?

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Boyfriend can be harsh but doesn’t think he is?

Boyfriend can’t take criticism. Am I wrong?

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Boyfriend can be harsh but doesn’t think he is?

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