Boyfriend can be harsh but doesn’t think he is?

[Anonymous]

He’s always complaining about something about me. He says I’m too quiet, I’m not bubbly chatty enough and he’d prefer if I was. He says I ruin all his sexual fantasy’s and I’m not spontaneous or creative enough sexually and I don’t surprise him sexually.

And that i never make him excited to have sex with me. I do try think of sex ideas but they’re never good according to him and he says I’m not thinking hard enough or at all. But I really am.

I feel so down and when I get upset that he’s so critical he says we’re just having a conversation. I feel like if he dislikes so many things about me then why is he with me. He says he loves me but he is literally always finding something to complain about. How do I handle this situation?

[_Maya_]

I know this isn't what you are going to want to hear but you need to leave him. Do you want to be with someone that is always dragging you down? I know that I wouldn't. He's obviously not happy with who you are and that isn't something you should or really can change. That means that you are not compatible with him. This isn't going change and you'll either have to learn to live with it or do the right thing for yourself and find a guy that likes you for you.

[Asker]

I’ve said that to him that we don’t seem compatible so and he says don’t be stupid of course we are, he says he doesn’t want to lose me but he’s not happy with me as I am? I don’t understand it he’s always bringing up my faults or what I don’t do or I’m not good at this etc but never stuff I do right. I’m easy to please I don’t treat him that way

[_Maya_]

Let me ask you this... do you feel like a placeholder? Like he puts up with you and would leave if something better came along? That's the vibe I get from what you write.

[Asker]

No I don’t think so , he says he wouldn’t want anyone but me , that he loves me so much and wants us to be together long term and forever

[_Maya_]

Right. Then he brings up all these faults he sees in you.

[Asker]

That’s what I don’t get, he seems adamant that he never wants us to break up but brings up faults a lot and complains about me a lot. And I get upset then it causes a fight but I feel he’s being too critical

[Asker]

I just don’t get the vibe I’m a placeholder, we’ve been together 4 years im his longest relationship

[_Maya_]

Think of someone you really love and care about other than him. Do you treat that person like he treats you?

[Asker]

I don’t treat them that way no but I’m way more easy going than him. He’s always been harder to please and has higher standards.

[Billlewis]

He's either trying to keep you off balance to compensate for his own self doubt or he's flashing a neon sign that you should start looking for a new boyfriend.

[jahaims]

You settled for a immature guy.