I feel like he has been a little distant recently, should I tell him?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in a situationship with this man for about 3 months now and I noticed the other day that he added a girl on Instagram and Facebook and has been liking her recent Instagram pictures (started July 9). I’ve also noticed his communication has been slower with me. He still sends good morning texts every morning and calls and FaceTimes me and wants to hang out but is it a red flag that he’s liking someone else’s pictures that he just added?

I know I’m insecure and a little crazy from noticing this but should I ask him if he’s ok and tell him I feel like he’s been a little distant lately?

[HollyK21]

It really comes down to what you’re wanting from him. Do you just want more time and attention? Or a commitment? Because at this juncture, he already knows whether or not he wants a relationship with you (assuming that’s what you’re looking for as well), so don’t be afraid of asking for some clarity on that. Right now he’s playing the field, talking to other woman, and sure as a single person he’s allowed to explore his options. Without a title in place, he won’t exclusively only see you, so if you want that to change, then that’s what you should be talking about.

[Asker]

That’s what I was thinking. I mean we’ve both been busy with work and haven’t been able to hang out as much as I’d like. But I’ll talk to him. He does still send me pictures of what he’s doing throughout the day through text

[HollyK21]

I think that’s a good idea, and when you go into that conversation, be ready to do what you need to do and leave if he won’t commit. I know you’re both busy, but people make time for what (or who) they wanna make time for. It can be difficult finding a balance between work and personal life, but people do it every day. So my hope is that the conversation goes the right way, he wants to get serious and you’ll progress to the next step. If not then I hope you’re ready to leave, as continuing on would be rendered useless.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your response! Would something like this be ok?
“I feel like you’ve been a bit distant with me recently. And I know you’re busy with school and work. I just want to make sure we’re ok?”

[Asker]

Or maybe something like this? Sorry, I just have never had to do this before lol
“I feel like you’ve been a bit distant with me recently. And I know you’re busy with school and work, and I’ve been busy in the past too. We’ve been talking for a while now and I guess I just want to make sure you’re ok because I care”

[HollyK21]

Hmm, so I’m going to be honest, neither are a bad text to send but they also comes off as avoidant. Sure you can ask if he’s doing ok, that’s perfectly fine. But when you venture into the distant aspect, it falls in line with needing to talk about what you actually want from him in the first place, if that makes sense. Like sure, he could speak with you more often, but then what? Will he act “normal” for a few days then go back to being distant? Of course that’s assuming he’s actually a consistent man and wasn’t just in the honeymoon phase, which usually loses traction after 2-3 months.
You two need to have a face to face conversation though, both about him being distant and where this situationship is even going. You don’t want this cycle to continue, it either needs to move into the next phase or be done altogether. It just isn’t worth your peace of mind, worrying if he’s talking to other women, getting anxiety over potentially losing him, it’s all too much. Also, no worries! I’ve been in your shoes before so I get how you’re feeling.

[Olivier-628]

Ok, 3 months is not that long so you are past the things needed to form a relationship and now the part to maintain a relationship are lacking. So he may got a bit confident he doesn't have to work as hard for you as he used to get you.

Now I disagree with whatever that female "influencer" said. It's time for a talk and how you feel. but definitely not a direct end of your relationship. And for the likes, i wonder how much value that has nowadays.

At the end you are still two individuals who like to be together. Tell him you don't like it, don't make too big of a deal of it, you don't want to be stalking him right? But do worry when you feel you or him really doesn't want to be with you.

oh and take any advice with a grain of salt. we don't know you or him. Work it out. but don't break something if he doesn't even know what he has done wrong. Breathe and take some time, don't worry too much.