How can I stop cheating?

Question

I know I’m going to get a lot of hatred for this, but I cheat. Right now I’m dating two guys and I’m freaking out because both strongly see something long term.

I am very ashamed of it. Very ashamed. And I need to figure out how to stop. It’s something I’ve been doing for years. Whenever one partner isn’t there I go to someone else, or whenever one partner gets boring and some new opportunity with another guy comes around I can’t fight the urge and I try it out.

For awhile I didn’t even feel bad about it because my partners were legitimately trash or the fling would end shortly thereafter anyway. But seeing as though both partners now are very loving and have put so much effort into me I am distraught that things got this far and distraught that I ever didn’t care that I cheated in the past.

What can I do to prevent myself from cheating in the future? I’ll take any advice, even if it’s worded harshly because I deserve it. Where am I going wrong? Am I too nice to leave my partner? Am I placing myself in tempting situations? What’s the secret to not becoming complacent in a relationship? I cannot live like this.

Updates

+1 y

Just an update because I'm seeing the same thing over and over again:
1. I've already decided earlier that I'm going to come clean to both men.
2. I meant cheating as in doing romantic things with other guys, not having sexual encounters with other guys. Both are still considered cheating.
3. Thank you to the people who actually directed me towards a solution and aren't just trolling/sealioning by name-calling and re-pointing out the problem.

GaGirls · Accepted Answer

Well we have to dive deeper. You may find it easy to cheat because you don't value loyalty maybe? Or maybe you just cannot be alone for some reason. I'd begin to think about your childhood and try to understand this better. Why do you feel you need multiple guys. Not the surface. You already told us why. Go deeper.

Are you USA? When Samuel Adams was opposing the British, the British tried to get him to stop... Here is what happened:

Messenger sent from the Brits "I have been authorized by Governor Gage, to assure you, Mr. Adams, that the Governor has been empowered to confer upon you such benefits as would be satisfactory, [endeavor to win Adams by promise of bribes], upon the condition that you engage to cease in your opposition to the measures of the government. It is the Governor's advice to you, Sir, not to incur the further displeasure of his majesty. Your conduct has been such as makes you liable to penalties of an Mt of Henry VIII, by which persons can be sent to England for trial for treason, or misprision of treason, at the discretion of a governor of a province. But, BY CHANGING YOUR POLITICAL COURSE, you will not only receive great personal advantages, but you will make your peace with the King."Samuel Adams had the choice of two DECISIONS. He could cease his opposition, and receive personal bribes, or he could CONTINUE, AND RUN THE RISK OF BEING HANGED! Clearly, the time had come when Adams was forced to reach instantly, a DECISION which could have cost his life. The majority of men would have found it difficult to reach such a decision. The majority would have sent back an evasive reply, but not Adams! He insisted upon Col. Fenton's word of honor, that the Colonel would deliver to the Governor the answer exactly as Adams would give it to him. Adams' answer, "Then you may tell Governor Gage that I trust I have long since made my peace with the King of Kings. No personal consideration shall induce me to abandon the righteous cause of my Country. And, TELL GOVERNOR GAGE IT IS THE ADVICE OF SAMUEL ADAMS TO HIM, no longer to insult the feelings of an exasperated people."Comment as to the character of this man seems unnecessary. It must be obvious to all who read this astounding message that its sender possessed LOYALTY of the highest order. This is important. (Racketeers and dishonest politicians have prostituted the honor for which such men as Adams died). When Governor Gage received Adams' caustic reply, he flew into a rage, and issued a proclamation which read, "I do, hereby, in his majesty's name, offer and promise his most gracious pardon to all persons who shall forthwith lay down their arms, and return to the duties of peaceable subjects, excepting only from the benefit of such pardon, SAMUEL ADAMS AND JOHN HANCOCK, whose offenses are of too flagitious a nature to admit of any other consideration but that of condign punishment."

Does that inspire you? Adams risk his LIFE in remaining loyal to America. The offered him brides, threaten him, everything and still he said, "No personal consideration shall induce me to abandon the righteous cause of my Country"
We wouldn't even be here if not for that. I don't know what always gets me teary eyed.
You need to be like Adams and get to the point where nothing can induce you to betray your man. Auto-suggestion could help. But I think there is some reason you dont like being alone. I think you do value loyalty but I think you have some fear of being alone. I don't know dive deeper into you. Figure it out or stop dating people. Tell them up front you want an open relationship or get a couple of guys that are okay with polygamy. Maybe you can have multiple guys like those guys who have multiple wives? I am sure there are men willing to do that somewhere out there.

somesoul · Accepted Answer

Your situation -

1. You lack conscience. Conscience is the decision to identify what's right and what's wrong. You used anarchism, banning moral principles ( simple ignorance of conscience).

2. A lesson -
Now this quote comes -
"There's something wrong with your character if opportunity controls your loyalty"
source: Trent Shelton

3. You need to self introspect because your character is questionable.

4. About your future -
You have balanced your risk but unfortunately relations with hearts involved is not a business (good and bad for you as you may be happy but also regret both) ( by keeping both options open) , by doing this you'll end up dumping one of the guys.

5. Solution I believe is -
You need to make yourself look good and save yourself but this may destroy one of the guys you choose to opt out for.
You need to marry one of these guys on a serious note.

6. You could be better off like this -
You should propose one guy, if he says no, propose another guy.

7. About the other guy - tell him that you married the guy that your parents chose for you and not anyone else or say him that you're shifting abroad or something like that ( something that will develop a barrier in your relationship) but it's a sin ( it will make him psychologically sad) and again karma is a bitch. Never block ( it will make him emotionally sad - it's double the sin )

8. About my Ex -
My ex double dated too. He dumped me by ghosting me. He blocked me everywhere suddenly one day. I cried for a year. I kept calling, texting on social media, I tried everything to reach to him but I was blocked everywhere, on his calls too. I used to check everyday waiting when will he unblock me. So after a year, he suddenly unblocked me and i asked him why did he do this to me? Me and he never faught, had no issues, he said me " I started dating someone else". He said this to me shamelessly. I felt so stupid. I was crying again for half a year. I lost trust in men after that. I was scared to date again. I was scared of love. I started hooking up with men. I slept with 30 men by now just to forget that asshole. It hurt a lot. I never hurt him but he hurt me. It was too painful.

9. Explanation about mindset -
I'm in a serious relationship too but whenever I face any issue of him ignoring me or anything fishy, I tell him on his face without any hesitation. That's the transparency. I value my relationship with him. I don't care if he values it less than I do but I tell him upfront about how I feel ( I don't care if it's mature or not ) but he deserves to know what's going on in my head and heart both. I know he used to value it less but now he values it too. It's ok if there is a fluctuation in maturity level but some day it will match. If I love him 100%, he loves me 70%, one day he will end up loving me 200% because I loved him 100% consistently. Now how I deal with problems in my relationship if something is bothering me about him or his actions - I talk it out, I vent it out, I let my guy know how I feel and he come to a solution or not, I leave that to the guy. If he has brains, he will sort it out and he will give you assurance that he is all yours, etc. See, if the guy loves you, he will accept you with your flaws and visa versa. There has to be patience, a lot of patience and I know it's risky but that doesn't mean that I go to some other guy, because I have the conscience. I know what's right and what's wrong. I also know that I should do good karma.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

The bigger problem is that you've trained yourself to be not just okay, but to have NORMALIZED an epic level of selfishness and entitlement. You DEMAND attention and action and for guys to entertain you and do things for you, and the minute you don't get it from one guy, you've just gone to another. You're going to find that this is a very hard habit to break - you've burned out your ability to empathize with someone else or to sacrifice at all - you're used to getting everything you want all the time. The real world doesn't work that way - not for anyone.

But continuing to do what you're doing is also very dangerous, for more than one reason. Should you come across the wrong person, and cheat on them with impunity as you have been, they - or even their friend (s) or relative (s) - may decide to take revenge on you - and that could be as "little" as spreading your reputation around, or it could be keying (or even stealing and trashing) your car, or with the worst people, it could mean violence against you, including death. Not everyone can handle the kind of emotional harm you're causing in a mature way, and when some people feel that badly hurt, they can lose control.

in my opinion, you need to end things with both men and you need to be single for a couple of years, and work on your own morals and values. You need that time away from dating entirely, to gain some perspective and to get out of the cycle where you feel completely entitled to getting your way all the time. You can't change that without taking some time and distance, and if you don't change that, then in my opinion it's only a matter of time before something very bad happens. You're metaphorically juggling sticks of dynamite, and sooner or later one is going to slip by you and fall, and when it does, it's going to blow your legs off of you and cripple you. It's a very dangerous game you're playing, and so far, you've gotten away with it, but you can't keep it up forever - a disaster is coming for you, and it will find you eventually.

Dragonpurple · Accepted Answer

Your explaining the bane of all cheaters, once they start cheating they never think ahead of how it will end.

Imagine being married and cheating, how would you end it, or would you end your marriage? No cheater ever thinks that far out. They just think about what they want now and not plan for the future.

To stop, you will need to think for your future. What do you want long term down the road? What is your life goals?

Focus on your goals and how to get there, this will definitely involve some more pain before it gets better. You should confess to both guys and either end it, or if one of them is willing to forgive and work with you, you can do that but you will have to earn his trust again. Trust is not given, it is earned and it may not be possible because even if he forgives you, he may always wonder, are you out cheating on him again?

Clean slate is a good start, to not cheat from a clean slate. Once you are with someone, do not keep any apps that can lead to meeting others, delete all your accounts. This way if you get tempted you have to start from scratch in setting up a new account. Make it as hard as possible for you.

Be willing to share your personal information with him, this way you'd be less likely to want to do something if he can check your phone or other accounts randomly. Doesn't mean he ever will, just leave that as an option to keep you in check.

You may have an issue with commitment that comes from something in your past, you should talk to a therapist about it.

Best wishes, and good luck.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It's not cheating until you make a promise to a partner that you will be exclusive and monogamous. Stop making empty promises and then you can screw whoever you want.

Desconhecida · Answer

When you find real, true and fulfilling love you won't have the need to cheat.

Nomoturtle · Answer

This seems like a future vs present rewards issue. Procrastination, but for relationships. Or maybe something like Kleptomania, but for relationships? What seems to me to be the best advice is to keep your head out of the present and stack the deck.

Think of the future: think of the consequences, how much you'll hurt your partner, how much you're needed by them, how screwed you'll be when they find out, and how little pleasure you'll trade all of this for by cheating. You remind yourself of this every time you consider cheating. Every time. Don't condemn yourself either, leave yourself some hope that you can change; you don't want to embrace failing your goal. But always remind yourself that you have a choice and make yourself fully aware of what the choice entails.

Stack the deck: Make it harder to cheat. Delete dating apps and profiles, wear a wedding ring, tell the staff at the bar or club to confront you, etc. Anything that makes it difficult or prolongs the time to get to cheat. You might also want to include your boyfriend in this, subtly or even explicitly: Make a habit of telling him where you are each day talking, so you'll know he knows if you break. Or straight out tell him your situation in advance and contact him when you're craving attention. Realistically he won't always be able to be there for you 24/7, but during an 'episode' , telling him may make you more hesitant. You could also try venting I guess? Whenever you get the urge to cheat, do something else instead. Distract yourself. Drugs might not be a good idea since they may take away your control, but some hobby.

You really have to want to change too. It will likely be difficult to change no matter what you try; you're trying to temper your will against impulses here, it will require conscious effort

Lastly, sometimes you'll probably be in situations where you'll be able to convince yourself that you're entitled to cheat. Don't. I'm not sure what else to say for this, as I've only mentioned tools of reason and habit, but if you use those tools against themselves, they fail. You'd have to somehow develop a strong instinct to not cheat. If you can beat that, then you'll be better than a lot of normal people too.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

From what I'm reading, it's not really romance you seek. It's validation.

You run around behind all these men, because none of them are giving you the validation you're seeking. The problem is, whether you date two or a hundred men, I don't think any of them are able to offer the validation you seek.

Are you asking them the right questions while on a date? The right ones will want to at least be your friend. They will want to know what it is in your life that is unfulfilled. And they will seek a cure. Or at least a treatment. If you don't patch what is missing, you'll always be unfulfilled.

It doesn't pay to keep jeopardizing the feelings of random men to put a Band-Aid on your spiritual cancer. To say the least, it's very selfish - and shortsighted.

I would like to recommend a church to you; but I'd need to know your hometown. When it comes to theological integrity, modern congregations can be pretty hit-or-miss. If I recommend the wrong building or association, they might screw you up even worse, and you'll be twice as much a daughter of Hell as before. No self-respecting doctor would treat leukemia with penicillin.

I sought out a girlfriend for years, to earn the respect of my parents that I could achieve that certain level of success as they defined it that they wanted me to have.

But then I discovered that my life's purpose doesn't revolve around validating their wish lists. And this is one of the core reasons why my relationships were always doomed. God wasn't quite that interested in my parents' wish lists, and didn't plan my life around them. Therefore, Miss Ideal never materialized. And all her would-be stand-ins ultimately failed to measure up. They all proved disappointing... to more in their lives than just me. I gave them nearly every possible chance... but it was all in vain.

And that's your dilemma now. These men are vanity. And even if you weren't a cheater; they'd let you down in the end anyway. Your urge to cheat, is because you know deep down that they will disappoint. You want fallback options; but you're not patient. You want a safety net; but fashion for yourself instead a noose.

It's not too late though. Change your course of direction here. Don't become just another proof of the old saying: "If you give someone enough rope, they'll eventually hang themselves with it."

It is a good thing that you're not using all of them for sex though. That... would truly only make everything way worse.

Ammi_goldie806 · Answer

The real question is are you dating them like just dating (a lunch date) or are you dating them as in they are both your boyfriends. Because you can date as many people as you want but you can't be exclusive with them meaning you can go on lunch dates a little dinner date like getting to know the person type date. Then that isn't cheating if you're getting to know both of the guys but if you are saying that they're both your boyfriend when you made it exclusive with them then that is cheating but if you're just trying to get to know both of them without making it exclusive with both of them that isn't cheating. Now some people might think dating one person take care of getting to know them it is okay which it is but if you decide to go to more than one person that you feel as if they are boring and that is fine as long as they're not your boyfriend or you don't make it exclusive, in my opinion. In my personal experience a lot of people start out as clingy cuz they want to get to know the person more and they don't want to never stop talking to that person I did that with my ex and my now boyfriend that I have stopped that because I know that we are going to be together forever even together for 7 months and throughout the 7 months I realized he's going to be with me and I'll always be with him.

all_hayl · Answer

Normally I would not respond to a post like this but you say you’re okay with people being harsh with you, so I’m going to make an exception. This does not mean that I’m going to be harsh on you, but it tells me that you are okay with hearing what you don’t want to hear and that you’re okay with it maybe a little bit of tough love. That’s a good start.

Addictions are generally not about the addiction - at least, they don’t start that way. Addictions happen because we have a need that we are trying to fulfill. People waste lots of time and hurt lots of people in the pursuit of trying to fulfill those deeper needs. Drug addiction, porn addiction, gambling addiction, alcoholism, etc, etc. sometimes it’s to escape the difficulties of life, sometimes it’s something else. Unfortunately people tend to be very selfish and irresponsible, and we look for a cheap thrills to fulfill our desires or cheap fixes to our problems (and often hurt ourselves and others along the way) instead of facing and dealing with the problem.
And yes, I am a recovering addict. My drug of choice is not a sex or drugs or alcohol etc. My drug of choice has been and “needing”/wanting other people’s approval. I realized that this became an addiction slowly and overtime because I cared about what people thought. It became an addiction.
All that to say, I would seek counseling. They’ll ask the right questions and help you get to the bottom of the problem.

Hats off to you for coming clean (assuming you have). I wouldn’t have much respect for you otherwise. Sometimes kicking out here destructive habits involves taking steps and doing things that are scary.

Moose304 · Answer

"I know I’m going to get a lot of hatred for this, but I cheat." OK, how about you come over to my home sometime about 2 AM when I have a man holding his head in his hands crying and rocking like a 4-year-old baby! Or how about looking through some of my files where men have shot themselves after finding out their wives have cheated. You are PLAYING WITH FIRE and you are fucking around with people's feelings! Hatred? Honestly, you don't know what true hatred is! You also need to get that damn Mary MacGregor song "torn between two lovers" BS out of your head. You also need to settle down and be a faithful person! I'm also going to let you in on a little secret that gets lost and is VERY controversial on social media. If you don't stop this BS you are headed toward a wall. Right now you are in your prime. This will change in 10 or so years. I could rattle off the names of at least 20 to 25 women that are post wall that would give anything to have poor choices made in the mid-20s all over again. I hope I have made my point! Yes, I am 63, and right now am in Father mode! Take heed to my words, because if you don't stop this you WILL come to bitterly regret it!

ohshee · Answer

You're a human being you want more than they can give you so just be honest about that fart ask them if they can handle you having somebody else asking for an open relationship anytime see what happens it's happened to me before in a different way long story short I broke up with somebody to her friends one of my friends you come over and check on me to make sure everything was good with me and wanted me to date them I said no I hate girls right now me being a smart-ass I said we could become friends with benefits they all three agreed so for about 2 months every night somebody was coming to my house it was a very good experience they didn't know about each other and that part I felt bad for it but at the same time we were friends with benefits I ended up selling my house and buying a house 10 miles out of town in the process I lost my phone and never did recover all the information that was in my other phone so that kind of put a stop to all that eventually we all did meet up again the things to change I think you are who you are and I think you need to be happy too so be honest ask then if they can handle you having another guy

TheorionMage · Answer

You've become literally 'addicted' to the neurological 'high' of Dopamine, Oxytocin and Serotonin.
Each man, no matter HOW lovingly they court you is but "the means to your ends" ... feeding both your addiction and insecurities. 'Infatuation' NORMALLY lasts about six weeks... perhaps the BEST 'real world' solution would be either a 'friends with benefits' or 'open marriage' relationship, if your present Beaus can't handle your TRUE nature, once you come 'clean'... you AT LEAST will proceed with a clear conscience should they elect to continue 'thinking they can reform you or out-perform their competition'
.
I once knew such a young woman in my teens who'd deceived four young men that she was their 'steady' girl friend. Eventually they came to know of one another and instead of competing OVER her they mutually arranged a punitive night long 'gang bang' which hospitalized her over her 'playing' them.
She'd become a human cum 'Boston Cream donut' ... the only remaining virginal orifices were her nostrils and ears~

humpbackjack · Answer

You need to understand the kind of hurt you’re causing and be able to put their feelings above your own or at least equal to yours do some serious self reflection and focus on gaining self control also avoid situations where you’re going to possibly be tempted before I was married I had a lot of girls that I messed with I was honest with them all so I wasn’t cheating but I had a reputation so when I married my wife I didn’t want her to be upset and definitely didn’t want to give her reasons to worry so I did my best to avoid women to the point to where I had friends for a couple of years before I’d even know their girls name and an example the one friend we hung out about 4 times a week and usually at his pad I wasn’t rude to her but I did my best to avoid her it was literally a little over 2 years before I new her name another friend it was at least 2 years before I knew her name and at least 3 years before I realized she had hair that went to her ass so you can avoid situations also if you have a good guy communicate about things and work at keeping things exciting to keep the spark alive and when tempted remember what you have and decide if it’s worth risking for someone who very likely could be a jerk

Grayton · Answer

for the fact that you paused and gave it a thought, then decided to seek assistance. Means there is room for change and you can change. The first thing is inform the two guys find a perfect timing.

from the little you have said you very much like attention. So, make it known from the get go. But at times you might not get the attention you need when you need it due to several circumstances. During such times revisit the past sweet memories you shared with that person you love or better still do something you love as a distraction.

Then if you meet a new guy whom you exchange contacts with paint a clear picture that there is someone, limit the time you two talk or talk when it is necessary, be selective of what you talk about. Also if its necessary that you need to see that other guy avoid places where you will be just the two of you.

All relationships at time get to stage where you feel bored or as if you have talked about everything. Let your partner know when you feel that way and together find some new adventure. finding a new guy ain't a solution even the one you have was once new.

globetrotter22 · Answer

Well I give you kudos for owning up to this. I’ve seen other women try to self justify their crap but at least you know where you stand.

I recommend just NOT getting into relationships right now period. If you start dating a guy and end up sleeping with him you need to be honest that you don’t want a relationship. That does NOT make you a slut/whore for communicating early where you stand. While some guys will be disappointed they at least feel respected that you were honest.

As for these two guys you are dating right now. If you were really in love with one of them then you feel little or no impulse to cheat. But that’s not the case.

You need to quit two timing it and make a decision to stick with one of them. Then tactfully break it off with the other. Do NOT ask that guy to be “friends”. Just be respectful.

If you are that indecisive than tell both guys you don’t want a relationship.

shaysh87 · Answer

None of us can tell you why you need to cheat because we are not psychologists and we also know nothing about you. If you want someone to analyze why you’re cheating , go see a psychologist.

some people are born to cheat. There is always an explanation why you feel the need to cheat. most common reason is unconscious insecurity.

you can try to not cheat but quite honestly there is a high chance you will eventually revert back to your old “cheater “ self later on in life.

you can never quite change someone once they hit a certain age

Louis-1 · Answer

sleeping around ruins anyone honestly, our entire society has gone to shit and nearly half of all mariages seem to end in divorce, ok, if you want to stop cheating just delete all your dating app pages the moment you have a serious guy on the hook, then simply ban out the temptation as best you can, this is how I lost weight as well, don't buy the bad stuff, or in your case don't allow guys to seduce you by removing the medium by which they do so from the equation, then perhaps ban any of them that allready had you on facebook or instagram or the like,

aussieguy19 · Answer

First of all, you've acknowledged that what you're doing is wrong, so that is the first step of changing for the better so you don't cause others hurt.
Second of all, using words like "I can't help myself" isn't good for your subconscious mind and will be training you to keep doing what you're doing. Maybe try listening to positive affirmations and speaking positively to yourself.
Thirdly, if you have had childhood trauma, parents leaving you, treating you like shit or whatever, heal those wounds by yourself so you don't project then into current relationships.
We all make mistakes in life, but whether we learn from them and change is where we find our true strength and power.
Choice chance change.
Also, well done for coming clean and telling both men. One may stick around, both may want to stick around, both may tell you to fuck off because they feel betrayed. Either way it goes, best of luck to you.

worldscolide · Answer

Cheating is choice. It's very simply a choice, cheaters, you included 9 times out of 10, are narcissists, and are not capable of loving anyone but them selves. Not kidding on this. If you don't love someone enough not to cheat, that should be a good indicator of your issue. I suggest seeking therapy, being straight up with everyone you've ever hurt like that, and keep clear of adult relationships until you curb your narcissistic ways.

That's the only advice I can give..

Oh and the reason I didn't troll here or insult or anything else, you're not trying to justify your choices, you're seeking help.. Massive difference.. Most of the cheaters that come on here try everything they can in the book to justify it.

Robber_Baron · Answer

If you're a binge-spender and are always borrowing people's money without returning it, what's the best approach you can take when they ask you for their money? Keep telling them that you will pay them tomorrow even though you know you're unable to honor your debts? Or just being sincere and telling them, "I can't pay you because I'm broke"?

That's it, be sincere to the men who date you and tell them that you can't be loyal because you're morally broken. You can engage in a hookup, in an open relationship, in a polygamous relationship, or you can avoid relationships altogether, but monogamous relationships are not for you. It's just not your thing and the sooner you realize it, the less drama you'll bring to other people's lives.

SiberFox · Answer

You are some guys bane and reason for misogyny, but thats besides the point. Only you can really stop yourself. I say leave them both and don't have sex or start a relationship for as long as needed for you to stop being so frivolous and unfocused. You need to focus on wanting to create, build and maintain a strong relationship with a man. unfortunatly from what you've written I take it that any real relationship in the future will fail the second your skeleTONS come out of the closet.
Good on you for realising your problems, but how much are you willing to sacrifice to fix them?

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

You aren't monogamous, so you need to accept and address it. Best case is to find a guy who will allow you to be a 'hotwife' or just commit to open relationships only. Talk to both of your men and give them both the choice of accepting you and the open relationship, or leave the relationship. Both might go, both might stay, who knows? But going forward, you can accept who you are and date according to your needs. There's no rules saying LTR's can't exist in open relationships :)

Good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

I think therapy might help. I'm not sure what your childhood was like, but maybe there's something there that causes you to do this. Also, I would suggest you break up with them both and learn how to be by yourself for a while. You said that whenever one person isn't available, you run to someone else. That sounds to me like you're scared of being alone. I think the first step is learning how to be alone. Be single for a while and get comfortable with being by yourself. That way, once you get into a relationship, you shouldn't be so tempted to run to someone else when your partner isn't available.

I really do think seeing a therapist is key though. And be single while you figure it out.

How can I stop cheating?

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