I have Asperger Syndrome and I've never had a girlfriend before?

Question

should I commit suicide since I have bad horrible social-skills? because since Asperger Syndrome is a mild form of Autism, I'm 23 and never had a girlfriend before, obviously still a virgin, and very good social-skills, conversation-skills are always a must-have for guys since we guys always have to be the ones to make the first move and initiate the date and relationship, ask the girl out, I've gotten rejected too many times because of my social-awkwardness because of my Asperger Syndrome, I'm not scared, I just don't know how!

Noam1987 · Accepted Answer

I'm 24, I also have Asperger's, and I also never had a girlfriend, for similar reasons to you.. I (unfortunatly) don't have advice on how to get girls, but I gotta respond to your remarks on suicide. I hope you're joking about that, but on the off chance you're not... I want to relate to you my own experience. Even though I'm not gonna give up anytime soon, the thought have crossed my mind more than once that maybe I will never have one. and I also thought about what am I going to do if I won't have a girlfriend by the time I'm, say, 30. And yes, one of the things I thought about was to put a stop to my life. Because that's what society tells us, right? that if you're not in a relationship life is meaningless?

But then I thought about everything I like about my life, and realized that if I'll kill myself I will not get to experience them anymore. Not having a girlfriend would suck, but it will never be bad enough to make my life not worth living. Think of your hobbies, think of your friends (do you have friends? you were'nt clear on that). For, example, i, like a lot of aspies, really enjoy learning new things. If you enjoy it like me, think of the vast ocean of information that's out there that you will never get to know if you kill yourself. And, as a lot of previous people answered, it is certainly possible to be in a relationship even with Asperger's. I know of a lot of people who managed it, including some relationships where both couples are aspies and some "mixed" couples. But even if you don't, there is still plenty of things in life worth living for.

Hope I was helpful :).

ihatetakingcharge · Accepted Answer

no, but how about get a hooker or escort to get the monkey off your back since Asperger Syndrome will make working your game up very difficult

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Having a girlfriend or boyfriend is nice, but it's not the totality of what life has to offer on earth. Many people live fulfilling, interesting, meaningful lives without romantic pursuits. My aunt is like that. But you don't know my aunt, lol, so here's some names you might know, people who stayed single their whole lives:

Jane Austen
Leonardo da Vinci
Sir Isaac Newton
Nikola Tesla
Florence Nightingale
Hans Christian Anderson
Susan B Anthony
Orville and Wilbur Wright
Henry David Thoreau
Antonio Vivaldi
Anne and Emily Brontë
Mother Teresa

And, that's just a handful. There are many more. Can you imagine what they, as individuals, and also the world would have missed out on, if each of these people had ended their life as young adults? They would have missed so much, and the world would be a very different place without all their significant contributions!

iceburg-san · Accepted Answer

Alright I read your comment to 'decentusername' "girls always seem to be attracted to the loud-mouth, cocky, arrogant guy(in a joking way, doing it for humor)"

That's completely false I always seem to like smart people not "loud mouths"

If you want to know a fact falling in love all depends on pheromones and body language so it really doesn't matter too much if your socially awkward

I'm very socially awkward. I've been like that since I was 5 due to my ADHD & epilepsy

Everyone thought I was a weird kid my whole life and I'm not threatening suicide.

You just have to wait for a girl who has an open mind. Trust me they exist

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You sound pretty intelligent, despite the lack of social skills.  Study it like you would anything else.  Read some Dale Caregie books and study social interaction like you would a computer system or a history test.

kheserthorpe · Answer

if you want these things and are motivated, learn the damn skills. You can do it. People have a natural level of social awkwardness, but if you study 'social skills' and 'interaction' and critically 'reading body language/facial expressions' as academic skills, you can make your social skills _better_ then most people.

One guy I know with aspergers, recognized he was bad at reading body language, so he took the same microfacial-recognition course the cia uses, passed the exam. He tells me he can pretty much now tell what anyone around him is thinking/feeling most of the time, and nobody he knows can lie to him. So then when he studies social skills, how to talk to women, how to approach, he can constantly adjust and recalibrate because he can SEE how they're reacting.

He has better game then 95% of the guys that I know. Why? He worked at it methodically.

WeaponZero · Answer

the first thing you need to understand is, do you want these things (sex, etc) because you really want them? or is it because you're pressured into having them?

im 31 and also an aspie. I'm a virgin and have very little relationship experience. and its because, due to the way it affects me (and this is common among us) I am incapable of any kind of intimacy. this is the way I'll be for life. but you know what? I accept it, and so do the people who actually care about me. this is the way I enjoy being.

madiocre · Answer

There is hope .

my boyfriend is not diagnose but most people who know him would easily;y believe he has a bit of aspergers. His social "awkwardness" is a big part of why I love him. I love that he says what people just think .

He describes that he learns as he gets older and that it was a lot harder when he was younger. Just view it as a learning process, it may take time but it'll get better.

aspiemike · Answer

I'm not sure how old this question is or the content of the answers since you say you are 23 and your age is now 25-29. Your question and details show a person who is very self-defeating. If you really want to feel worthless and wallow in your own self-pity, noone is going to stop you from it and plenty of people are more than happy to encourage you to be a jerk. But to get what you want, you have to work for it.

udolipixie · Answer

For the social skills bit:

You could date an aspie girl.

You could date an introvert girl.

For the conversation skills bit:

Effort & work. Most people want to communicate verbally in a relationship.

Also what do you want a girlfriend for:

validation? work on those self esteem//worth issues

sex? prostitutes, p*rn, and sex dolls

sex with a girl who wants you? pay the prostitute to put on whatever you act you want

hangout

Most likely you just want a girlfriend to have sex and the ego boost of having sex with someone who wants to have sex with you. Along with having someone to hang out with and for that bit just get some female friends. Most guys are thinking of serious relationships that will soon lead to marriage but rather just a pretty girl whose nice to them to have sex with.

Anonymous · Answer

you have to know that killing yourself isn't just your own business, it also involve people that love you, and it would be extremely painful for them. think about your mom carried you in her womb for 9 months and you just ended your life simply because of something as trivial as having a girlfriend? i am almost 30 and i only had one girlfriend in my entire life, whom i have broken up with simply because she is too dependent and clingy that caused me a lot of stress, so having a girlfriend doesn't guarantee you happiness.

avksxXXVII · Answer

A good friend of mine is full-blown autistic. Almond eyes and all. He pulls girls all the time.

He's not the sharpest, or the most sociable, but he's earnest and he's confident. Your Autism determines as much about you as you let it.

decentusername · Answer

no you should not commit suicide. not all girls want the 'sociable, conversationalist.'

dudeman · Answer

no you should not kill youself, a wise man once said to me, kid one thing you got to learn, everybody in this world is f***ing crazy, you just got to make your crazy work for you.

Aspiegirl649 · Answer

No! Dont commit suicide. Dont give up. You will find somebody. I know its hard, but you need to keep fighting. (Not literally). You could maybe find a girl who have aspergers too?

mistixs · Answer

Being an aspie makes it so you have a lot of potential in the workforce. Work on your career and women will come to you

Anonymous · Answer

Never commit suicide. There are online dating sites with people who have the same problem. Try it.

must6871 · Answer

try antidepressants or alcohol I'm 45 and still here with no girlfriend or wife

moviedude714 · Answer

i wonder too because I have it

Decentguy · Answer

hang in there bud

I have Asperger Syndrome and I've never had a girlfriend before?

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