So my girlfriend is breaking up with me at 31 are my prospects dim with me having Asperger’s?

[Anonymous]

Ok so I didn’t get my first girlfriend until I was 29 this relationship lasted from 2020 up until a few weeks ago but I think about the fact I’m on the spectrum and the fact I’m 31 now doesn’t paint a positive outlook for my dating life

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+1 y

Thanks

[Keyboardkat]

So you were together like two and a half years? Why is she breaking up with you? Did she give you any kind of an explanation that made any sense? If not, maybe she's a flake and her view of you, and the relationship, may have no relevance to your chances with others!

I've never been diagnosed with Asperger's, but I myself think I probably have a slight touch of it. For example, I love trains, and I COULD entertain women for hours with all kinds of arcane facts about, say, diesel locomotives, something most women do not, shall we say, find fascinating! But I'm able to make the judgement not to talk too much about things like that. And back in school, I was always socially awkward, and had trouble reading body language or social signals, but those things can be learned if they don't come naturally, and I think I've learned them. I'm happily married for over 50 years to a woman who is normal, and practical to a fault, and we joke about my Aspergy tendencies. Like, see that intercity coach bus over there? I know where it was built! But I refuse to tell her! Not that she wants to know.

But here's the think about breakups: Fifty-five years ago in grad school I had a girlfriend with whom I'd had a two-year relationship. We were sort of attracted by a kind of magical magnetism. She did things like bake brownies for me, sew curtains for my apartment, and never turned down dates with me, and we became very close. Until she started to change, and she broke up with me, saying, "I just don't think it would work." That kind of explanation really doesn't cut it. It made no sense. If there were more solid reasons, she never told me what they were. She said, "It's not like I've met someone else whom I love better, because that's not true," which is worse in a way because it makes the rejection really personal! I think that her reasons for this were unclear even to her. And she also kept giving me mixed messages, like she'd tell me she didn't think it would work, and she felt so guilty about how she had treated me, and then we'd get into a heavy makeout session!

If your girl has broken up with you in a similar way, I would take her words with a grain of salt. Also, if you can find a way to channel the Asperger's behavior into your work somehow, or try to zero in on the girl's interests and talk about those, I think you should be fine.

I don't know if this was helpful or not, and I'm sorry to be so long-winded. Wish you the best.

[DaveJord]

Probably, I am 46 and 100% healthy and finically secure and my prospects are dim.

[lightbulb27]

oh that's baloney...

[DaveJord]

@lightbulb27 How so?

[DaveJord]

I am just saying you had one relationship in 31 years, and you are thinking about how your prospects are dim... well if that's your mindset then they probably are.

I am 46 and I was married for 22 years, and I dd all the right things "They" say you are supposed to do. I divorced anyway. I have dated 16 different woman in last 3 years, only one 8 month was the longest one.

Now this guy is 31 so there hope for him, but he needs to get on it.

At 46 dating is 10 x times as hard as it was at 30, and at 30 it 5 x times as hard as it was at 20.

[lightbulb27]

maybe we all live different realities. I know 62yr olds that date 30yr olds, many 50yr olds that find first time mates.
I have harder time finding new male friends... everyone is settled in.

[DaveJord]

@lightbulb27 Right and bill gates' is billionaire so I could be to right? My chances are dim.

[lightbulb27]

if you live in the middle of nowhere, that limits the chances. The number of available women is probably at a historic high. It's your choice what endeavor and changes you choose to make, but that is usually the answer... making changes, taking risks, exploring. My life changed the most after 50. In some regards, you are just getting started... if you so choose... the past is the past...

[DaveJord]

@lightbulb27 I do live in the middle of no ward, so you never know. It's possible. But that was not the question... I for one like where I live for example... so unless something life changing come my way... my chances are dim.

[lightbulb27]

there's always hope and change. I'd say you are just getting started and took your first step. Certain to fall on your knees a few times, but the getting up is the good part.

[Gent207-2]

There is always hope you just have to accept the new reality that she is no longer part of your present or future

[Truthatanycost]

For the most part, we are what ever we think we are...

[Mangospacho]

At 31? I hope not. That would make me too old too. I’d be put out to pasture by now.

[shades777]

she's a dime a dozen, son, you'll be fine