Girls - Seriously, what is so hard about cancelling a date / saying you’re not interested?

Question

So bit of a rant, but on girl 4 in a row doing exactly the same crap down the letter and would love some insight as to why.
Meet, talk for a bit, set up 1st date that goes great (or so I thought 🤷‍♂️). Talk some more, set up 2nd date, she gives some bullshit excuse last second to “take a raincheck” and never hear from her again.

Seriously, why lead us on and make plans for a 2nd date you obviously have no intention of going on?

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

I guess girls are more emotional minded than guys who in most cases in lean more towards practical minded or so.

Girls are happy with hugs and celebration, guys are happy when the car can accelerate in record time and get them their trophy at the next race.

Im doing my best to explain but most girls who would do that and in their mind don’t wish*** for a second date (they don’t hate it), they’d want to be polite/courteous and let the guy believe “OH IT WAS REALLY GREAT!” (*cue fireworks) “but then something came up and wow life kinda threw a curve ball, sorry man the next one won’t happen or it won’t work.”

Meanwhile for guys, and yourself, you want practical answers so as not to waste time. Maybe for you the honest truth won’t bug you because you already understand not everyone clicks but there’s time limits on finding suitable partners- suppsoedly.

Now, not every girl chooses a method like that. Some may be totally genuine. I never did that with a live date, but I don’t hate on the girls either because I get where they come from.

Some girls would rather a guy did similar so their feelings are salvaged, and very few would want the honest truth, so they too can find better options.

You do seem upset. I apologize for that and maybe make an effort from the start, to say to them,

“hey, if you don’t think things will work out or advance, then give me the courtesy to let me know. Like just inform me so I can be on the same page. I’m all for dating and think you’re a pretty neat girl, but I only live for so long and I have goals in mind. So how about that burger, huh?”

can try this or edit it to suit you, or make up your own. Just a chill and honest conversation that’s not insulting either. If you’re too speedy for speed dating then try friends with benefits or hook ups.

If you want wholesome dating you have to kind of get to know them fist and have a chemistry that’s somewhat present- which you can see- in order to make that decision to just ask her out. If you’re asking every girl you meet on a date. Well… you know mathematical probability… it’s gonna be a handful of passes (probably) and the thing is you can’t exactly choose how the girls will make their pass up. The only thing you can do it try to change the scenario (the type of dating you do) or let them know from the start to inform you and just be clear so you can move on to the next step properly.

I hope this helps. Best to you!

meetkitty123 · Accepted Answer

Only time I think I've done anything like that is when my creep or grossed out alerts start ringing. If something about the individual is creeping me out or grossing me out (gross and creep are two different things) I honestly will say just about anything to get out of the date away from the individual.

For me to react that way it's really got to be something that I find troubling. Two things I can think of the top of my head

1st would be feeling unsafe for some reason if they're just triggering my unsafe alarm then I would definitely do what I can to get out of the date. Things that can trigger this for me would be how they treat other people (rude harsh etc) road rage clinginess making plans for our future even though we just met...

2nd would be body cleansiness if they have bad body odor bad breath or stained clothes and it's not because they just got out of work... Eh I don't do good with body odor not one bit I will definitely do my best to get out of that say anything come up with any reason back away oh I'm not sure what I'm doing next weekend I'll have to get back to you. (Now run!)

Now once I left I don't picture myself going through and making actual detailed plans for a second date. I would have to say to them I'm sorry it's just not going to work out.

Now I'm not saying the reasons I gave are the reasons why your dates didn't give you a second date In your case maybe they just don't know how to let you down and are afraid to hurt your feelings.

I personally can't imagine actually going through the effort of setting up a 2nd date with an actual time and place if I had no intentions of carrying it out that's just too troublesome to bother with if I'm not interested. If they actually went through the effort of setting up a time and a place maybe they did have the intention of meeting up with you again but something came up and unfortunately because of this whole online setup people just forget that we are dealing with people even if there's a screen in front of us and people have feelings it's a lot easier to reject a screen and forget about it.

It's just something that our generation has to work on we're not rejecting screens we need to remember we are rejecting people.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

>Be me
>Works out and gets buff so I attract more women
>Ends up getting hit on relentlessly by gay guys
>Not gay though
>Finally understands why women just don't want to deal with horny guys trying to pressure them for sex as if they are expected to be nice about it.
>Learns to hate men just as much as some women do.
>Blames alt-left for there being so many homosexuals.
>Becomes alt-right extremist that calls people flaming bundles of sticks online.

I'm joking... but for reals, the girl can LITERALLY have a boyfriend or husband and the guys are not going to back off. A lot of the time they will get pissed of and throw a violent fit once they feel the rejection. So they try to be nice and non-confrontational... and look for weaselly ways to get the guy to just go away. Once you're the target and the person you have no interest in is not taking no for an answer... you'd understand them better. I mean think about it... ever have a salesman hound the shit out of you to buy something you have no interest in buying? It's the same shit... except they want your vagina instead of your money.

Ladies... feel free to tell me I'm wrong, but that's what I'm seeing every time a woman doesn't have the ovaries to just tell a guy to fuck off.

ProbablyClueless · Accepted Answer

You're assigning a greater level of intention to the situation than the women are. Seriously, as soon as I learned this about people, my life (and specifically my romantic life) got way better. Most people don't have reasons for doing like... 95% of the stuff they do. They quite literally just do it because that's what they did. It's shocking, I know, but the vast majority of people are lost in their own little worlds and they literally do not have a reason for doing things. The thought has not crossed their mind.

The problem is not that the women aren't interested in you. If they knew they weren't interested, they wouldn't even leave the door open. The problem is that, regardless of whether she's interested in you or not; women are impressively lazy when it comes to dating, and dating you requires her to put in some basic modicum of effort in a way that she doesn't feel like putting in. She's probably under the hilarious impression that her more ideal fit will stumble along and she won't have to put in any kind of self work at all.

The problem might be that she doesn't feel like putting in the effort for you specifically, but more likely, she's just lazy.

Pinay_ako · Answer

She has some other options. She likes you but not enough to secure the spot.

sunflower00 · Answer

I don’t think it’s fair to do but I think there are 2 main reasons (although I haven’t done it so I’m not sure):

1. They feel really bad and don’t want to face the feeling of upsetting you/being guilty (although ghosting isn’t any better but doing that means they don’t need to face it head on)

2. They are scared of your reaction. Fairly often when women reject men they can turn angry, aggressive, violent or just plain mean. This really scares a lot of people so they might be trying to avoid anything like that. Of course not all men react like this but it does happen often so I can see why people would be scared for their self

ZackBan · Answer

Women in general are hardwired to avoid confrontation and contention.

End a date by saying she's not interested could turn into a stressful situation if the guy she's with doesn't take it well or gets defensive or angry. So instead they lead you on and dip out when easier for them

19magic · Answer

I've ghosted on guys before but never in this scenario, it's normally when guys would ask for my number I say no and then they follow me around and ask me 50 times so I give up get their number and then ghost them. Or there has been a couple of times on dating apps where I might try chatting and then ghost someone, but not once in any of these scenarios have I made plans with any of the guys

sheikalana · Answer

Because they like the attention you've given them even though they always knew they were not going to give you a chance and are also not mature enough to admit they're not interested in you like that.

OddBeMe · Answer

You’re targeting women who are using you as a “just in case date”. Try altering your type.

mommymommymommy · Answer

I have a friend who was "stood up" by a guy. But, he never actually technically stood her up, she just said he was ghosting her. It turns out he was in an accident, and when she finally found out, he was really mean about it to her. She's not spoken to him since

MissBoogus · Answer

I don't know but id feel horrible if I did that to anybody

GreatBigCircles · Answer

Fear of confrontation, and not wanting to feel culpable for the disappointment. She also might not be fully sure how she feels about you, but is too scared to say so out of fear of it being seen as confrontation

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

We find it hard knowing we’ll hurt you and we think you are a nice person. We don’t know how to say without hurting you.

provokeesmokee · Answer

What are YOU saying between the first date and second? What's your game?  Can't solve this with only one side of the story.

serious_miss419 · Answer

After one date, a woman doesn’t owe a guy any justification. If she isn’t feeling it anymore then so be it. Don’t hold onto it.

Chthou95 · Answer

Women dont like confrontation and will avoid so.

Paul09 · Answer

For free meals, why else? Maybe because they found out you are not rich? Who knows, f them.

barn_stormer · Answer

I swear women are dating just to get free food

Girls - Seriously, what is so hard about cancelling a date / saying you’re not interested?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do girls cancel the first date/hang out?

Girls - Seriously, what is so hard about cancelling a date / saying you’re not interested?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do girls cancel the first date/hang out?

We're glad to see you liked this post.