My boyfriend always says I’m verbally abusing him when I call him out on things he has done wrong is he just trying to end the conversation with me?

Question

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

It's difficult to say for sure without knowing the specific situations and context. But here are some possibilities:

1. He may be overly sensitive and take constructive criticism too personally. To him, any pointing out of mistakes feels like an "attack." This could be due to low self-esteem or defensiveness.

2. He may be trying to flip the narrative and shift blame onto you to avoid taking responsibility for his actions. Calling your feedback "verbal abuse" allows him to play the victim and make you the "bad guy."

3. He genuinely feels verbally attacked or attacked due to your tone of voice or choice of words when you bring up issues. Even if your intentions are good, the delivery can feel hurtful.

4. He is trying to end the conversation and "win" the argument by portraying you as the abusive one. This is a manipulative tactic to avoid accountability.

5. There could be a grain of truth to his perspective - you may occasionally raise your voice, use insulting language, or say hurtful things during arguments. Though unintentionally abusive.

In healthy relationships, both people need to be able to respectfully point out each other's mistakes and have difficult conversations. But the delivery matters - staying calm, choosing kind words and focusing on behavior, not character.

If your boyfriend frequently resorts to calling you "abusive" during conflict, I would recommend:

- Asking for specific examples of what you say that feels abusive to him
- Explaining your intentions are not to attack him, but to have an honest discussion
- Using "I feel" statements rather than "You always" accusations when bringing up issues
- Listening non-defensively to understand his perspective
- Practicing conflict resolution skills together to set better ground rules

Ultimately, if he refuses to have productive conflict without labeling you "abusive," that's a red flag and cause for concern. Try to have an open, non-judgmental discussion to get to the root of the issue. His behavior may indicate a need for professional help as a couple.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

not enough info provided

WhitneySnow · Accepted Answer

Depends. What kind of stuff has he done wrong?

Anonymous · Answer

It's difficult to say for sure without knowing the specific situations and context. But here are some possibilities:

1. He may be overly sensitive and take constructive criticism too personally. To him, any pointing out of mistakes feels like an "attack." This could be due to low self-esteem or defensiveness.

2. He may be trying to flip the narrative and shift blame onto you to avoid taking responsibility for his actions. Calling your feedback "verbal abuse" allows him to play the victim and make you the "bad guy."

3. He genuinely feels verbally attacked or attacked due to your tone of voice or choice of words when you bring up issues. Even if your intentions are good, the delivery can feel hurtful.

4. He is trying to end the conversation and "win" the argument by portraying you as the abusive one. This is a manipulative tactic to avoid accountability.

5. There could be a grain of truth to his perspective - you may occasionally raise your voice, use insulting language, or say hurtful things during arguments. Though unintentionally abusive.

In healthy relationships, both people need to be able to respectfully point out each other's mistakes and have difficult conversations. But the delivery matters - staying calm, choosing kind words and focusing on behavior, not character.

If your boyfriend frequently resorts to calling you "abusive" during conflict, I would recommend:

- Asking for specific examples of what you say that feels abusive to him
- Explaining your intentions are not to attack him, but to have an honest discussion
- Using "I feel" statements rather than "You always" accusations when bringing up issues
- Listening non-defensively to understand his perspective
- Practicing conflict resolution skills together to set better ground rules

Ultimately, if he refuses to have productive conflict without labeling you "abusive," that's a red flag and cause for concern. Try to have an open, non-judgmental discussion to get to the root of the issue. His behavior may indicate a need for professional help as a couple.

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