I'm 20 is it okay to date a 34 years old guy?

[Anonymous]

Is 25 girl and 40 year old guy works in a relationship?

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm afraid it doesn't work out quite so simply.

You're right... an age-gap becomes less significant the older two people get. But really, a 25 year old and a 40 year old is more-or-less the same shit.

I'm 37, and, in general, tend to be attracted to younger women. Now, keep in mind, I'm not saying I try and date younger women. Especially not someone in her early 20's.

But, I would be about as 'open' to dating a younger woman as you're going to find.

I also have a good friend who is your age, and she's also inclined to be attracted to way older guys (in general). I'm definitely coming from a "older brother" perspective with her... but I've actually thought and talked A LOT about this exact question--just as it pertains to her... thankfully, mostly hypothetically.

However... that is NOT how I saw it when applied to my friend, who I care about and feel protective over. Suddenly 21 seems so young when I remember that's how old she is now.

So I think it really does depend on "what kind of 20-year-old" you are. My friend, for example, is awesome, but she really doen't have a lot of relationship experience. She's never truly had her heart broken. She's never experienced a guy go from "amazing" to "an asshole" overnight. She hasn't done any of that "hard living" (relationship-wise).

You might be very different for all I know.

There are guys your age (any age) who are "sharks." The charming, sweet-talking, manipulator who does an excellent job of hiding what a monster he is. You already know that.

A 20 year-old 'shark' you have a chance of possibly catching something 'off' before you really get in a bad situation. It's hard enough to fend those fuckers off.

A guy like that whose 35... would run circles around any 20 year old. They're just more sophisticated. That's the "worst-case" scenario fear.

But what it comes down to, mostly, is that you are in two different stages of life. You very likely are looking for different things from a partner. I think that's the main stumbling block.

To be perfectly honest with you: If it were myself... thinking about getting involved with a 22 year-old, my worry would be that she wouldn't be taking things as seriously.

I've always been a monogamist, long-term-girlfriend kinda dude. I've always taken my relationships seriously. Nevertheless, there really IS a difference in how you look at a relationship when you're 20 vs when you're 35.

If a guy is dating at 35, he's either looking to "have fun". Or he's looking for someone to settle-down with. You may be looking to find "your future husband" too. The problem is the difference is what "settling down" actually looks like (and whether that's congruent with your life... as you go into your early-mid 20's).

Conversely, I would worry that a 35 year old getting involved with a 20-year-old would be doing it for the wrong reasons. Because of the exact same thing I said above. It's hard to imagine that you COULD be looking for the same type of future considering the age difference.

At least the 35 year old SHOULD be weary about getting involved with you. If he doesn't have 'concerns' then that's concerning.

Unless you're both just looking to "have fun", in which case... yea, no problem with the age gap (although you might get some looks out in public).

But for a real relationship. It's not that it CAN'T work (it does work on occasion). It's just that there are a lot of potential problems on-top of all the usual potential problems with any two people working out. But it really does depend on the specific two people in question.

[Asker]

Well i have no experience.
He said he is not looking about the age.
He said if i was older than him or younger but ofc legal age...
He would still choose me

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, if you want a real answer you're gonna have to dm me and tell me more about this guy. But what you just said there makes me super-weary. But dm me, let me find out a bit more about your particular situation. Unless you really want to stay anonymous and then we can continue here.

[UmbrusNightshade]

There are always exceptions but statistics suggest that anything beyond 10 years is more likely to fail than succeed. Ideally a partner will be within 3 years of your age either way as that age range has the overall highest chance to workout, but anything up to 10 years is within a more likely to work area.

[catiecatie]

As a girl that was in a relationship that had a 14 year age difference in saying it doesn’t. I was with mine for about 6 months. He ended it over Snapchat and we had to see each other at work. I’m out of that workplace but I do have a crush on an old coworker out there. He’s my age and I hope he comes around. Fingers crossed! But again no it won’t work out and for the people that do they get teased and bullied most of the time.

[Luopio27]

Teased and bullied, how?

[catiecatie]

@Luopio27 just look at those couples that are 20+ years age difference. Some think money or like that couple that is trying for a baby. They get picked on a bunch.

[SeriouslyFunny00]

If you want him, you can break the rules. I've done the same thing and I don't regret it. Just choose wisely and of course, know the person really well. Age doesn't automatically mean maturity, but for many older men, they knew how to treat a woman right.. even like a queen.

[Apple1996]

If he's old enough to be your dad then you shouldn't date him. I'd say 14 years is too large of a gap to work out long term

[Guy13]

That’s to far away in age.

[TacosRAwesome]

Ignore what people say because everyone has that one story of that one couple who were married for a 100 years despite their 50 year age gap...

Ask yourself..

Is he a good person?

Does he respect your opinion or does he use your age as an excuse to make all the decisions?

Are you into him?

Is he into you because you're you not because you're young?

[Asker]

Yesss... he always respects my opinion.
He actually doesn't care if im young or old... as long as im legal he says..
He actually converted to my religion just we could be together because im not allowed to date someone outside our religion.

[TheSpaceGnome]

For that to work, the older person would need to look and feel as young as the younger person, so that lifespans match up, and their hobbies and interests would need to be the same.

Such a scenario is very rare when age gaps are that large.

[Asker]

We actually got close because we have same hobby.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Only unkown at that point is health, if both people look like teens, you'll likely live as long as eachother. I look the same now as I did at 14, and I will still be this way at 45 , but not everyone does at that age.

[Gibbons44]

The only time those age gaps are important is whilst one is a minor and there are restrictions on age allowed to marry/start a pregnancy.

Dating, itself - any age. Marriage -> as long as it is legal (over 14 years old in Germany, 18 in the UK, 16 in the Netherlands etc)

[Keishio]

It won't work. As soon as the relationship becomes official you'll start to rapidly age to catch up with the new partner. In some cases the younger of the two has been known to overtake the elder in age thus forcing rapid aging on their partner. If this continues to spiral out of control you'd both at best have 8 days of life left.

[lightbulb27]

you are considered an adult and free to do what you want with your life. you accept responsibility, rewards, and consequences of your choices.

It can work, sometimes it doesn't

[inhua]

it's your relationship. not other people's relationship

if you're looking for social approval, you're never gonna get it 100%

[Asker]

Well my parents approved

[Straight2thepoint]

Obviously you know it's wrong. Your age range question got even worse in the description after the title question. I say go for it, and don't get mad when ur asked if it's a daughter and dad night out. Or people ask about the relationship.

[Asker]

Ohhh... he dont look old...

[jshm2]

Sure, you won't be arrested for it. You're both adults.

What's your whole story though?

[Asker]

We just met and fall in love. well it was unexpected...

[FilmGuy93]

That's a great way to get the ever-living shit used out of you, but if you like the idea of having your heart disregarded; feel free.

[Asker]

Whutt?

[FilmGuy93]

Young girl, older man is a story as old as time. There’s a reason guys that age end up with girls your age, and it’s not because of how emotionally mature he tells you you are.

[KrisKris81]

Ultimately, love knows no bounds. But, extreme age differences can be more than just an age difference. By your thirties you have an, almost, completely different outlook on life.

[Astarlessnightsky]

Why would this not be okay.

If this is okay for you and your partner, its okay for everyone.

[Berethor]

Not uncommon for men to go for young girls, you think that you can date a man at that age?

[LiamJHayden]

Okay to date, yes. Likely to last? Sometimes. Ritchie Blackmore and Candice Night were 44 and 19 when they got together, and are still together 32 years later.

[Dorian451]

It's okay, but some weirdos will tell you no. If you love someone, just be with them.

Who cares what I think? Don't let anybody take your joy, not even me.

[Iron_Man]

Is 25 girl and 40 year old guy works in a relationship?

Yes it will work if you have things in common

[Asker]

Actually we became close and met because of our commons.

[Iron_Man]

Awesome

[Rockstarrrrr]

Maybe it's just me but I find it gross lol... I'm talking about 20 and 34... I think 25 and 40 is kinda okay... It's about age groups really

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

When I was age 35, I dated an 18-year-old girl.

[exitseven]

You are both adults, if you want to date, then go for it.