How do I stop Cheating?

[Anonymous]

I’m gonna sound like the most horrible human being, but I’m being brutally honest here because I genuinely want to change and I think it’s like a deep rooted problem

Basically, I have very little self control and cheated on most people I’ve been with…they’ve all been extremely important people to me, and I care about them deeply. But in the moment of it happening I think that depending on the person it’s worth the risk if my partner would never find out. I don’t want to hurt them, but I want to be able to enjoy myself in whatever situation I’ve gotten in. And on top of that I have a really hard time saying no to sex- it’s been kinda engraved in my brain to just do it if the other person wants to. Anyway, I’ll do it, and hide it. I’ve been caught before, I felt so guilty swearing up and down that it wouldn’t happen again. I was so distraught about it, felt nauseously sad for about 2 weeks…but it’s only because he’d found out and therefor got hurt.
I truly never felt bad up until that point. I think there’s something genuinely wrong with me, because I should feel bad for doing it in general…not just if he catches me 😕 like I’m self aware, I really do try to feel bad. I’ll sit and force myself to think about it, look at pics of me and my boyfriend, cry at times etc.
But at the end of the day to me, if it’s hidden and feelings aren’t being hurt, I have nothing to feel bad for…. I feel no guilt or anything unless I’m caught.

I hate myself for this so please someone help me undo whatever whatever is wrong with my brain 😅 this is extremely hard to admit

[Anonymous]

Maybe find someone who's okay with an open relationship? I know that kind of sounds like a cop-out answer, but one of my closest friends has a very swinger-esc relationship that seems to be working out fine. Youd never even know unless they told you, they seem like such a sweet caring normal couple. They dont date other people, but they'll have little flings separately or even invite someone to join them. Everyone in our friend group was kind of on the fence, thinking it wouldn't last, but it's been like 7 years and now they're engaged. They're planning on having an open marriage too. Have you ever considered trying something like that?

[OlderAndWiser]

" if it’s hidden and feelings aren’t being hurt, I have nothing to feel bad for…. I feel no guilt or anything unless I’m caught." = sociopath

[Asker]

🤷🏻‍♀️ IK, I realize how awful it is but I literally don’t know how to force myself to feel differently
I need some serious therapy

[OlderAndWiser]

Right, asking questions on this site is perhaps pretending that you are looking for an answer but in reality, it accomplishes nothing.

[Msputiton]

See a therapist.

You be surprised how much they can help fix this

[WendigoHunter]

Well, few things. You might be a narcissist or a sociopath. You should look into it. Nothing wrong with those as long as you're self aware. But you also have to realize you are absolutely not relationship material. And at this point in your life you are just going to run around and destroy people. Even if you're not caught you are hurting them. And you're aware there's a large possibility they can find out and will be hurt and you do it anyways so, overall you don't care. But since you know you don't care the kindest thing you can possibly do is stop getting into relationships. Until you make sure that part of you, stick to friend with benefits and fuck buddies. And be honest with em. You can still get the same kind of companionship you desire without the risk of absolutely destroying somebody's mental health. Set guidelines that allow you to do what you want. Basically when you're with them, you act like a girlfriend. When you're not you act single. But if they know ahead of time. It's saves stress, lies and betrayal. Basically I'm saying you can have happiness and eat your cake too with honesty.

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

Probably stop dating for awhile and enjoy your time. You're young, and like me possibly found your self in relationships through sex.

Establish your expectations when that conversation comes up. I used to tell women I did not want an exclusive relationship, some stayed others didn't, but at least I got to enjoy myself at bars, clubs and parties.

[Aerolyn]

It sounds like you need therapy, ain't no one here can give you a lick of advice that's going to suddenly make you stop cheating when your issues are this particular.

If you really wanna stop cheating don't come to sites like this looking for ways how, that ain't gonna help you.

[Shamalien]

What would it take for you to respect your partner enough to not cheat? Is it that you’re drunk? Get comfortable saying no to sex. Maybe take a self defence class or carry pepper spray to gain confidence

[rabbitzzz]

Have you ever thought of becoming a 'special' service woman.

[Asker]

Been there done that 🙃

[Anonymous]

Get yourself into therapy and stop dating altogether.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those rare cases where slutshaming is appropriate

[Luckycharms12]

Stop cheating say no pretty simple