How do I beat the temptation of cheating?

Question

I'm a married guy with two children.

Wife and I are doing ok, but with all the work and going-ons our relationship lost its spark.

Two months ago I met Claire. She shares all my passions (engines, hiking and liquors) and we get along on everything. She's also very beautiful and has hinted many times she really likes me.

I admit that I'm tempted but I also see it would be an adulterous affair that my wife doesn't deserve and something that makes me feel disgusted about myself.

What should I do? I'm thinking of completely cutting out Claire from my life.

Updates

+1 y

I didn't cheat and I cut Claire out so to not have any temptation.
However things didn't improve with my wife despite my efforts so I am considering divorce, she doesn't know as of now

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

not just your wife, but also your kids don't deserve that. Just think WATTS family murders. What an obsessed woman trying to get a married man can get a weak man to do.
instead spend less time with people you find physically or emotionally attracted to and better opt for spending more time with your wife doing spontaneous things and surprise with romantic random things that can spark up the sex scene.
protect your family and yourself. women who go after married men are the scum of the earth right after pedophiles. they're in the same line. Especially those who portray themselves as innocent victims in the entire scenario all while intentionally provoking a man they clearly know is taken only for their own satisfaction. if she's that good as she pretends to be then she should be able to get a single man and stop hunting married ones. Most of those women can't get a single man to get interested and that's why they try their hardest to provoke the ones who are already taken and in a sense boost their egos knowing that you preferred them over their wife. it's disgusting really.

the sickly demented will drag you down without you noticing it, when you will no longer feel anything for your wife or family and can end up killing them all discarding them in some isolated place to later end up in prison for life and that woman you did it for will by happily trying to find another married man to fuck as you rot in jail and your family being eaten by maggots for what you did. you can say I'm exaggerating but I bet Chris watts never in his worst nightmares EVER imagined that would play out just because a slut came into his life which he thought was "THE ONE" and "TRUE LOVE"

TrueConfection · Accepted Answer

First, definitely cut Claire off. She doesn't care about you, only her own lust or worse... her desire for drama.

Second, know that you wouldn't only betray your wife. You'd also betray your children. Cheaters cheat their kids, but just their spouse.

It's time to start dating with your wife again. I know that sometimes it's difficult, but get creative. My husband and I didn't have family to help out nor did we have a trusted baby sitter. We would have an occasional breakfast date while the kids were at school.

Jbear27 · Accepted Answer

I think when guys open up like this people it takes a lot of courage and it’s unfair when people are so quick to judge. I was in a very similar situation years ago. But my marriage went sunshine and rainbows. My ex wife was a flight attendant and was only home maybe n or two weeks out of the month if I was lucky. I was at home working and raising our two kids half the time as a single dad. The time she did spend at home she was very disconnected and sometimes abusive to me as she had a temper. I’m a masculine man and I loved my wife. But I also know my own worth. I stuck with my wife because I also felt obligated to make it work because we had two kids. In situations like where you crave your partner’s affections and you receive the bare minimum you become desensitized to an extent and allow yourself to feel like that’s good enough. But one day someone comes along and really shows interest in you. It’s normal and human nature to want to feel wanted. It’s also normal to feel guilty about it. It’s also hard to except that maybe it’s time to call it quits with your spouse and opt for divorce or you can try to seek counseling before making that decision. After 20 long years being faithful and only once tempted, I finally called it quits after finding out my wife was the unfaithful one.
I guess ask yourself if you’re being selfish or if there is something wrong with your marriage.

TheGuyYouCrave · Accepted Answer

I understand. Clearly, you are focusing on the wrong thing.
Thus, you are not managing the f***s you give.
Where attention flows energy goes.

A little bit about females:

Regardless of the woman you are with, she will like/share all your passions if you create a stronger bond.

Remember: Whatever happens in the relationship, it is the man's fault.

If your wife does not have the "newness" as the other chick, improve your game.

Do new things, be spontaneous. Stop being predictable, meaning stop giving her validation all the time.

Make her work for it.

Make her work for you.

When women supplicate to their man, their desire grows.

You are thinking about opting out, because you are sharing the responsibility of the relationship.

As a man, you got to lead. Always be leading, if you want your wife to join you in things you like, slowly introduce her to it. But, the key is to grow her desire for you.

You got this man. Shit, if you have a better relationships because of my advice, awesome.

But, at the end of the day, its your choice.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

The absolute best way to deal with temptation is to do everything you can to avoid it! Your instinct is correct; cut her out of your life.

Grond21 · Answer

Most people experience a time after they are married when they find a person who is incredibly attractive and seems to meet all of their needs. Sometimes it happens several times throughout their married life.

It is always ALWAYS more rewarding to stay with the person who you committed to. You feel better about yourself, you keep your relationship growing (and you can actually make it deeper), you are a good role model for your children, and you keep your integrity.

Remember, you felt a similar way about your wife at one time. Everyone loses the spark after a while, particularly when they are not putting in real effort. Even when they are, it can be hard to maintain with the busyness and difficulties of life. But this is your opportunity as a husband and father to put your vows to the test. To make them really mean something. When you go all in on the relationship you committed to, you can build the spark back. Make it stronger.

Your reward on the other side will be great.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

Cutting Claire off completely looks like a good solution, especially if you keep your wife in high regard.

Tell your wife about this lost spark, and ask her how she sees it. Maybe she didn't even notice because she is so focused on kids and other stuff. Mothers are like that.

Organise a babysitter/your parents/friends and take your wife for a date without any other expectations. Next time, ask her if she would be open to staying in the hotel after the date. Move it slowly. You are a couple, parents and people. Try to help her find time to be in every role separately. She will have to learn how to let it go and don't have everything ideal :D This part was hell for me, as I'm a perfectionist.

Fireguy17 · Answer

just don't do it, period.
The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence.
So, you get with this other chick, she rides you like a rented mule a couple of times, the fun of the hunt is over for her, she dumps your sorry ass and now you have nothing, your family won't talk to you, you live in a small dumpy insect ridden apartment because that is all you can afford after alimony, child support etc, so was it really worth it to toss your family aside to hit some strange a couple of times?

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Think about what makes you attracted to Claire, maybe she's a great listener, maybe she's flirateous, maybe she's just interested in your hobbies.

Now take that energy and ask, how can I provide this for my wife? How can I provide opportunities to listen to her about her passions, how can I flirt with her, can I find one of her hobbies interesting?

So often what you are attracted to is also what your partner might be craving. In life, you must give some to get some, maybe by mirroring this for your wife, she will give back to you all you are missing tenfold.

Radiate143 · Answer

"I'm thinking of completely cutting out Claire from my life".

Thinking?

Too much thinking and not enough doing.

Two months ago I met Claire. Since you mention no work, school or family reason you are just meeting women?

makes me feel disgusted about myself. Good, because that's disgusting.

"Honey, with all the work and going-ons our relationship lost its spark. I don't want to lose what we have. Can we fix this together". Say that. Exactly.

Claire who?

MiddleAgedClimbee · Answer

Refocus on your wife and cut Claire out. If it's physical affection and a mental connection, you are seeking, bring your wife back into the fold and share your excitement about your hobbies with her. I like rockclimbing, all types of cycling, and gardening. My wife doesn't really participate in any of those activities, but she likes to hear about my adventures And have updates on my hobbies. I'm not into collecting dolls or any type of sewing, but I try to take an interest in those activities because they are her hobbies. It doesn't have to be a complete start over with your wife, you just have to remember how to take an interest in what she is doing, and pay some attention to her.

blueonblack22 · Answer

You need to think this all the way through. Think hard and imagine yourself how you would feel afterwards. The guilt, the self-hatred, the excuses you will make to yourself, the burden of concealing it, how you will look at your wife after the incident, how you will feel when other people tall about adulterers, every bit.

I am saying all of this as the burden you will have to bare if you don’t get caught. I doubt you are a sociopath. But think how your life will be afterward doing this. It will change for one way or another and it won’t be for the better.

Miristheiss · Answer

First by having good and appropriate boundaries.

Don't be out hanging out with other women all the time.

Why are you even around this Claire? What good does she do your marriage? What role does she have in honoring your wife or making your wife's life better?

NONE.

Cut this woman out of your life and have boundaries with women. Don't be out hanging out with other women all the time and texting them and going out to lunch with other women etc.

Have your bros and family. Keep other women as just acquaintances. The only person who gets anything by you hanging out with this woman is you. Don't be selfish, cut this woman out of your life.

Anonymous · Answer

really hitting the midlife crisis when you're only in your 20's lol. maybe you shouldn't have married so young. then maybe you should have found your "claire" and wouldn't already have a wife and kids that you will have to take care of for the rest of your life. you'll be divorced before 30?

there is no "beating temptation to cheat". you either cheat or you don't. if you actually loved your wife and family and kids you wouldn't cheat. cheating just because you "lost a spark" for a short amount of time... maybe communicate with your wife with how you are feeling? then you two can work together and maybe go on a vacation or a date. it's really not that hard to take care of your relationship. you stopped caring.

JordanianNumetal · Answer

By proving to yourself that it might feel good for an hour but you’ll pay for it dearly with something far more rare than a fling your best friend and partner. Grow some morals, being a real man or woman who is a person of their word, wouldn’t betray the best person they know, for a quick nut. Maybe you should be thinking more how to spice it up with your wife. Or maybe you should just realize it’s just hormones and you should be in control of yourself. Be a real man not a two timing tool.

Staximus · Answer

If your wife is a good woman, you need to put some work into the relationship instead of just giving up. Try spending more time talking to her and less time talking to other women. Have you even told her you feel like the relationship is not what it used to be? Do you feel like she's pushing you away or just feel forgotten? A good mother is going to put their child's needs above everything else. Kids take over your life and you're going to have to learn to adjust. If you can't accept that, you should have not had kids. Like others said, make it a point to spend some time with your wife. Get a babysitter or parents to watch the kids, go out and have dinner and do something fun. If you cheat, you won't see your kids all the time after the divorce. They'll think you're a shit bag when they are old enough to understand what happened, and they'll be right. Don't be a shit bag.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Marriage/relationship is about each other. We put a lot of work into our job, garden... etc...

Put even more to your relationship. You both deserve that life long love that you started.

No one else is worth it... temptation is just that... that feeling you are specail to someone else.

Go tell your wife how much you love her.

laurieluvsit · Answer

Keep your eyes off other girls. That is the only way.

If you are tempted and the right opportunity comes alone you will take it.

They only way to avoid it is to not be tempted by it and you can only do that by keeping your eyes protected.

Here you go... lol

Anonymous · Answer

All I can say is all us single guys who complain and express our sadness not even having a girlfriend or wife, God blessed you with a wife and children. Be grateful, be respect and loyal to your wife and stop talking to this other chick on the side. What I said let that sink in. Otherwise, she may find out and divorce you and take the kids. The courts aren’t in favour of men/guys in cases like that, they usually favour women. Even women who have done the wrong in the marriage /divorce. Being a single guy, a real guy will not sleep around or go to strip clubs for a quick fix. You have something special, work on it and again forget this other chick.

Confuzedgirl22 · Answer

Claire is a temporary lust

You will have with her just that the few things in common that you mentioned and that’s about it

you may feel like you are missing something from your wife that you see in Claire but that’s all she really is that 15% you’re not seeing in your wife right now
but your wife is the other 85% that at the moment doesn’t seem much but it is

Do what you can to date your wife again I know it’s hard with two kids maybe when they are at school take her to breakfast or while the kids are asleep have take out and a movie at home

I hope you get away from Claire.. your wife and kids don’t deserve betrayal from you

madhatters4 · Answer

think about the damage it could do to your wife, kids, family, reputation, etc.

most importantly think about the type of person you want to be. do you want to be the guy who lies, cheats, etc? try to be your best self so you can then ask the same of others, and earnestly impart that on your children

FoxEyez · Answer

Honestly, I think you and your wife need to talk about it. But at the same time, it's not a terrible thing. The thing that married couples don't understand is that — our partner can never give us everything that we want. And that's why we have other people. But if you guys lost your spark, I think it's the most natural thing to want to seek out someone. But know that you guys will always have each other.

Nuget · Answer

Never cheat, but also allow yourself to realize that monogamy is a failed experiment.

I was in a comedy club, and one of the comedians asked the audience if they knew what food had the exact opposite effect as an aphrodisiac?

It's the fucking wedding cake! It's something they put into the cake! Don't let her near the cake!

exitseven · Answer

If you do this you will regret it. Even if you get away with it your relationship will never be the same. Then if you do get caught your wife will get the kids and everything else and you will be paying all the bills and you get to live on what's left over.

Take a cold shower, punch yourself in the nuts or whatever you have to do. I have seen this up close (no, I have never cheated) and believe me you will be sorry.

sheikalana · Answer

You should cut this Claire out of your life immediately. You have a family I don't think is worth the risk. If you think your relationship lost its spark you should talk to your wife and find a way to rekindle things. Maybe some couples therapy could help.

RedInnocent68 · Answer

This ‘shame on you for being tempted’ talk is 🐂💩. Relationships are complicated. Sounds like you’re already having an ‘emotional affair’. Communicate with your wife. The more you hide, the worse the ‘temptation’ will be. Your primary responsibility is your wife and kids.

Anonymous · Answer

Rule number one in marriage: it can’t be all about you anymore.

You need to cut things off with Claire and work things out with your wife. Remember your vows. A vow is a sacred promise made in the eyes of God and the eyes of mankind. You made a promise to stay by her side through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, and forsaking all others. That last line is just as important as the others.

Luopio27 · Answer

Who do you want to be with, your wife or Claire?

If its Claire, she better like you enough to go all the way, as in become your next wife, and not a random hookup with a married man!

If you break up with your wife because you dont feel the spark anymore, you are an honist and honorable man.

Minahh · Answer

Don't be a jerk who hurts two women. Your wife will be hurt because you betrayed her and the new girl is going to be upset too because perhaps she is hoping for more. Is Claire someone that special for you to start a new life with? If not then leave the Claire girl alone and clean the mess in your head.

TallGuy8383 · Answer

Cut her out of your life. That being said there is always going to be a woman that will share same interests. It’s okay to share same interests with a woman, it’s just what you do with those feelings, do you cross the line or stay behind that line. Best thing to do is if you are feeling tempted is to just walk away. Your wife and kids don’t deserve that, and that’s also you being selfish if you do cross that line.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

Make no mistake here mate. Cheating is a choice. It isn't an accident or a mistake.

If you can't control yourself around this Claire? You need to break all contact. If you chose to cheat, then expect your relationship to explode.

Anemone978 · Answer

Either cut Claire out or divorce your wife.. if you are tempted by other women are you really in love with your wife?

Anonymous · Answer

If you really want to make it work you can, don’t take the easier option. What would be better, working to get back the spark with the person you’ve built a life with or throwing it all away for someone else. Life long relationships were never supposed to be easy but you won’t regret putting in the hard work when you’re older. And you don’t need to work to get that spark back by yourself, address the problems with your wife and work to do it together and it’ll be easier that way.

Paris13 · Answer

Not Always Greener on the Other Side of the Female Fence. Do Not Throw it All Away for a Possible Fling Thing. xxoo

thegreenyogi · Answer

I think that if you're already in that mindset it probably means you need to change girlfriend to avoid actually cheating.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

the fact that you're even tempted says it all. I do hope the wife finds better.

Fuentes · Answer

If u wanna destroy your kids life's while uts ahead go ahead but end of the day you made the choice to be married and you made the choice to have two kids with her, so you can easily make the choice to not cheat

Iron_Man · Answer

You are a disaster to women. There should be punishment for even thinking like this.

boobliker · Answer

it's all in your mind, I would say if you are thinking of cheating then you not in a relationship that is right for you and maybe you should speak to them first

Stefan181 · Answer

Maybe porn? Maybe watch some cuckold porn and see if he likes it... if he does then you might have a conversation with him and live out that fantasy

Sasha0426 · Answer

Let me ask you this: Why do you want to betray your wife? What makes you want to hurt her that way? Also, your kids will hate you and never want to see you again for hurting their mother.

JacobJordan · Answer

Take everything you want to do with Claire and do it with your wife.

AmeerX · Answer

I think you will be better off marrying Claire without divorcing your first wife. Remember your children will resent you for it. So be careful

grega239 · Answer

So instead of figuring out how to make things lively, you think about cheating? you're a cunt

Djrjtififi · Answer

Avoid women… well namely ones that flirt with you or who you are very attracted to. Short answers, don’t look at them unnecessarily, avoid eye contact.

Mangospacho · Answer

Yes, you should cut “Claire” out of your life.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Cut her out of your life. You know what you have to do.

BigDog1989 · Answer

They say even just thinking of cheating IS cheating

Twalli · Answer

Date night weekly with your wife. Then you're married and dating. Recapture the fun of your dates.

robocop666 · Answer

See escorts thats what most men do. If this woman blabs as all women do your wife will divorce you and it will devastate the kids.

Anonymous · Answer

You should 100% cut Claire off. I mean if you really loved your wife you wouldn’t be asking this.

Anonymous · Answer

Easy, just don't do it. Be a man and work on your marriage.

orangecherry · Answer

If you cheat, you are an asshole

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Cut her out from your life, as simple as that!

LiamJHayden · Answer

Cut Claire off.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Leave your new girlfriend and stick to your wife

Tomisworthless · Answer

watch porn the women are far sexier too

PreciousJewel · Answer

Just don't cheat, it's not that hard

Lisia · Answer

Don't do it!

NavyOU37 · Answer

Easy. Don’t date.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

YOU'RE MARRIED YOU DO NOTHING

whistlingwh0res · Answer

break up and get someone sexier

How do I beat the temptation of cheating?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How do I beat the temptation of cheating?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.