What do you think of dating people with self harm scars?

Question

Say you’re on a date and see the person with old self harm scars on the inner arm, or thigh etc. what would you think? Would you ask what happened?

Effably · Accepted Answer

So many good songs about this! Scars are very characteristic.

I have a bunch of scars of my own. Not self-harm ones mind you. I like the ones I have and partners tend to do too.

Self-harm is unappealing because its not some cool story about that one time you did something crazy. Its a dark story about that one time you felt so bad you needed something, or maybe needed nothing. Its that depressing reality we all face sometimes and facing it isn't fun for anyone.

So no. It isn't a good thing. It is very real though. And well, they'll fade. Its not important enough to change if I like anyone.

Leapfrog00 · Accepted Answer

At some point, I would bring it up but be subtle about it. I would most likely start out by talking about my own mental health. Many times, people don't feel comfortable talking about their mental health issues but if the person they are talking to brings it up first, they are usually OK with it.

Then once they start talking about their mental health issues, they will probably bring up their self-harm into the conversation anyway.

Thatpearl26 · Accepted Answer

If they were harming themselves I would try to see if they needed help. Although once seeing the scars I most likely wouldn’t date them. The reason is simple, I’ve had my fair share of helping people who have dwindling mental health. I don’t think I can date someone who hurts themselves. I would constantly be worried and stressed that when I’m not with them they are hurting themselves. Which would lead to my own mental health to take a dark turn.

SphynxUK · Accepted Answer

I started a huge reply all about my ex. I deleted as not fair to him. I will say, no, I’d probably not date someone with signs of distress.
I’m 50 soon, autistic and want an easy life. I support my kids with their problems, and I don’t have the energy to potentially worry about anyone else and allow my own well-being to suffer. I won’t do that again.

Summeroflove · Answer

I would try to be as supportive as I can be. I would be careful how I approached that asking how it happens or why or whatever.

Horror_lover92 · Answer

I wouldn't ask, I will wait until he feels comfortable enough. One of my co workers I truly care about in a platonic way, I noticed the marks but I didn't stare or asked, and the fact that he feels safe around me he opened up to me about them. After that night he doesn't know but he literally has my heart.

AaronKrieger · Answer

Nah, I wouldn't bring it up, but I might ask about it in the future. I imagine I'd find a segue into asking about it if she asked my own scars. They're not self-harm, but I have a lot of them on my body and some of them are noticeable.

Anyway, I wouldn't mind it and I'd like that you went through something rough in your life as weird as that sounds. I just think painful experiences can make people more empathetic towards others and knowledgeable. Not always, but can

Spongebobssocks · Answer

I would. It wouldn't be a turn off and definatly not a turn on it would just make me a bit more worried for them... If they're from past.

I wouldn't feel ready to risk my own health for someone if they're doing it now. But i'd be a helping friend.

boggboss · Answer

I can't lie its a massive turn off for me and I understand its not their fault and I'm a dick for doing so but I dont think I could date someone who did

hellorambo · Answer

It really depends, but if I did date them and they were still unstable the relationship would drain me mentally from worry. If the relationship really clicked it would probably drain me more, best song to go with this would be Steve Lacy - Dark Red.

Sonorous · Answer

It's always a turnoff for me. But if I felt the person wasn't so emotionally volatile anymore, I'd definitely be able to have better peace of mind & it wouldn't be as much of a turnoff.

stepyo99 · Answer

It's a pretty big red flag. I'd want to know about what happened and how her mental state is now before I tried to go further in a relationship with her.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I wouldn't ask any questions unless the topic comes in a conversation. It is really none of my business.

SunnyRS · Answer

I don't think I can because dating people with such issues require patience and commitment which I don't I have.
And only people who have patience and can commit to them should date them cause if you leave them they would be hurt even more.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

I am right now. Probably won't do it again though, she's pretty terrible overall

LazerBean · Answer

Nope. Any indication of mental illness and I'm out.

Anonymous · Answer

im cool with them cos i have them too, unless they're really bad and there's a lot of them. wouldn't ask or say anything though that would be kinda rude

dudeinohio · Answer

My ex girlfriend was a former cutter. I understood her situation and reasons. I have depression and can understand certain mental issues well. It wouldn't bother me.

AgentRED · Answer

People like that shouldn’t be on dating apps. I’d rather they seek professional help instead

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn’t mind because I have them too. And I think anyone that’s worth anything in a relationship will accept that as a part of you/your history no questions asked.

Mangospacho · Answer

How old are the self harm scars? Weeks, months or years? If they’re recent then it is a red flag.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

That's not a problem for me. I would not reject anyone with scars.

Venymal · Answer

Yes, I would ask. If I’m on a date with them, it’s someone I care about.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

That's still a thing? Holy fuck I've dated cutters that are old enough to I guess now do the same shit. Damn.

Shy_Steve · Answer

It just shows me that they just internalise there feelings so if anything it's a lot better than them hurting someone else in their past.

BrookeS · Answer

I dont care. It doesn't mean they are any less of a person

Sparkie460 · Answer

As long as they don't harm themselves anymore I would.

TrillXHippy · Answer

That those are there for a reason and it’s not my business to ask why

Anonymous · Answer

i have those myself and i don't give a shit what the other person thinks they don't like it they can go fuck themselves

Anonymous · Answer

They're literally human warning labels. "Caution, stay away".

itsalyssaagain · Answer

I’m sorry but I think it’s a red flag.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m out. Not my cup of tea.

shades777 · Answer

haven't been that lucky

Fuentes · Answer

I can't date anyone with an mental illness

__JustJacky__ · Answer

Sounds Nerve-Wracking lol

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Hard pass.

Molly1997 · Answer

Doesn’t bother me

Googlemyahoo · Answer

I wouldn’t

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