Is it okay to date a guy who's 19yrs older and has Ephebophilia and also he's a bipolar?

[tomo2004]

yes

no

A total of 17 votes were cast: 4 girls and 13 guys. See detailed results

[Anonymous]

Okay, so the real issue isn't that he is bipolar or even that he is older. Bipolar disorder is treatable as long as he is receiving treatment of some kind (usually meds and psychologist visits). The older aspect, as long as everyone is a legal adult, do your thing.

The true question is the ephebophilia. I learned a bit after my teen daughter was interested in an older guy. Probably most any of us would have no hesitation of saying run far away if it was pedophilia, but as you have pointed out by bringing in ephebophilia, there is a difference. For those reading, pedophilia in the scientific psychology world is actually a sexual interest in those only 13 and under (give or take a year depending on which psychology group's definitions you go by). Ephebophilia is a complicated aspect in that it is an age range that is not exactly illegal in its entirety and why most people don't know about it. I, admittedly, did not know about it until doing my research and talking with my daughter's counselor. Usually the common theme is teens get thrown in as pedophilia which is not the actual case. The reason for this is teens age 15 (14 in some group standards) and up have actually hit puberty typically and actually fall into normal arousal zones for men and women because they are post pubescent and developed. While there are a few states in the US with age of consent laws at 17 and 18, the majority of states do have an age of consent at 16. I personally am not a fan of the 16 yr old consent laws and think they should all go to 18, simply based on the ambiguity of other laws regarding sex and minors, but that's just my opinion. To each their own, but most with ephebophilia aren't going to actually commit any crimes unless they go below that 16 age of consent law or below the 17/18 laws in other states. We just might not find it appealing as a society is the main problem.

The reality for you is that you are 19 according to your posted age. This makes you officially an adult and not illegal for either of you to be in any type of relationship together. I would only caution that you just educate yourself on the signs of ephebophilia and pay attention to anything that seems weird or off. As long as he treats you right, there shouldn't be a problem as you are both legal adults. Just know the warning signs and make sure he stays on his meds. In your case the ephebophilia isn't an issue, but being super cautious is all you need to do. The choice is really yours, but hopefully you will know what you should do for you personally. If you decide to move forward with him just be prepared for some people to give you hell over it, while others will be supportive.

[Opinion Owner]

I have read some more answers since writing my response and I do take issue with him dating his students. Even though if he lives in a state where the age of consent is 16, he can actually be held criminally liable because it was a student. Even if that student is 18, he can be liable because it's a person under his authority. So that you should definitely take into consideration.

[lightbulb27]

the bi-polar... I've heard, can be related to early life traumas. Heal the traumas, heal the bi polar.

the age thing... as long as he treats you well and you are old enough to make decisions, I don't care.

As it is, bipolar can be a serious issue, I couldn't handle it. Medication is a solution, but it's a fragile one to me. I'd rather see the underlying problems resolved. For me, I would not want to deal with it.

[_Maya_]

I'll be honest I had to look up what Ephebophilia is. Sounds a lot like pedophilia unless I am missing or misunderstanding something. If that is what it means, then no it isn't okay. He needs serious help if he is interested in girls as young as 15. That was the definition I saw on Google. That's disgusting.

[tomo2004]

well, he said the youngest girl he dated was 16 , im 19 by the way. but he's getting his medications for his bipolar disorder. still im so unsure about everything

[_Maya_]

At what age did he date a 16 year old though?

[tomo2004]

after his 30 as he said

[_Maya_]

You don't see anything wrong with a guy that is 30 sleeping with a 16 year old,? Good God.

[tomo2004]

i see , i just want to be sure. if i didn't feel or see that anything is wrong with him i wouldn't ask you know :)

[Kaneki05]

It's not the same thing. As it is normal to be attracted late teen girls as that's the point, girls start to become attractive as they get older and closer to mature. Pedophilia is quite abnormal since it's been attracted to the opposite someone who's not maturing.

And Ephebophilas not illegal in most cases granted in USA it mostly s illegal since most states are 18. But look at European countries and etc and Uk we have 16 been legal not 18.
However were Ephebophila is an issue and why the term is relvent really is when that person is only attracted to that age range, and is fixed on it because yeah... that's when it becomes creepy and not normal.

[_Maya_]

@Kaneki05 good explanation pedo

[Kaneki05]

Yeah go look up the definition what a Pedo is otherwise I will just call you one too for no reason.

[DaisyM23]

i had to search that one up - to put it shortly you're asking if it's okay to date a full grown bipolar pedophile? the bipolar doesn't even factor into this when he likes underage people

[tomo2004]

well it's not the pedophilia exactly. it's being interested in girls in their 16-17... im just making excuses for myself...

[DaisyM23]

yeah i think you are, don't let this man's problems become your own when you're only 19, and this can be asking for trouble in the future if he keeps going for younger girls when he's with you - he's just not worth it - and i read your comments below and seriously? best guy you've dated yet, what kinda assholes have you been dating for this bipolar 19 years older pedophile to be better? sorry that came across much more judgmental than i intended but please don't get involved in this, it probably won't last in a healthy way because 1) he likes them young and you're only gonna get older and 2) having bipolar means dealing with a lot of ups and downs

[tomo2004]

well first, he's a teacher and of curse he's always around younger girls and he said he dated some of his students when he was younger. and yeh you know i dated assholes a lot , they were mostly guys around my own age and all of them turn to be liars and charters so i wanted to see how is it to be older men and this guy is a pervert too but he's kinda of nice you know and i know it's all because of all these disorders he got that he's acting like this. and yes you're right, im much more stressed since im dating him and his playing with my mind all the time.

[DaisyM23]

the stress just isn't worth it, and he's not a pervert because he's bipolar, plenty of people are bipolar but they're not pedophiles because of it, you can find someone much better i'm sure, and the fact that he's dated some of his students too?

[Avicenna]

His age isn’t the issue- being bipolar is

[tomo2004]

is it that bad?

[Avicenna]

Very bad. But him being a teacher and dating his students is even worse. That is a big no-no for teachers.

[Kaneki05]

Girls start to become attractive in there late teens that's the point but if your talking about a guy who can only be attracted to them... then that's gonna go wrong as what ya gonna do when slightly older and he is no longer attracted to you because of his affliction.

[genericname85]

hell no. ephebophilia is ok, i guess cause you're not underage anyway. but bipolar... hell no. get out of there. it's not that i don't have compassion with bipolar people but you can't help someone with bipolar. what happens is that you'll drown with them and that you'll inevitably get fucked up in that relationship.

[tomo2004]

well he's getting his medication and i know there's no cure for it but he's been so open and caring so far. litteraly the best man i dated in these years... nut yet im so unsure about him and still want to change my decision before its too late

[genericname85]

Yeah that's bipolar for you the great times are as great as the horrible times are horrible.

[Iron_Man]

What is Ephebophilia

[tomo2004]

when a man is interested in girls around 16-17

[Iron_Man]

That’s no good that’s under age

[runnerboy]

That is a personal decision that only you can make

[riverrat3]

If you want